Had Ranma expressed exactly how little she wanted to be here right now? Or internally addressing herself with feminine pronouns? Because if she had, it must not have been expressed enough. Because it was still happening!
"This is a girl," said the pretty girl in the pageboy haircut who was currently, in case Ranma forgot, poking at her boobs. That is to say, poking at Ranma's boobs. Not at her own boobs. That kind of thing would have been a weird way to introduce herself, but Ranma could roll with it. "This is not anyone's son. This is someone's daughter."
"Are you sure?" asked the panicking man of the house, tears staining his otherwise glorious (if old fashioned) moustache. "Maybe it's a misunderstanding! You know how easily misunderstandings happen in Furinkan!"
At which point the girl grabbed hold of Ranma's boobs, stuck her face right on in there and motorboated her. To which, Ranma could only simmer and stew.
"Cut that out!" she eventually yelled, pushing the girl away and crossing her arms over her chest.
"Definitely a girl!" an invisible safe landed on Ranma's head. "Definitely someone's daughter!" a bigger invisible safe landed on Ranma's head. "Definitely the worst husband material I have ever laid eyes on!" There was a crater where Ranma was standing from the sheer weight that had landed on her.
"Rub it in, why don't you..." Ranma groused from the floor.
"But! But Genma said he had a son!"
"Does this look like a son to you?" the girl, who Ranma still did not know the name of, declared while resuming the rather furious groping. She was getting named Grabby Hands until Ranma got a proper introduction, which at this rate was happening just this side of never. Even then, depending on Ranma’s mood she might stay Grabby Hands.
"I'm home!" called out another girl, who skipped right on inside. She was wearing jogging clothes. Pink jogging clothes with bunnies printed on them. Or... Was that a duck? "Nabiki, why are you groping this girl in our front hallway?"
So her name was Nabiki, huh? "I am proving that she is a girl!" Grabby Hands said. She could keep that nickname until - Did her thumb just flick back and forth across Ranma's nipple? Was she... Was she running it around in a tight circle?! "We were promised a son, not a daughter!"
"Nooooo!" the man whined. "Genma Saotome would never lie to me. Sure, he would lie to his wife, anyone he was buying food from, random people on the street, police, the American Embassy, a court of law… but not me! And certainly not about his child's gender!" he stopped for a moment to consider. "That Fujinami idiot, I always knew we shouldn't have stayed at his terrible teahouse!”
"Um, what's going on?" the new girl - let's call her Cute Smile - asked.
The quiet and really, really pretty girl in the dress coughed and spoke up. "It seems as though father had arranged a marriage between one of us and his friend's... Son, Ranma Saotome."
Which was when two other girls popped their heads in through the front gate. "Yuka... Is that Nabiki groping a girl so cute my jealousy is battling my sexual identity?"
"Yep!" said the other. "Looks like you owe me five hundred yen Sayuri"
"Well, this idea is completely ridiculous!" Cute Smile said, batting away Grabby Hands. "Where is this friend of daddy's anyway? All I see is a girl and... Is that an especially stupid, lazy and selfish looking panda lying in the corner playing with a tire?"
Oh, that was more than a panda... Or less depending on how you were calculating. Either way Ranma was in no mood to explain this yet. "I think the arrangement was a dumb idea in the first place," she said. "Getting hitched to someone I don't even know? Bleh. No thanks!" Besides which, if she played her cards right it might be possible to get this whole thing called off before anyone found out the truth. All she had to do was ask to leave and then they could all put this -
"Hi, I'm Akane. Wanna be friends?"
On second thought she could stick around for a couple of years. Akane was smiling warmly at Ranma, and she couldn't help but return it.
Akane’s two friends saw the rose-petals, the bubbles, the shy smile and shining eyes when Ranma nodded. “Oh my gosh they look adorable, think Akane might be into this?” Yuka asked.
"I so hope so.” Sayuri whispered. "You know... She's really not expressed any interest in any of the boys at school. Maybe she..."
"Or maybe the boys are idiots. We should not assume anything until those two get it on."
Those girls realised that Ranma could hear them perfectly well, right? Well, actually... If she was perfectly honest and objective it very much looked like for once in his miserable life Genma Saotome had done well by his child. That friend of his had three really pretty daughters. Sure, Nabiki was a bit grabby, but she was still really pretty!
If Ranma wasn't absolutely and one hundred percent certain that there was more to this than that, she might have felt like a kid in a candy store. Spoiled for choice. But knowing how Genma operated, there was a razor blade in that candy somewhere.
"Say Ranma!" one of the girls called out. Uh... Based on their earlier conversation, Yuka. "Are you a martial artist?"
"You see, we came here because we were hoping to train with Akane!" said the other, Sayuri. Both of them stepped into the house with big suspicious conspiratorial grins on their faces. Oh boy. Come on girls, be less obvious please? "I think a nice friendly spar would be a good way to see firsthand what sort of training we can enjoy."
"Besides which, it might even help Akane practise her new -"
Ooh, but Akane could move fast when she wanted to. Her hand was over Yuka's mouth in no time flat. But that did have Ranma intrigued. New what? A new technique? A new fighting style? She didn't know enough about Akane to speculate, but something new in martial arts? She was ready to give it a try!
"Please ignore them," Akane began to sweat. "They don't mean anything by it."
"No, don't worry," Ranma waved it off. "I'm game. I'm up for a quick spar. It's been a while since I had a good opponent."
Over in the corner a certain lazy panda held up a sign which showed a picture of a bottle of shampoo. Ranma took a deep breath, stepped out into the garden, found an errant pebble and then beamed the panda right between the eyes.
"Come on, this is a dojo right? Where's the training hall?"
The man of the house sagged, pointed his finger in the relevant direction and silently sobbed. There was not a single tear shed, but that somehow made the image even sadder. Yeah... Not going to let the guilt of that eat away at her soul forevermore, no sir! Not after the emotional blackmail tricks pops had used back when Ranma was little. Even if this was the most pathetic thing she'd ever seen in her life, real or imagined.
Off to the training hall they went. It was a pretty nice place. Spacious. Clean. Intact. Ranma hopped a little, testing the floor. Solid as a rock. In front of him Akane shifted into a standard battle position, while Ranma stayed with the same posture she'd been adopting since setting foot inside the training hall.
This was going to be a lot of fun! What wasn't going to be fun was...
"It's the battle of the millenium! In the jogging shorts too cute to be believed, our home fighting champion, Akane "The Hammer" Tendo! It's been a while since she last defended her title on home soil, and her challenger is a real doozy!"
Having those two girls acting as a commentary team.
"That's right Sayuri! This mysterious beauty from parts unknown. She of the really cute pigtail. Do you know, I don't think she's wearing a bra today!" (Akane gave her friend a sideways glance at that.)
"I rate her a 9.5, Yuka."
"In strength? In speed? Do you know something about her that I don't?"
Sayuri rose an eyebrow, gave Ranma the once over and shook her head. "Only what my eyes are telling me. That is a near perfect example of a woman right there in front of us, let me tell you!"
"C-can we start already?" Ranma asked. Akane nodded furiously and dove forward with a fist that came at Ranma as though it was screaming out of hell. Oh thank goodness, this was something she knew how to deal with!
“And Akane starts with the devastating hammer blow that defines her power! Remember that time she used it on those boys harassing us back in Middle school?”
"I do, but I doubt those boys remember anything between that day and their previous birthday. Oh! Ranma barely dodges it, but Akane's not done. She's following through with a low kick that Ranma effortlessly leaps over."
Not bad. Not bad at all! This girl definitely had some practise in, but not nearly to Ranma's level. A shame, but it would be fun to show her new friend the heights she could reach if she only applied. No, no... She was holding back. Testing the water.
"The attacks have stopped for the time being. Akane seems to be staring Ranma down, trying to judge where her next hit should be."
"It could come from any angle, Sayuri. Any angle. We're talking acute, obtuse, right, left!”
“Left isn’t an angle Yuka.”
"It became one after Akane hit it, Sayuri."
"Are you just going to dodge?" Akane asked, wetting her lips. Ranma shrugged. "Alright then. I'd better stop holding back!"
"Oh gosh Yuka! Could it be...? She's going to use <b>that</b>?"
"I think it is! Oh dear, this fight could be taking on a whole new perspective!"
Aha! She thought as much. Ranma could hardly wait to see what Akane could dish - Why was she smiling like that?
"Fist of - Woah!"
It was the weirdest thing. One minute Akane was sliding forward across the floor. The next she'd slipped over nothing at all and was toppling over, hands out in front of herself. Ranma had moved forward on pure instinct to catch her - then her danger sense flared up at the last moment, and she barely got her own arms up in time, in a cross formation over her head. She was hit by Akane's foot, and sent sliding back across the dojo floor! That hit... That was not an accident!
"Oopsie doopsy!" Akane said, sitting on the floor and knocking herself on the side of the head. Huh? She picked herself up and brushed herself off. "I'm okay, we can continue if you want."
Notably, the commentators had gone deathly silent. They were watching with bated breath. The atmosphere has changed. This fight had taken on a more serious turn, which meant that Ranma couldn't just show off anymore. Even though Akane’s stance had shifted to something as non-threatening as possible, down right cuddly, Ranma somehow knew that this was something dangerous.
A low crouch, and Ranma made her first offensive move! A quick jab to test her defenses. What happened was… absurd. Akane flailed her arm out, and despite looking random it perfectly deflected her punch. A kick, she stumbled to avoid it. A quick combo and Ranma found herself being tossed by her tripping, catching her final kick and flinging her into the air! Ranma flipped in the air landed on her feet, not letting Akane get in an actual blow.
She had shifted from the Hard Style that Ranma was familiar with as Anything Goes, to a Soft Style! What kind Ranma had no idea, it wasn’t something traditional like Tai Chi or Aikido. It was like using not only the enemy's momentum but gravity itself? All the while making the wielder look like a clumsy idiot!
Making the enemy think you were a clumsy idiot sounded like a weird tactic, and Ranma made a mental note to ask about it once the session was done.
“They haven’t moved for five minutes Yuka.”
“Shhhh this is the part of a serious martial arts duel where one hit will decide the match.”
“I thought this was a friendly spar?”
It was, Ranma hadn’t felt this interested in a fight since bread was on the line.
That’s when Akane stepped forward! This was it! Ranma crouched low, ready to meet her attack. Forward… forward. Ranma’s fists clenched, Akane was almost in reach when…
“Whoops!” Akane stepped onto what Ranma recognized as her own shoe, having fallen off in being thrown. The shoe was kicked off the ground by Akane falling flat on her back, Ranma tilted her head to the side, avoiding the hurled footwear! Now was her chance, she rushed forward, fist ready. One good hit while she’s prone and-
The shoe ricocheted off the dojo wall, hitting Ranma in the back of the head, right at the same instant her fist tapped Akane's forehead. She fell forward, straight into Akane’s chest.
“Eeeeeeeeeee!!!” The two commentators said. "It's a tie! I didn't see that coming!"
- Skip five minutes and Akane discovers that Ranma is a boy. How does she take it this time?
- Ranma tries to get some information out of Akane about this technique. It's driving him up the wall!
- Mariko sneaks in, trying to observe her enemy!
- Something else
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