There are certain things that Tomobiki locals know better than doing. The first is getting involved in the Moroboshi family affairs. The second is ticking off a Mendo. The third is getting into an eating contest with anyone who works at the local shrine.
Incidentally, the fourth is not to prevent any cats from getting near kotatsus and the fifth is not to crack any jokes near a certain Principal or he might take it literally. To give you an idea of how wacky things can get around here. Anyway, back to that third point. It was a hard learned lesson for many restaurants and would be contest runners. It might seem like a bit of good luck, having an old wizened monk grace your contest, or his pretty young niece. It was anything but good luck. They'd clean you out before you knew what was happening.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the rematch of the century!" Sakura proclaimed into a microphone she had acquired from... somewhere. She threw back her hand, pointing at the ghost that she was here to exorcise today. "The challenger! The greedy guts ghost who has conveniently forgotten his name!"
"I can't believe his parents actually named him that," Ryuunosuke said. "I thought my pops was cruel and unusual!"
"He is," the Ataru sitting under her said in between nuzzling her neck. Yes, under her. As in, Ryuunosuke was in his lap with nary a complaint. "It's a matter of perspective, I guess?"
"And the Champion!" Sakura continued to announce to her audience of two. Because - as a corally of rule #3, everyone took one look and saw 'eating contest involving Sakura' and immediately walked away. "The beautiful, the mysteriously alluring, the endless pit of sex appeal! Miyumi Moroboshi!"
Miyumi, in case you were curious, was Ataru #4 in some of Sakura's clothes and wearing a wig.
"Gotta admit, he's got legs for that skirt..." Ryuunosuke muttered.
"Yeah, I was expecting it to be really obvious," #6 said, his index finger tracing a lazy circle around Ryuunosuke's navel.
"You're going down," the ghost wailed. It was hovering in place over a cushion placed at a table, next to 'Miyumi'. "This time you'll be the one calling Uncle!"
"Tee hee, you're so silly!" Miyumi said. 'She' gulped nervously. This was a bad idea. This was a really bad idea. Sakura should have been the one in this position! She was the one that could eat and eat and eat and keep that ridiculously sexy girlish figure! At this point he wasn't even thinking about how her introduction had made it pretty clear that he was super getting laid later on because, you know, it's hard to focus on those kinds of things when failure loomed in the immediate future. Humiliating failure! And maybe a ruptured stomach, too! If Sakura had taken this ghost on then he could have stood to the side and cheered her on to victory, showing he was a reliable and dependable studmuffin. Try taking on that role when you're wearing women's clothing and losing an eating contest!
But wait! Maybe he was panicking over nothing? You can't have an eating contest without food! Haha! Yes, that's right! They would never be able to get anyone to sponsor such a thing! As soon as Sakura showed her pretty face any potential sponsor would turn tail and flee for the hills. The merest hint that she was involved would turn them off faster than Cherry turned off any human being alive. Oh, thank goodness. He could relax. They'd have to find another was to exorcise this -
That was when the plate was slammed down in front of him. A plate loaded up with what looked like an obsessive compulsive sufferer's attempt to catalogue every starter known to man. Garlic bread slathered in butter, yakitori, mozzarella sticks, some meat buns, a little dish with some kind of soup, onion rings, a bit of squid, the list went on and on and the worst part of all?
It smelled <i>divine</i>.
"Where did this come from?" Ataru asked.
<hr>
Meanwhile, on the Mendo estate, things were quiet. Too quiet. Shutaro put down his bow for a moment and frowned. Usually when he was engaged in target practise something came along to interrupt him. And by something he meant his bratty sister. Playing yet another practical joke on him.
As such, he became nervous. Well, no. Not nervous. A Mendo is always calm and in control. He became... Concerned. Yes, that's it. He quickly patted down his pockets and -
"Ryoko! Where is my instant access Food Supply Credit Card?!"
"Dear brother!" Ryoko suddenly said, popping out of a nearby bush. "Whyever would you blame me for something of yours going missing?"
Quick mental rundown of the worst possible thing she could have done, only one thing came to mind. "You gave it to Moroboshi, didn't you?"
“Don’t be silly brother dear. I gave it to the previous incarnation of Lord Moroboshi, a week or so before he split into seven different beings.” She mused for a moment. "A shame it wasn't eight. It would have been fun seeing a version of him that tailored itself to my romantic needs."
Right. Right. Mendo nodded his head and took that all in with the typical Mendo strength of spirit. There was, of course, only one explanation for all of this.
"I'm having a nightmare," he said. "Time to go to sleep, and then I will awaken to a sane and reasonable reality."
"Sane... reasonable... Reality?" Ryoko said. She could barely keep her laughter in. "Dear brother, you truly have gone insane. What is sane or reasonable about the reality we live in?"
Nonetheless, Shutaro Mendo returned to his room, leaving Ryoko behind. The rich girl shrugged, then returned to her plans. The schematic she was especially paying attention to detailing the accident that resulted in seven Ataru's in the first place.
"Now... If I can get a hold of that eighth, I shall have in my hands the ultimate practical joke to play on my foolish big brother," Ryoko muttered to herself.
But that can wait for later. Not least of all because this plan scares me in more ways than I can dare to count.
<hr>
"And, begin!"
What was he expecting. Divine intervention? Hah! Since when did any divine being favour him? Ataru Moroboshi, butt of the universe's biggest running joke! He was gonna be the only one of them that didn't wind up with their babe! Look over there, #6 had his hand inside of Ryu's shirt and she didn't even seem to notice!
Nothing else for it then. He might as well get started on this mountain of a first dish. #4 gulped and began with the squid. It was delicious. Even better than it smelled. The texture, flavour, everything flowed together <i>perfectly</i>, you could taste the love and care the chef had for their craft. Oh! It was almost tragic! If it was all as delicious as this then the idea he would wind up wasting it all...
"And they're off to a slow paced start!" Sakura said. "A wise tactical move, but only if their opponent doesn't finish. Will it pay off for them? Only time will tell!"
Ugh... Look at her. Sakura. Now, there was a woman. Certainly, he could see the appeal in girls like Ryuunosuke. That tomboyish attitude was really cute. But Sakura... At first he was drawn to her figure, her face. Now, don't misunderstand. They were nice. Hell, that babe was nuclear hot no matter how you looked at her! She was the total package, you'd never guess she'd spent most of her life until now sick as a dog.
The point was, he'd spent more time with her of late. Not just banging that one awesome night, but actually heading out there. Helping people. Banishing wicked troublemaking spirits. He'd seen a whole other side of her. The side that was determined, the side that was full of fire and righteousness.
Sakura was hot. Inside and out. Which made it all the more frustrating for him that he was going to let her -
“Ohhh heeyyy Ataru whatever you’re doin’ keep it up.” Ryuunosuke said, her voice slurring together.
The sound of a cute girl making lustful noises is the perfect thing to break an Ataru's line of thinking, no matter what. Huh! He really should have been paying more attention to the contest! He must be really far behind!
Or... he could be holding the very last morsel of food from the starter mountain in his hands. #4 stared at it for a moment in confusion. Huh? What? How did he - what? He ate that much? But he didn't feel full at all!
Then it hit him. He looked towards Sakura, and watched her body language. Hunger. She was hungry. Could it be? Did she find this... appealing? Looking down at himself Ataru didn't think he'd put on any weight. He was packing it away. Just like she was.
Aha. That changed things. So he'd adjusted to even this point, huh? Made sense. What kinda woman wants to feel like a glutton? If their man can't keep up with them in terms of eating, it might make 'em feel bad.
"What's the matter, chickening out?" the ghost asked. To which #4 responded the only way he could. Chowing down, and then eating at a more normal pace for the remaining rounds.
Heh. It was funny really. He was keeping more of an eye on Sakura, #6 and Ryuunosuke. He could see it plainly. As time was going on Sakura was getting more thirsty while #6 was getting more handsy and Ryu - dear precious Ryu - was getting more girly in her responses. Hehehe! Kinda funny when you know what to look for!
All the while he was eating food at an increased pace. Hah! He was practically hoovering it down! It didn't hurt that this was gourmet level cooking, mana from the gods! A gift to the Earth almost as perfect as Sakura!
"Lady and gentleman, your winner!" Sakura announced, raising #4's hand in victory. "How do you feel, reigning champ?"
"Got any wafer thin mints?" #4 asked, patting his stomach. He rose to his feet - and then his wig fell off. Or more accurately, it got caught on a tray that a waiter was carrying away and tugged right off his head!
"Huh?" the ghost grumbled, taking a good long look at #4. "Wait. Wait a minute. You're a guy!"
"And you're moving on to the afterlife," Ataru said, picking up a slice of cake and stuffing it into the ghost's gaping gob. "Bye bye!"
This seemed appropriate so far as #4 was concerned. He'd made the Mister Creosote reference, probably best to have the ghost explode in a dramatic fashion. Luckily it wasn't nearly as disgusting, because you didn't have guts or bones or flesh bursting open here. Just ectoplasm, which got all over Sakura and him. Still pretty gross, but all things are relative.
"Fantastic work, assistant," Sakura said. She punctuated the sentence with a kiss. A peck on the lips. Nothing more than that. She didn't even seem all that aware that she'd done it. "Now that is dealt with, we should consider changing out of these clothes."
"Sure thing," #4 said with renewed confidence. He linked arms with her and cast a glance over at the other two. Making out like newlyweds. Give those two a couple more minutes and they'd be arrested for breaking indecency laws. So... "The two of you should probably change your clothes as well, while you're at it."
Hehehe! The perfect opportunity. Get their girls alone and show 'em what real men are capable of. It was the perfect plan.
- Back to Lum and Oyuki
- Benten's still struggling to resist her Ataru
- Bathing time! The Atarus discuss their seduction plans for Ryu and Sakura while they have some privacy.
- Shinobu runs into Ran. Things turn awkward, fast.
- Something else
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