Are you familiar with the writings of Lovecraft? At some level, you probably have the right idea. Cthulhu, non-euclidean shapes, cosmic horror et al. Well, it goes a little deeper than that. For one thing his writing was grounded in some extraordinary racism, even for his time. Don't believe me? Look up his cat's name. Apparently he got better in his older years, but a lot of his writing has a kind of ingrained notion of the white race being corrupted by other races. Including the Irish and Italian. If you know what you're looking for it's extremely easy to spot, and even if you're not some descriptions are a little too on the nose to ignore.
More relevant to the rest of this episode was a different underlying theme (thankfully). That of the cosmic horror. Yes, yes, one glimpse of Cthulhu or the other Elder Gods would surely drive a mortal man to the brink of madness. Roll sanity check, then keep rolling it until you fail. But that's not really of any consequence. Cosmic horror is about something more fundamental than that. Most of mankind's religions place him at the forefront of God's plan, whatever God or Gods that might be. Adam and Eve were given special consideration by Jehova, prophets of God in Abrahamic religions tend to be human rather than, for instance, talking stoats, Greek Gods like to screw around with humans more than other animals, etc.
Cosmic horror points out the obvious problem with that, when you really step back to think about it. When you consider how utterly vast the universe is, the energies required to put things into motion, the very idea that humanity is important at all is self-evidently ludicrous. We are not gnats on a windshield. We aren't even the atoms that make up the gnats. We're the strings in the subatomic particles that make up the atoms that make up the gnats that make up the windshield of the greater universe.
A being capable of affecting things on that scale could squash us by accident. They could wake up, look in our direction, annihilate our entire species by accident, then get about their day without remembering what they did or even thinking it remotely strange. That's cosmic horror in a nutshell. The realisation that we are small. We are tiny. We are insignificant. We can struggle and fight to survive as much as we want, but in the unfeeling uncaring universe those struggles that seem so large and so momentous to us are meaningless in the grand scheme of the universe.
In a normal story a being like Libra would be the cosmic entity. Unknowable, intractable, powerful beyond measure. With plans within plans, wheels within wheels within wheels, deigning to pay attention to these mortals out of his own sense of entertainment... But this was not a normal story. It's smut, for one thing. For another? He'd just got a glimpse of Sailor Moon's true full power.
For those familiar with this franchise really think about what Sailor Moon is capable of at the end of the series. Think about that really hard. Calling her dangerous kind of underplays it a bit. She plays at the same level as Galactus, Devourer of Worlds by then. Hell, she'd probably laugh off the Power Cosmic by then and send him packing. This is a girl who stares down the embodiment of chaos in all of reality and doesn't blink. Granted, she can't permanently beat it - but she doesn't back down either.
Libra had seen that full power. Hell, it had even made some tweaks to make her stronger than that by drawing upon lust. It had borne witness to the rise of a power that, even though it was basically fully under its control at this point, utterly terrified it to the point of immobility and silence. This was like having a moon sized dog as a pet, you want to be careful with what you do with it or it might just wreck your home. For the first time in its entire existence, Libra felt <i>fucking terrified out of its mind</i> and not even in an erotic way.
Welcome to the other side of cosmic horror, Libra. We hope you enjoy your stay.
"Ah, I needed that!" Sailor Moon stretched out her limbs and stood up, then giggled and leaned over her boyfriend to peck her on the cheek. "Oh, Libra. You weren't watching were you?"
<I>"No, no, didn't see a thing, I was too busy doing some calculations!"</i> Libra said, and wasn't lying either. It was maths centred around the most famous equation in all of Physics - e=mc^2. What does that mean? Why, it's simple. It centers around the idea that mass and energy are basically the same things in a different form. If you took, say, a grain of sand and then converted all of that into energy, you get a fucktone of energy out of it. Similarly, in order to do that in the first place would take a roughly equivalent amount of energy. The 'e' stands for energy. The 'm' represents how much mass you're working with. And the 'c' is actually a constant. It's the speed of light. Which is a very big number that has eight zeros in a row in it.
Alright?
So... Uh... If you think about it, Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask were - by fucking accident - applying enough energy in each hip thrust to equal the speed of light times itself times and then multiplied by the mass of basically all of Tokyo. They were doing this by accident. In the midst of coitus. Intense, much needed and long time coming coitus. But still. On accident. Then they were reforming the entire city at once. Without even noticing they were doing it. In the middle of boning.
Holy jesus fucking christ do you even understand how insane that is? Tread carefully young Libra, for you have uncovered a book bound in leather that drives those who read it insane. Are you sure you have the willpower to turn the first page? Usagi and Mamoru were as Azathoth in a miniskirt and tuxedo, while Libra was as Cthulhu. Mighty, but less than an ant to them in comparison. Tread wrong, let their trust falter, and being squashed would be the kindest thing they might do.
<i>"So, I'm not a bad guy at all,"</i> Libra insisted. <I>"Yep, you can definitely trust me. I definitely gave you privacy when it turned out things were going in that direction. Good old reliable Libra."</i>
There was another problem as well. What if they actually did go bad? Her, the rest of her team... They'd probably fuck the entire planet up. Which was bad. All his stuff was there. What would he wind up doing, try to get some dust molecules horny? He had the unenviable position of trying to keep the lot of them happy. And there was only one way he knew how to do that. Literally one track mind, Libra. Keep them fucked. Keep them well fucked. Not so well fucked that they couldn't, you know, save the day from whatever big bad came along and took a swing at them, not knowing what they were up against, but well fucked nonetheless.
"I would like to offer my most sincere apology," said the guy in the tuxedo and the mask that didn't really cover his face, like, at all who could casually erase Libra the same way he erased an ant underfoot. "You must understand, we have had numerous issues with unidentified supernatural beings, I feared that you were trying to take advantage of Sailor Moon's better nature."
<i>"Me, take advantage? Hahaha, no, no!"</i> Libra panicked, how convincing was that? Would they see through it? <i>"I only want to help you any way that I can. I'm helpful, me!"</i>
"You see? Libra's so lonely, it's desperate to help out!" Sailor Moon said, beaming brightly. "That's why we should absolutely trust it to help us deal with the bad guys."
'I was supposed to be one of the bad guys!' Libra tried not to think. 'Is this why villains reform? They see how out of their fucking league they are, and go good so they don't get squished?'
Okay. Calm down a second and look at the situation through a non-terrifying lens. Look on the bright side. Firstly, Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask were absolute works of art. He'd done some stellar work over the ages, but these two were like the platonic ideals for peak hotness for their genders. Honestly, it had been pretty damned easy to get them there, the two of them were super into each other before he'd even had a look in. We're talking bodybuilder physique, hourglass curves, pristine skin, shimmering hair, the whole package. It felt like, if they put their mind to it either one of them could seduce literally anything with a sexual drive.
Not that they'd need to because, you know, they could casually flick their finger in the general direction of something they wanted to ruin the day of, and its day would indeed be thoroughly wrecked.
No, no. Stay positive. Stay positive. Let's see, keeping them happy was priority number one, priority two was not betraying them in any way shape or form... Or even giving that impression.
<i>"So! Now that we've got past those trust issues, how about we work on tracking down these order lunatics and stop them from causing all kinds of havoc?"</i>
Yes, that's the trick. Focus on the mission. Maybe gently guide them into recognising what they were doing when they fucked, then have them set up shop on somewhere uninhabited, where they could fuck and fuck and fuck and not bother anyone. Cue mysterious glowing phenomenons seen on Mars by telescopes, or aliens doing nuclear tests on the moon or something like that. Heaven help them if they sent some astronauts, they wouldn't even know what to write on their reports.
Well, anyway, the two of them transformed back into their civilian guises. Much less hot, much more normal, no less intimidating as it turned out. The two of them hugged. Looked like a cute normal couple, even though they definitely fucking weren't.
Usagi picked up her underwear and scowled at it. "So plain..." she grumbled, then twirled it around on her finger. "Say, Libra, can you do anything about this?"
He hadn't moved so hastily or so immediately to slutify a pair of panties in his entire existence, and might never again. He turned the plain, cute, bunny print panties into a crescent moon themed thong. It seemed somehow appropriate.
"Wow, that's so cool!" Usagi cooed, slipping into them with a little too much excitement. "So, can you just, like, give me a whole new wardrobe at will?"
"Usagi..." Mamoru growled, pulling her onto his lap. "Focus. No abusing our brand new ally for a free shopping trip."
She pouted. It was adorable. Then the two of them stared into each other's eyes like a pair of long lost lovers, as opposed to a pair of lovers who had - no, you got the point by now, no need to belabour it further.
"Fine, fine!" Usagi sniffed. "Well, what should we do in the first place? Usually the bad guys come to us and then we sort them out."
<i>"Ah, well, I was sort of hoping we could be a bit more proactive than that?"</i> Libra suggested. <i>"I mean, what are the odds that you'll just keep on running into these Order lunatics whenever they get a scheme going? Much better for you to actively look them out, rather than leaving the ball in their court. Don't you think?"</i>
Which is when, of course, there was a knock at the door. Because of course there was.
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