Getting Ataru Moroboshi into a tuxedo is rather like getting a cat into its carry case when you need to take it to the vet. You have to really work for it, and it'll kick up a fuss the entire time, then complain further to anyone in earshot the entire time it's inside it.
"Man, this thing always feels uncomfortable," Ataru whined. It didn't help that these aliens were all giving him funny looks. "I could've shown up in my underwear and they'd have barely blinked, why do I have to wear something like this?"
It wasn't as if he especially wanted to impress Lum or anything. The only reason he was going along with this was because Shinobu was making him. Same reason he was wearing a tuxedo, really. He had half a mind to take it off, it wasn't as if Lum would even be all that impressed, not that he had any real reason to.
As he had that thought he reached Lum's home and pressed their... doorbell? He thought it was a doorbell, kind of hard to tell with this alien tech. Either it was a doorbell or he'd transmitted his thoughts to everyone inside, or something. You know what, he was going to just take off this tie, the last thing he wanted was Lum getting the wrong -
The door opened. Lum was on the other side wearing what sort of looked like a qipao with her usual tiger print on it. Her hair was done up in twin buns on either side of her head, Princess Leia style. Without noticing he was doing it, Ataru adjusted his tie back the way it was.
It was something that Shinobu was quite aware of, sometimes less is more when it comes to exposure. Lum in a bikini? Cute, and fairly sexy. Lum in a dress that revealed a slice of her legs and not much else? Burning hot in all the right ways. The hints of the curves her dress showed off did more to spark the imagination than any bare skin ever could.
"Hi Darling," Lum cutely said. Then she pounced on him like a tightly wound spring getting released. Her arms went around his neck, briefly hugged him and then went down to wrap around his arm. "Come with me, I've got so many places I want to show you!"
"Er, sure. Sounds fun," Ataru mumbled. Oh boy. On the one hand he was really dreading this. On the other he was really looking forward to seeing more of that dress on a floor somewhere in the near future.
<hr>
Much like a cat in a carry case, you had to watch Ataru in a tuxedo carefully in case it did something it really shouldn't, like try to make a break for it. Therefore, Shinobu and Sakura had been watching him closely from a distance to make sure he didn't try wandering off anywhere else, as he might very well have if given half the chance.
Also, it was a perfect chance to check out his butt, because it looked amazing in tuxedo trousers. What Shinobu hadn't expected was for her soon-to-be sex friend to come out in a dress that was somehow hotter than her bikini.
"Miss Shinobu, can we please follow them?" Sakura asked, sounding quite a bit needy. "Please? I want to see what he does to her!"
"You will," Shinobu said, patting the older woman's head. "Once we've got her around the idea of our relationship a bit more thoroughly. If Ataru does his job properly, that might even be tonight."
Which left them with some time to kill. Now, Shinobu could easily use that time giving Sakura's body some further training so she could fully unleash her deep well of sex appeal, but... Shinobu was feeling frisky. Which makes sense as she'd been locked away behind that other boring prudish personality for far too long now, and there was a heck of a lot of energy to let out.
Quite frankly, she didn't think that Sakura could take what she needed to let out. So Shinobu cast her eye upwards, where she caught sight of a certain alien MILF flying over the building and hanging out some washing. Easy to see where Lum got her looks from in the family.
As a side note she actually got her looks from her dad's side of the family, it's just really hard to tell for a human because of how fundamentally different Oni men and women look.
"Alright, Miss Sakura!" Shinobu gleefully rubbed her hands together. "While Ataru is busy enticing Lum, we're going to be doing a crash course in seduction. Have you any experience?"
"Not really."
Shinobu took a good hard look at her supposed chaperone. Gods above and below what a tremendous waste that was.
“I think if I tried I would have vomited blood on them.” She added.
"Some guys might have been into that," Shinobu mused. "Not most, but a few probably would be. Anyway, come with me and follow my lead. We've got some alien MILF booty to tap."
“Milf?”
To that, Shinobu could do little more than gently pat Sakura on her pert, tight butt and smile up at her.
"Oh sweetie. You have so much to learn, and lucky you. I'm a damn good teacher."
<hr>
We don't really know that much about Mrs Invader if you really think about it. Lum's father, we know he's quite abrasive and loud. An obnoxious alien, you might even go so far as to say. Not to his face, mind. But it is an apt description of the extremely large demonic looking man.
So what is she like? Well, let's have a look. Right at this moment she was coming inside after hanging out the washing to dry, and her thoughts were centred entirely on her daughter. Oh, how happy she was for the girl. This was a much healthier relationship for her than that dullard Rei. That Moroboshi boy certainly seemed nice, though her husband seemed to disagree for some reason.
If only she didn’t have that weird genetic quirk that made her incompatible with Universal Translators, so she could talk to the nice looking human boy. Learning languages the old fashioned way was such a pain. So time consuming, so wasteful as well. Ah, they should probably check to see if his family could possibly wear them at the wedding?
Oh yes, the wedding. She didn't think it would be long. Lum gushed over him whenever she spoke about him, and the few times she'd seen Ataru so far his eyes lit up whenever he looked at Lum. They also lit up when they looked at any other cute girl, but she had mentally rejected that as insignificant. It was quite clear that Ataru Moroboshi was head over heels for Lum and Lum alone, so it wasn't worth thinking about anything else.
Ah! Someone pressed the Time Lock button again. Goodness, what a strange thing to do. Her husband was out on some unknown mission - probably trying to get 'better suitors' for Lum - but now everything in the house except her was completely and totally still. How bothersome. She'd better head to the front door and unfreeze everything -
Oh. There were a pair of human girls standing outside her door. If she recalled correctly from Lum, one of them was a friend of Ataru and the other was their chaperone.
"Hello," she said. Ah yes, if she remembered correctly their culture greeted using bows. So she bowed a little and gestured inside. How was this supposed to work again? It was something like... "Would… like… come… inside?"
"Oh, that's a shame. You can't understand a word I'm saying," the smaller girl said. "That will make seducing you harder. With that kind of handicap it might take me, what, ten minutes to get you naked and wet. Oh, and yes. I would very much like to cum inside."
If only she understood their strange alien language. Oh well. At the very least, courtesy doesn't differ all that much from planet to planet, so she should at least try to make them feel welcome. The two of them entered and - Oh dear, she didn't even know their name.
"V'z greevoyl fbeel ohg jung ner lbhe anzrf?" (“I'm terribly sorry but what are your names?”)
The two of them stared blankly at her. Oh damn it. She pointed at herself. “Anzr. Zef. Invadah.”
This time they seemed to get it. The younger girl pointed at herself and said "Girlfriend."
"Fuckbuddy," the chaperone said while pointing at herself. "Though I'm surprised she asked what we were rather than asking for our names."
Ah, how pleasant. Lum's new friends, Girlfriend and Fuckbuddy. Goodness, but those humans had such silly names. She gestured for them to sit on the hovering cushions. Oh no, they were trying to sit with their knees tucked in, didn't they know -
"Aiiiieeee!" Girlfriend wailed, as the cushion flew around in a torus pattern. Mrs Invader quickly flew up and grabbed the poor thing off and, once her feet were away from the cushion's sensors, it dropped harmlessly to the floor.
"Cyrnfr or zber pnershy ubj lbh fvg ba gubfr. Gur frafbef pna or n ovg grzcrenzragny." ("Please be more careful how you sit on those. The sensors can be a bit temperamental.")
Ah, the poor thing must have had a bit of a fright. She was clinging onto Mrs Invader for dear life, pressed up so closely that she could feel every single breath and even the rapid beating of her heart. Aw. So precious, it's alright. Nothing bad is going to happen...
"Lesson one!" Girlfriend said, not that she understood a word. "Get them used to you being in their personal space. To be honest I wasn't expecting her to be this forward so quickly, she probably isn't getting all that much from her husband. Too big for her probably."
“I don’t know if we can say that since they aren’t human like us and might have completely different… bits.” Fuckbuddy said.
“I mean, you saw Lum’s tits on live TV. They look pretty identical to a human's.”
"That is a fair point," Fuckbuddy said. "So what would you do next?"
At this point Girlfriend pulled out a book. Oh, was that a book of Oni phrases? The girl flipped through the pages while resting her head on Mrs Invader's shoulder. Then, slowly, she read aloud:
"Unir lbh unq yhapu lrg?" ("Have you had lunch yet?")
"Abg lrg. Bu, ner lbh uhatel? V pbhyq nyjnlf znxr lbh fbzrguvat gb rng." ("Not yet. Oh, are you hungry? I could always make you something to eat.")
Ah, that was probably a bit too complicated for her. Girlfriend backed off, licked her lips and patted her tummy. “Rng? I’d love to eat you babe.”
Well she got the gist of it at least!
“I think you’re laying it on a little thick.” Fuckbuddy said.
“I’m just having some fun OK? I’d be more subtle if we, you know, understood each other without a translator.” Girlfriend said. Mrs. Invader figured they were talking about what to get. But she held up her hand.
"Qba'g jbeel nobhg tbvat bhg, V pna znxr yhapu sbe gur guerr bs hf." ("Don't worry about going out, I can make lunch for the three of us.")
Then she drifted off into the kitchen to make something nice and spicy to eat. Oh yes, she'd better prepare some water as well. Weren't human beings supposed to be made mostly of that stuff? It was a little bit on the expensive side, but what the hell. They were guests. She quickly cut up some red cube things into a weird device that sat on the countertop and started turning a dial.
When she felt a hand rather obviously groping her butt. She froze in place at the touch. She hadn't been touched like this since her wedding night. Looking back, it was Girlfriend smiling up at her while both hands kneaded and squeezed her butt.
"Okay, this is a very good sign," Girlfriend said. "She's not objecting to my contact. If she had, I'd have played it off all cool like. It was an accident, etc, and then I'd know what my boundaries were."
This was really quite forward. Then again... This might well be an important part of human culture. Yes, she could see that quite easily. Having to grope and massage the posterior of the person making you food. There was a kind of sense to that. She shuddered a little. The girl was good at it as well. Not that she could really tell in terms of quality, but it did feel quite amazing. Like the best shoulder rub she'd ever been given.
"Sakura, come over here. You need to practise this as well," Girlfriend said. And now, oh dear. Fuckbuddy was taking her turn! She wasn't nearly as, shall we say, skilled at this as Girlfriend was. Nonetheless it did set her mind at ease. If Fuckbuddy was meant to be a chaperone, then there was no way she'd allow or participate in anything untoward. Gosh, but human culture was so strange.
"Like this?" Fuckbuddy asked.
"No, no. Here, let me."
And then to her amazement Girlfriend laid her hands over Fuckbuddy's, and she started guiding them in their work. She almost lost track of what she was entering. Oh dear, if she'd gone with this then it would have turned out too mild!
Humans must not be as sensitive to touch as Oni are if something like this was part of the meal ritual! Spicier. She'd have to make it much spicier!
"Not too rough, not too gentle," Girlfriend said. "Remember. Everyone likes it different ways. The first thing you should do is figure out where she likes to be touched and I'd say she really likes right... about... here!"
Mrs Invader's spine went straighter than a ruler as she experienced something she hadn't in years. Without meaning to, she blasted the two of them away and - oh dear, this was quite unacceptable.
"V pna'g jrne guvf... Vg'f fbnxrq guebhtu! Yhpxvyl jr'er nyy tveyf urer, fb V'yy gnxr vg bss sbe abj." ("I can't wear this... It's soaked through! Luckily we're all girls here, so I'll take it off for now.")
Humans in general are actually a bit weirder about exposure compared to most races in the galaxy. See: much of the bikini outfits Lum and other aliens wear as casual clothing. So when combined with the “it’s just girls thing”, well.
It was a good thing Mrs. Invader wasn’t looking directly at them, at least from Girlfriend’s perspective. Her expression became absolutely lecherous.
<b>“Fuck</b> I need to bed her so bad.” Girlfriend said.
"Since she is taking off her clothes in front of us, doesn't that mean she's inviting us to... You know... bed her right now?" Fuckbuddy asked.
"I like the way you think," Girlfriend said, marching on over towards Mrs Invader with a hungry look in her eyes. Oh, she must really be after this food. Except, for some reason she grabbed hold of Mrs Invader's chin, looked her in the eyes and slowly leaned in for what seemed like a kiss.
Ah? This seemed a little strange as well, but... she did see that video of Earthlings kissing each other on the cheeks. Another sign of affection before a meal? A thank you to the chef? If so, it was a little bit strange that the girl was pulling away from her lips and trailing those divine lips down Mrs Invader's body, awakening feelings she hadn't experienced in... the better part of two decades if she was honest.
"Bu, jnvg. Lbh'er frqhpvat zr."
“I think she just said, ‘Oh wait, you’re seducing me.’ Fuckbuddy said, flipping through the Oni phrasebook
"Huh?" Girlfriend grunted, pulling away from Mrs Invader's navel, but instead using her finger to run in a tight circle on her inner thigh. A circle going up and up and up. "That almost makes it sound like she was having a major cultural misunderstanding. In which case she's not actually consented to sex, and we'll need to stop until and if she's actually good to go."
"Nu... Shpx vg! Yrg'f tb!"
"I think she just gave consent," Fuckbuddy said. And as soon as she said whatever that was, Girlfriend took this fingers and showed Mrs Invader a heaven she never knew existed.
<hr>
Well, this tuxedo was ruined. He didn't even know what this alien gunk was, but it reeked to high heaven and he could already tell it wasn't going to come out in the wash. So here he was, at the end of that <i>extremely freaky</i> date, standing under a sonic shower in his hotel room and trying to figure out what part of today he regretted the most. Was it the trip to that 'romantic vantage point'? Or perhaps going to the cinema with her? Well, he called it a cinema but that was only because there wasn't anything in any Earth language that could describe it in any detail. He might never get the taste of that food out of his mouth, his clothes had been ruined by that exploding thing with the rings - and don't get him started on those alien noodles! That incident would haunt him until the end of his life!
So yeah, great plan Shinobu! Lum sure seemed to have a fun time, she was smiling and laughing the whole damn time, why would he eve rwant a chick like that as his sex friend?
"Ataru?"
He turned to the left. Lum was standing in the doorway with a towel around her waist. She opened it up and let it drop to the floor. You know what, that was a pretty good reason right there.
"Hrm... Wasn't Miss Sakura supposed to be with us?" Lum asked, floating forward while flicking back her hair. "To stop this exact kind of thing?"
"I think she had a tummy upset last night," Ataru said. He looked around quickly. She'd locked the door behind her, there was no window in here, his clothes weren't in the room and neither were hers. "You saw how much she ate yesterday."
Worth keeping in mind. It wasn't as if he wanted this or anything. He definitely didn't want to bang Lum, that would imply he liked her and wanted to settle down, marry her and have a couple kids with her. But, you know, they were naked. They were alone. She had a killer bod, and she was the one initiating it.
So as their lips met and their bodies came together, what kind of pervert would he be to pass on an opportunity like this?
- Time for the perverts to work their magic on the alien babes.
- Mr. Invader comes home to find his wife, well, you know. Poor guy
- Meanwhile, certain alien friends pay a visit to Earth to check out Lum's new fiance.
- Later, Shinobu and Sakura return to the hotel room and the fun really starts.
- Something else
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