Story: UY Authority Badge

Well, that conversation didn't go the way he'd expected. Instead of giving him the chance to have a bit of fun, to play around with Miss Sakura a little bit, instead Ataru was walking out of the nurse's office feeling oddly conflicted, mumbling a promise to find her the help she so desperately needed.

He took out his badge of authority and stared at it. Long and hard. Huh. Those sneaky bastards. Was this why they chose him? Probably. They probably thought it was so funny giving a pervert - or rather a connoisseur of the female form - like him the power of absolute authority, just to teach him what it meant to have absolute responsibility.

Ataru made a motion and a noise that could be best summarised with the onomatopoeia "yecht!" What a disgusting taste it left in his mouth. Responsibility, who can be bothered with something like that? Him, apparently. Maybe it was a side effect of using the badge. Made everybody else think he was whatever he said he was, so why not have it make him start trying to think or behave like someone from the nonexistent "National Department of Sexuality"?

Alright. So, Miss Sakura was sexually repressed as a side effect of her years of illness. Something like that seemed completely unhealthy to him, but his request for the chance to help her get past that were met with a polite "no thank you" that would have been more like a "get the hell out of here" had he made the request under normal circumstances.

And he would have, ducking under the book or nearby blunt object(s) being hurled by the school nurse in an attempt to get him the hell out from underfoot. At which time he would have dashed off to talk with one of the other girls he liked to play with. Like Shinobu or Ryun-

Ryunosuke. A class-3 reverse transgender. Raised as a boy by her father, she adopts extremely masculine dress and behavioural patterns while harbouring an intense desire to behave like her true gender. Lacks concept or comprehension of sex appeal, and so is uncomfortable with direct intimate contact with either gender.

That was the exact thought that stopped Ataru right in his tracks. Because on reflection that was exactly the kind of thing someone from a National Department of Sexuality would probably have on file regarding Ryunosuke. Which was pretty worrying. Especially when he started thinking of actual methods that might work in helping her sort through those problems, and <i>especially</i> when he started thinking that it might be a good idea to implement those, not just because the sight of her in a skirt would be kinda hot but because it would be the final step in helping her resolve those deep-rooted psychological issues which would be a job well -

And Ataru desperately needed to catch his breath. Okay! Okay. Alright. So the badge was definitely having some sort of effect on him as well. That was fine! Because you know what, helping Ryunosuke out like that would definitely be pretty hot, and the same went for Miss Sakura as well! If he understood what those guys earlier on had said, he would only be in this role for the next day. So today he'd have to go with the flow. But tomorrow he could enjoy the fruits of his labour! Yes, that made him nod his head in agreement to the idea.

"Um, excuse me?" Shinobu said. "Are you lost, sir?"

"No, miss!" he enthusiastically responded. "I am from the National Department of Sexuality. Tell me. You probably haven't heard of us."

"Hrm?" she blinked and peered very closely at him for a moment. "No, of course... Of course I have! You've been doing very good work, ahem. Heard nothing but good things about you and your work doing... the very important national things that you do. You're not here for Ataru? I dearly hope that boy hasn't upset anyone in the government. Again."

"He is just one of the people I intend to meet with today," Ataru said, suppressing a bit of laughter at the similarity to how the conversation with Sakura had started. "Now, what I'm about to tell you is strictly confidential. However, I may require your assistance in a very urgent matter."

"Eh? Me? How could I..."

A few of the other students were keeping their distance and watching with interest. While Ataru personally didn't mind too much, he could feel the tug of the professional personality directing his thoughts tugging away at him to move to a touch more private area. Namely, back inside the nurse's office, where he found the sexy nurse in a rather contemplative, almost meditative pose.

"Miss Sakura," he said. "I have discovered someone that may be able to offer you the assistance you so desperately need. Do you feel that you could trust this young woman?"

"Huh?" Shinobu asked. "Trust me for what exactly?"

"I suppose we could trust her," Sakura replied. "Shinobu isn't the sort of person to tell anyone about this sort of thing, if that is what you mean."

"Very well then!" Ataru declared. Man, this was gonna be so hot! "It is my opinion that your school nurse is sexually repressed to a point where it might have a deleterious effect on her future health. Miss Shinobu, this is very important. When was the last time that you masturbated?"

"W-well..." she stammered, and the thought did pass Ataru's mind that maybe Sakura wasn't the only one that was suppressing their desires. The thought did fill him with a kind of dread and anticipation. Perhaps by the end of the day he'd have an entire room full of girls being taught by one particularly outgoing girl. For some reason Lum sprung immediately to mind, which in turn -

Lum: An alien female from the Oni species. Young women of their species tend to wear two-piece tiger-print bikinis, demonstrating either exhibitionist tendencies or reduced concerns over being viewed in a sexual manner. Has developed deep-rooted attraction to a human male (Ataru Moroboshi) that has repeatedly demonstrated willingness to cheat on her at first opportunity rather than commit to a relationship with a sexy alien that has stuck with him through the kinds of things that would make almost anyone else leave him forever. The reasons for her behaviour are currently unknown, but possibly due to an unconscious fetish she is not yet aware of or as yet not understood cultural differences. Moroboshi's behavior is attributed to terror at commitment.

"... Last night," Shinobu quietly admitted. "What does this have to do with helping Miss Sakura?"

"Hold on, wait a minute. Last night?" Ataru asked. "What exactly were you fantasising about?"

"W-Well, I met this really nice boy called Inaba, and..." Ah, so much for that hope. "I was imagining him and my old boyfriend Ataru double teaming me while a mariachi band played to their rhythm. Um... That's not weird, is it?"

"... Not especially. Anyway, I think you might be able to help Miss Sakura overcome her repressed attitude towards sex. In fact, you might even be a better candidate than I first expected. Miss Sakura, what do you - Ahem! Miss Sakura, please don't climb out through the window, you'll do yourself an injury! We're only trying to help you!"

"If helping means self pleasuring to that sort of thing, I can do without!"

"Remember your days of illness! Remember what it was like when you could barely get out of bed without wincing in excruciating pain? Do you really want to risk your health because of a prudish attitude?"

The tone of his voice when he said that last part completely caught him off guard. What was more, he'd almost sort of believed it, and that sure as hell came across. The power of authority isn't just an abstract idea. It is the notion that you are someone who believes what he is saying, knows what he is talking about and can project both of these things. That is the power to make people believe you, follow your instructions on your specialisation even if it doesn't seem to follow 'common sense'. He could tell it had that power because Miss Sakura stopped trying to climb out of the window and meekly - yes, Sakura was doing something meekly - walking back to her chair and sitting back down with her arms folded in front of her!

"Now then," Ataru straightened out his shirt. "Shinobu, I leave this in your capable hands. Assist her in comprehending what exactly it is that she's missing out on. For the sake of her health, you are the only one that can do this! I'll give you both a little privacy, and I advise locking the door when I'm gone. Otherwise, feel free to use your own discretion."