Sunday, 31 December 2017

RCM: Cross a Witch


Namika's mind raced as the meaning behind this slowly caught up with her. Due to a chance encounter with a supernatural being she had been given, nay entrusted with supernatural powers! Sure enough it was the power to 'understand another person's point of view', but wasn't that a rather rare ability to have?

A bright light shone all around her. Ah! Didn't this mean that she was... A superhero? Namika jumped for joy, then accidentally smacked her hand into a cardboard display set up next to her. Almost immediately, she crumpled to the floor checking for broken bones.

"M-Maybe not a superhero," she said with tears in her eyes. "No, no. Don't think that way. Sure, maybe I can't be the kind of superhero who fights but I can be the sort that pre-emptively stops crimes, or helps the police to solve mysteries!"

Besides which she wasn't the sort of person who could possibly hurt a fly. Sure, that was literally true! Even if she tried the fly would keep her hands from closing around it. The point was more that she wouldn't even try to do something so mean, so wicked, so pointlessly cruel.

Still! The geeky and nerdy part of her soul was all aflutter. Gotta get that chuni out of your system somehow! She'd need a name, a costume (the words "no capes!" reverberated in her mind with a strong European accent) and of course she would have to make sure that none of her friends ever found out lest it lead to bad guys tracking them down and causing difficulties for them.

Like the way that Arachnid-Person always made sure to keep his loved ones in the dark so they didn't have the chance to defend themselves when his arch-enemy the Cyan Imp wound up tracking him home via alternative methods they didn't even think to defend... Bad example!

Wait. Maybe... She ought to rethink this a little bit? After all, if she became a superhero wouldn’t that attract the attention of some super villian with an ironic mirror to her own personality and powers? Oh dear, imagine if someone who didn’t care about other people, not even helping old ladies cross the street, decided that it was high time to start their campaign of terror now that there was some do gooder around? Ah! That was simply too much for her to take!

"And that's why I decided not to be a superhero," she told her friends over lunch.

“Telling us about your impossible plans and their imagined shortcomings is completely pointless.” Sukeyasu said, pushing up his glasses.

"No, no! I want to hear more about this!" Senichi said, scribbling furiously in his notebook. "Uh, so if you were to become a superhero could you please describe your costume in as much detail as possible?"

“Oh I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I think I might have just started with a ski mask over my face.”

"And absolutely nothing else?!" Senichi continued, looking as though he was about to faint. Chino whapped him over the head and tweaked his ear.

"Anyway!" Chino said. "That's a really weird story you made up. What kind of superhero would have that kind of power anyway? Besides which, I find it completely unbelievable that Sukeyasu's cute girlfriend could possibly be a witch!"

"She is a witch, though."

The air in the cafeteria stood still and silent. Everyone stared at the far too serious boy, who had either told the best deadpan joke in history or was fundamentally attacking the basis of reality itself. Simultaneously to this, said cute girlfriend floated by on a broom just behind them, wearing a pointed hat and munching on a ham sandwich.

“He’s right. I’m a witch.” Agatha said.

"A m-magician?!" Chino squeeked out.

"I'M NOT A MAGICIAN, MAGICIAN'S SUUUUUCK!" Agatha yelled. Fire literally erupting behind her.

"Oh, is that going to become a recurring gag?" Namika wondered.

"Why? Got a problem with it?" Agatha pointedly asked. As in, pointing with her magic wand.

"Nope! No problem here!" Namika answered right away. "It's a good running gag! Hahaha!"

"Hold on, wait a second!" Senichi waved his hands around quickly. "So, does this mean that you really can 'understand another person's point of view'? Just by looking at them?"

"That's right!" Namika said, bright cheery smile upon her pretty face.

"So can you -"

"Not for something so perverted, no!" Namika politely interrupted maintaining that same innocent smile. Senichi's shoulders slumped on hearing that bad bit of news.

"Kukuku... That's right! Feel my wrath!" Agatha cackled wickedly. Everyone else at the table wondered where she was getting that smokey cauldron she was leaning over and stirring. "Now you will have to behold all of the perverted desires of others around you! Worse still you will understand why they find it a turn on! Yes. suffer! Suffer mightily broom breaker! Kyahahaha!"

Sukeyasu adjusted his glasses. "Agatha dearest?“
"Yes honeybun?"

The transformation almost gave everyone else whiplash. From cackling evil witch to cutesy girlfriend just like that!

"It strikes me that if Namika is to learn to be more careful with other people's things, she will need to be placed in situations which call for her to use those abilities. Besides! As amusing as us sitting around here is, I'm sure that the readers would like a little action."

"Got it!" Agatha said, then ran over towards the fourth wall and pulled down her top. "There you go perverts! This is what you came for, right?"

Everybody else pretended that didn’t happen. It was the safest thing for their sanity, really. Besides which, they'd had to repair that fourth wall far too damned often of late and the budget couldn't afford it.

Namika coughed into a fist. "So... I think you meant something more like 'I should encounter strange people and use this power to help them resolve complicated issues.' Right?"

"Isn't that what I said?" Sukeyasu asked.

"Alright then! If that's all it is then I can handle that too!" Agatha declared, returning her attention to reality. She pulled out her magic wand and waved it around. "Ala summon! Now people will appear who will cause you grief! Resolve their issues with your power!"

“If you’re the one who cursed her why are you trying to help her now?” Chino asked. "And for pity's sake put those weapons of yours away!"

"... You lucky sod," Senichi whispered to Sukeyasu. Meanwhile, Namika was looking down at her own chest and sighing wearily. Why do the nice girls like her never get the big busts?

"By the way, I just thought of something," Agatha said out of nowhere. "If you're all up here, then who is downstairs manning the store?"

All four employees looked at one another for a moment. A long, long moment.

"I nominate Namika to head downstairs and man the store!" Agatha suggested. "All in favour?"

"Aye!" said four voices.

"Eh? Ah... Well, I suppose if it means everyone else gets to eat their lunch," she said. Her stomach growled. "I'd be happy to man the store while you're all eating." Her stomach growled again, louder. “I suppose somebody here might eat my lunch so it doesn’t go to waste.” The people downstairs heard her stomach and wondered if they were keeping a wild animal in the store. "Enjoy my lunch!" Namika called, skipping happily down the stairs, while people out in the street were calling animal control because of the weird loud noise coming from inside that shop.

Well that conversation hadn't quite gone the way she'd anticipated. Oh dear. To think that Sukeyasu, darling Sukeyasu had already known about Agatha being a witch! That did rather remove something she'd been hoping to use to protect him from her. Ooh! If only she had thought to use the power on him, then she could find out how he really felt! Then again she suspected that Agatha would probably interrupt any such effort before she could find out anything, and -

 There were five customers milling around the entrance looking at products. Namika looked between them, one at a time, and before she could stop herself the surface level of their problems manifested before her very eyes.

<i>What am I doing buying this game? I need to cram for that test!</i> belonged to one rather handsome boy.

<i>After this I'd better make sure to get tickets. My favourite idol is in town!</i> belonged to a cute girl.

<i>Maybe if I get him this game, my son will stop hanging around that delinquent girl?</i> belonged to a young mother.

<i>Man, I have no interest in games. But that girl, she's so cute! Never would've pegged her for a gaming chick. Maybe if I gave it a try we'd have something in common...</i> belonged to a nervous looking boy.

<i>Ooh, I know that she came in here! Where is she hiding?!</i> belonged to a girl cosplaying as a vampire.

Oh dear. This was quite the problem. Namika knew herself too well by this point: The second that she took a deeper look at any of those issues, she was bound to try to help that person out. Still, if it meant Agatha would consider breaking this curse and leaving Sukyasu alone... she closed her eyes and settled her vision on one of the customers, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to leave their issue alone until she'd helped to sort it out.


  1. The boy that needs to cram for a test
  2. Idol fangirl
  3. Mother worried about son
  4. Nervous boy trying to score with a cute gaming chick
  5. The vampire who is obviously looking for Agatha
  6. Something else happens out of nowhere!

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