Story: Pride and Joy

Within a private dining room at the very top of the Chardin mansion, a certain pair of figures were sitting at the table, licking their chops. Picolet Chardin II, and his head maid Madame St Paul.

"We have pulled in quite a good haul this month," the head maid said. She picked up a few bills and ran the money through her fingers, in a manner like a mother cradling their newborn in her arms. That same kind of affection, that same kind of love. "Your father did well in setting up so many marks for us to draw from."

"Indeed we have," Picolet agreed, laughing and causing his mouth to open like a giant cavern. "Hohoho! You are quite correct! My father was a master of long term planning! Or perhaps that could be 'long term scamming'? Turning martial arts dining into a means by which our family can draw money and/or brides for generations to come!"

Madame St Paul laughed into the back of her hand, though as her own mouth was as elastic as his, it almost made it look like she was trying to inhale it. "Yes, especially in targeting martial artists," she said. "They are too honourable to break the contract and too foolish to challenge it! The wealth and prestige of the Chardin family is assured, where once we might have been made destitute!"

"Yes, yes!" Chardin continued. He ran his tongue all over his face, then used it to grab a pen lurking behind his ear so he could write down a total on a loose piece of paper. "Lure them in with the challenge, trounce them with ease in a blatantly unfair contest- but also give them hope that their daughters might wind up living the high life! Only to disgust them into submission, leaving them no choice but to buy out the contract!"

"Through psychological manipulation and cornering them, we can coerce them into paying through the nose," Madame St. Paul smirked, a gleam in her glasses reflecting her malevolance. "It quite serves them right for looking down on Martial Arts Dining, wouldn't you say?"

"Still! I have hopes for this Ranma girl," Picolet said. "She is quite the fine fillet, yes? Pretty, petite, feisty... Perfectly fitting for my appetite!"

The head maid rolled her eyes, silently acknowledging that her master's lustful appetite was also quite strong. Still, he had a good point there. The Tendo family didn't seem all that rich... but those genes could go a long way to securing the next generation. Why, they might even be capable of standing up to 'true' martial artists at their own game with her offspring.

Elsewhere, Ranma shuddered as if someone had walked over her grave. And no wonder. I shuddered too upon imagining a crying pigtailed baby whose open mouth was larger than the rest of its body.

Now that cursed mental image is in your brain as well. If I have to live with it, <i>so do you</i>.

"Either way, we must prepare for the endgame," Picolet said. "Did you make sure to leave them clues to find out about the Parlay Foie Gras?"

"But of course, Master Picolet," Madame St. Paul smirked, then held up bills and fanned herself down with them. "It will seem like the perfect lifeline for her. An easy escape. She will doubtless train herself starved - little knowing that you have mastered all the counters to that technique years ago already!"

"Yes, yes - Though we must show caution and not discuss our plans so enthusiastically," Picolet said. "We have several new staff, I note, and I believe many of them are acquaintances of the Tendo family. Perhaps future, ah, donors to our family? One must think to the future, yes? Ohohohoho!"

<hr>

Alright, so this was annoying. Akane bit her lip and looked around nervously, the other girls at her side. Earlier on when they'd tried to peek in on this training regimen, her father had turned her back. He didn't want her to see him like this.

She might have been fine with that. She could have been okay... If not for the screams that followed. For that reason they had decided they had to take a look, they had to see for themselves what was going on in there.

"Maybe we shouldn't look in?" Ukyo said. "It sounded like it was Ranchan who didn't want us to see it."

"Please, it can't possibly be that bad," Shampoo said. "We see him run around scared of kitty cat already, yes? Can't be worse than that."

“Wait? Scared of cats?” Ukyo said.

“We’ll tell you it later, and you can beat up Uncle Saotome for it.” Akane said.

“Oh OK.” Ukyo said, not surprised it was Genma’s fault.

Then a blood curdling scream filled the air, and Akane couldn't stop herself from pushing the door open. Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo and Kodachi all peered inside, and beheld... Something that left hem totally baffled.

There was a complicated pulley system being worked by the two fathers, while Ranma sat on a stool with cutlery in each hand. On that pulley system were a series of pots and pans. Some had steam coming off them. Others, nothing. As they watched, girl form Ranma struck out, apparently aiming to only hit the pots without steam coming from them - but when she inevitably did, hot water spilled onto her, turning her into a boy - and causing the iron corset to crush his ribs.

"Oh, to see his male form again," Kodachi whispered. "Such sweet torture, to see such a beautiful sight - only to hear him scream in pain before turning back."

"This is a big waste of time," a new voice said. The four girls leaned back to see Nabiki cooly leaning against the opposite wall. "He doesn't need to go to all this effort."

"Yeah, and this is bound to affect his long term health," Akane said. "Crushing his ribs like that..."

"You Tendo girls too too weak!" Shampoo sniffed. "Martial arts training like this is necessary to get stronger."

"No really," Nabiki said. "It's a total waste of time. He doesn't need to -"

"You know what, Shampoo! You're right! I'm being a bit too soft!" Akane said, clenching her fists and fire flashing in her eyes. "He's been through worse than this. It'll make him stronger, it'll make him hardier!"

"It'll make him dick us all the deeper," Ukyo grunted, making an extremely lewd motion with her hips. The girls all nodded with that. Except Nabiki, who shrugged and wandered off to leave them to it.

<hr>

It never hurts to get a bit of practise in. That's why Picolet Chardin II was sitting in his personal dining room, now with the table cleared of money, ready to practise the Anti-Foie Gras techniques. Kukuku! The fools, they would never see it coming!

Madame St. Paul flicked a slice of chicken at him faster than a bullet, but he neatly deflected it back onto her plate. Alas, it was at this moment that a maid knocked on the door. One of the newcomers, no less. The one with short brown hair and a confident sense of superiority and intelligence in her eyes that was... to say the least, a trifle unsettling.

"I beg your pardon for intruding sir, madame," the girl curtseyed, but it almost came off as sarcastic. Much as everything she did came off. "It seems we have unexpected guests, who are quite insistent on speaking with you."

Unexpected guests? Aha! Perhaps more martial artists travelling through the forest, finding themselves hungry at his front door! He dismissed the maid without a thought, made sure he was presentable and then went downstairs to meet them.

"Ah, welcome sir -" he began but found himself quite caught off guard when he saw who was waiting at his front door. Not hungry martial artists crawling along the ground, desperate for a morsel of food. But rather, quite a lot of martial artists. Angry looking martial artists. More than you would expect from a travelling group. "Can I help you with anything?"

Then they all held up a piece of paper with a contract written on it. All looking very similar to one another. Ah. that was probably a bad thing.

"We want a word with you, Mister Chardin!" the one at the front said, while the others seemed content to glower menacingly. "Turns out you set up a contract with the whole lot of us to engage our children to you!"

"I thought you were meant to be a girl!" said one at the back, though another nodded along with him.

"Ah, well - You see," Picolet coughed nervously. "I am quite sure there is some manner of misunderstanding. I -"

"Mister Chardin, your fiancee was wondering what the ruckus was all about."

Ugh! That maid had brought Ranma along to see this as well!

"We-well, as you can see it's quite a moot point," Picolet said, recovering enough to get the gist of what he should say next. "As you have just heard, I have already become engaged to a lovely little filly. I'm afraid you will all have to pay out your debt via other means -"

Then the sea of martial artists passed to reveal a stick thin figure in a smart suit, carrying a briefcase. It took a moment. But then Picolet Chardin II realised that this woman was of a sort far more terrifying than any number of martial artists. This was... a lawyer!

"Hello are you Mr. Picolet Chardin?” The lawyer said. She was wearing a crisp pantsuit, but also for some reason had a large gavel on her back. “I am Sadamu Nori, Martial Arts Law.” She looked past him, “Hello Nabiki, how’s your father doing?”

“He’s doing fine.” The maid said. Picolet turned pale. Was she responsible for this!?

“I was quite surprised to hear this. I mean, surely you know that you can’t arrange a marriage between yourself and a person to pay off someone else’s debt? Highly illegal. Not to mention doing it repeatedly.” She shook her head.

“Now wait a minute! I’m not the one who set this up! I’m as innocent as the re-” Picolet began.

Then three men in gis barged into the front of the house from the forest. “A house! Food! Thank god!”

The group turned around and for the first time, stared at the forest.

"Say, are those a bunch of mirrors placed around the house, or is it my imagination?" Ranma asked. "You know, it almost makes it look like someone was trying to get people lost in the forest, then turn them around and make them come to this house."

Shit. Shit. Shit! Now the martial artists were rounding on him, forcing him to back off into the house.

"It would be assault if you lay a finger on me!" Picolet said.

"Don't worry, we won't," said the lead martial artist, He reached to the side and picked up an apple. "We're just gonna engage in some parlay du foie gras."

“I believe I may have to administer summons soon.” The lawyer said, now tapping her oversized gavel in her hand. “Perhaps it might be best for you to let me look over these contracts? Mr. Chardin?”

But he could not say anything. Because no matter how elastic his mouth might be, there was still a limit on how much food it could contain at once. He made a gurgling sound, and barely noticed when the maid named Nabiki sauntered in, grabbed the key to the corset, then hurried off with Ranma slung over her shoulder.

"What? That's it?!" Ranma yelled while being stuffed into a closet. "That's so anticlimactic!"

"You want a climax, big boy?" Nabiki asked. "I'll give you one for free."

"Nabiki!" another of the maids ran up to the door and pounded on it. "Ohh, that big sister of mine! Sneaky as ever!"

"Yes, airen is right!" another maid said. "Too too anticlimactic. Not nearly as much fun as watch airen beat him at own game."

"We could always just watch the anime for that if we really wanted to..." Ukyo griped. "One of the few bits they pretty much nailed from the original manga."

1. Nabiki takes her reward.
2. Later that day, Ranma lets off some much needed steam on the other girls.
3. The girls get impatient while waiting for Ranma and Nabiki to come out. Their cravings are as bad as ever!
4. Turns out, this is setup for the next arc- Ranma engaged to Nabiki
5. Something else