As a dragon in charge of a vast dungeon full of myriad creatures hell bent on living peacefully away from humans, Glored was quite used to multitasking. One had to be to lead effectively. If something distracts you at a vital moment, it is best to be able to finish your task.
Even so. When your girlfriend is using your transformed lap as a pillow, after being transformed into an extremely horny human, it's quite difficult to concentrate. Especially when she keeps whispering things in her sleep.
"And that's how the outbreak probably started," the human Mage said. Glored nodded sagely, pretending that he'd heard that. "Now, I have to warn you that it's absolutely vital -"
"Been a bad girl... use that tail to spank me..."
Honestly how were you meant to concentrate in this scenario? How could anyone string two coherent thoughts together? Ah! And now she was adjusting her position in an attempt to find the most comfortable place to rest! Perhaps humans were right, and Hell did exist, and he had fallen into it! And what a torture it was! A sweet, tantalising torture!
Glored coughed into his hand when he realised that the humans were all looking at him. "Yes, I see," he said. "The situation is quite dire. Monsters turning into extremely aroused humans with next to no self control. The overpopulation issues alone are beyond the stuff of nightmares."
"Then there's the ecosystem to worry about," said the Paladin. What, humans cared about the ecosystem? That was a new one. "And the local economy will take a massive hit, too!"
"That's right, we won't be able to get item drops like centaur's hooves or orc fangs."
"Or goblin scalps! Those fetch a <i>lot</i> at the market these days."
“Wait what are you talking about? Where do you get those from?” There weren’t any reports of humans dismembering defeated monsters like that. How were they getting scalps from Goblins if the Goblins weren’t shaved?
"Dunno, they just sorta... appear after we defeat one of you guys."
“It’s the Gods rewarding us for our efforts.” The Paladin said.
Oh. So, humans were even <i>more</i> insane than he'd thought to start with. How reassuring.
"Mmm, gimme some of that scaly action, big boy."
Gurk! What was going through her dreams right now?! Focus on matters beyond getting your dragon-turned-humanoid dick wet!
"How can we trust you?" Glored asked. "For all we know, this could be a trick to get rid of monsters forever. You will have to work a little harder than this to convince me -"
"Your wings are so flexible..."
"Convince me that an alliance is in our best interests!"
"Yaaaahooooo!"
The sound was distant, yet distinct. Glored's ears twitched. What was that? It sounded familiar. One of the monsters that lived in the dungeon made that noise. A monster he didn't particularly like to use all that often for some reason. Something weak, maybe? Actually, it had sounded like there were a lot of them saying that at once, so maybe something that only had strength in nu-
Which is when the Kobolds rolled down the corridor. Ah yes. Kobolds. Quite possibly the weakest monster out there. Think, "Goblin" but smaller and with a shorter temper. They were at most useful in terms of keeping things running within the machinery of the dungeon, but Glored preferred to keep them away from more dangerous duties - where he could get away with it, because they had a bad habit of sneaking off to pick fights in an attempt to prove their worth.
“By the Gods they’re adorable.” The Paladin said. "So small and tiny and helpless."
"And having a travelling orgy," the Mage said, taking a quick step to the side which, to Glored's mind, was a waste in energy. They'd have better luck using that technique to avoid a gelatinous cube.
When Glored had earlier described them as 'rolling down the corridor', that didn't <i>exactly</i> give the whole story. You see, it wasn't a metaphor. The Kobolds - well, the humans that had been Kobolds up until recently - were indeed in the midst of a travelling orgy. Imagine a group of people fucking each other so hard and aggressively that they wound up in a big ball of flesh that was rolling down the corridor. Which was, incidentally, permitting them to experiment with positions that one might not be able to obtain on a mere bed.
“Fascinating. They may have human form but they still possess a Kobold’s magical traits.” The Mage said.
“And those are?” The Paladin asked.
“Mostly the ability to ball up and swarm whatever interests them. Kobolds aren’t very strong.”
“It seems like the most interesting thing to them right now is each other.” She laughed. Of course a human would find this <b>funny</b> rather than mortifying.
And then the ball rolled over them. Literally and actually rolled over them. It went on its way, making them all get a good, deep taste of Kobold taint that would take at least a day of brushing their teeth to get rid of. Glored didn’t know if he’d ever feel clean again.
"Oooh, Glored! Use that giant tongue of yours to make me wet!"
"Actually I've changed my mind," Glored said. "An alliance to rid the world of this pestilence sounds like the best idea anyone has had all day."
<hr>
This whole mess was really starting to make Arete nervous. She didn't know what to make of it at all. The best thing to do was head right back to the dungeon with her prisoner in tow, Glored would know what to do about this, all she had to do was hurry and -
Crunch!
"What was that?" she asked aloud. "Hey, you! Did you hear something weird right then?"
No answer came. Arete looked down at the metal box and noticed a hole in it. Huh. How about that? By which she meant <i>shit shit shit!</i>
A human couldn’t get through a solid steel box that easily!? But a slime? They could eat their way through easily? Could the transformed girl still do things like that!? Were they fucked?! Literally!?!?!
"Shit!" she tossed the box aside and began sweeping the ground. There were a lot of places a slime-girl could hide herself away which wasn't exactly making this easy, but if she gave up that easily then how could she face his Magnificence again, ever?
<i>”I think I’ll have hot wings for lunch.”</i> Oh yeah that’s how she could face him!
Unnoticed by the panicked winged beast, the slime-girl she was searching for was crawling out of the box. Incidentally, we do mean crawled. Most people misuse the word. Crawling does not mean 'on one's hands and knees'. No, it means moving on your belly. Moving on your hands and knees is actually, technically, more properly called creeping.
The more you know.
"Looks like that worked," the slime-girl said, crawling away on her belly. Arms on the ground, occasionally pushing her hips up into the air before pushing them back down, making her go forward while keeping her quite low in the grass. "Gotta keep it slow, predators tend to notice fast movement and automatically pursue. Don't wanna be dragon food, don't wanna be dragon food..."
"Don't wanna be dragon food, don't wanna be dragon food..." Arete was simultaneously chanting to herself while searching.
Meanwhile, back with the escaping slime-girl, happenstance had favoured her. A hole in the ground was right there! Probably a rabbit's warren, or moleman’s tunnel! Either way, she was rubbing her hands with glee. The perfect escape route! All she had to do was dive on in and she would be home free!
Except for one small problem. While humans are about 75% water, slimes are more like 99%. That's a fairly big difference between "liquid enough to fit through any hole" and "too solid to manage that in a whole lot of cases."
“Stupid bones! Why do they exist!? Just use mana to hold a solid form!” She complained from down in the hole where she'd literally only been able to fit her face.
"Hey, you over there! In the hole!" Arete yelled. "Have you seen a human girl who seems slime like anywhere? Blue hair, waif thin, wearing rags for some reason?”
“...no?” She squeaked out.
“Goddammit I’m fried chicken! Let me know if you see her, it's urgent that I -”
Do you know why it's funny when Wile-E Coyote runs off a cliff and doesn't usually immediately fall? It's the moment of realisation. Dramatic irony at first, where the audience knows something the character doesn't, and then the character slowly realising exactly how silly they've been. It's the slow dragging out of the impending doom, watching confidence falter and become panic.
The same principle applies to other situations as well. For example here, where Arete hovers in mid-air looking down at the girl lying on the ground in the grass on her belly with her face planted in a hole in the ground.
"Get back here, you!" Arete yelled, dive bombing the girl.
"Waaaah! I'm gonna be dragon chow!"
At this point all seemed lost for our poor slime-girl as she would be carted off for a meeting with a dragon that she was convinced beyond reason would eat her, by a harpy that was convinced much the same would happen if she didn't. You can see where the conflict between them arises.
The harpy had the advantage though. Not least because the slime-girl was stupid horny, but also because the harpy was much more familiar with how her current body worked, having - you know - grown up in it and everything. Not to mention the wings. Those give a considerable speed advantage to crawling on the ground.
However, this is where we return to the Wile-E coyote principle of fools rushing in. For you see, our harpy was rushing in head first. That is what a dive bomb is, you see. Trouble is, the slime-girl was moving by crawling. Remember how that was described earlier? Pushing her butt up into the air, and then back down to inch along the ground. Well, she was doing that here meaning...
Harpy face, meet slime-girl ass. At high velocity. This moment hung for a moment as they both recognised what just happened. A moment they would both be trying their hardest to forget from pretty much the moment it ended.
But do remember the premise of this misadventure, dear reader. This slime-girl was infected by a mysterious contagion that turned monsters human. A contagion spread by contact with body fluid.
Even that coyote is facepalming at Arete's behaviour and planning skills right now.
- The adventurers formally introduce themselves to Glored, because calling them by their classes is kind of rude. This alliance is off to a great start! Please stop trying to gain loot off that slime mold, it has a family.
- Glored continues to struggle with his girlfriend having erotic dreams about him. Wake her up from this sleep charm already!
- Arete finds herself turning human and starts to panic.
- Arete doesn't notice her transformation until she's already scissoring with the slime-girl.
- Something else
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