This whole superhero thing was such bullshit. Who wants to head out in the middle of the night to risk life and limb while trying to keep a secret identity? Not Yumiko! Fuck magical powers, who wants them?
But she had them, didn't she? Oh, she had them. And she had this niggling feeling in the back of her mind that she pretty much had to go out and like it. Fine .Fine! Then she'd do that, but you know what? You know what? She wasn't going to do this the stupid way.
She wasn't going to make it easy for anyone to figure out who she was. No, no. That was hassle she could do without. Transforming around her home was a bad idea. A stupid idea. If her alter ego was seen too often in the area, caught on security cameras et al, it would make it all too obvious that she was in the area and let the enemy - or others - track her down. Stuff that. And with Yumiko having no idea about the capabilities of the Eternal Night Empire, it was best to keep Opsec as high as possible.
And the idea of benign seen out in public in that outfit for longer than she had to be was kinda, sorta, mortifying anyway. Stupid impractical short skirt and tight clothes that barely fit her body. Bah!
All that in mind she was being a bit clever here. Nobody special, just an ordinary woman out for a stroll in the dead of night with her head held up high. An ordinary civilian going about her business, certainly not a superpowered being who was apparently the reincarnation of a Princess, who would transform into her full on magically empowered self when she was close to the battlefield.
"Hold, citizen!"
Alas, this plan did have its drawbacks. As seen when, out of nowhere, a pretty young girl leaped in out of nowhere, landing in front of Yumiko. Her outfit was a lot like Yumiko's, though with a different colour scheme. The top fit fine over her smaller boobs, the skirt was the right size for her hips. Red and yellow where Sparkling Love Star was black or dark blue. Oh, and instead of the crummy star shaped decorations all over it there was a single circle on her chest surrounded by wavy lines. Same symbol on the yellow circlet on her head too. Yeah, Yumiko could see it, very similar kind of uniform... and she could also see the kind of body it was meant to be fit on.
"Yes, yes, that's right! I am the rumoured Sparkling Sun, hero to the masses, enemy of the Eternal Night Empire!" the young girl said, brushing back her long blond hair with one hand and giving a ‘V’ sign. "Within this region of the city, we have detected a vile conspiracy against the people! For this reason we are evacuating all innocent people for their own protection!"
Ugh, did this girl know any punctuation except for commas and exclamation marks? Whatever.
"That's fine, I'm one of you guys," Yumiko said, then sighed and prepared to say her stupid, dumb transformation phrase. "Sparkling Lover Uni-"
"Yes, yes, that's very nice!" Sparkling Sun chirped, pushing Yumiko back, preventing her from transforming. "I'm sure you have a very good cosplay uniform! Really! But I don't have the time to look at it right now, this place is way too dangerous!"
"I'm not a cosplayer!" Yumiko protested. Wait, damn, she could have used that chance to say her transformation phrase. "Sparkling -"
"Don't worry, Sparkling Sun is right here to protect you!" Ugh, this girl was infuriating! "Just stay out of the way and let me protect you!"
This was meant to be her teammate? Ugh! That pesky upbeat attitude had to be a put on. Noone was that chipper all the damned time. Alas, before Yumiko could try to protest her case any further something like an ice cream cone was thrown right at them.
An ice cream cone that blew up.
Credit where it's due Sparkling Sun's reflexes were amazing. She turned her body into the blast, taking the brunt of it - then when they were thrown across the street into a nearby wall she twisted in mid-air to land against the wall.
"Are you alright, citizen?" Sparkling Sun bellowed, answering Yumiko's earlier question. Yes. She knew the question mark. Good, she didn't follow it through with a fucking interobang. Those always made her eyes glaze over, like the writer was a major tryhard.
"She's fine," said the shadow next to Yumiko's head, right before a hand reached out to grab her, covering her mouth and hauling her back. "But you're... out in the cold!"
And then, a contestant for 'stupidest thing she's seen in real life' happened on by. A whole bunch of ice cream cones rose up, grew faces, grew fangs, crew arms and legs and nasty looking claws and started to advance on Sparkling Sun en masse. Then, as if to further test Yumiko's sanity, they were joined by marching lollipops.
What the fuck?
No really, what the fuck was this?!
Shit, she used an interobang, that was going to eat at her later on. She wasn't a try hard! She wasn't!
"Unhand that innocent cosplayer!" Sparkling Sun demanded, aiming a threatening finger at the monster of the week. A young woman dressed up as an ice cream seller. Replete with the little hat and a pinstripe apron.
"Ah, ah, ah! Don't you hear that?" the monster hissed, licking the top of Yumiko's head like it was an ice cream cone. "The ice cream van is ringing its tune! Have fun playing with my minions, Sparkling Sun.
Several small ice cream cups were scattered around, before sprouting limbs and pulling out waffle cone swords.How absurdly non-threatening, yet also deep enough in the uncanny valley to be completely threatening.
Sparkling Sun stood her ground, aimed her fingers and yelled "Sunlight Radiance!" which caused fire, so much fire lashing out in that direction, holy shit this peppy girl was a walking fire hazard. In a single burst the ice cream and lollipops melted on the spot.... Only to reform when ice cream just sort of grew out of the wafer cones.
"It'll take more than a little heat to put my minions down," the monster laughed, dragging Yumiko inside of what seemed to be a rather cold ice cream store. "Kokokokoko! My cones! Give this girl a good licking!"
... Seriously? An ice cream themed villain? Who the hell even thought up something that... that asinine?
<hr>
“I mean, ice cream is really tasty!” Venus said. “I was having some strawberry swirl and I thought ‘You know what Venus, this would make a great tool to destroy the sparkling Lovers!’”
“...it was beneath the dignity of the Eternal Night Empire to send that thing out…” Pluto groaned, facepalming. “To waste magic on such a stupid Night Daemon…”
<hr>
Yay! She had a hostage! The night daemon peeked out through the window to see what was happening. "Hah, that girl thought that she had an advantage because of her heat powers," the Night Daemon cackled darkly under her breath. "Shows her right! Boss thought that through carefully. Now, you sit tight old hag. I have to set up an ambush for that do-gooder once she inevitably does find a way around my minions. No trying to escape now, I'm in front of the only way out, and trying to attack me will only lead to a more painful de~eath!"
She'd probably try anyway, but that would only make it all the more fun! Her screams of anguish would no doubt hurry along that pesky do-gooder. Causing her to make a mistake of some kind in her attempt to rescue this... cosplayer. So she let the woman go and set about her trap. Let's see, some sharpened cones hanging over the door ought to do the trick. Though what should she say when Sun came in through the door? It had to be something good, something snappy and direct that would make her inevitable victory all the sweeter.
"Sparkling Lover Unite!" hissed an extremely angry voice behind her.
"No, no, that doesn't even make sense," the Night Daemon dismissed the suggestion out of hand. "It needs to be something catchier, but threatening, not random nonsense words."
Then a gloved hand fell upon her shoulder, whirling her around with surprising strength. Somehow - impossibly - the Night Daemon found herself face to face with a brightly smiling pretty woman dressed up like Sparkling Love Star.
"I totally agree!" Sparkling Love Star said, lifting the flat of her palm up towards the Daemon's forehead. "Soooo, I was thinking something corny like, I dunno, 'ice to meet you' would be good to start with. Really hurt them in the soul with a pun before you destroy their body."
"H-How did you get in -"
"Shhhhhhh!" Love Star said, putting her hand up against the Daemon's mouth before it could say another word. "I've been shut up ever since I got here, so now it's my turn to speak. I always wanted to give a magical girl speech about justice and shit, so here goes. Ahem! Corrupting the purity and sanctity of ice cream is a new low! To make use of a frozen treat that has delighted all ages for the purposes of evil is twisted, heinous, and <b>must be duly punished</b>."
Love Star then leaned in really, really close. Ah. Ah! That gleam in her eyes! It was lunacy! True insanity lay within that gaze!
"Ever hear of a brain freeze?" Love Star asked. "Let's show you what one looks like, shall we?"
<hr>
Sparkling Sun never gave up! Never, ever, ever! Even against these regenerating frozen treats, even as they marched on her and surrounded her, she'd never give an inch! The sun kept blazing in the sky, kept burning bright giving life and light to all the Earth, and therefore she would aim to burn just as hot!
Through that determination she somehow wore them down. As expected, regenerating from damage was a costly task for them, and that meant they had to run out of energy eventually. Not like her. Not like Sparkling Sun. She could keep going for as long as it took until the job was -
"Whooo!" she said, hands on knees, sucking in air. "Whooo just let me catch by breath! Whooo!"
Alright! That was good enough! She lightly jogged across to the entrance, kicked the door in ready to deal with the hostage situation the only way that she knew how - Only to find a quite unbelievable sight in front of her.
The cosplayer sitting at a counter, eating an ice cream cone while otherwise looking bored, while next to her was the Night Daemon with... one, two, three... Five hundred ice cream cones in its stretched out mouth. It was clutching the sides of its head as though it was in the greatest agony it had ever experienced.
"I bet it that it couldn't eat all those ice cream cones, and it took me up on it," the cosplayer said, shrugging. "Couldn't handle the brain freeze and went comatose. Can I go home now? I kinda hate magical girl bullshit and want to drink to forget what just happened."
"Uh...right you are, citizen!" Sun said, saluting the cosplayer for her . "Good work, but try not to indulge too much on alcohol, it's even worse for you than ice cream is."
"Good thinking, I'll eat a tub of ice cream as comfort food," the cosplayer said. "I saw a really weird side of myself tonight that I don't think I care for. Ugh, that speech was so cliche and trite..."
“...Man when Moon finishes dealing with that candy salesman will I have a story to tell her!”
Thus leaving Yumiko with further confirmation of Sun's grasp of punctuation. Ellipses. She knows how to use ellipses.
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