Story: Pride and Joy

 

 
Much is made of the fact that Genma Saotome is an idiot. For good reason. He's short sighted, greedy, and has the interpersonal skills of a flatulent skunk. On the other hand, Soun escapes that kind of critique relatively unscathed, partly because he's usually standing next to the more obvious idiot. Genma's really much easier to criticise, isn't he? I mean, his wife is still alive, nad the only reason he's not with her right then and there is because he did a dumb dumb thing. Soun's wife died tragically, leaving him to raise their three daughters by himself. Kind of hard to call someone capable of doing that an idiot. A victim of tragic circumstance, yes sure, but don't let that fool you. Don't let the fact that Genma's a bigger idiot distract you from the fact that Soun Tendo is kind of dumb too.

I mean, he's known Genma for literally years and he still trusts the stupid panda enough to agree to an arranged marriage between Genma's son and one of his daughters. He still liked Genma. He still got on with Genma. He still tolerated Genma. What kind of utter buffoon would do something like that?

"Saotome, I have a cunning plan," lied Soun, though he didn't know it was a lie. Like many who pronounce the cunningness of their plan, he had no idea at all how cursed the thought he'd had was. "Tonight, your Ranma and my Kasumi will go on their next date! I shall ensure beyond reason that they will fall madly in love by the end of the night!"

Genma held up a sign, but Soun was not looking. The sign read. "For the love of god Soun he's already dicking two of your daughters." He flipped the sign. "Let's back off and let things progress naturally."

Genma was being the reasonable one. Let that sink in. Genma was being reasonable about this whole thing.

In any event Soun held up a leaflet promoting a festival in Furinkan that very night. "Kukuku, look here Saotome!" Soun cackled. "Look here, Saotome. Do you see this?"

Genma held up a sign. "The show about the family of artists who use a 3000 year old cursed technique to create sealed drawings of monsters? Sounds like fun!"

"No, no!" Soun said, actually seeing that sign. Probably because he wasn't mentally blanking it out, due to it making no explicit reference to Soun's daughters doing nasty, dirty, freaky sex stuff. Or even just plain vanilla sex stuff. "This tunnel of love ride! It's said that if a couple rides it while holding hands on the entire journey, they will be destined for love!"

Genma thought this over for a moment. "Getting Ranma to hold her hand the entire time might be tough."

"That's why I shall pretend to be a food merchant!" Soun said, donning an extremely obvious fake beard and glasses. "I'll sell them my patented toffee apples! Kukuku!"

Genma shuddered. Oh yes, toffee apples. He remembered those well. While it was known that Akane was a terrible cook, there was the odd time where Soun tried his hand in the kitchen. Yes, for fun he'd decided to make a European treat that he'd heard of once upon a time, and allowed both Genma and the Master to try it out.

The two of them had wound up stuck in place for a week. Their fingers became stickiness incarnate, until by good fortune it started to rain. Even the Master had been unable to free himself. Such was the horror of Soun's limited baking skills - if anything he made Akane look like a professional in the kitchen. Her food might be inedible, but his always wound up actually causing physical pain in some way.

But hey, toffee apples are so easy to make that he couldn't actually ruin the <i>taste</i> of them. Sure, you'd have a bit of a job getting through it but your own spit would keep it from totally gumming up your mouth. On that basis it seemed like an absolutely ingenious plan, no way it could fail, once either of them took a bite of that it would get on their hands, then a martial artist of Soun's calibre could convince them to hold hands on entry, and they'd never free themselves in time.

Alas, whatever sensibility Genma might have had in this situation was thoroughly ruined by the appearance of a coherent zany scheme. He could no more resist its allure than he could resist the song of the sirens.

<hr>

A hunter must have many skills. They must be able to look for signs of their prety. They must be able to hide all signs of their presence, so that they may freely strike when the prey doesn't expect them coming.

Normally when you have your prey dead to rights, a hunter would indeed make that strike. Curiously, Shampoo had landed her prey - yet was still left with an empty feeling inside. Her airen had fucked her many times now. Sure, he'd also fucked a bunch of other girls too, but there was no way any one of them could handle that raw virile massive monster of a penis. So she could live with that. She could live with sharing. If it meant she wasn't being split in two on the hour every hour.

The trouble was that she was plainly, clearly, still completely and thoroughly addicted to that dick. She could recognise the withdrawal symptoms. Her muscles were twitchy, her body a bit more prone to sweating than normal. And she was starting to see penises everywhere again.

Right now she wasn't watching her airen. He'd notice her anyway, come over to say hello, set her pussy quivering with his proximity and scent and manly voice and obvious bulge in his trousers... Instead she was watching the other half of her recent torment. Kasumi Tendo.

Ah yes, Kasumi Tendo. The most dangerous enemy she might have ever faced, and she's not even a warrior. If anything she was the opposite. It was impossible to stay angry at her long enough to mount a meaningful offense. She was the ideal housewife type. Pretty. Well built. Knew what she was doing. Shampoo watched her carefully as she prepared for her date, selecting her dress, putting on her makeup... It was obvious that she was preparing her weapons of war.

That was fine, because Shampoo had her weapons of war ready before now. Kukuku! Her plan was simple. She'd use this disguise to lure Kasumi away and completely ruin the date. Then, she would break up with Airen and he could get back to giving them the deep, intense, filling dicking that they all so richly deserved! Rather than having to make do by slaking their mutual lusts upon each other - which honestly Shampoo was enjoying a lot more than she was expecting, but not nearly enough to satisfy this endless craving that had been engraved onto her very soul.

Yes. Nothing would get in her way tonight .She was sure of it. Absolutely nothing would stand in her way!

<hr>

Her target was in sight, fidgeting nervously by the Tendo front gate. Kodachi Kuno smirked to herself in anticipation, barely holding back from her typical outrageous laugh. Yes, yes. He was waiting for a date with Kasumi Tendo, was he? Oh, what a catch he was, so easily able to seduce women of all kinds. So trivially winning her heart, and so meticulously satisfying her loins.

It was crude. It was vulgar. And yet, she could not live without it anymore. One taste, just one little tiny morsel of a taste and she was hooked for life. If someone offered her an antidote for this addiction, this wonderful craving she would have attacked them more viciously than she had attacked anyone before. Oh! It would be a cruel thing indeed to take this from her. Almost as cruel as Kasumi had been to take him away from them. Kodachi and her new sisters were far more worthy of that penis than Kasumi Tendo could ever be!

Which is why she had a plan. A truly brilliant plan, all truth told. If she could not confront Kasumi directly, owing to her innocent aura quelling all wicked intention, then she would confront Ranma instead. With a perfect disguise. Ohohoho! Oh dear, almost let that one slip to the outer monologue.

Ahem. She had acquired an extremely convincing wig and a dress appropriate for a date with darling Ranma. She would pretend to be Kasumi herself, then position herself in such a way that she would force Ranma to break off the engagement. Brilliant. Inspired! A flawless plan.

Of course, there was no need to trouble the others with such a scheme. They would only get in the way, or their own agendas would interfere with Kodachi's. Far better for her, the smartest and most brilliant of Ranma's treasures, the one that dazzled the brightest - yes, she was the one that should step into the light and do what was needed!

And absolutely nothing could go wrong with such a scheme. Certainly not - for example - other people with their own zany plans working at cross purposes to hers. Don't be daft. Don't be silly! Such a notion was plainly absurd.

Alas, this universe was quite the absurd place to live in. Shame Kodachi hadn't worked that out yet.