There are rules that must be followed. Trends that cannot be ignored. When reality knocks on your door you don't ask who it is, you jump out of the way. In this reality, the rules can be vaguely summarised as 'farcical erotic romcom'. So, expect some wacky hijinks and if you're not too much of a prude you'll probably enjoy yourself a bit.
Unfortunately <i>some people</i> had to lean a little too much on the romcom side of the scale. Not to name names, we're not a blame culture around here, so let's just call her Odoka Aotome and move on. Odoka had the ever so bright idea to play her hand to guide a certain uncute violent tomboy - er, I mean gentle sweet and pretty girl that is not glaring through walls of reality at me - into breaking off the engagement between her son and the daughters of the woman she hates more than the sun burns.
Reality tends to notice that kind of thing. In point of fact it's the kind of matter that makes Reality's drinking buddy Murphy sit up straight, cup his ear and call out for the bastard challenging him to a fight. To cut a long story short (too late!)...
Kasumi opened up the first letter right away, with both Ranma and Nabiki peering over her shoulders.
"How nice. That Mikado boy is asking you out on a date," Nabiki said. You could tell right away that she was practically rubbing her hands with glee. If Kasumi started dating him, then she'd leave Ranma alone!
"Oh dear, what an unfortunate thing to have done," Kasumi said, absently ripping the letter up. "What a thoughtless thing to do, littering like that. Oh my, how awful."
Or not as the case may be. Not like she could blame her older sister, that guy was a bit of a creep. Nabiki had heard he kept stealing kisses from dozens of girls.
Meanwhile, Ranma had rushed around catching all the torn up shreds of paper while muttering to himself about not making a mess, it seemed like he was actually even more of a clean freak than Kasumi. Which sure said something. Anyway, now Kasumi was opening up the second letter, which really had Nabiki tilting her head.
"Oh my... Oh my! This is quite dreadful," Kasumi tutted.
"Yeah sis?" Nabiki asked. "What's wrong? What does that letter say?"
"I can't read it," Kasumi said. Nabiki... refused the pratfall. She refused to dignify it. This did result in her making a quite nasty looking face, but she absolutely refused to give in to that cliched reaction. "The writing is too curly, and it looks like they used a glitter pen on paper that was already quite glittery." She showed the letter to her sister, “Also it looks like somebody kissed it.” Several lipstick marks were on the paper.
"Give it here," Nabiki grumbled. She looked it over. Oh. It seemed as though the other half of the Golden Pair was interested in a date as well. Yeah, well. Good luck with that. Kasumi wasn't gay, and even if she was Azusa was not her type. Though Nabiki honestly shuddered to think about what kind of person would think of that girl as their type. Even the sort that prioritised looks over all other things would spend five minutes in her presence and then claw through the floor with their bare fingers to escape...
But then reality knocked on the back of Nabiki's head. The rules of the romcom whispered an idea into her mind. It would be... funny. It would be... Productive. It would be... useful. She could make Ranma believe that Kasumi was gay. Or at least in a lesbian relationship.
"Ranma, the paper bin is in the kitchen. You wouldn't mind, would you?" Nabiki said. And off he goes. Good boy! Leave her alone with her big sis to whisper venom in her innocent ears. "It's from Azusa. It looks like she wants to help out with this 'martial arts dating' contest."
"How pleasant of her," Kasumi said. "That's quite a generous offer."
Generous? Oh yes, that's right. Nabiki had heard of that. It's a trait idiots tended to have.
"The trouble is, she's not too certain about how she can help out," Nabiki continued. "It seems as though she's asked around, and a lot of people have talked about how good you are at housekeeping, cooking, cleaning, etc. So she was hoping you could... supervise her. Advise her. Give her some encouragement. That sort of thing. That'll be 100 yen for my services."
Do you feel it, gentle reader? The inevitable romcom hijinks brewing in the air? The misunderstandings, the intrigue, the grabbing of the wrong ends of sticks. Well... We're only just getting warmed up!
<hr>
This might come as a surprise but yes, Ranma Saotome was a bit of a neat freak. It's not a character trait of his that comes up often, but he simply cannot abide a sloppy mess. On the other hand he could completely and totally understand why Kasumi's immediate reaction to a love letter from Mikado Sanzenin had made her lose total control over her body and compelled her to confetti the letter.
"Still, making a mess like that kinda ticks me off a bit..." Ranma grumbled. "Ugh, and this cologne scent is all over my hands now. I hate cologne!"
All of a sudden he felt something like a wooden stick rapping him on the back of the head, but there was nobody there. Huh. Just a bit of phantom pain from the future, probably.
"Have fun 'training' with my sister?"
Urgh, that was the last voice he wanted to hear right now. Akane Tendo. Striding on into the kitchen in her uncute and unsexy and uncurvy form. Wearing that stupid baggy gi as well that really didn't suit her. It was obviously fitted to make sure she didn't burst out of it if she drained someone's energy and filled it out. In all. The right. Places.
Not that he was into that kind of thing, mind.
"Oh yeah, it was a blast!" Ranma said. "Once we didn't have you getting in the way, the two of us made a lot of progress." Maybe one day Ranma would learn how to phrase things properly, today was not that day. Nor would it be tomorrow, or next week, or within the next year...
"S-So you took it further with Nabiki...?" Akane asked. It's only natural that her mind would go there. She'd been trying not to think about it (read: Thinking about it) for the last several hours. The kiss initiated by her other self. Even now a coin called for her, contained in a pouch attached to her gi. First drain him, and then <i>drain him</i>. "How nice for the two of you!"
"Yeah... I'll definitely need to bring some more tape for next time," Ranma mumbled.
Tape? There was only one thing that could possible mean! Akane's mind immediately conjured up an image of Ranma holding a camcorder with - remember VCR? I mean, this is still technically set in the late 80s to early 90s so they were still using VCR to record things. The point is, Akane was imagining that Ranma meant he was recording all the naughty stuff that he was doing with (or to) Nabiki.
It would be recorded for posterity. The nasty, nasty things that perverted boy would do to her big sister... Why, it boggles the mind! He might do anything! He - he might kiss her on the lips, fondle her breasts, tear off Nabiki's gi and have his way with her right here on the counter!
Or something like that. The coin beckoned louder. At the same time, she remembered the advice that Ranma's mother had just given her, while Ranma remained oblivious to her internal struggle...
<i>Remember Akane, there may be many girls after your man, show the other girls their place.</i>
Ranma wasn't her man. In spite of what the other her may think. She didn't want him to be her man! But something inside her was disagreeing. It was so confusing. Why did the other her behave this way around this dork, of all dorks? The other her hated boys more than she did! So why this arrogant bratty jerk?
"Gotta say, your big sis put me through a hell of a workout. Man, I've about lost all feeling in my sexy lips..."
"Tendo go yen satsu!" Akane cried, instantly regretting her surrendering to this feeling yet again. However! This one time her would be target actually managed to dodge out of the way. What? What? He dodged her?
"Missed!" Ranma jeered, sticking out his tongue while rapidly backing out of the room. "Better luck next time!"
"Ooh, that boy!" Akane seethed. The coin in her hand felt red hot, though she could tell that it was actually cool metal. "I don't want his stupid energy inside me anyway!"
Now her determination was set. If he thought that he could get away with going out on a martial arts date with her sister, of all people, then...Then she was going to have to do something unbelievable and join that contest herself! Yes, that made total sense. It would give her the perfect chance to ensure her sister knew her rightful place!
And out in the cosmos, in that metaphorical realm that humans can only imagine, Murphy, Fate and the other assorted forces of romantic comedy steepled their hands in eager anticipation. The game was afoot!
Now... who would Akane bring on this dating contest?
- Ryoga (Who just showed up)
- Kuno (blegh)
- Mikado (somehow worse)
- Gosunkugi (Who is that again?)
- Someone else
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