There was a certain refrain going around the guys at Furinkan this morning. A mantra echoing in their brains, and added to the end of sentences spoken among each other seemingly at random.
"Was that Kuno running off, screaming like a banshee?" one of those boys, an average looking youth known as Daisuke asked his best friend.
"Yeah," said that best friend in response. Hiroshi nodded solemnly. "Pretty sure he was running from Ranma. But he's a guy."
"But he's a guy," Daisuke repeated.
The pair watched the entrance to the kendo club's training hall with a good deal more interest than either would willingly let on. Sure enough, the devil herself stepped out. A petite, busty redhead with a cute bouncy pigtail. But he's a guy. A feminine figure framed magnificently by a tight leotard that accentuated every curve. But he's a guy. A tiny frilly skirt hugging those sensual hips, showing off legs that surely must qualify as a masterpiece. But he's a guy.
That's the dilemma that the boys of Furinkan High had to face on this day. They knew about the curse. Ranma had openly talked about it. For those not in his class, well, Nabiki had sold the information off with a smile on her face - alongside a photograph of Ranma in a compromising position. They had taken the photographs home with them. Promised they wouldn't beat off to it. And every last one of them had failed to keep that promise.
But he's a guy. They were straight, dammit! They were straight! They weren't into guys, they were into -
"Oops I dropped my pencil," Ranma said, suddenly bending at the waist. Do note there was no pencil on the ground.
They were into craning their necks for a better look. But he's a guy. Butt he's a guy. Butt. Butt. Butt.
“But where are my manners, hi there guys. Name’s Ranma Saotome, what’s yours?”
It was kind of funny. One moment they were watching the gentle swaying of that frilly skirt, the next she was somehow behind them with a hand on their hips, pulling them close to her. To him! Not her, him! No matter how feminine this presence felt, no matter how her soft breasts pressed into their arms, she was a guy. She was a guy. She was most definitely a guy, no matter what body she was in.
"I've been so terribly lonely since coming here," Ranma said, tightening her grip on them both. "All the boys have been keeping their distance for some reason. It's fun knowing the Tendos, but sometimes a guy like me needs guys for company. Know. What. I. Mean?"
Yes. They did. Their perverted little minds were all too eager to conjure up the kind of 'company' a cute thing like this might crave. But he's a guy!
"So? Your names?" Ranma asked again. This time letting her hand go wandering into places they shouldn't and giving the boys a nice big squeeze on their -
"H-Hiroshi!"
"Daisuke!"
"There we go!" Ranma said, stepping back. "So? I feel like I'm the talk of the school already. What are you two into?"
Don't say you. Don't say you. Don't say you...
“You… know!” Hiroshi said, “Just stuff like comics and games.”
"Yeah! Ordinary stuff that guys like!"
"Ah?" Ranma tilted her - his head. "Sounds neat! Got anything new? I've been out of the loop for a while, not had the chance to catch up."
Oh, thank goodness. Things were turning in a more normal direction all of a sudden. It felt like a whole bunch of tension was let out. Never before had two perverts been so happy to be friendzoned by a hot babe in the history of the universe! Ah... actually, it still hadn't happened because Ranma Saotome wasn't a hot babe and they hadn't been friendzoned they'd just made a new friend. Who happened to have a curse that gave him the appearance of a super cute girl who behaved in a really flirty way and was currently dressed up like a cheerleader.
Both boys were rather glad of the chance to take a seat on the ground and cross their legs. Not for any particular reason, mind you! They were just, you know, relieved for the chance to get off their feet.
"So, uh... You're a martial artist, huh?" Hiroshi asked feeling a bit desperate for the conversation to flow along smoothly. Ranma, for her part, sat on the grass with her legs crossed. Like a guy would. If he was wearing trousers. Instead of a short frilly skirt. "D-Do you have a favourite martial arts manga?"
"Not really my genre," Ranma said. "The fights aren't remotely believable."
Right, right. That made a certain kind of sense. A martial artist would know way too much about real fights, while your typical writer would only focus on what was dramatically necessary.
"I mean those guys are such wimps! No stamina to speak of. Come on, you're having trouble shattering a mountain with your bare hands? As if that's some kind of big deal." A beat of silence. "I'm kidding. I'm not that strong. Yet."
“How strong are you?” Daisuke asked.
“Well, I could easily hold up both you guys, on my tip toes. Wanna see me do that?”
"No, no! We're good!"
Man, this was not what they were expecting <i>at all</i>. Ranma really was out for a friend, and was trying just a little too hard to make a good first impression.
(This isn’t to say that female Ranma wouldn’t try and bang them later, but she wanted to reach the “Friends” part before hitting the “with Benefits” part.)
They could relax a bit more, now that they understood that. Share a few of their comics, recommend some games. Do guy stuff. Maybe even get some gossip about the nuclear hot sisters he was living with.
"There you are!" another voice said, and this was one that the two boys were all too happy to turn around and drink in. Akane Tendo had long since held the title of 'hottest unattainable babe in school' with her sister Nabiki in close second. That was before she showed up in her own cheerleader outfit. It suited her even better than it suited Ranma's <i><b>cursed form and not actual body</b></i> and you'd better believe that said a lot. "So? Did you manage to cheer up that idiot?"
"Oh, Kuno?" Ranma chuckled. "He ran off before I could work my magic. How about you? Did you teach Nabiki her place?"
As if in answer, Nabiki stumbled by. Bleary eyed, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. She looked like a bad imitation of a heavily intoxicated party girl on her way home, but she couldn't quite remember where she was going and there was nobody around to ask directions. “I looovvvveee you Akannneee” She slurred.
"Who are these boys anyway?" Akane asked, ignoring Ranma's answer and her sister's antics.
"These two?" Ranma asked, grabbing both boys by the shoulders and pulling them into a biiiiig group hug. "These are my new buddies! Hiroshi and Daisuke, I trust you know Akane?"
"We've been in her class since middle school," Hiroshi said.
“I asked her out last year and she judo threw me into that school’s swimming pool.” Daisuke added.
“You were staring at my breasts.”
Note: Both boys were staring directly at Akane's breasts at that very moment. Largely as a defense mechanism to prevent themselves from thinking about Ranma's breasts pressing into their sides because of this group hug. It was having limited effectiveness because Ranma's boobs were just that awesome, even Akane's couldn't completely nullify the attention on them.
"Anyway, I think you should change back into a boy if you're going to hang around with some boys," Akane said. "It'll look less weird."
"Yeah... I guess..." Ranma pouted. "It probably doesn't look right. One super cute girl sitting with two boys. Why, the gossip that might start! I'll be back in two ticks, sit tight!"
Oh, you'd better believe they were sitting tight. They kept on telling themselves over and over again. Ranma's a guy. He's a guy. Not a girl. Not a babe. A boy. A male of the species. With a curse that made him look like and have the body of a total babe. Her presence was affecting them more than either of them expected. It wasn't just the look, it was something about her aura. She <i>felt</i> like a girl. Er, he felt like a girl? Everything about her was setting off their 'in the presence of total knockout' alerts, and no matter how much they reminded themselves of the fact intellectually their penises were about as willing to listen to reason as... well, pick a penis in the history of the world.
No sooner had Ranma vanished from sight than the boys were suddenly hauled to their feet, having been grabbed by the lapels and deadlifted into the air by a suddenly irate cheerleader. No less hot, mind. Something about Akane made her even more appealing when she was angry.
"I saw that way you were staring at those fantastic legs," Akane said. Quietly, with a strange hiss. "Not that I blame you, but I do know how you perverted boys think!"
"Huh? What?" Hiroshi whimpered.
"I don't... what?" Daisuke asked.
"You're planning on taking advantage of this new friendship," Akane said. "It'll start out by saying, oh, you want to watch a movie. The three of you will sit on a bed together, with her in the middle. Your hands will rest upon her thighs, and the pair of you will lean into her. She won't protest. And then, you'll start to kiss the nape of her neck right where she likes it."
"N-No way! Ranma's a guy!" Hiroshi protested.
"Buddy, I will castrate you myself if you stop her now!" Daisuke warned. And he meant it.
"Then one of you goes - oops! You spill something down her top," Akane continued, eyes staring off into the distance and a bit of drool pooling around the corners of her mouth. Her grip was still as iron, the boys weren't going anywhere, but one had the sense that Akane had already gone off a long, long distance. "You'll have to take it off and - oh dear. While mopping down her bare breasts your hands start to grope and play with her supple flesh. You accidentally pinch her nipples, and offer to make it better."
Now Akane was starting to squirm a little while otherwise still standing in place. As hot as this was her hands were also around their necks, so it was getting a little difficult to breathe.
"That's when you make your move. You push her down onto the bed and bring your sinister weapons to bear. That's when you corrupt her with your sinful, wicked, hard, meat-sticks. Thrusting and humping and... Haaaaa.... Haaaaa..."
"Hey guys!" the voice of male form Ranma Saotome called out. He had at some point put on male cheerleaders uniform to fit the theme. Akane's grip released, and they dropped to the ground. Neither boy had ever been more erect in their entire life. "You know, this makes a nice change. Guy friends I don't have to have regular duels with. We can just shoot the shit and not have to worry about anything."
"Well! I'm glad to see you're making friends!" Akane sniffed. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go find my sister. I need her to help me take care of something."
Ranma sat down in between Hiroshi and Daisuke, and all three of them watched Akane's retreating figure with remarkable focus. Not that anyone with eyes could blame them.
"Saotome, you're the luckiest son of a bitch that I have ever met," Hiroshi muttered.
"But you're a guy..." Daisuke mumbled.
- Akane lets out some stress on Nabiki.
- Kuno attempts to purge his lustful, sinful intentions for girl form Ranma
- Ryoga escapes Kasumi, attempts to challenge Ranma again.
- Ranma encounters a strange girl confronting Furinkan's rhythmic gymnastics team.
- Something else
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