Story: Aquafication

 

 
Yunyun was in the midst of a panic attack. She didn't deal with panic attacks very well. Normally if something was happening that would reduce her to this state, she'd rush off to Megumin to have a good cry. Alas, Megumin herself was the very cause of this particular attack, therefore she absolutely could not rush to her!

"Hehehe, look at what I can do!" Megumin was chuckling, while causing water to spout out of her fingertips.

"M-Megumin that's not explosive magi-" Yunyun began to yell, before the spout suddenly exploded, drenching her from head to toe in water. Which got Megumin laughing uproariously, clutching at her tummy, pounding the earth, and generally acting, well...

Kinda stupid, really? Try as she might, Yunyun couldn't think of any way to describe it except... stupid. Moronic. Dumb. Which meant there was only one thing to do! Yunyun marched right up to Megumin, held out her hand and said something she'd been hoping to say for a while now.

"Rock paper scissors!"

Megumin immediately threw Rock, while Yunyun threw Scissors. "Again!" she yelled, throwing Paper this time, only to see Megumin had thrown Scissors. "Again!" Another loss, then another, then another, until Megumin was left in yet another laughing fit while Yunyun was left it total despair.

"No, even when she's turning into a blue haired bimbo, I still can't beat her..." Yunyun wept. Which prompted Megumin to get off her tummy, stop pounding the ground, then scoot quickly over to Yunyun with puffed out cheeks so she could pinch Yunyun's.

"Hey, hey, who are you calling a bimbo?" Megumin demanded. "I am the Devil - No, the Goddess of Explosions! Bearer of the mysterious and vast powers of darkness, queen of the heaven’s and greatest of all archwizards in this world!”

"G-G-oddess?" Yunyun yelped. The rest of that was pretty Megumin, but Goddess...? "Megumin, snap out of it! The - The Goddesses are the good guys! It's totally lame to be the good guys, it's so much cooler sounding to pretend that you're on the cusp of being good or evil! How could you forget this basic, absolutely fundamental, first thing you learn principle of being cooooool?!"

But Megumin's face had gone derp while Yunyun was shaking her around, as if she was internally going 'wheeeee'. Ah, and worse still, her bigger boobs were jiggling around, and when Yunyun looked at them she felt both jealous they were bigger and also hehehehe, jiggly boobs, she bet that idiotic NEET would stare at them for -

"What's a NEET in the first place?!" she yelled, fearful that she too was catching the Stupids.

"There there nice kitty!" Megumin said, leaning down to a stray cat that had been wandering by. "You were limping, huh? By the grace of the Goddess Megumin, I grant unto thee this blessing."

And then she cast a healing spell on the cat.

A healing spell.

A <i>healing</i> spell.

Megumin cast a <i>healing</i> spell on a random cat like it was no big thing!

Healing magic was as far from explosion magic as you could get! In fact, it might be the most diametrically opposite kind of spell in existence! One causes a thing to be damaged massively, the other undoes damage! Frightening! This was frightening beyond belief! It was throwing into question everything Yunyun believed about the world! Even if it was making Megumin weirdly cuter than she already was, and practically glowing with holy light.

"Megumin! Your character sheet!" Yunyun yelled, in a complete and total panic. Megumin took it out,l and Yunyun snatched it away without even asking for it. That's how desperate she was! Scanning it she saw a few irregularities.

"Megumin! Since when did you dual class between Priestess and Arch Wizard?!"

That sort of cross classing was extremely impossible for someone as inexperienced as Megumin! Only an adventurer in their 50s or even 60s could possibly maintain both classes... Yet here they were! Two incredibly rare and challenging jobs noted for their power sharing space on a stat sheet! It was enough to make Yunyun tremble, knowing what power laid at Megumin's fingertips. Especially because - Because!

"Hey look what I can do!" Megumin cackled, bouncing a big ball of water that she'd made appear out of nowhere. "Explosion! Pop! Hahahaha!"

Nothing like a shock of cold water to bring you to your senses. There was water just everywhere. Her clothes were completely soaked through and -

"Achoo!"

"Oh, Yunyun! Have you caught a cold?" Megumin asked, pressing her forehead up against Yunyun's. "Don'tcha worry! I'll make sure you get plenty of bed rest!"

"No, Megumin! You're the one that needs bed rest!" Yunyun yelled in a panic. "No matter what, I can't let you - What are you doing with your finger?"

Now, this is an important point. While Megumin's personality had been corrupted by Aqua's... Aquaness, she was still at her core Megumin. Which meant that she had absolutely no problem jamming her little finger up her nose, twisting it exactly three times, then slowly drawing it out and waving it at Yunyun menacingly.

Because if Yunyun had any single weakness it was... her desperate need for attention and companionship combined with her critical lack of understanding how to get that. If she had another weakness, it was gross stuff. Which is why she was staring at that finger which had just been in a very disgusting place as if it was the Spear of Life's Bane inching closer and closer, robbing her of precious seconds as it approached.

All of which prompted her to release a quite Aqua like scream of frustration, clutching the top of her head in utter fright, allowing Megumin to skip away to get her friend the medical help she so desperately -

"Achoo!" Megumin sneezed, wiping carelessly at her nose, blissfully unaware of the way that each sneeze made her new assets jiggle. "Achoo, achoo, achoo! Good thing I'm the picture of health!"

<hr>
To be Kazuma was to suffer. I mean, really, even he recognised at some level that he brought it on himself but that didn't exactly make it any easier for him to deal with. A person being punished for being who they were was a great cosmic cruelty. If the universe made him, then surely the universe itself should be punished, right?

Unfortunately, the word 'punished' was at the front of his thoughts at this very moment, for sitting in front of him was... An absolute babe. Top marks. Ten out of ten. If it was just the body, would gladly wake up to that for the rest of my life, she's gorgeous, she's stunning, she's got the big boobs the hourglass figure, a pretty face, bright radiant hair, the total package if you were trying to put together an image of the perfect, ideal sexual fantasy for the typical straight man. Practically a walking stereotype for 'total knockout'.

But! But, but, but, but, but! Kazuma would not tap that ass! No matter how fine it was, no matter how divinely inspired it must be, he could not bring himself to succumb to that body! Now, one might believe that this was due to some ethical realisation on his part, or maybe she had a rotten personality, surely a total scumbag pervert like Kazuma, most known in this city for his ability to pilfer underwear at a distance, should be aching for a chance to do all sorts of nasty, nasty things to her?

Well, that was the problem in a nutshell. The way she was, she'd let him do it precisely because they were nasty things.

"So? So? It's true right?" Darkness said, practically salivating while staring at him. "You're the dirty pervert who uses the Steal ability to pilfer a girl's underwear right from under her nose!"

"Please don't say that so loudly, or so excitedly," Kazuma asked, knowing it was futile.

"Of course, if a man gets up to that sort of thing in public, there's no telling what he might do in private!" Darkness continued, eyes sparkling with mischief. "Whips! Chains! Sharp red hot needles! Paddles and worst of all, feather dusters! Perhaps even worse still could be used!"

"You're going to give people the wrong impression about what we're talking about," Kazuma said once again, staring off into the distance while feeling absolutely dead inside. It was as if he'd found a genie and wished for a chance for a buxom thirsty woman to talk dirty to him at length, no matter what, and that genie - oh that bastard genie - was the sort that granted wishes literally in a way that made you regret being born.

"In that case I'm in!" Darkness said, sticking out her hand. "Your search for a fourth party member is officially over! I, Darkness, shall submit to call you my Master!"

"Yay," Kazuma sarcastically applauded, giving up, knowing that at this point there was literally nothing he could do to keep Darkness out of his party. Oh well. He might as well wait for the others to show up, then introduce her to them. They were all probably equally useless/insane, so they'd get on famously.

The door opened and a shock of distinctive blue hair passed through, causing Kazuma to turn around. He expected it to be that useless Goddess, but - no, it was some other prancing idiot with blue hair, skipping along towards the counter -

"Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!" she sneezed. Wiping at her nose with her finger. Gross, did she have no comprehension of germ theory? Was she trying to spread it everywhere she went?

"Excuse me miss, would you like to get involved in my multi level marketing company? It's called Pyramidmatic!"

"Sign me up!" the woman said without missing a beat.

"That's obviously a pyramid scheme!" Kazuma thought out loud.

"Ooh, a pyramid scheme!" another blue haired customer said. A man this time, but there was something especially... useless about his expression. "Sign me up! Sounds like fun!"

"Me too, I love pyramids!" another blue haired customer said. "Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!"

"Idiots..." Kazuma murmured under his breath. "They're all total idiots! Just like -"

Just like Aqua. Ah, that was a horrible thought. He looked around the tavern anyway and saw... someone doing Aqua's party tricks in the corner. A table full of blue haired idiots drunkenly laughing about nothing. And one customer in particular, whose red hair was turning blue right before his eyes.

"Guh... what's this?" he gasped in horror. "They're all becoming like... Like Aqua?!"

"What's an Aqua?" Darkness asked. "Is it bad?"

"It's the worst!" Kazuma grabbed her shoulders, shaking her as much as he was able to. Due to her ridiculous strength stat, this was not even slightly. He was only shaking himself. "They're becoming totally useless brain dead idiots!"

... So, uh, why did her eyes light up the more and more he described that? Oh no, that was probably a bad sign, wasn't it?