Story: Kiss-O-Matic

There's a rather unfortunate tendency within geek culture to not really think of attractive women as belonging. But they do! Or can, at the very least. Is it so unbelievable that they might find those things interesting? Sure, they might express that interest in a bit of a different way. Sure, they might get enthusiastic about certain other things. These facts are also true of men other than the hypothetical you. Naru Narusegawa was, let's not mince words, hot. Really, really stupidly hot. She was also a complete and total nerd. Absolutely. To the core. If you could get some mining equipment in place and drilled right on through you'd hit a well of pure, concentrated nerd wrapped up in a shell men would probably fight over, if she didn't hide it when out in public.

Which is exactly what she was doing just now. Big, thick glasses. Baggy clothes that absolutely made sure it was impossible to tell how sexy what lay beneath was. Mussed-up hair. Minimal makeup. You could say that women can go to a real effort to look attractive. Sometimes they can take a real effort to look unattractive.

For Naru, this part was a bit of a stealth mission. Her rucksack was full of comics, but she'd accidentally wound up buying way more than she'd intended. How was she supposed to know there would be a sale on! Such deals! Such bargains! Such prices! Which meant her arms were completely full of them, and there was no way at all of hiding what they were. She had an image to maintain among her friends, after all! So. Here she was. Standing outside of her home and trying to figure out a way to sneak in.

Trouble was, she remembered the time a certain stupid manager tried sneaking in. That one time he failed the exams and rushed off because he was ashamed of himself. They'd dogpiled on him, thinking he was an intruder. A thief. A robber. Naru had a sort of premonition of her immediate future. She'd crack open a window, get spotted by Su or Motoko. And then all hell would chase her down the corridor, making her drop the comics as she went. Leading to jokes at her expense from the other girls. Probably wind up running straight into that dumb stupid idiot, they'd collide to the ground, accidentally brush lips against each other.

"Heee," she breathed, and then shook the - ahem - terrible image from her mind. There was only one rational course of action to take. Stealth action right in through the front door!

Naru took one big step in through the entrance, then several rapid smaller ones on the very tippiest points of her toes. She got about halfway through the front corridor, pondering in curiosity at how quiet it was today. Too quiet, almost. Naru was starting to feel a trifle paranoid now. Were they all hiding in wait in her room? Were they all in the hotspring? Waiting around the corner to jump out at her? This place hadn't been so quiet in forever!

Now she was starting to get a little bit pissed off at how easy this was. At least until -

"Mmmm!"

She heard a very slight moaning sound from behind her. Naru very slowly turned around, mind already rapidly attempting to come up with excuses for the piles upon piles of comics she was carrying on her very person. A gift? For whom? Uh, uh, Keitaro! Yes, he would be perfect. Why was she getting a gift for Keitaro? She didn't like him! It was just returning a favour after he... Uh...

"Motoko?" Naru tilted her head in utter confusion. "What happened to your lips?"

"Mmmf!" Motoko said, her lips stuck to the back of her hand and making a sort of suckling motion. "N-Naru!" Motoko exclaimed, pulling her hand away after tremendous effort. "You should leave while you still can!" And then she resumed making out with the back of her hand with lips that were easily double the size of what they were before.

"O-Okay..." Naru said, backing away slowly. So something weird had happened again, and even Motoko couldn't overcome it. Right. That was pretty worrying. Seeing the toughest girl in the dorm reduced to this state was pretty disheartening, to say the very least. "I'm just going to head up to my room and grab a baseball bat. You know, the one I got when Keitaro was first made manager just in case, then it turned out we didn't need it 'cause he's not that kind of guy?"

Motoko nodded and forced her hand away from herself. "Might not be enough," she warned, running her tongue along her lips. "I must destroy that thing before it attacks anyone else."

Right. So, on the one hand she was kind of conflicted. Seeing Motoko in this state was terrifying. She couldn't just leave her friend there like that, helplessly kissing herself in spite of her clear attempts to stop. On the other hand, her instincts were telling her to back off and find a nice place to hide...

But Naru wasn't the kind of girl to back down when her friends were in need. So she stepped forward. Grabbed Motoko's wrist and yanked it away, making a loud slurping sound in the process and hoped to any god above that might be listening that Motoko didn't just up and kick her ass there and then.

"What's going on?" Naru demanded. "What happened to you?"

"Su made something," Motoko explained, again stopping to lick her lips, and now that Naru looked closely it looked like Motoko's eyes fluttered when she did it. "It appears to be some sort of kissing machine. To my eternal shame I allowed it to attack me in a moment of distraction. Shortly after the attack my lips began to swell up and become sensitive. I am attempting to fight it off, yet it feels so good when kissing something. In spite of myself, I cannot stop kissing things. Walls. Doors. The back of my hand. Your lips."

"My lips? What do you mean -"

Oh. Right. Motoko's lunge forward was born from years of intense sword training. Naru didn't stand a chance in hell of dodging it. The experience wasn't really an unpleasant one, truth told. Motoko's lips had this strangely pleasant tingle to them, and it seemed to her as though she really knew how to use them. It actually took Naru a moment to remember to fight back, which at least seemed to snap her friend out of it long enough to disengage.

And if she was honest, it looked as though Motoko took it worse than she did. That girl just about looked ready to keel over in a second out of realisation of what she'd just done.

"I - I am sorry," she said. "Your lips looked so... Delicious and I could not... Could not restrain myself, even in spite of my training!"

"Right," Naru said. "I think this is the point where I leave with great haste, before it gets me too. Good luck! Try not to destroy too much of everything."

So, time to run back the way she came. Running at a great pace, in point of fact. Definitely not looking back, definitely not giving this thing a chance to get anywhere near her. Nope. Not happening. No how, no way. True enough that she didn't quite know what this thing looked like but hey what was that thing up on the ceiling leaping for her -

"Aaaaaargh-mmmf! Getoffmy...Mmmff! Mmmf...Mmmmm... soo goooood...."

1. Keitaro encounters Naru being attacked by the device, attempts rescue.
2. Mitsune is still being surveyed by Su
3. Motoko attempts desperately to resist her soft, sensitive lips.
4. Something else