Story: First Impressions

Isn't it amazing how, in fiction, humans sometimes try to justify the silly little myths we have? I mean, Stargate for instance. Turning ancient polytheistic religions into aliens. What's wrong with them just being stories that we made up because they sounded nice? Everything has to have some deeper meaning to it, like we've peered beyond the veil and misunderstood what we saw? Think about that for a second. Does that make us wise, or does it make us so bound to story and narrative that it thoroughly and deeply fucks our sense of reality more thoroughly and deeper than Ataru was currently doing to Benten and Lum in the latter's spaceship.

"Hmm... You like that, doncha dahling?" Lum said. 'That' being 'rubbing Ataru's nipples while putting a teeny tiny amount of static electricity into her fingers'.

"Bah! He's way more into me right now!" Benten boasted. Not that there was much skill or finesse to what she was doing, riding Ataru like she would a motorbike. Still, you'd better believe those hips got a workout, they kind of had to if she wanted to avoid falling off her anti-grav bike. Her thighs had clamped onto his body like the nicest vice in history.

"Hmph, as if something that basic could possibly be enough to satisfy a stud like Dahling!"

"Master the basics before you master anything else!"

If not for the fact that his tongue was too busy tasting Oni pussy (his new favourite treat), Ataru would have reassured both girls that he was super, super into what both of them were doing and even their argument was kind of working for him.

"Oh really, you want to put your money where your pussy is?" Lum asked, leaning in towards Benten. Not in a sexual manner, like they were going to kiss. Aggressively, as if about to deliver a Glasgow kiss. You know. A headbutt.

"Is that a challenge, Oni slut?" Benten returned immediately.

"So what if it was?"

"Then I'd take you up on it! I'd make your darling cum so damned hard he won't look twice at you again!"

"Bold words, Lucky God! Care to back them up!"

Meanwhile over in the corner of the room, Oyuki pulled her head out from in between Shinobu's legs (much to the Earth girl's annoyance) and, almost absently, said "Oh that's right. It is almost time for Setsubun."

That announced she immediately stuck out her tongue and resumed her taste test of human pussy. It was currently earning a five star review so far as she was concerned. Meanwhile, Lum and Benten were now busily trying to throttle one another while also still trying to have sex with Ataru, who didn't especially know what the hell was going on, but he wasn't exactly complaining!

"Eat this!" Lum yelled, and zapped the pair of them.

Alright, now he had good cause to complain.

<hr>

Ryuunosuke hadn't known her twin for all that long, but this seemed like a new one to her. Rushing back and forth like this. Grabbing her dolls. Ordering them around. Grabbing stuff. Taking it to her spaceship.

"Oh, there you are!" Mr Moroboshi gasped and wheezed. "My wife's going to kill me for losing track of all of you - Oh blast, I thought for sure that my son would be here as well. What on Earth is going on?"

"Dunno," Ryuunosuke said. "I casually mention that setsubun is coming up and -"

"SETSUBUN!" the Rans, original and dolls, all yelled at once. And then they began moving quicker.

"Get going! Get going!" Ran clapped. "Move, move! For all we know they might be coming here! They might hold their contest on Earth! Or Lum might ask us to compete for the Oni again! Or - Or - My poor innocent twin, her virgin eyes shouldn't see such a bloodbath! Waaaargh!"

"... I think your sister has taken a funny turn in the head," Kurama said, watching alongside the rest of them with the same level of confusion. "While she's dealing with that, why don't we - oh goodness!"

"Pack! Pack! Pack! Pack! Pack! Pack! Pack!"

Cue a horde of cute little Ran dolls picking up everything in sight like a line of ants and carrying them off onto the spaceship. Ryu, Kurama, and Mr Moroboshi struggled, oh how they struggled, but to no avail.

"Geroff!"

"Unhand me, young lady!"

"Sis, what the shit is this?!"

"Language! Oh no, I'm being abducted!"

It turned out that was a pretty good way to describe it. Because that spaceship made a beeline out of there faster than you could spit. Before long they were in deep space and -

Huh, so this is what being weightless was like? Kinda nice. Not bad, really.

"Oops, sorry. Was in such a hurry to leave that I forgot to put on the artificial gravity."

And cue Ryuunosuke landing lip first on the weird crow alien babe. She pushed Ryu off quick enough, but it was weird. Ryu didn't get the feeling like she really minded all that much.

"What the fuck, sis!" Ryuunosuke yelled, grabbing her twin sister's collar and hauling her off her feet. "What got you so fucking spooked all of a sudden? You want us arrested for kidnapping too?"

"Oh me, oh my, being arrested might actually be quite nice compared to what's going on out there right now..." Ran gulped, not even slightly phased by Ryuunosuke's towering and angry battle aura. "You see..."

"Oh yeah!" a tiny voice growled from the back of the ship. "You think you can eat more cookies than I can! Hah! Just watch me!"

A little baby Oni floated out of the kitchen with his hand caught quite literally in the cookie jar. Ten, Lum's rambunctious little cousin. Snarling and breathing flames like the cutest little dragon you ever did run in mortal terror from.

"Wait... It can't be!" Kurama gasped. "Ran, that Lum girl is an Oni, isn't she? And... And Benten is a Lucky God?"

"They are!" Ran bawled her cute little eyes out. "Wah! Every year, it's the same thing!"

"Hey! Don't you go thinking I can't cry like you can!" Ten boasted. "I can cry you under the table! You just watch!" Weird flex, but okay.

"Would someone please explain what's going on?" Mister Moroboshi asked. Then his head was set on fire. But you know in a comedic way where it doesn't cause lasting damage like deep scar tissue, and the pain only lasts for as long as the fire does.

<hr>

Personally, this author never quite got the appeal of catfights. Lots of hair pulling, lots of scratching at each other. It's not really got that much erotic appeal to it. Doesn't usually make for an entertaining fight to watch either.

Still, Ataru was spellbound. Sitting naked on a chair at the side of the room while in the middle Lum and Benten tugged at each other's hair, tried to scratch each other's faces and generally acted catty towards one another. Benten’s top had been torn off and thrown to the corner some time ago, and her breasts had a few shallow bite marks in places almost tailor made to look erotic.

Meanwhile Lum was scratched up just enough to highlight her soft and smooth skin.

"Bitch!"

"Slut!"

"Bimbo!"

"Butch!"

And you get the idea. Lum wasn't playing fair, of course. Flying is a decent tactical advantage in a fight. Still, Benten was clearly the stronger and tougher of the two and was able to hold her own quite well. The two of them were working up a bit of a sweat while trying to get the upper hand, and in Ataru's estimation this had to be the third or fourth hardest he'd ever been in his life.

"Oh dear, this is quite problematic," Oyuki sighed.

"I know! Watching two girls catfight for erotic pleasure is kind of -"

"I don't mean that kind of problematic, Shinobu," Oyuki interrupted. "Neither of them is quite in their right mind at the moment. It's setsubun, you see."

By this point the pair had devolved into trading slaps. Not across the face. But instead the boobs. Like they were compelled to put on a show by some unseen force that totally wasn’t being side-eyed by Chocolate back on earth.

"It brings out their competitive nature," Oyuki said. "The Lucky Gods and the Oni are naturally competitive beings as it is, but this time of year brings it out for both of them. Hard. Fortunately they tend to focus it on each other, but..."

"Ladies! Might I suggest a wet t-shirt contest?" Ataru yelled across the spaceship. As always, he'd heard what he wanted to hear and nothing else.

“Hah my tits are way better under a t-shirt than hers!” Benten pressed a button which caused a tube to drop down from the ceiling. A rolled up white T-shirt came out of said tube.

"You're dreaming!" Lum replied, slamming her fist into a similar button that summoned a hose.

"Yay!" Ataru whimpered in pure undiluted joy.

"Should we tell him that they'd probably do that if he asked nicely any other day of the year?" Shinobu whispered.

"No, no. It's actually kind of sexier this way," Oyuki said. "In any event. The only way this will end is to have the sacred rite of setsubun."

Shinobu nodded. "What does that involve?"

"All of the Oni and Lucky Gods gather together, bringing any champion with them that they want," Oyuki said. "Then, once it is over, a dreadful battle begins."

Shinobu leaned in closer to listen. This sounded intense.

"The winner is... whichever team gets the most balls into their net."

“Wait... Like that game I played in elementary school?” Shinobu said.

“Humans let children play that game!? You are hardier than you look!”

Shinobu opened her mouth to protest, but then heard the sound of a hose being switched on. Then she turned around and beheld the most metal and intense (yet also extremely sexy) wet t-shirt contest in the history of the universe.

"Hah! You call that a wet t-shirt?! This is a wet t-shirt!" Benten jeered. She grabbed another shirt, rolled it up and then used it to whip Lum's thigh.

"Oh! You cheeky - I'll have your backside for this!" Lum yelled, and repeated the gesture in kind. Before long the two of them had a rolled up wet t-shirt in both hands, and were using them to, ahem, punish the other, tearing at their soggy clothes.

"... I get the feeling we're imagining different games," Shinobu said.

1. Ran tries to contain Ten, winds up getting pulled into the game against her will.
2. Chocolate gets involved somehow and makes things more... fun.
3. Meanwhile, Sakura tries desperately to contain Saki without acquiring a lesbian harem.
4. Ataru continues playing with Lum and Benten's competitive spirits.
5. Something else