When you have the power to warp reality, it's best to try to think clearly. Don't let your emotions like, say, extreme anger or frustration get the better of you. It doesn't end well for anyone. Especially not you. Oh, sure. It feels cathartic in the moment, but the thing about warping reality is that 'moments' are also a part of reality, so they can get a bit twisted up as well.
"Someone ought to have taught you some manners," Kyon said. "You should always ask permission before you film anyone in the middle of fucking."
"Oh, but it's sooo much less genuine if you do something like that!" Haruhi protested. "A picture shouldn't be staged, and the same goes for film."
Is that so? Well, let's see then. Looking her over, Kyon suddenly remembered that this girl was popular with the boys until her rotten personality became well known. There was a good reason for that. Pretty face. Appealing figure. Not a patch on Asahina, but still. Very appealing. He could still have some fun with her, once he sorted out her annoying personality.
The only question was, how to do so? How exactly should he phrase this? How best to put her under his thumb? There was only really one answer he could give.
"I wish you were my love slave," he said.
Listen for a moment. Cup your ears. Do you hear that noise? Sort of like someone walking across an old wooden floor. That's reality. Yes, that ominous creaking noise like something's about to give at any moment was the fundamental forces of the universe threatening to come apart at the seams. Let's step back and consider why that is.
Haruhi Suzumiya is what you get when you take a tsundere, give her godlike powers, and then make her a little bit crazier than your typical tsundere. She already liked Kyon. She did. She sensed within him a kindred spirit that had been beaten down by the normality of the world, and she wanted to remind him that there were still unexplained mysteries out there. That's kind of her way of handing over chocolates on Valentine’s Day, you know?
Well, no. In a more literal sense her way of handing over chocolates is to take the SOS Brigade to a secret location, have them dig on the pretense of looking for buried treasure, bury some chocolate and then have the Brigade come back out to dig for treasure again. But let's not get into semantics.
Being Kyon's love slave? Believe it or not there was a part of Haruhi that wanted to go along with that for a little while. It sounded interesting, it sounded cool. On the other hand, there were those tsundere urges kicking up a fuss. She didn't want to admit that she liked him.
Which wouldn't create a problem typically, except for those godlike powers that she didn't know about and only used unconsciously. See, until right now she hadn't been made aware of a wish that she had any specific problem with, exactly. Which meant the Wishing Rock didn't have any trouble exerting its own perverted will upon the state of things.
But now it had run smack into the brick wall called "Hi, I'm the arbiter of reality around here even if I don't know it. Fuck you, what I say goes".
Despite that, the wishing rock was a thing of power, an object of such might that it could bend even gods around. It wasn’t going to just give in, and right now the back and forth between two seemingly infinite forces capable of twisting reality, threatened to rip that very thing apart.
Something had to give. When it did the universe made a 'sproing' noise. Yes, 'sproing'. Quite surprising but that's what it turned out to be.
"You can wish what you'd like buster, but we don't always get what we want!" Haruhi said, still wielding the camera in a knowing manner. "So? How about it? Get down to business, buster! Let Yuki ride you with her suddenly busty body for all it's worth while Asahina sits on your face!"
As soon as she had finished her words, Kyon junior sprung to attention painfully and Kyon couldn’t help but imagine the scenario she was speaking of. Having Yuki sucked him dry with her pussy while he made Asahina scream his name to the heaven’s with his tongue.
However...
"Master, don't forget about me!" a girl that looked very similar to Haruhi, like a younger sister or a cousin. She jumped into his arms and planted several kisses right on his neck and oh gosh he was falling over! "Yasumi Watahashi is here to be your love slave!"
“Wow, so you are not satisfied with Yuki and Mikuru? You even go after younger girls, damn I had no idea you had it in you Kyon.” Haruhi meanwhile wasn’t pulling any punches. “Okay, she can join in, this is gonna make this video even better!”
Hold on now. Kyon wasn't getting this. This didn't make sense! So, Yasumi was his love slave but Haruhi was not? That didn't really work for him. Of course, the reason for this was pretty obvious: Haruhi's powers protected her somehow! The wishes that had affected her so far had only done so because she had allowed it!
But.. the wish had worked, it had worked even though she hadn’t wanted it. She had just redirected it to Yasumi, which was perhaps the best she could do as her other self was still “Haruhi”.
In which case, he should use a wish that affected him instead.
“I wish I was a sex god that could turn any girl into my slutty little sex slave no matter what!” There, he couldn’t see any loophole that Haruhi could abuse to redirect that wish short of changing herself into a guy. And he was pretty sure she would never want that even unconsciously!
"Yeah, yeah," Haruhi rolled her eyes. "And I wish you'd cut it out with that machismo bullshit already."
A short time later, the universe made another 'sproing', but this time Kyon collapsed.
<hr>
Kyon blinked, his head felt kinda heavy and he noted with some confusion that he wasn’t waking up in his bed at home. Rather, this somehow looked like the ceiling of the SOS brigade’s clubroom. Since when did they have a bed in here, he wondered? Then the sensation of a pair of very soft things engulfing his morning wood made him pause.
“Master, did you sleep well?” Haruhi asked from under the bed sheets as she gave him a slow titjob.
"According to analysis, there is an 87% chance that he greatly enjoyed his sleep," Yuki said on his left.
"Ehhh... Only 87%?" Asahina asked, on his right. "We've got to do better starting tomorrow!"
“Hey, I also want to pleasure Master! I got to be his official sex slave first!” Yasumi said from behind him.
It seemed as though Kyon had missed a few things. He panicked as certain memories crept back to him - but not others. The wishing rock! Where was the wishing rock?! He had to undo those wishes -
But alas, all he could see was a few fragments of something that might have once been a rock. It looked like something caused it to burst apart. In short... Kyon was back to normal, but now had a harem in the SOS Brigade and no way to fix it.
In short... Whoops?
- Flashback time! What happened while Kyon was out cold?
- All of a sudden Kyon has to deal with the harem while pretending everything is normal.
- It turns out more girls are part of his harem than just the brigade...
- Is there any power left in what was once the Wishing Rock?
- Something else
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