Story: Life, Death and the Storm: It Fell From the Stars

Time for something a little bit different. This is a first draft that I'm intending to put on fanfiction.net rather than the BEA, because it's the first chapter of a complete story that I've already mostly got figured out in my head. It is (as the tag will indicate) an NGE and Doctor Who crossover piece, making use of something from Doctor Who that has to my tremendous shock and surprise not been used in any fanfiction piece on fanfiction.net. If that is wrong, please provide me with a link because I'd love to read that.

I have provided a link at the bottom so you can see the thing in question. It would probably go into an author's note on the site.

As it is a first draft, please point out all the myriad ways this can be improved upon. My own critical gaze is a little skewered on that regard having written it.