Story: Quirky Detective

And here's Quirky Detective. Just two more in my plans, then we can get back to the normal updating schedule.


It was at times like this that Zoe was rather grateful for a soothing cup of tea. Then again she couldn’t really remember any other times where two people barged into her place of work followed closely by a big, black fuzzy ball of feline fury.

The florist’s assistant turned her confused head towards the pretty lady in the fedora, who was on her hands and knees peering through a rather oversized magnifying glass at - well, whatever she could find down there.

“I apologise for my employer’s behaviour,” the intriguingly handsome young man said, apparently completely oblivious to the slashes made across his back. “Please, call me Kumitada. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“I- My name is Zoe Khatoran,” she said, teacup trembling in her uncharacteristically shaky grip. “Excuse me, but wh-what was that just now?”

“A giant mass of malevolent cats pouring forth from the very pits of hell,” the man said with a resigned sigh. “It comes with the territory. Listen, I hate to be a bother but you wouldn’t happen to have a first aid kit and a place for me to scream with a little dignity? It would be much appreciated.”

Zoe reached down for the first aid kit, only to find it hanging from the end of Yukiko’s grip. She was still analysing the floor with a peculiar intensity, and was merely holding the box up and away from herself. Kumitada took it, and she pointed him towards the cellar, where he trudged off with box clutched to his chest.

“Don’t mind him,” Yukiko said. “He’s tougher than he looks. Say, how long has that cat been staring at your shop?”

There’s shifting gears, then there’s shifting gears. One sentence she was reassuring her about the well being of that sweet, injured boy and the next she was asking about that silly little cat that had been staring at their shop! Except… There were rather a lot of kitties in that terrifying mass, weren’t there? And Zoe couldn’t bring herself to forget that cats were predators by nature, with sharp teeth and claws and hunting instincts…

“Ever since I started to work here,” she said after a moment’s consideration. “I always thought the owner, Mr Satoaki, fed it and it kept coming back for more, but after seeing that…”

A muffled scream came from the basement, followed by an offering to the god of antiseptic for making it sting so damn much. Zoe cast a concerned glance towards the cellar door, but got no more than two steps before Yukiko simply popped right up in front of her.

“Say, you wouldn’t happen to know Suzume from down the road, would you?” Yukiko asked, scooping up the dropped teacup without missing a beat and guiding Zoe back to where she had been sitting a moment ago. “I mean, there’s been a cat staring at her workplace as well, and it’s really freaking her out.”

“Uh… Yes, I know her,” Zoe said. “I stop in the maid cafe for a drink of tea sometimes. She’s the one with the long, curly brown hair, right?”

The gleam in Yukiko’s eyes was almost as terrifying as the black mass of fur and teeth. It was, in fact, so deeply unsettling that when Zoe continued to speak she did so in a rather sing-song voice quite without even realising she was doing it.

“We would chat sometimes about our favourite musicals,” she sang in a voice that would have won her an award in a just universe. “We have very similar tastes, and introduced each other to such wondrous melodies!”

“You don’t say!” the mysterious detective lady said. “ A common link has been found! I must find out more!”

The bell above the door rang, signalling that someone had opened it. In the blink of an eye Zoe was up on her feet, rising terror and confusion forgotten with the standard greeting on her lips. “Welcome to our humble store,” she said with a happy bow. “It will be a pleasure to help you say it with - Oh! Mr Satoaki! Welcome back. I was wondering where you had gone!”

Standing in the doorway was an elderly man, rather frail and thin in appearance. He was a nice person, one of the most considerate of others that Zoe had met to date. He was highly complimentary of her singing while she worked, even if he didn’t quite feel that same level of enthusiasm personally. He stood there, eyes closed and smiling that wide smile he reserved for customers. That kind of smile that made a person feel bad if they left without buying <i>something</i>, and his hands holding a box close to his chest as if it was a precious gift.

“I see that you are with a customer,” the old man said. “But please, I was rather curious about why there are a rather large number of cats outside the store rolling around in catnip.”

Zoe’s eyes flickered towards Yukiko, or at least the empty space she was in when last she’d looked in that direction. When she looked back towards her employer, Zoe nearly jumped out of her skin upon the sight of Yukiko rapidly examining every square inch of the man with her magnifying glass. Especially the box he was holding.

The old man chuckled quite heartily. “My, my! But you are a curious one. aren’t you? How would you like to work forrrr us herrre at this lovely florrrrist’s?”

“Sir, are you feeling alright?” Zoe asked, suddenly quite worried about the way Mr Satoaki was rolling his r’s. He never used to do that.

But Mr Saotaki’s grin went even wider, and his eyes came open. They were bright yellow. Like he was wearing some weird contacts, except he didn’t need to wear contacts, and often remarked that people dressing up for no good reason were wasting their time and money.

“I’ve had a most wonderrrful idea,” the old man said, gently pushing Yukiko further into the store. The detective merely responded by tilting her head and staring at him in great interest. “To brrring a little morrre interrrest to the storrre, I’ve bought you a wonderrrrful new outfit.”

The box was carefully placed on a table, and Zoe suddenly found her view of it blocked by Yukiko leaning over it while making a very silent “ooooh” noise. The lid came off. The old man reached inside, and then he brushed right by Yukiko while holding up some weird leotard with a leopard print. He couldn’t… He couldn’t mean for her to wear something like that in the store! She would feel embarrassed just wearing it around the house where nobody could see her! It was a shameless idea, completely revolting!

Yet… For some reason she ached to feel the fabric between her fingertips. There was something about it calling to her like a siren’s song. Maybe… Maybe she’d look really cute wearing that outfit and brushing up the floor, singing a happy little song as she went? And… And if it would help bring in more customers… If it would help convince people to buy their wonderful flowers…

“No,” she blurted, surprised at how difficult it was to say that. “I - I can’t wear something like that!”

“Oh, don’t be difficult,” Mr Satoaki said, walking forward with the leotard at arm’s length. As though insisting she at least give the idea some serious consideration. “I’m sure you’ll come arrround on the idea soon enough!”

“Hey, come on, mister!” Yukiko said, gripping the man’s arm with a cheery grin. “Didn’t you hear what she said? She doesn’t wanna look like a cute little kitty witty! So why don’t you just put that away in its box, and - Yipe!”

That was a pretty convincing throw from someone that looked like he’d have trouble bench pressing a sponge. Zoe ran back towards where Yukiko had been hurled, and wasn’t really surprised anymore to find the fedora still right where it had been since the moment she’d entered the room.

“Now, now, we both know why you’rrrre herrre!” Mr Satoaki hissed, no longer keeping up the pretense anymore. The leotard was draped over his back, and he was stalking towards the pair on all fours. Like a big cat about to pounce. That was exactly what he reminded her of. “We will not let you interrrrferrre any longerrrr!”

Which is right about when Kumitada hurled the door rather recklessly open, smacking the old man in the face. He rolled backwards, struck a nearby wall, hissed at the new arrival, but then… the shelf above shook just a little bit. Just enough to cause a little catnip to fall onto the old man’s head, which in turn seemed to be just enough to make him roll around and stare at the ceiling in the same manner that any cute kitty doped up on the stuff would be. Stoned out of his mind in seconds.

“Did I miss something?” Kumitada asked.

“Not really,” Yukiko said, adjusting the brim of her hat. “Just a really lucky break!”

Lucky? Somehow Zoe doubted that… Thinking back, hadn’t it been Yukiko that had put that same catnip back on the shelf earlier? Why, it was almost as though she knew that was going to happen….