Tainted Cube: Bad Hair Day

Well, here we go with this. I'll start working on the Rosario one later today.

Her routine used to be pretty simple. Used to be like clockwork. That was the key to it: Used to be. She’d wake up, get some breakfast, bathe in the hot spring, head off to class, be there for the day, come back home, study until dinner then eat dinner and study some more. It was hard work, it was exhausting and it had completely ruined her eyesight, but it had to be done. She had made a promise that she would get into Tokyo University, and she intended to honour that promise come hell or high water! So she drove herself to succeed. Nothing else mattered, and because of that determination she had managed to claw her way to the top of the rankings throughout Japan!

Then their new manager showed up. Now, the term “spanner in the works” might seem appropriate for some people, but not for him. He was more like dynamite in the works. For reasons she didn’t quite comprehend, Naru’s thoughts kept on turning back towards that man. His promise with a girl that he would someday enter Tokyo University rang impossibly true to her, and opened up a sense of familiarity within her that she might never forget.

The erotic nightly dreams she’d been having about him weren’t exactly dissuading her from thinking about him during her waking hours either. Honestly, another month of those and she might well have tried acting a few of them out!

… Huh. She could’ve sworn she’d just heard a disappointed moan coming from somewhere off down the corridor. Must’ve been her imagination.

Anyway, now it turns out that he’s probably dating Mitsune. Which was a bit of a surprise, really, since she didn’t seem to like him much at all. Combine that with the realisation that he’d told his friends he’d met with his promised girl - confirmation he was telling the truth about that if nothing else - and she just didn’t know what to think. Mitsune was his promised girl? That part didn’t ring true, and yet - And yet…

“Oh! This is hopeless!” she finally declared, throwing her pencil onto the desk. Until she knew the answer one way or the other, she wasn’t getting anything done tonight. Which meant she had to track down Mitsune and try to get an honest answer out of her.

Naru stormed out of the room and marched right up to her friend’s room, throwing the door open and announcing, “Mitsune, I want some… Answers…”

Her eyes shot open and for a fraction of a second Naru completely forgot how to breathe. The sight before her was like something right out of her dreams this last week, with someone else in the starring role. There was Mitsune, bare as the day she was born with the manager underneath her as she rode him cowgirl style. She even had a stetson and was waving it around in triumph. Words completely failed her. The sight of Mitsune bouncing on the surprisingly buff form of the manager, squealing in delight as she rode him simply took away Naru’s ability to think clearly. Instead of saying a word she simply backed off into the corridor, closed the door and stared at it in dumb shock. Her mouth opened and closed in a manner reminiscent of a goldfish for about a minute before she took a deep breath and -

“Hiya, Miss Naru!” Suu yelled, very nearly causing Naru to have a heart attack on the spot. “Whatcha doin’? Is that door really so interesting?”

“Not at all!” Naru yelped a little louder than she’d intended. “Come on, Suu. I think Mitsune is busy at the moment, so let’s leave her alone and you can show me your latest invention! Okay?”

“Hm, nah!” the girl said, bouncing around on the soles of her feet in that usual, infectious hyperactive manner she had. “I think It’d be a shame if Mitsune missed this!”

Before Naru could do anything to physically restrain her, Suu had bounded towards the door and was reaching to throw it open. It all happened before her in slow motion: Suu’s hand eagerly gripping the frame, her own body moving forward as if through treacle to reach out and stop her. The futility of the attempt when the door came open anyway and Naru wincing, not knowing how exactly Suu might react to the sight that lay within of - Of -

Of Mitsune reclined in a chair, reading a magazine.

“Hiya, Kitsune!” Suu gratefully said, bouncing into the room towards the room’s occupant. Naru was just standing in the doorway, blinking and feeling suddenly quite stupid. But… She could have sworn she’d seen… “Lookit what I made! Isn’t it neat?”

“Hm, sure is, sure is!” Mitsune said, looking over the… whatever that was Suu had just made. “Oh, Naru, did you want something?”

She knew that tone. She knew that tone far too well, in fact. It always wound up being used when Mitsune had just done some particularly clever trick or other, and it was usually coupled with a particular smile. Yes, that’s the one. Right there. That smile there. Her eyes narrowed and she looked around the room for corroborating evidence, not really finding anything but increasingly certain that something was out of place here.

“Alright, where is he hiding?” Naru asked.

“Where is who hiding?” Mitsune asked innocently, twirling around Suu’s little invention in a casual inspection. “I’m afraid I really don’t know who you mean.”

“Don’t give me that,” Naru said, folding her arms across her chest and trying not to blush. “I know for a fact that you and our new manager are - “

“Oh, if you’re looking for mister manager, he’s off cleaning the corridors,” Suu said. “I passed him on the way here! He had this mean scowl on his face, like he’d just thought of something scary.”

What? But that didn’t make any sense. Naru knew what she had seen and there was nowhere near enough time for him to have pulled that stunt off. Unless her imagination was getting away from her so much that she was starting to see things which weren’t real, in which case… In which case she had a more serious problem than first anticipated.

<hr>

It’s funny in a sense. Naru was engaging in self reflection while simultaneously thinking about Keitaro’s body. What’s funny about that? Well. As egotistical as it may sound, Keitaro was thinking about pretty much exactly the same thing. Why was that? Well, it was all due to an idle observation Kyon had during gym practice, which went something like this.

“My girlfriend’s incredibly athletic. In the long run, this will make it difficult to keep up with her.”

From which stemmed a desire to be more her physical equal. After all, given how frisky she was, the one thing he absolutely didn’t want was to be run ragged. Which the cube took on board, twisted around its perverted essence, skipped a dimension and inflicted the full results on an unsuspecting Keitaro Urashima.

To say that he didn’t recognise himself was a bit of an understatement. His body hadn’t been this healthy in just about ever. He honestly wasn’t sure whether he should be showing these abs off or using them to grate cheese. Now, don’t get him wrong. They weren’t so big that they paradoxically inhibited his range of motion or anything like that, but these muscles were nothing like within his wildest dreams. He was just a bit bigger than he used to be, way stronger, and with enough stamina to run a marathon backwards.

Of course, given his rather intimate knowings of the female minds within the dorm Keitaro was able to appreciate that his new frame was hugely appealing to the opposite sex. Almost like it had been deliberately sculpted that way, in fact. That same magic at work doing its best to make his life that much more complicated at every single turn.

What, he’s complaining about getting a body like that without having to work for it? Oh, let those flames of envy die down a little. Sure, he appreciated the benefits for what they were (and they were rather numerous), but right now there was one rather significant downside that was taking up quite a large part of his concerns.

“Most of my clothes don’t fit me anymore. And I live in a girl’s dorm where half of them suspect I may be a pervert. <i>Wonderful.</i>”

It was true. Due to his abilities, it was not necessary for him even to check which ones would and which would not fit him anymore. Most of them he’d probably tear as soon as he tried pulling them on. But the rest, well, they’d <i>fit</i> per se, but they would leave very little to the imagination.

“Well, I can’t hide in here all day,” Keitaro sighed. “I need to talk to Naru to resolve her misunderstanding. Not that Mitsune helped much with her stunt earlier on.”

He’d been waiting for the opportunity all day, to be honest. The time when she’d be most likely to listen to what he had to say. Keitaro had been busily cleaning the corridors and going about his managerial duties or pretending to study (which was completely pointless to actually try, because at an unconscious level he already knew the answers even if he tried to block them out) while trying to gauge how Naru might react if he went to go speak to her right about now. All in an effort to find the most appropriate time to try to talk to her when she’d be most willing to listen.

And that moment happened about a minute after he’d undergone this rather drastic physical alteration. Go figure that now was when she was thinking she might have been seeing things between him and Mitsune. That girl was enjoying her new illusory powers way, way too much.

So, he had a choice. Stay here and try to figure out a way to keep the girls from noticing his improved physique, or head out to talk to Naru and just get it over with. The answer to which didn’t come along too long after. If he tried to stay holed up in here, they’d all come looking for him. Just the way they were. Try to hide something from them, and they’d soon sniff it out. The only reason he’d even been able to hide this weird mental effect for so long was largely because of how completely obscured it was to anyone but him.

It was a mercy that Keitaro didn’t encounter anyone on the way upstairs or in the kitchen either, where he’d made a quick stop off for the final convincing argument he’d use to get Naru to talk to him. He hoped. Right now she was sitting in her room in pyjamas and track trousers, really desperately trying to focus on her studying and getting absolutely nothing done.

Well, while he was here maybe he could do something about that as well?

“H-Hi in there! It’s me, Keitaro!” he called. “Listen, could we talk for a minute?”

“No. Go away, leave me alone. I need to study,” came Naru’s rather predictable reply.

Nope, not getting rid of him that easy, no sir! “I was just thinking -”

“You deserve a medal.”

“- That maybe we should study together. I mean, we’re studying for the same exams, right? Maybe we can help each other?”

“What part of ‘go away’ do you fail to understand, exactly?” Naru asked, pulling the door slightly open to peer angrily out at him. “I’m not interested in… In… Uh…”

Oh dear, he’d been worried this might be her reaction. Ignore the sensual imagery flashing through her mind, ignore the rather arousing realisation that a completely hot girl was drooling over him, ignore the fact that she’s starting to think he’s a hallucination and starting to consider inviting him in just for the privilege of pinning him to the floor and mimicking Mitsune’s illusory prank to the best of her ability.

“I brought hot chocolate,” he said through gritted teeth, gesturing towards the tray he was holding with very whitening knuckles. It was a miracle this thing didn’t break under his weight, but then again these trays had been reinforced after that one time Suu’s toy army got free of her control and - Well, let’s not dwell on it too much. The smell snapped Naru out of it, which anyone could tell from the way her nose twitched excitedly.

Then she looked down at herself and back into the room, let out a sound that was rather a lot like an “eep”, and slammed the door closed. Keitaro simply sighed, waiting for her to change and finish stuffing all her stuff into that side cupboard in a rush job. Honestly, the two of them really were made for one another, weren’t they? That was always his favourite trick at home as well…

“Welcome!” Naru said, throwing the door open in a much cuter and girlier outfit than the pyjamas and track trousers she’d been wearing a minute ago. Girl could change quickly, he had to give her that. Keitaro just tilted his head and smiled at her, and she blushed in response. “Sh-Shut up. It’s embarrassing for a girl to let a guy into her room.”

It would probably not be intelligent to tell her that he was aware of every square inch of her room through a sensory awareness that went beyond her ability to comprehend. Nor would it be smart to tell her that he knew for a certainty that this room hadn’t been this tidy in months. Regardless, he walked inside and carefully set the hot coffee on the table, and sat down ready to begin studying. If only it would be that easy.

“So, I noticed your score jumped up a bit,” Naru said, very carefully staring at the notes in front of her instead of at his body. Sure was committing it to memory though. Girl was about ready to itch her own skin off if she wasn’t careful, and that was making Keitaro a little worried for her well-being. Not to mention that she still had to keep up her end of the promise. It wouldn’t matter much if he succeeded and she failed… “I was wondering why that was. I mean, you barely seem to study and your scores before were absolutely terrible. Is it because…”

“Because you met your promised girl?” That’s what she wanted to ask. He could see the question flashing across her mind, backlit with the reasons she shouldn’t say it. After all, that would involve letting slip that she was eavesdropping on him and his friends, and so many other little things he already knew. It was so adorable, like he was falling in love with her all over again. Someday he would have to explain things to her. When she was ready to understand it. When she was ready to appreciate the scope of what had happened to him. Until then he would have to be content in hanging back. Giving her the little things here and there, without her knowing about it so that she could be happy.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Mitsune?” Naru asked. “I mean, the two of you seem awfully close all of a sudden. Ah! Don’t think it means I’m interested in your affairs or anything like that. I’m just looking out for my friend, is all.”

So tsundere! So adorably tsundere! Look at the way she was peering over her glasses at him, trying to look like she wasn’t stripping him naked with her eyes, and… Okay, if she continued down this line of thought he might have to hasten his plans to seduce her a little bit, because this girl had a much filthier imagination than she liked to portray.

Speaking of which. A threat was approaching pretty fast, with the worst possible timing. Dammit! Mitsune had spontaneously decided to drop in on Naru for a quick chat and her gossipy, mischievous ways were exactly what neither of them needed right now!

He moved towards the hole in the floor. The only way he could escape undetected in the time he had. Duck down into his own room, let the two friends chat for a bit, then talk to Naru later on to smooth over whatever damage Mitsune came up with over the course of the conversation. Good plan. Solid plan. Except for Naru holding his sleeve and saying, “Hey, where are you heading all of a sudden?”

And then she heard it. The footsteps approaching the door and the call “Hey, Naru! Are you there?” With but a few scant seconds to spare, Naru tossed him under the table and sat at it while pretending that nothing was wrong about as effectively as if she were caught in the act of doing it. Meanwhile, he suffered in the dark (which didn’t bother him), cramped and decidedly warm area trapped within arm’s reach of Naru’s soft, strokable legs and - And damn these urges anyway!

“I’m here!” Mitsune enthusiastically declared. “Huh? How strange. Your room is tidy for once.”

“Is… Is something the matter?” Naru asked. Honestly, it was a miracle Mitsune didn’t see through her then and there with that tone and body language. It was practically screaming “I’m hiding Keitaro under the table”, but Mitsune must have wax in her ears or something.

Instead the newfound illusion master took a seat at the table while griping about the weather, not even aware of how much trouble she was causing. Funny thing was, Keitaro was certain this is exactly what she’d do if she did know he was under there. He had little choice but to scoot over closer to Naru so that his body lay directly under her legs. A motion that made her stiffen up in place and shift uncomfortably (for both of them) where she was sitting.

“Naru, you seem kind of nervous,” Mitsune said. Oh yes, now you notice! If not for the fact that he could read her mind like a book, Keitaro would be completely convinced that Mitsune was doing this on purpose!

Unless… She <i>was</i> doing it on purpose and her new illusory powers allowed her even to deceive his additional awareness of the area… Well, wasn’t that a thrilling thought? Isn’t it amazing what happens when you start living with someone capable of producing sensory-deceiving illusions at will? After all, our experiences of the outside world are entirely dependent on what those sense tell us. If they can be so easily deceived then - Gah! Legs incoming, time to move closer to Naru and then time to ignore the inevitable mutual arousal at the sudden forced closeness!

Also, important note? Getting kind of hard to breathe down here. Keitaro really needed some fresh air right about now, and the heat from both girls, himself and the heater underneath the table was really building up. If he wasn’t careful he could faint, and who knows what Mitsune might think if she found Keitaro unconscious and intertwined with Naru’s long… shapely… legs… Ugh! Not helping with the breathing problem right now! Get out of there, suck in a little air, then duck back under. It was the only way!

“Naru, are you feeling alright? You look a little flushed.”

Gosh, but his timing just sucked. Or was awesome. He really couldn’t tell right now. It was really hard to think given that he’d been stuck in a really hot area where it was hard to breathe or move and was currently being pressed rather firmly into the crotch of the woman he had been in love with for as long as he could remember. Anyone in the same situation would have similar difficulties in, say, remembering their name, performing simple arithmetic or any other simple mental function. It was a rather distracting situation is what I’m saying.

“Wow, you really are burning up,” Mitsune said while pressing her hand to Naru’s forehead. “You should take better care of yourself. Don’t study too hard or your health will suffer! Who knows, you may even start seeing things.”

The second she was gone, Keitaro sprung out of the side of the table and gulped in several mouthfuls of air, too grateful to be free from that peculiar hell to pay much mind to Naru storming up behind him until she grabbed hold of his collar, whirled him around and pushed him up against the wall with a fire in her eyes that almost scared him a little bit.

“Are you and Mitsune dating?” she asked.

“Uh… No! No, really! I promise, we’re not!”

“Good. Then I won’t feel guilty about this.”

Well. His first kiss. Not exactly the circumstance he’d imagined it happening in, but hey, it seemed like he was getting what he’d always wanted. A passionate kiss with his promised girl. She was rather awkward and clumsy with it really, about as inexperienced as he was… But Keitaro had the benefit of knowing exactly how to light up her pleasure centres and wasted no time in doing just that. And why wouldn’t he? She wanted him. He wanted her. There was no need for extranormal senses to figure out that particular equation. And for Keitaro her pleasure was paramount. Her needs should be fulfilled before he worried about his own, and her needs were saying -

Keitaro’s eyes flew wide open. Oh, he should’ve been paying more attention to that sort of thing! Of course there would be an interruption now, of course Mitsune would run off for cold medicine thinking Naru was sick, and of course he had to interrupt his first kiss to push Naru away at arm’s length, leaving her glassy eyed and confused just as Mitsune entered the room leaving Keitaro absolutely no time at all to hide.

In the doorway, brandishing the cold medicine, Mitsune’s lips twitched from a mixture of surprise and delight. A source of gossip fuel had been discovered! Naru was mortified, and a little angry at Keitaro as well while she was at it, and all Keitaro could think to say was that it was a misunderstanding, that they were just studying. Not entirely convincing given that it didn’t take Mitsune long to figure out where he’d been hiding, and slowly back out of the room.

“Get out,” Naru said, crossing her arms and turning her back to him. All he could do was nod and oblige, hoping that Mitsune wouldn’t break his reputation too badly over the next few days. On the other hand, he had been meaning to talk to her a little bit more about this whole magical girl thing, and now seemed like the best time to do it. Naru sure wasn’t likely to talk to him again any time soon.

<hr>

It would’ve been hilarious if it had worked. Just stand right here in the open doorway, cast an illusion in front of him to make him think it was the door, then tease him for copping a feel and pursuing both her and Naru at once. It would’ve been hilarious to watch him squirm and bluster and accidentally reveal things he didn’t want her to know. Instead, he looked her dead in the eye and sighed. So she just dropped the illusion and stepped back to let him into the room. No fair! He shouldn’t have seen through that! But, hell, toss it onto the pile with the other questions she had. Chief among them:

“So what’s with the new studly bod?” she asked, at least managing to take some comfort in his discomfort. “Pretty sure you weren’t this healthy yesterday. More magic? Care to share?”

“Sorry, I don’t exactly have control over it,” Keitaro replied, collapsing onto her couch with an exhaustion that was probably more physical than mental. “I guess that we should talk about that now, huh? You’ve got a whole bunch of questions, so we should probably get to it.”

“Oh no, you’re not getting off that easily!” Mitsune exclaimed, sliding into the seat next to him in an easy, seductive pose that he very badly pretended not to notice. “Then again, with the way you and Naru have been staring at each other and this new body… Maybe you are.”

Aha, from the way he was fidgeting she definitely struck a nerve there. Probably not actually slept with her yet, but something more was going on between the two of them than they were letting on. To be honest, though, Naru would have to be a complete idiot to pass up someone with that kind of body. Not to mention that getting laid would definitely help her take the edge off a little bit.

“S-So, this magic thing,” Keitaro said in a rather lame attempt to change the topic. “It’s kind of complicated, and you probably won’t believe most of it, but I guess I’m sort of like a wizard or something.”

“Funny, I don’t see a pointy hat or robes or a wand or anything like that. Then again, you probably don’t all wear that kind of thing all the time. What other spells do you have?”

“W-Well, I can’t exactly control most of them yet. The only one I can do at the moment is the pactio - giving others a specific ability with a kiss.”

Like he’d done on the train to deal with those monsters. Come to think of it, that did explain why he didn’t do it himself. If he could only use magic through a proxy, then obviously he would need to turn towards someone he knew like her. This whole transformed, stunningly hot new body he had was probably the result of a desire to impress Naru or something. The guy had the hots for her so obviously anyone could see it. ’Cept the girl herself, maybe.

“As for those monsters,” Keitaro continued. “I really don’t know anything about them yet. They’re obviously some sort of magical creatures, but anything beyond what you already know… Sorry, I’m not really sure.”

“Hm, so a kiss lets you give others powers?” Mitsune said, shifting in her seat to lean closer towards the manager. “In which case, I wonder what would happen if you were to do something else with them. Wanna find out?”

The way he dashed out of the room would’ve been insulting if not for the fact that he was making a rather bad attempt at hiding a rather prominent erection in his very tight trousers. Oh well. If the boy was that devoted to Naru, maybe it would be best if she took her time to show why playing around with Mitsune might be a little more fun.

<hr>

Whoever this woman was, she was starting to become quite unnerving. It was one thing for her to be staring at the fresh fruit like that, but did she have to linger there for so long? Especially since she was clearly unwell. Her skin looked so sickly, and he could swear he could see bone. Finally, he could take it no longer, and he approached the mystery woman to ask her to leave.

“So vivid,” the woman said, picking up an apple that turned to dust in her hands before the suddenly terrified shopkeeper’s eyes. “So young and full of life. Take these years from me, young man! You can bear this burden better than I!”

A pair of bony fingers shot out faster than he could even believe, wrapping around his face and she was keeping his mouth closed and he couldn’t breathe and he was falling to the ground and he was… And he was…

And he was screaming.

<hr>

They still weren’t letting him eat with them during meals. This meant he hadn’t had the opportunity to properly sample Shinobu’s delightful cooking, but he could at the very least pretend if he closed his eyes and concentrated… Not that Naru’s was terrible by any means, though it certainly <i>looked</i> pretty bad.

And things weren’t being helped by Mitsune spreading rumours about him and Naru, or the rather creative ways she was using her illusory powers to prank people. It was also kinda weird how the girls just sort of brushed off his new muscular frame - aside from a few errant, quickly stomped-on thoughts from Motoko, some slightly less quickly stomped-on thoughts from Naru, and some celebrated thoughts by Mitsune they just seemed to generally ignore it. As for the other two, Suu was too hyperactive to particularly care and Shinobu -

“I wonder if they remembered my birthday is tomorrow.”

- Apparently had a birthday tomorrow. Looking at her behaviour, he might have assumed it was embarrassment towards something or other that he’d done recently or something like that. Alright then! Time to stop thinking about his own troubles and set about helping the others in any way that he could! After all, he was their landlord, and any landlord should have the responsibility of helping out with their tenants’ problems where and when it was reasonable to do so!

Quick check, what were the others up to… Motoko was out, Suu was tinkering with something it was probably not safe to dwell on too much, Mitsune was busy teasing Naru and periodically causing naked images of himself to appear wherever Naru was looking <i>gee, thanks, Mitsune… that’s really appreciated</i>. Well, it wasn’t like he’d even be able to prevent Mitsune from doing anything like that for the time being… Heck, his presence might even make things worse!

With a triumphant nod and a confident fist raised to the heavens, Keitaro decided to embark upon Operation Birthday! Alright! He’d help Shinobu have the best damn birthday she ever did have! First thing’s first! She’d left the dorm to get some groceries. Alright! It was a small gesture, but maybe if he helped her carry them home he could cheer her up! And he did happen to pick up where she was going just before she left the grounds…

<hr>

She wouldn’t blame them if they all forgot, really. There was so much activity in the dorm these days that something like a birthday would naturally slip all of their minds. So it wasn’t like Shinobu was expecting anything much to happen tomorrow. But it would certainly be nice if they did remember.

The above line of thought is a testament to the general innocence and niceness Shinobu radiated without effort. Most others that did half the work she did around the dorm - cooking, washing clothes, collecting groceries and so on - would have bitterly complained about getting no respect for their efforts, and most of those would have been justified in doing so. Instead she just got on with it with nothing more than a pleasant, cute smile and a song on her lips.

So, here she was, walking into her normal store to pick up a few odds and ends, some vegetables here, a little bread there, maybe a bag of rice. It was a nice shop. She liked the shopkeeper. He was a funny man, always had a good, sharp wit, always liked making his customers leave with a smile. Strange that he wasn’t at the counter right now, but Shinobu simply shrugged and went over towards the produce, and -

And saw a monster. A hunchbacked old man with a beard longer than he was tall. It trailed along the ground with each strand bucking and weaving independant of one another like a series of tiny white snakes attached to his face. He hadn’t seen Shinobu yet, which was for the best as it gave her ample opportunity to back away and run for the door - Only to run headlong into a barrier and tumble back to the ground. She bounced back onto her feet, ignoring her bloody nose and pushed at the apparently empty air in mounting terror. “No,” she whispered. “No, no, no! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Please, let me out of here before that thing sees me, and - And-”

A scream punctuated her thoughts, and she went against her own common sense to take a peek around the shelves to see what was happening. The sight made her face turn white and her stomach turn, so she clasped her tiny hands to her mouth to keep herself from making the strangled yelp she knew was lurking deep within. The beard had wrapped around one of the other customers and it was - It was pulling him towards the old man, whose mouth was opening wider than should be possible, revealing a toothless, bottomless maw and he was - He was -

Another scream, and she saw others entangled in the hair struggling against this inevitable horrible fate and she could see a few strands sneaking towards her as well. She backed away and ducked behind the counter, trying desperately to shut out the sounds all around her while wiping the tears from her eyes. Wake up, Shinobu! She kept that thought going through her head. This couldn’t possibly be real! Wake up, Shinobu! Wake up from this nightmare!

<hr>

Did you ever feel like you were being watched? That strangely unsettling feeling where you can’t quite see anyone there, but you can sort of… feel them. A presence observing you, unnoticed and unseen. Motoko had been struggling with this feeling ever since their new manager arrived. Ever since that day, she couldn’t do anything about the dorm without feeling some pair of eyes on her, watching her every move. Normally her senses could inform her where it was coming from, but in this instance it was as if it was coming from everywhere. All at once. But still only one observer, which made no sense at all.

So it was a bit of a relief to leave, actually. Even if it was for something like a simple stroll to see the sights, it was far and away an improvement. It meant that she would not have to contend with the constant leering gaze, or the presence of -

“Motoko?”

- A certain annoying would-be Tokyo University student.

“What do you want, Urashima?” she asked, only even paying him any attention because he got hers first.

“Nothing much. I just thought it was funny how we ran into each other like this. Isn’t it funny? Haha!” As stupid as ever. She made to move past him, and only stopped when he said, “Say, have you seen Shinobu anywhere?”

“Why are you interested?” she asked, checking that her blade was still in position. “If you intend anything dishonest…”

“No, no! Nothing like that!” he insisted, looking like a complete idiot with the way he was waving his hands around. “It’s just, her birthday is tomorrow, and she seemed a little sad, so I thought I’d cheer her up! That’s all!”

Shinobu’s birthday was tomorrow? In all honesty, she had completely forgotten. To think that this man would be the one to remind her of something like that, it made her feel -

Evil. Powerful, all pervading evil just a little bit behind her. Not the manager, not Urashima, something outright demonic rather than perverted. That shop, there. Motoko ran towards it, ignoring Urashima following her until she stopped at the entrance.

“A barrier,” she noted, pressing her hands into the empty air. “What evil is this?”

“Hey, isn’t that Shinobu in there?” Urashima said, pointing towards the counter. Yes. Yes, it was. Cowering in terror with her eyes squeezed shut, and it wasn’t hard to see why. Some sort of monster was stomping around the shop, with hair growing out everywhere!

Motoko stepped back and took a deep breath. “I advise you make some distance, Urashima.” He did so, and just as well for his sake. He was not her target and this could have quite badly injured him had he been too close. She concentrated on the barrier and focused her ki into her blade, holding it aloft to the shock of passersby, who all wisely kept their distance as the blade began to glow. If they thought this was terrifying, they should see what lay within! Or perhaps not, for their own safety.

"Wicked Ward Slice!" Motoko yelled, bringing her sword down with a terrifying speed that picked up the wind all around them. She felt her blade cleave through the barrier, and heard it shatter into a million pieces - only to reform the instant she lost focus.

She tried again, with the same result. As soon as she tried to move through it or thought about anything other than cutting down the barrier, it would reappear right where it had been as though she hadn't done anything at all. Again! She had to get in there to rescue Shinobu and anyone else trapped in that store! She had to vanquish that monster, she had to because nobody else <i>could</i>!

"Motoko, this isn't working," Urashima said. "You're going to work yourself too hard. Don't you see how tired you're getting?"

She wiped the sweat off her brow and stared right through the little man. “And what do you suggest we do? Leave Shinobu in there? If only I can keep that barrier down long enough, I could get through and rescue her.”

“Could you keep it down long enough for me to get through?”

She looked at him again with a new appreciation. Was he offering to rescue Shinobu on her behalf? Accepting help from him was a blow to her pride, but Shinobu’s safety came well before such things. Then again, what could he do to defeat a monster like that? At best he would be able to grab her and leave… But that might be enough. With a curt nod, she began again. One last time. One final bout of concentration. One final swing of the sword, one final gust of wind and the barrier fell. She was peripherally aware of a figure diving through and it broke her concentration just enough that it closed up again behind him.

“Wicked Ward… What?”

Hair. That white hair that had been crawling along the ground had suddenly amassed over the barrier with terrifying rapidity. If she cut through it now - Motoko looked to her left and right - so many people on the street still, not sure whether this was real or not. If she let down the barrier now, of all times, it would be a terrible risk to all of them… And even then, neither Shinobu nor Urashima would be able to leave this way through that wall of hair.

“You had better take care of her, Urashima,” Motoko said, staring at the mass of wriggling split ends. “Or I’ll drag you back from the afterlife to teach you a lesson personally!”

<hr>

There was a very brief moment during which the thought “What the hell am I doing?!” blazed across Keitaro’s mind, but every bit as quickly as it did so he was diving underneath the counter and tapping Shinobu’s shoulder to get her attention. She gasped, opened her eyes and scrambled backwards in fright, which he kind of should have expected, really.

“M-Mister manager,” she whispered. “Wh-what are you- How did you-”

“You mean the barrier?” he whispered back. “Motoko’s holding it open. Come on, let’s get you… out… Oh no.”

He had intended to get the hell out of here. Get Shinobu to safety, then try to help Motoko defeat this demon. Not that she needed it, probably given how talented she was… But given the reforming barrier and the wall of hair between them and the exit that plan had gone right out the window. Which might have made for a decent backup plan, if not for the hair covering that as well.

The monster had probably not seen them yet. Probably. But they were absolutely trapped, and he could see some strands of hair starting to work their way around the counter. It would find them before long, and from the way Shinobu was reacting she must be scared out of her mind and -

An idea flickered into his mind, one of desperation. Could that… No way… That couldn’t possibly… With Shinobu? There wasn’t anyone else here! What else could he do? He wouldn’t let her die here, he couldn’t let her go through that, not when there was another way out of this.

“Shinobu, do you trust me?” he whispered. She nodded. “Good. This may be our only chance. Repeat after me: I do solemnly swear to uphold the virtues of beauty, honesty, courage and wisdom. With this power, I shall smite evil where it stands, and never use it for my own gain.”

“I… I do solemnly swear to uphold the virtues of beauty, honesty, courage and w-wisdom. With this p-power, I shall- Shall smite evil wh-where it stands, and never use it for my own gain.”

That would do nicely. Sorry about this, Shinobu, but it really was the only way either of them were getting out of here alive. For a few seconds he could clearly see the shock and surprise in her widening eyes as he pressed his lips against hers, but then there was this tremendous blinding light and he backed away-

Who was <i>this</i>? Whoever she was, the best description for her was tall, busty and beautiful. Her dark hair was tied back into a ponytail, and the rest went down to her shoulders, though most of it was covered by the pointy hat on top of her head. There was something terribly familiar about the face, which showed this expression of adorable confusion.

And then there were her clothes, comprised of a short form-fitting black dress and a neckline that might not have shown much flesh but certainly put a strong emphasis on how busty she was. Atop the black dress was a gleaming and frilly white apron, producing the very image of a perfect maid. She even had a feather duster nestled in her cleavage.

“Keitaro?” she said, tapping her cheek with a gloved hand. “What is going on? How did we get - Demon!”

In retrospect, peering over his shoulder was probably not the best idea he’d ever had. After all, he hadn’t really seen the monster responsible for all that hair until this point, but now that he had he really, really wished he hadn’t. An old scraggly man with wrinkles that had their own wrinkles. This is what time must look like if it were to assume human form; all it was missing were an hourglass and a scythe.

And it was staring at him and licking its lips while it did so. Given that, the strangled whimper he made was probably perfectly justified, especially when he felt a few strands of hair wrapping around his ankles with the clear intention of pulling him towards that thing.

“No, you don’t!” the woman that had apparently replaced Shinobu declared. “Busty Maid Witch will put an end to you and to your wicked hunger!” She pulled the feather duster out of her cleavage and pointed it at the mass of hair. The bristles on the duster began to glow and stood erect and pointing forward towards the terrible creature. “Clean up this mess!”

The store around them exploded into sudden activity. A mop, a bucket and a broom appeared out of a closet Keitaro hadn’t noticed until just now, full of water. They stood before, ahem, Busty Maid Witch and gave a sort of adorable bow. Then she tapped them with her feather duster, and suddenly there were more. Just. Countless more of them. Dashing around the store, scrubbing and mopping and putting things back onto shelves, simultaneously pushing the hair back towards the creature in spite of the strands attempting to wrap around the various cleaning implements.

At what point exactly had he decided to dive into a really weird interpretation of <i>The Sorcerer's Apprentice</i>?

In the meantime Busty Maid Witch was not being idle. She was busy scrambling onto the top of the counter, and Keitaro would swear blind she was deliberately taking her time to give him as much of an opportunity to peek up her skirt as possible. She got to the top after a little while regardless, and used her feather duster to wrap a few strands around it, clearly struggling against the powerful pull it had.

“Oh dear, mister shopkeeper,” she said. “It would appear you’ve not been taking proper care of this at all. It looks like I’ll have to clean this up as well. Shampoo! Conditioner! Scissors!”

One by one, each item shot across the store and in a strange way it was a lot like watching a conductor at work. A very sexy conductor who kept winking seductively at him as she worked, but a conductor nonetheless. The bottles emptied out over the creature’s beard while brooms and mops pushed it around to keep it from trying anything.

“How many times must you be told? If you don’t take care of your hair, it will very soon become an unmanageable mess! Let’s give it a trim, shall we?”

As the scissors cut their way across the creature’s beard, it let out a terrible scream that would perhaps haunt Keitaro the most out of all of it, even if only because it opened its mouth wide - very, very wide - in order to do so. The hair fell to the ground in a wriggling clump and the monster clutched at its face, weeping as it did so.

“There we go, problem sorted!” the woman announced, twirling her duster around like a baton and sticking it back into her cleavage. “Now we just need to -”

Whatever she was about to say would have to wait, as a terrible gust of wind wreaked havoc through the store, knocking everything over once again. This time including a certain Busty Maid Witch, who fell on top of Keitaro in a manner that might well suffocate him…

But somehow he wouldn’t really mind going out this way.

<hr>

The hair had receded from the barrier shortly after a terrible burst of magic came from within. The cause was not malevolent, Motoko could feel that much, but it was powerful. Perhaps the strongest magic she’d ever personally experienced, even if not the strongest she’d heard about. And soon after that she felt a change in the barrier as well. It was less powerful than before! Very well then! There was nothing for her to do but hope the landlord had not gotten himself and Shinobu killed during the time they were in there, that there were still people to be rescued within that store, and that she could put a stop to the demon within once and for all!

“Wicked Ward Slice!” she screamed, and the barrier fell for the very final time. She took several deep breaths with her eyes closed, sensing no danger within though evil still did lurk around waiting for her to vanquish it. She opened her eyes -

And goggled at the sight of the manager underneath some scantily clad, big-breasted woman. His face nestled inside her… Inside her… That pervert! To take the time to do this while Shinobu’s life was in danger! To - No, not the time. The demon was over there, clutching at its face! It was vulnerable, and attacking while in this state was not honourable. For this reason alone did she run around it to face it from the front, all for the better so that honour was satisfied and evil could be vanquished. A single sword slice later and the beast was exorcised. A group of people all appeared in a heap where that wicked thing had once stood.

<b>Now</b> she could turn her attention to the manager and his floozy.

“Urashima, what is the meaning of this?!” she demanded as he feigned confusion and the woman hung on his arm in a clear show of affection that betrayed any excuse he might have to offer. “What have you done with Shinobu Maehara? Where is she?”

“Ohhh, now I get it,” the woman said. “You don’t recognise me, Motoko? No, of course not. I should have realised it sooner! Keitaro’s still wearing his glasses, you’re wandering around in your training hakama… I should have seen it before!”

“Um… I don’t think we’ve met before, miss,” Urashima said, attempting and failing to extract his arm from where it lay trapped between the large breasts of the woman. It was almost funny, really. She’d stopped holding onto his arm, but her breasts were so large they were keeping his arm stuck in between them even so. “And Motoko is right! Do you know where Shinobu is?”

And then the woman just rolled her eyes, took off that ridiculous witch’s hat on her head and pointed directly at herself. Motoko stared at her face. Yes, there was a resemblance but this was… This was impossible!

<hr>

Wasn’t this an unexpected turn of events? There she was, biding her time and minding her own business. Studying to enter Tokyo University and hoping- <i>praying</i> there wouldn’t be a monster attack she’d have to help them deal with. Nor that Naru and Keitaro would think of a new sexual position to try out that would make them rather, shall we say, <i>noisy</i> for the next few hours. Nor that anyone else would think of something they could try, given that thing he could do…

Then she was in a store, in her Busty Maid outfit, stuck behind a counter with an obviously terrified Keitaro. The creature itself was probably one of the weaker monsters she’d taken down in recent years, definitely since she’d switched from “Shy Maid Witch” to “Busty Maid Witch”. Though it was familiar for some reason… Anyway, the former name just didn’t seem appropriate since she’d gotten over that pesky introverted nature and - well, Keitaro had always said it was Ataru’s fault her chest ballooned like that overnight.

To think she’d find herself stuck in the past like this! In a time before Naru and Keitaro were officially a thing. In a time where she stood a chance of winning him over, a time where she had a body that very obviously had his attention. A chance she was sure as hell not going to squander.

“So, I guess for some reason the contract sent me into the past,” she said. “I don’t know why. It didn’t do this sort of thing for me.”

“I see,” Keitaro said, nodding in understanding. That boy is way smarter than he gives himself credit. Even before or without the ever-present awareness he had of all things Hinata Dorm. It was always about self confidence, and she’d help him get it much sooner than he would in her version of events. “Could you tell me how it happened before?”

“I am much more interested in how you are able to form contracts,” Motoko stated, gripping her sword a bit too tightly. Obviously this was well before she took up writing romance novels about herself and the manager. Still a stick in the mud. “I was not aware you were a mage.”

“It’s a bit complicated,” Keitaro replied, a bit naively, really. Surely he could see how that would make Motoko more suspicious. “But really, Shinobu, what did happen? Do you remember?”

“Well, I remember being so shocked that you would do that sort of thing out of nowhere like that,” Shinobu said, easily remembering her first kiss with the man she loved. “I think I remember causing all sorts of things to fly out. I think I hit it in the eye with a bottle of detergent or something, or maybe it went into its mouth? Anyway, that weakened the barrier enough for Motoko to get inside, and after a tough fight she was able to beat the thing. It wasn’t until later on that I realised I had cooking- and cleaning-specific telekinetic abilities, and a few other tricks I learned later.”

“Like duplicating cleaning equipment?”

“Hm, yes. It’s only really useful in the right circumstance. Which is why I always keep this feather duster with me, and - Oh, gosh. I should probably change back to normal.”

It was simply a matter of concentrating to get herself back into her normal state of being, her normal clothes and… Apparently her room at the dorm, hunched over a textbook. There was a cough at the doorway, and she looked up to see Keitaro standing there.

“I think we need to talk,” he said. “Specifically, about temporal dynamics, and things you absolutely cannot do….”

<hr>

It was a few hours later, and Motoko was meditating over the events of the last few hours in her room. She really didn’t know what to make of it all. Urashima was a mage of some sort, but professed ignorance on any aspect of magical society that Motoko knew of. He appeared to be able to use some twisted form of the pactio, but the details were all wrong from what she had learned about them… And that incident with Shinobu… She didn’t really believe the woman until she changed back, and became the young girl Motoko had known since coming to this dorm.

There were so many mysteries around this Urashima person. Too many. She had too little information. And that demon… It was a difficult thing for her to do, very nearly impossible given what she was considering. Motoko had her pride, but the thing she was most proud of was her ethical and moral viewpoint. Given that, was it right to face this alone? Was it right to-

No. She had no real choice in the matter. This was potentially too large for her to handle alone. With deep regret and solemnity, Motoko Aoyama stood and approached her desk, produced a single sheet of paper and began to write.

<i>“Dearest sister,

“I am compelled to write to you regarding recent matters at the Hinata Dormitory which deeply concern me. I seek your sage advice….”</i>

<hr>

Though the body of the beast had been slain, Busty Maid Witch had made a single crucial mistake during the course of her skirmish with the demon. Back at the store, all three - even the student of the demon-slaying school - had been so caught up in the revelation around Busty Maid Witch being from the future that they didn’t notice a little movement in a place where there should not have been movement at all. Just a few little twitches, nothing too much.

A little after they left the scene, it began to move a little more… obviously. Tying itself together, crawling across the floor and out into the street. After a little longer, it began to rub itself against the ground and came to a decision. Then it moved again, slowly this time and keeping to the shadows, crawling towards a single inexorable location. A certain dormitory, where the occupants were blissfully unaware of what was coming for them.

<hr>

The next day, Keitaro Urashima was grateful for the opportunity to eat with the rest of the girls and the opportunity to actually properly taste Shinobu’s cooking at long, long last. It was a little frustrating that he couldn’t read anything of Shinobu’s future self or anything like that, but not surprising, really. The only thing she knew was that she did <i>something</i> and the monster went away. She barely even remembered the kiss, which was probably for the best.

Then there was Motoko… He turned his attention towards the kendoist, and quickly looked away when she realised he was looking at her. Unwell. She was unwell. Training in the cold weather for hours at a time was having a noticeable toll on her health, but she was attributing it to - Hey now, stop staring at his chest like that! Okay, maybe she was a little smitten with him but that was just a direct reaction to his supernaturally enhanced muscles. She didn’t really like him. Not really.

“I’m finished eating!” she suddenly declared, rising from her seat and desperate to get away from him.

“Um… Motoko?” he called, immediately regretting saying anything when she glowered at him. “You’ve got a bit of rice stuck on your face.”

The kendoist wiped it off and staggered out of the room like she’d drunk half her body weight in booze. Oh dear. She really was sick, wasn’t she? Given the way she was just now, how would it be possible for him to advise her on this without making her even more suspicious of him? Unless, of course -

“Did she seem a little flushed to anyone else?” he idly asked. “I think she might be coming down with something.”

It was a lame attempt, sure, but if it motivated any of the others to talking to her about it then it was all good in his eyes. Right now she was heading over to the hotspring, being followed by Su in the process…

And then he felt it. An intruder in the dorms, creeping around the boundary and snaking up towards the hotspring.

<hr>

Why did she feel this way? Had he cast a spell on her? Every time he looked at her… Every single time, her heart felt like it was about to rip from her chest and her mind went completely blank. What was this feeling? Sure, he was an attractive young man and sure, he was a bit braver and smarter than she had initially given him credit and sure, she couldn’t stop thinking about him even when he wasn’t around…

But that didn’t mean anything. Right?

“What’s wrong, Motoko?” Su chirped, splashing around in the water around her. “Come on, let’s play!”

Huh? Wait, but wasn’t this just like what you see in works of manga and anime series all the time? It could not possibly be true, but what other explanation was there? Now that she thought about it, she’d spent every day of her life training. Never really had the chance to talk to men on a frequent basis. But even so, she would never admit to the possibility that Keitaro Urashima was her first -

Demon. There was a demon approaching at a breakneck speed. Motoko ran for the door and grabbed a bathrobe as well as her blade and stormed back in just in time to see it crawling down into the water behind Su.

“Hey, Motoko, what’re you so excited about?” the girl asked, unaware of the menace lurking behind her.

“Leave, quickly!” Motoko yelled, ready to strike at a moment’s notice. Almost immediately after, it pounced but she was ready for this as well. Motoko dashed forwards, catching the creature in a ki-infused blast of wind that sent it flying back whence it came. Into the forest. Damn! If she had a little more time, and if Su were not in the way she might have been able to finish that thing properly.

“Oooh!” Su cooed, applauding the show of strength. Motoko stared down at her. She didn’t have time for these exhausting shenanigans! That thing would surely attack again and do so soon. So she did the only thing she could do in this situation: She made several ki-infused leaps over the walls and out into the forest behind the dorm. She could feel it out there, but its exact location… It was elusive. Probably weak, which meant that it shouldn’t be too hard to excorcise and -

And she stopped to catch her breath. What was wrong with her today? Was this an aftereffect of the feelings for Urashima that she absolutely did not have? But then something ensnared her arm, forcing her to drop her blade and she stared up at the hair demon lurking in the trees. No, not from such an obvious trap! How could she not see it there? Her other hand scrambled against the air in a desperate attempt to reach her sword, but to no avail. The creature appeared to be made entirely of hair. Her fist techniques would not avail her in this instance. She needed something to cut it, she needed her sword! But she felt so weak and it was hard to focus, and she was being pulled up towards the central mass -

A knife flew through the air, neatly slicing through the strands pulling her up. Motoko fell and to her surprise was caught in a very strong and powerful pair of arms that made her feel safe and secure and nice to rest in.

“Are you okay, Motoko?” Urashima asked. She looked up at him and felt herself blushing again, words failing her and her heart racing. It took everything she had to hold onto him and nod.

He set her back onto her feet and she stumbled backwards into a tree. Why was she breathing so hard? Over Urashima’s shoulder she could see the battle in progress. Was that Mitsune in that scandalous outfit? And there, up that tree: That was Shinobu, surely. The one from the future, waving around her feather duster and conducting a series of knives that were chop - chop - chopping the hair into tinier and tinier pieces. The hair would reach out to grab Mitsune, but then she would vanish and several knives would appear in place instead.

“You rest here,” Urashima said. “Those two will take care of that thing in no time at all. You just rest up and get well, okay?”

So... He had made a contract with Mitsune as well? Envy bubbled up within her before she could even think to stop it. Why was that? It didn’t make any sense to her that she should feel jealousy towards them. So why?

“Huh, well that was easy,” Mitsune said, running her fingers along the brim of her hat. “Stupid thing couldn’t see through my illusions or any of those traps we set for it. Ha! No trouble at all!”

If only that were true. Motoko’s eyes went wide as she saw it. The stray strands of hair cut apart from one another, still moving on the ground. She tried to speak, but her breathing was too heavy, her head was too spinning and she could do nothing as it all suddenly leaped for Mitsune and engulfed her within itself. No, no, no! She had to help them, she had to free Mitsune from this thing, but she couldn’t even stand up anymore! She was so weak! She was so…

“Give… Give it to me,” she said to Urashima with as much insistence as her strength would allow. “Give me the contract… Do it… Quickly!”

Urashima’s eyes hardened as he absorbed the implications, and Motoko shuddered under that gaze. A similar one to that which she had been feeling recently… It no longer set her ill at ease. “Repeat after me: I do solemnly swear to uphold the virtues of beauty, honesty, courage and wisdom. With this power, I shall smite evil where it stands, and never use it for my own gain.”

She repeated it without question or hesitation. Of course she would uphold those virtues. Of course she would smite evil where it stood. That was what she would do anyway. Was this the same oath the others took as well? His face grew closer, and the contract was sealed with a kiss…

A kiss…

Oh.

Oh!

Ohhhhh!

What was this wonderful feeling spreading through her? Was this his magical power? Yes! Was it spreading further throughout her body? Yes! Was it changing every little bit of her? Yes! Infusing her with energy? Yes! Did she love the way this felt and wanted it to last forever? Yesssss!

Motoko’s hips bucked and her lips turned upwards into an uncharacteristic smile. Alive! She felt so… Alive! More! She wanted more, more, more! Building, rising, glorious sensation and it was… so… close… to something…

Completely mind shattering. Like she’d ascended momentarily to a higher plane of existence but could not remember what she saw when she got there, only that she had at one point paid a visit. Motoko’s eyes opened and she was standing on her feet with a perfectly balanced katana in her hand. She looked down at herself and saw a sort of school uniform comprised of a shirt, a skirt and knee socks. The shirt was tied off just above her navel with short sleeves, and the skirt did rather insist on showing off her thighs, but for some reason she didn’t really care right now.

“I am the Stern Kendo Witch,” she said. “And I demand that you release my friend!”

The coalescing ball of hair made no motion to stop or cease or do much of anything at all. So be it. The Stern Kendo Witch lifted her blade and twitched an eyebrow at the sudden inexplicable gust of wind. She could almost see it. A tilt of the blade to the left, and the wind followed suit. A tilt to the right, same again. And she wasn’t even using her ki.

What would happen if she <i>did</i>?

The ball of hair began to move towards her, now. Future Shinobu - sorry, the Busty Maid Witch - sent knives and scissors towards the hair, only for it to bat them aside. Learning, are we? Cleverer than you appeared, aren’t you? But not clever enough. Stern Kendo Witch pointed her blade directly at the creature and rotated her wrist while channeling ki in to it.

To call what happened next an explosion of air pressure would do it little justice. Hair went just about everywhere, revealing an unconscious Mitsune right in the middle of it all. The hair all leapt towards her as one, but Motoko was ready for it and started to spin her entire body around with her blade outstretched. And so, the hair all dove right into a cyclone of purification ki, disintegrating on contact and the day was won.

“Well done, Motoko!” Urashima… No, make that Keitaro said while applauding enthusiastically. “I knew you could do it. Now, why don’t you change back and we’ll get you into bed.”

Which was right about when Motoko sent him flying clear over the dorm in a blast of wind that would have killed just about anyone else but Keitaro Urashima. Being functionally immortal, however, it left him pretty much unharmed.