Story: Tainted Cube: The Boy With the Weirdest Luck

And I almost forgot. Here's the Urusei Yatsura half of this last week's Tainted Cube. Let me know what you make of it.



The one desire Ranma Saotome had above all others was simply this: I don’t want to change into a girl when splashed with cold water. Seems reasonable enough. He identifies very strongly as a male, so it’s pretty obvious he’d prefer to remain so. Seeing as how Ataru Moroboshi already did not change into a girl when splashed with cold water, the Tainted Cube would have to find a bit of a roundabout way to satisfy this desire…

So here was Ataru Moroboshi about to have a bath. This had been just about the weirdest damn week of his entire damn life, and it was quite honestly getting to him quite a bit. He double checked the door, made sure it was quite nicely locked up tight. Searched the room for the third time. No sign of anyone. Excellent. He could proceed. This is what it took these days for him to feel safe having a bath.

Those obnoxious aliens had left after the race debacle was all sorted out. They were pretty good sports about the whole thing, quite honestly. Well. Once you got past the whole “they can fly” thing. Trick was, now the whole damn world seemed to be thoroughly and completely obsessed on a new topic. As he got into the bath, he gave it a frustrated glance and promptly ignored it thereafter. It was getting to be quite the irritation, making it difficult to walk. And even when he’d gotten the hang of it, some bastard would come up and ask questions about how he got it to grow so big or if they could study this peculiar phenomenon, or what have you. It was just so weird!

“Ataru, dear, is that you having a bath?” a voice said between pounding on the door. Case in point. His mother had turned really creepy overnight. “Let me in, dear! You know that you should take extra special care of that monstrous thing of yours! Let me help you!”

Ataru shuddered a little at the thought of one of the perverted lines he wasn’t the sort to cross. He leaned back in the bath and for once actually stopped to concentrate a little bit on his current situation. A bit out of character for him, but, hell, he was just in that sort of situation right now. In particular his thoughts turned towards his harem acquisition plan. Yes. Yes! It should be so easy! So simple! If only it was.

<hr>
Earlier that week, Ataru had cornered some cutey from the class next to his. A completely delectable morsel to say the very least! Dark curly hair, bright green eyes, the kind of girl that gave off the impression she wasn’t really comfortable with attention. Which was a shame, because Ataru was about to make her a little bit uncomfortable.

“Hi there!” he said, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Then she spun around, and once she saw who it was speaking to her, well. That slightly fearful reaction changed a bit. At no other point did her eyes again meet his. And not because she was timidly staring at her shoes.

“H-hello!” she said, eyes fixated on his crotch like a magnet to a fridge. “You- You’re Ataru Moroboshi, right?”

“The one and only!” he said, deliberately rocking on his heel in such a way that thrust his pelvic area forward. The girl gulped with a nervous grin on her face as he did so. “You know, the guy that basically saved the Earth from alien invasion. That one guy humanity owes its freedom to. I bet a cute girl like you would love to spend a little time with a guy like me. Right?” She curtly nodded, and in response Ataru leaned forward. “Wanna... See it?”

If she nodded any faster there was a tremendous risk her head might fall off. Very well then! He reached for his zip, gave it the slightest tug and then -

“Oh my gosh! That’s Ataru Moroboshi!”

“Ataru Moroboshi?! Are you sure it’s him?”

“I didn’t even know he went to this school! The dick that saved the Earth!”

... And all of a sudden he was swamped by people that wanted “autographs”. Not his signature. No. They wanted him to press his member into some ink, then onto some paper they had with them. There were students, teachers, male, female all clamoring for his attention... And the cute chick just sort of drifted off into the background even as Ataru reached out for her and was held back by the mob.

<hr>
The very next day, Shinobu had paid him a visit. There she was, sitting in his room and scowling at him, trying desperately to maintain eye contact. Failing miserably.

“I’m still cross with you,” she said, licking her lips and trying not to look like she was. Failing miserably at that as well. “What were you thinking, making a proclamation like that? What else was everyone going to think?”

“Cross with me? About that?” Ataru said. “As it happens, I seem to remember you making me a promise. Remember?“

“W-Well you can forget it mister! No way! Why don’t you ask your alien girlfriend and - And... And...”

And he’d already dropped his trousers, pretty much putting an end to whatever thought Shinobu was about to form. A ravenous expression took over her face, then spread throughout the rest of her body as well.

“And I did make a promise,” she said, crawling towards him utterly transfixed. “It would be wrong of me to back away now...”

Hah! It was about time this weird effect played to his favour instead of against him! Now maybe he could finally get what he deserved. Now he could finally get what was coming to him after his hard, hard work saving the Earth. Now he could finally get -

“This is a terrible omen indeed!”

Every last bit of his sex drive sucked out of his body by the inexplicable appearance of a tiny little gnome that was even more annoying than the aliens. Just try keeping it up while Cherry’s in your face. Can’t be done. Or anyone that could was enough of a pervert to make Ataru seem normal by comparison, which was in itself a whole other impossibility. But the universe wasn’t done making him flaccid yet.

“Ataru Moroboshi!” his mother yelled, standing in the doorway armed with her usual cross expression. “What have I told you about genital hygiene? You simply must take better care of yourself! Here, let me show you. Again.”

In the midst of all of this, Ataru inadvertently let a hand mirror reflect off the one on his wall, prompting a devil to pop right out, it being friday the 13th and all. By the time they sorted <i>that</i> little mess out there were about thirty of the little bastards hopping around his room like they owned the place. No place for Shinobu to stay, given they were about a quarter as lecherous as himself (which was still a lot). No question of it. Life was hell.

<hr>
And it was the same thing wherever he went or whatever he did. Just when he’d get one girl cornered, some other pests would show up and ruin his fun. Without fail every single time. Ataru rolled out of the bath, thinking to himself that at this rate he’d never get anywhere near a girl. Though he did have to admit, he did feel the slightest bit peculiar after that bath. Perhaps his muscles were more sore than first realised? Either way, what was that odd weight on his -

...

Ataru stared down at his breasts and twitched slightly. No. No way. That couldn’t possibly be - Oh, yes. They were real alright. Bit on the sensitive side as well! Mirror! Mirror! Ataru couldn’t scramble over to it quickly enough, nor could the steam be wiped away any faster. Staring at the reflection revealed a rather cute girl with bedroom eyes, a curvaceous body and - “Well, at least I’m hot!” A voice with a seductive lilt. Casual inspection also revealed that the unexpected bane of his last week was also no longer present, but had been taken away in a manner neither expected or desired. Right. The best thing to do in a situation like this was to remain calm, remain poised, carefully think through the problems but above all else, shake your fist at the sky and yell “You bastards! Stop fucking with me already!”

<hr>
Shinobu Miyake always thought of herself as a sensible girl that dressed sensible, behaved sensibly and had a sensible course of life sensibly laid out in front of her. She and Ataru had known each other for such a long, long time. They had almost grown up together, and she’d always felt sorry for his terrible luck while laughing at his bizarre but energetic sense of humour. It was inevitable that they would start dating, and it was easy for her to see the two of them growing old together. Content. Happy. Sensible.

Then it turned out that he was an irrepressible flirt. He couldn’t stop hitting on anything in a skirt. If a person had breasts, he’d stare at them. No way could she keep dating someone like that! What would people think of her?

So she dumped him like a bag of bricks, only to learn that the fate of the entire world rested upon his perverted shoulders. Shinobu could feel sympathy for his plight, and the last thing anyone in that situation needed was to be dumped the same day! So, she went around to give him moral support, try to inspire him to succeed. For her own sake, yes, but also the sake of so many people she’d never - that neither one of them would - ever see! Being caught up in something like this was exactly the sort of thing that would happen to Ataru with his lousy, terrible, awful luck. Which meant that as completely strange as it was Shinobu wasn’t quite surprised, exactly.

What did surprise her was the size of his... that.

The pencil in her grip snapped and she inadvertently ground it into powder before pacing around the room. She couldn’t get it out of her mind. It was so <i>big</i> and she should have thought it was disgusting, but it was stuck in her mind. Whenever she blinked there it was. Tempting her. Calling out to her. Beckoning for her tender attention. To succumb would be so easy! All she had to do was go over to see him and reach out...

“Stop that!” Shinobu slapped herself, hard enough to send herself reeling backwards. “You’re not like that!”

“Shinobu dear?” her mother called. “There’s someone at the door to see you! She says she’s from your class.”

Someone from her class? Coming to see her at this time of night? Shinobu frowned. “Who could that possibly be?” she wondered while skipping quickly down the stairs. None of her classmates had any reason to pay her a visit at this time of night. She recognised the hair pretty much immediately, and the shirt certainly looked pretty familiar as well... But everything else was completely different. A cute rounded face, a chest that made her feel quite a bit jealous. Goodness, but most girls she knew would probably kill for a figure like that. Whoever this was, she was certainly no girl in Shinobu’s class. So why did she seem so completely familiar?

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. In this one instance whoever said it must have been on to something, because the moment Shinobu looked at those eyes and caught the glimpse of the flame of energetic lust dancing within, she knew exactly who this was. And the realisation made her pinch the bridge of her nose, partly out of frustration with this new development, partly to make sure this wasn’t some weird dream.

“Ataru,” she said. “What did you do this time?”

“Had a bath,” Ataru said, in a much more girlish manner than Shinobu had honestly been expecting. “Mom and dad freaked out, didn’t recognise me-”

“So you came here,” Shinobu interrupted, pinching herself that much harder. Well, at least now she could talk to him... Her without having to worry about certain naughty thoughts compelling her to behave inappropriately. “Come on, we should talk about this more in my room.”

Ataru nodded, and went upstairs, periodically sighing in frustration on every other step. Right. No way was this conversation happening anywhere her parents could overhear. Honestly, what had he done this time? Had a bath? What the hell did that have to do with anything? Oh, that boy!

“So, what happened exactly? Tell me everything.”

“Not much to tell,” Ataru said. “There I was, minding my own business, having a bath... Then all of a sudden, I get out and hey! I’m a cute chick! Mom and dad freak out, I skedaddle, make a beeline here, with every guy on the way taking the time to make a pass.”

Not hard to see why, honestly. This girl was quite obviously not wearing a bra, and in all truth her overall appearance came across as a rather adorable tomboy. Another spontaneous transformation, then? This went beyond merely bad luck!

“Something like this doesn’t happen to someone without a reason...” she said. “Can you think of anything that might have caused this?”

“Nah, not a thing. Maybe it’s something to do with whatever caused my penis to grow like that.” he sniffed and rolled his eyes. “Kinda funny how it vanished like that, huh? Ugh... I’m pretty thirsty, you wouldn’t mind helping me out wouldja?”

“Sure thing,” Shinobu said, backing off towards the door. She reached towards it, but then turned back just in time to see Ataru’s own hand reaching towards her underwear drawer. “And don’t touch anything, or I will break you in two. Got it, buster?”

“But Shinobu! We’re just two girls! There’s nothing wrong with -”

“In. Two.”

Shinobu dashed downstairs, trying to sort through her thought process. It was all just completely unbelievable! To become a girl like that... What else could possibly happen to him? What next? This bad luck was such a terrible thing, simply awful!

Shinobu dashed back upstairs and into her room with the glass of water in hand. Then again, Ataru had been rather irritated by all those men hitting on her... Maybe she could learn something from this experience? Maybe, just maybe...

On the other hand, she might catch Ataru rifling through her underwear drawer. Shinobu stomped forward and dumped the cold water over the pervert’s head before she even seemed to notice anyone else was there. “There’s your water!” Shinobu said. “I hope you... Choke... On...”

Ataru was male again. Dripping wet, but... Male. And sheepish.

“Sorry, Shinobu-chan!” he said, girlishly batting his eyes at her. “I just couldn’t help myself! I... Oh! I’m a guy again!”

The wheels turned around in Shinobu’s head. He’d changed when he had a bath, then changed back when cold water was dumped over his head. Which had to meant that... That... That... Her thoughts trailed off as her eyes gravitated towards the bulge in his trousers, and then she began to drool slightly.

“Are... Are you sure you’re a guy again?” she asked. “We should make certain. Right? Make sure everything is where it’s meant to be. That would be the safest thing to do, after all...”

Suddenly, the door opened behind them. “Shinobu dear, I thought you and your school friend might like some watermelon!” her mother yelled. Shinobu’s hand shot back like it had been burned, and then her mother pushed right past her. “My goodness, Ataru Moroboshi! It’s such a pleasure and a privilege to see you once again! To think that the world saving penis would pay our humble home a visit!”

“Th-that’s quite alright, Mrs Miyaki!” Ataru said, batting her wandering hands away from his junk. “I have to get going now! Good to see you again Shinobu, maybe next time we can finish what we’ve still to start!”

And just like that, he dashed out leaving Shinobu feeling this incredibly intense building hunger, not to mention the idle hope that maybe next time they really would.
<hr>
Human beings are by nature an obsessive lot. Try to deny it: We all have our own little quirks and foibles, tasks we like to perform, preferences that we know others might never come to terms with, collections, hobbies, fandom- Ah! This last is of particular interest to us on this given day! A group of students, all male, gathered at the very top of Tomobiki High School!

“Oh Lum!” said one of the four, brandishing a picture of a certain bikini clad alien beauty. “You are so beautiful!” The other three cheered in agreement. “We must see Lum again, no matter what!

“To that end, it is my pleasure and my greatest honour to introduce our first honorary member! The ‘member’ that saved the Earth, Ataru Moroboshi!”

He gestured towards the corner where a fifth boy lay struggling against the ropes binding his arms and legs. “You bastards! You’ll never get away with this! I don’t wanna see that space bimbo ever again! You hear me? She’ll make my life a living hell!”

Ataru stopped struggling for a moment to do a little mental arithmetic. “I mean... Even more of a living hell! You can’t make me summon her, and besides which, I wouldn’t even know how to do it at all!”

“Now now!” one of the boys said. “We’ve got that all worked out as well! See, we figured out a ritual that ought to -”

Wham!

The boys had a sign depicting a cartoonish Lum, and the name of their little club. Said sign had just been hurled rather forcefully at one of them, catching him with a glancing blow that sent him to the ground and the other three instinctively checking to see if he was alright.

“Come on!” Shinobu said, tugging at the ropes around Ataru’s body. “Let’s get you out of here, before these idiots -”

“Hey!” one of them said, pointing in their direction just as the two of them reached the stairs. “Get back here! We need him to summon Lum!”

“Summon her yourself!” Shinobu yelled backwards. Though honestly, it seemed to Ataru that she wanted anything but that particular outcome. They dashed down the stairs, but Ataru could see them giving chase and gaining ground. Ugh! If only these ropes weren’t so tight, he could have a lot more flexibility and - Hang on a minute!

“Shinobu, home ec! Grab some hot water! No questions, just get it done!”

With little more than a confused glance backwards, Shinobu did indeed duck into the home economics department and - apparently following his intended line of thought - quickly ducked his head under a tap and switched the hot water on.

“Too hot!” Ataru said, his voice increasing in octave from both the pain and the curse hitting at the same time. The ropes slipped off her much smaller frame as the transformation took hold, and she continued to yelp. “Lemme go! Lemme go!”

“Got you now!” said a threatening voice from the doorway. “No escape now! Come on, Ataru. Let’s go summon... Wait... Where did he - ”

All four of the boys from Lum’s fan club had piled into the room and stopped dead in their tracks. Slack of jaw, slow of mind, heavy in confusion. Seemed about right for a fan club devoted to the girl that had just recently tried to have a hand in taking over the world. While Ataru would have gratefully taken the opportunity to tap that, somehow actively going out and seeking her attention didn’t seem like the wisest course of action exactly. In simpler terms: These boys were freaking nuts!

Shinobu sharply elbowed Ataru in the ribs and nodded down towards her chest. Which was covered by a white shirt. Make that, a shirt with lines of warm water running down it. With no bra underneath. Re-evaluating that look in their eyes. Not confusion. Lust. Hah! Well! Maybe this was something to use to her advantage!

“Sorry boys,” she said. “Moroboshi’s not here right now. As you can see, he got out of his ropes and is probably already half way home by now. No summoning that space bimbo now. Eh, Shinobu? We don’t need alien women stealing our men, do we?”

“Nope!” Shinobu emphatically agreed, thrusting a dishtowel into Ataru’s chest. “Nor do we need to flash them our assets! You should think this sort of thing through, for once!”

“Well, that’s a shame,” the glasses wearing member of the group says. “I was about to offer Moroboshi the chance to cheat off my mathematics exam tomorrow if he cooperated with us...”

“Oh, well why didn’t you say so? I’ll help, if that’s the deal! I have way more psychic potential than Moroboshi could ever dream of! Pick me! Pick me!”

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Shinobu shrieked. “I hope those alien demons eat you alive!”

“Calm down, calm down!” Ataru whispered as the boys conferred. “It’s not like this ritual thing is gonna even work! What are the chances those four could come up with something that’d summon aliens that easy, when organisations like NASA couldn’t even do it? It’s like expecting a hedgehog to break pole vaulting records! They’ll never summon Lum in a million years!”

People often misuse the word irony, believing it to mean “coincidental” or “poetic” when in actuality it means an incongruity between what is literally stated and what actually occurs. Or a statement that implies the opposite of what it literally says. Or, in this particular instance it could be situational irony where it describes a discrepancy between the expected result and the actual results.

Therefore, in this instance where Ataru believes that the ritual will absolutely not summon Lum back to Earth, it could be considered ironic if he were completely correct... But find himself wishing that he were mistaken, because it would’ve been a hell of a lot easier for him in the long run.

<hr>
What might be the best word to describe her current state of mind? Giddy? Ecstatic? No, those were probably not strong enough to describe Lum as she piloted her craft back towards Earth. A whole week away, just to deal with all that red tape. Honestly, so much procedure to deal with before she could legally marry her darling. Since he didn’t want to live on her world, well, that was fine with her but getting all that paperwork signed so she could live with him... It was all such a hassle!

But it would be worth it! Oh! The married life. Such a dream! It was like something out of a fairy tale. He was a mere humble human, she was an alien princess come to enslave his world. And then they fell in love. So romantic! So sweet!

It didn’t exactly hurt that he was so hung he could probably use it to support his own weight.

“Hm? How strange!” Lum said, peering at her navigation screen with interest and curiosity. “Isn’t that an interplanetary taxi fleet? What are they doing near Earth? They don’t have the kind of credits to pay for their services...”

After a moment’s thought Lum flicked on her communications hub. While the radio and television signals broadcast from Earth were rather primitive, she had already persuaded some engineers to make the necessary adaptations so she could pick them up. All the better to blend in to her new home away from home. If humans could do it, then surely the Oni could do it and do it better. Right?

The screen crackled into life, showing static for a few moments until Lum thumped the side of it. At which point, the image cleared up and showed a rather frustrated man in a suit and tie.

“We interrupt this program to report that flying saucer formations are descending on oil producing areas throughout the world and siphoning off all petroleum.”

The screen flashed to show images of this very event. A series of taxis, circling the planet, sucking up all the oil they could. Every last drop. Oh dear. From what she’d learned about Earth’s economy, that would royally fuck it over. They hadn’t yet developed truly alternative measures of clean, safe and renewable energy yet... Partly because the fossil fuel industry was deliberately blocking such developments to maintain the status quo.

The screen changed once again. “According to messages transmitted from the saucers, this is to extract payment for a debt owed to a union of intergalactic cab drivers. The debt was incurred when this mysterious young woman took a taxi ride from her school to Ataru Moroboshi’s home. Her identity is still a mystery, but investigators are assuming she was paying our big dicked hero a night visit in an attempt to seduce him. Onlookers described her appearance atop Moroboshi’s home as ‘wearing a soaked through white shirt, with no bra underneath. Utterly shameless hussy.’”

Lum stared at the screen and smacked her forehead when a picture of the girl in question appeared on screen. Stupid! These humans were so, so stupid! Couldn’t they even see that girl was clearly Ataru Moroboshi, transformed through any one of a dozen means she could think of without trying? So stupid, these people!

“Officials have asked for information about this mysterious young woman, and have also requested Ataru Moroboshi for his assistance in the case. Here is his response, as captured by our reporters.”

“Leave me alone, you bastards!” Ataru yelled, pushing his way past the cameramen while wearing <i>the exact same clothes</i> with the <i>exact same damp spot on the shirt</i> that the girl had been wearing earlier. Stupid! “No comment!”

“But Mister Moroboshi!” one of the reporters. “All you need to do is walk about without any trousers on! It will surely draw the menace out!”

“Not to mention all you guys wanting pictures! Just leave me alone!”

Well, well, well! Wasn’t this a pickle? There wasn’t anything else for it, really. Nobody on Earth could possibly pay for this, but for her... Well, it was a drop in the bucket for her. Trick being, Oni don’t just perform random acts of generosity of this magnitude unless they’re getting something back... Hm... Make it something simple, maybe? Yes! That was the ticket!

“Hang on, darling! Your beloved Lum is coming to save you!”

<hr>
By this point each news report only made him twitch a little bit more. The alien was sitting over in  the corner finding the whole damn thing so completely and terribly amusing. Well! Glad someone was having fun!

“I do hope more of your fangirls don’t cause trouble like this,” his father said, reading his newspaper as always.

“It’s times like this I wish that you weren’t so massively endowed,” his mom said, never failing to creep him out when she started talking like that.

“Well, it serves you all right!” the alien driver said. “Trying to stiff us on a bill like that! Nobody does that and gets away with it! Hear me? Not one single soul!”

Stupid lousy luck! Maybe that old monk had something right about him after all? Maybe there really was something out to get him. Something tormenting him by twisting around things that he thought he wanted into a kind of hell he would not wish upon his worst enemy. Big dick? Check! Being close to a hot woman and be able to see her whenever he wanted? Check! Get home? Check! Stupid lousy, lousy luck! Now the whole world hated his girl form, and drooled over his guy form!

“Moroboshi!” a voice at the door yelled. “Let us in! It’s your neighbours!”

“Dad, help me keep them out!” Ataru yelled, holding his full weight against the door. “I don’t wanna deal with these idiots! Keep ‘em out!”

In a rare moment of understanding where he was coming from, Ataru’s father rose from his table and assisted in the effort. Hopefully if they kept this up, the neighbours would leave him alone. Hopefully he could keep them back long enough to figure out some other way out of this mess! But given his recent luck? He doubted that somehow.

The efforts were in vain as the door split open, and Ataru was tackled to the ground in a thunderous embrace. Quite literally, a thunderous embrace.

“Darling!” cooed a certain space bimbo that he hoped never to see again. “I missed you so!” she continued, apparently completely unaware of the fact that she was electrocuting him. This was quite enough for Ataru to completely miss the sight of his neighbours storming in through the gap, and he didn’t even realise they’d done so until he blinked and realised they were all sitting around the table with Lum in his lap and her arms around his head.

“Lum is offering to pay the fare, on a single condition,” one of the neighbours said.

“And what might that condition be?” Ataru’s mother asked with a hand partially over her mouth.

“I want to live here,” Lum said, snuggling up against Ataru’s neck very, very carefully so that her horn didn’t brush up against him. For that much he was certainly grateful, but-

Living here? As in, living <i>here</i> with that electric happy, flying through the air chick with an attitude problem? Hardly! He opened his mouth to loudly proclaim his objections to this insane idea, no way, no how, not happening!

Except for one small problem. Or rather, a very significantly large problem. Like, say... The simple fact that Lum was pressing and grinding a very particular part of her anatomy up against a particular part of his. An action that served as a very potent reminder that sitting on his lap was a girl in a bikini with a slamming hot bod and a glint in her eyes that whispered poems of affection and a naturally naughty disposition. The sort of thing that makes a guy completely forget where the conversation had been up to this point.

“See?” Lum cooed, cupping his chin to kiss his cheek. “Darling sees how much sense this makes. Don’t you darling?”

“Uh... Yeah, sure, whatever.” Gosh, but she felt nice. Smelled pleasant too, but mostly just felt nice being pressed up against his body like that.

“Then it’s settled!” Lum said, reaching out behind herself to pass the freaky alien driver some sort of card. “Here, mister driver! Have nine zakks of lightning energy!”

“Sister, you got yourself a deal!” the driver exclaimed enthusiastically. “We’ll return all the oil within a week!”

“I’ll double it if you do it in a way that doesn’t utterly destroy the environment on this planet.”

“Well... We were just gonna make it rain oil, but I guess you do make a compelling argument for why we shouldn’t do it that way. Alright! It’ll all be back where we found it, no hassle, no fuss, no mess!”

At which point, the still erotically dazed Ataru felt himself being lifted bodily off the ground and hovering outside. Wait. What the hell?

“‘kaythanksbyenow!” Lum said, waving her hand happily even as Ataru squirmed in her grip.

“Help!” Ataru yelled. “I’m being abducted! I’m being- Mph!”

Kiss. She was kissing him. She was <i>kissing</i> him, and they were in her spaceship, and goodness how did that happen so quickly? Ataru’s fingers traced where the contact had been. Soft. Very soft. Very nice. Not to mention his dick was probably going to tear through these trousers if he wasn’t careful.

“Hey, Lum! Take me back home!” he demanded. “Or... I’ll...”

“Or what?” the alien girl coyly asked, dangling her bra from the tips of her fingers. “I just thought you might want a little privacy, get away from all those nosy reporters and clingy fans, you know?”

Would it be safe to say that sparks flew in the next several hours? Yes, yes it would. Unfortunately for Ataru Moroboshi, for the duration of his first time that would be a far too literal statement for his own comfort.