Story: Dont Press 1/2

You have to be careful when you're on a dungeon crawl. There's no way of knowing what might be around the next bend. Case in point, Akane was leaning around a wall and Ranma (as well as Ryoga ) were making very, very sure that they did not peer too closely at her in that skimpy attire.

“Is it getting colder in here?” Ukyo said, trying to think of any other explanation for something happening on her chest. She turned to Ryoga, and noticed that he'd failed his willpower check, earning a quick elbow to the ribs. "I said cold, not hot!"

"I don't see anything hot around here..." Ranma grumbled.

"Uh oh," Akane said. "It's worse than I feared."

And that's a sound you don't want to hear from the person that knows what they're doing. Genuine nervousness. Not a great reassuring trait, especially from someone that was normally pretty bullheaded about danger.

"What is it?" Ranma asked. "Is it a giant? A horde of orcs, maybe?"

"Oh! Maybe it's a beholder!" Ukyo gasped. "I've read about those, they're nasty!"

"It's worse than any monster," Akane said. She straightened out her “armour” and strode around the corner. "It's -"

"A death trap!" Ranma interrupted. "Man, no wonder you're worried. Once a clumsy chick, always a clumsy chick."

"It's not a death trap and it's not a monster! It's -"

"A rival party spoiling for a fight!" Ryoga interrupted, and Akane was starting to get really tired of this running gag."That's how these things go, right? We're not the only ones to show up."

"It's not any of those," Akane said with grim determination. "It's worse. Much, much worse."

Ranma pushed past her with head held high. "Whatever it is, I'm not scared. Let me show you how a real hero deals with woaaaaaaaaah!"

"It's an ice puzzle," Akane said while watching Ranma slide on his butt along a pure white surface. "The most tedious, predictable and trite kind of puzzle imaginable. Truly, his evil knows every cliche."

"Oh god it's worse than I -" Ukyo began, then stopped when Ranma finally collided with the wall on the other side. "Worse than I thought."

Ice puzzles. The bane of any RPG veteran. They are almost as omnipresent as block pushing puzzles, and heaven help you if they're used at the same time. The premise is simple. The floor (or parts of it) are extremely slippery, to the point that on stepping on them the player will slide along until they reach an obstacle or a patch of non-slippery floor. The player cannot move in any other direction while on this 'ice', and must wait until they can stop before moving again. The puzzle, then, is figuring out what direction to move will lead you to the exit.

These puzzles are, to say the least, not very interesting or imaginative. Especially not after the billionth time you've seen them. There's not much you can really do here that's not been done by many, many other people before you.

"Ranma, stay where you are!" Akane called out. "We need to figure out a way through this room!"

"I'll take a look around myself!" Ranma said. Here we go. One of Ranma's unspoken weak points. Ice. As in, can't stand on it. While it was amusing to watch Ranma fall on his butt over and over again, Akane really and truly did not have the time or patience to deal with this right now. "Woah!"

"Look, just sit down and let me look things over!" Akane said. "Honestly Ukyo, these things are annoying enough as they are without him blundering on in to -"

"Oopsie doodle!"

Imagine a cold finger pressing right into the middle of your back. All of a sudden. Without warning. Just, a stick of coldness pressing right into your back. No matter how experienced an adventurer you might be, such a thing would always provoke the same reaction. A startled jump, a frightened leap, and Akane Tendo suddenly sliding across the room with her arms flailing out and shouting at the top of her lungs:

"This is why I haaaaaate theeeesee!"

"Tomboy incoming!" Ranma yelled, scrambling to his feet and then falling right back on his tailbone. On the plus side he did get a faceful of Akane's crotch for his trouble. And a couple times more as Akane had trouble standing up, almost as if someone else was trying to use her to get to his feet and was more clumsy on ice than she was in any circumstance.

Meanwhile off the ice Ukyo was having her own trouble, in no small part due to Ryoga quickly stepping into the corner of the room and staying very, very quiet out of a justified mortal terror.

"Madame, it is a pleasure to meet you," Mikado Sanzenin crooned. No, he wasn't the reason Ryoga was afraid, don't be silly. "Allow me to steal those lips, a special prize for one so beauti-"

Wham! The only thing his lips stole was the taste of her steel spatula. Speaking of spatulas getting stolen, here comes Azusa Shiratori with a cute name and a freezing cold pair of hands.

"Marcelle! Oh, Marcelle, please come with Azusa!"

"Hey, let go of my battle spatula, you maniac!" Ukyo yelled. And so begins the perpetual tug of war that is Azusa's ditzy kleptomania.

"Y-You two!" Akane yelled, having finally managed to disentangle herself from Ranma. Now, admittedly, this did involve him being pressed up against the wall behind her, while Akane used her own body weight to keep him pinned in place. Do note that due to her, ahem, armour she was shivering quite a bit and Ranma had already gone cross-eyed. Having a cute busty mostly not clothed girl pressing her butt into your crotch and shivering from the cold would do that to a guy. "You two... You've been recruited as minibosses?"

"That's correct, Akane Tendo and Ranma Saotome!" Mikado said, tossing out a rose as he twirled in place, sweeping Azusa out of the tug of war over Marcelle the Battle Spatula. "It is us, yet again! For our destined rematch! You see, it is as you have said. We have been recruited to serve as minibosses! Tremble in fear at our newfound might, the might of the Go-"

"Who are you again?" Akane asked. "Ranma, I think these two have met us before."

Both Mikado and Azusa, quite understandably, fell down at that remark.

"We're the Golden Pair!" Mikado yelled. Blank stares met them. "You know, the renowned Martial Arts Ice Skating duo?"

"Oh!" Ukyo said, pounding her fist into her hand. "You're that chick with the pom poms that likes to randomly spell stuff out, right?"

"That's Mariko Konjo!" Azusa huffed. "That bimbo is, like, totally nothing at all like me! I'm way cuter!"

"Then you must be that guy with the long tongue!" Akane said. Ranma, as his contribution to the conversation, gurgled and tried very hard (poor choice of words) to avoid thinking about the increased volume of Akane's butt and how nice it felt and how nice she smelled... "Well, you won't be getting Ranma's daughter in that wager, buster! I'll see to it myself if I have to!"

"That's Picolet Chardin! How dare you confuse me with that fop! I'm Mikado Sanzenin, the handsome and dashing playboy who steals the lips of pretty girls!"

"And I'm Azusa Shiratori, the loveable and adorable girl who - Oh gosh! Brianna! Why do you have Brianna?!"

"You see this nonsense?" Mikado said, pointing at Azusa trying to steal the ribbon in Ukyo's hair. "Doesn't this seem at all familiar? Remember? Her trying to steal a little black pig?"

Blank stares were his answer.

"Oh, I remember now!" Akane gasped. "Sa-Saffron! Keima! You've come back for another round!" She held up her staff,  “I beat up a real evil god I can take you!”

"If I was Saffron this entire fucking building would have been burned to the fucking ground by now! How could you possibly forget us after the intense combat we had?!"

"Uhhhh...." Ranma grunted, finally finding the resolve within himself to ignore the butt up against him. "Oh hey, it's Ryu Kumon and Asuka Saginomiya, what are they doing together?"

Mysteriously, Mikado had found a box of matches and a can of oil. He started doing something that nobody should really do if they have any semblance of sanity about them. Namely, building a matchbox house while pouring the oil on the ice.

"How... How is it possible that you've forgotten us?" Mikado asked. "How have you forgotten our devastating battle at the ice rink?"

Ranma coughed into his hand and started twiddling his thumbs. "Well, I mean... I kind of fight esoteric martial arts styles every other week."

“And it’s been years for me," Akane added. "You can’t expect me to remember somebody who showed up once, got their asses kicked, and I never saw you again.”

"I'm just trolling," Ukyo said. Do note that she was now without a ribbon in her hair, as it was an easily replaceable item and in that situation it's easier to deal with Azuza by simply giving that to her than fighting for it. "That televised fight was actually how I found out where Ranma was hiding. Huge help in tracking him down. So, thanks I guess?"

1. Cue an epic battle over an annoying ice puzzle.
2. Actually, the battle will come after solving it. They're just here to taunt the party.
3. All of a sudden Ryoga Hibiki is noticed by Azusa
4. Something else