Story: Cocknosis DxD

"Nabiki, this is <i>officially</i> the worst idea you've ever had."

That's probably not a name you were expecting to see. And yet, here we are. The Tendo household, showing up in the middle of a DxD thread. Don't worry, don't panic, this is just a one off, I promise they won't take over the thread. Though if someone wants to do an offshoot exploring the aftereffects of this little encounter - well, that's all on you, isn't it?

More to the point, the two younger sisters of the Tendo family were in their pajamas, sitting in the training hall of their family's dojo. Nabiki had just finished setting out a pre-prepared summoning circle onto the floor, and lit several candles around the placement.

"Come on, little sis. What's the harm?" Nabiki asked. "It's just a little harmless fun."

"We personally have encountered ghosts, oni that possess people, and live with two people cursed to transform -"

"Yes, yes! But do you really think a devil would be doing something so daft as handing out fliers in public?"

"That's exactly what they'd do," Akane scowled. "Nabiki, this is a really dumb idea. It's not like you to take a risk like this."

The reason, of course, was that she happened to be walking by when Issei was doing his sales pitch before. However, neither of the two girls recognised this fact. What mattered to Nabiki, first and foremost, was that she absolutely had to summon this Devil in order to get what she wanted. However, she had internalised it and rationalised it away the same way in which most people rationalise their choices after they'd already made them.

Cut to two hours later, and the two of them had fallen asleep. It had all seemed quite silly after about ten minutes of waiting for something to happen, and so the candles had been extinguished, then the two sisters gossipped and chatted in a way they hadn't done for years. It was cute, it was adorable -

Less adorable was the sound of unfamiliar footsteps, and an even less familiar voice muttering.

"A dojo of all places? Oh, why couldn't they give me a simpler first contract. If I get this wrong I might get beat up. Um, let's see... it was over here, I think?"

An arm pushed the door open, and by then Akane was already wide awake. She grabbed the sleeve and chucked the intruder overarm, causing them to land hard with their back on the floor, hard enough to knock the air out of him.

Then she found herself grabbed in an iron grip. A small girl had ahold of her arm, and no matter how she struggled Akane simply could not budge it. "Let go!" she hissed. Then the girl pointed towards the pervert she'd just tossed across the floor - 

And then Akane saw it. The bulge in his trousers. Her initial response was disgust, of course, and she did believe that this must be a disgusting pervert trying to pull something. However... her thought process started to blur a little bit as she stared at the bulge. It was hard to take her eyes off it. In part because... hell, she didn't know much about male genitals, but even her fiance’s Ranma's wasn't that big, and she'd thought that was a monster as is.

"Uhhh... Hey, Miss Contractor! You're a little jumpy, aren't you expecting me?" the boy asked, kipping up and dusting himself down. Akane still couldn't quite manage to take her eyes off that... That lump... "I'm Issei, the Devil you summoned today. That's Koneko, she's supervising me while I do this. Huh, that didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Must be a higher tolerance to pain, especially at night or something? Ah, excuse me, I'm kind of new to this Devil thing! What do you want? If it's within my power, I'll try to do it for you!"

What did she want? What did Akane want? Her eyes slid over to where Nabiki was still sleeping, and then zipped right back to Issei's junk. What did Akane want? Her eyes glazed over and she answered automatically.

"I want to have sex with Ranma Saotome," she answered bluntly. "I want to be a stronger martial artist. But mostly I want Ranma to stop insulting my cuteness and femininity and start being nice all the time."

"Eh? Relationship help for a girl?" Issei said. He tutted and crossed his arms. "Don't know why he'd insult your cuteness, you're really pretty."

"Issei. Check your book," Koneko suggested.

"Oh, right! Hold on, Rias insisted I took this lousy book with me just in case something kicked off... Maybe there's something in here?"

This was a weird situation, because he had never thought he would need to give advice to a girl. Never mind the idea of an attractive young woman like this even needing help at all. However... Maybe he could find something in this Cocknosis book that could help him out?

"What sort of insults does he use?" Issei asked, genuinely astonished that anyone would mock this girl's appearance. Honestly, he wasn't even too sure that he should be helping set her up with Ranma at this point. Why was she into him if he insulted her that much?

"He calls me flat chested. Can't cook. Can't sew. Can't swim. Calls me a violent tomboy. Sexless, no appeal at all -"

"Oh, so he <i>does</i> like you, he just doesn't know how to show it..." Issei said. “That’s called a “Tsundere” in the book here.” Phew, that sort of sounded like a pain to deal with. "Um... Maybe I can help out with a few of those other things? Although, I'd need your permission to do this."

Akane nodded, and then... And then he dropped his trousers letting her see it in all its glory. Holy shit. It was even bigger than she'd thought! Then he said "Boost!" and it got bigger! Akane moaned and fell to her knees, the sight of that hypnodick consuming her vision utterly and totally. She barely even noticed the small girl stepping back.

"I shall be outside if you need me," Koneko said. "Have fun taming this tsundere."

"You'd probably better take off your clothes," Issei said. "Oh man, the one time I say that and it's not even supposed to be pervy! I just want to see the changes I'm going to make as I make them, and fine tune your body appropriately."

Akane had not waited for him to finish, all but ripping off the pajama she was wearing and taking off the bra and panties underneath them.

Issei had gotten more used to naked skin and female bodies of all kinds. From the curvy forms of Akeno and Rias to the more petite Koneko and the more average members of the kendo club. But it was still quite.. distracting to see a girl all but posing in front of him, puffing out her chest as if she were waiting for an inspection.

"Ahem! As an amateur breast enthusiast, I can officially state: You are not flat chested," Issei said. "Still! If you would like a little more jiggle, who am I to deny you? I have seen more than enough reference material to give you a rack that will make that crush of yours go cross-eyed. Magnificus Mammarius!”

Boing boing! Akane suddenly felt a heavier weight settle in on her chest, and her posture adjusted accordingly. Even so, she couldn't quite manage tearing her eyes away from that junk. It didn't help when she accidentally started to imagine it was Ranma standing there. Instant moist, just add pigtail.

"Alright! It worked! I can give girls bigger boobs! Not that there's anything wrong with smaller boobs, but having this kind of power over breasts is more than I can ask for! And, uh, I should get their permission first because forcing them to have larger breasts is a step too far, but still! How about a little more muscle definition? You already look plenty fit, but I could probably make you stronger and faster, more in control over your own body..."

<hr>

Nabiki Tendo was a heavy sleeper. You kind of had to be in this house, everyone was such a damned early bird it would be impossible to get any sleep otherwise. Never mind surprise challengers attacking the dojo, or assassination attempts on Ranma or Akane. Sure, they didn’t happen <i>every</i> night, but every night of sleep lost was one too many in her opinion.

Still, there was definitely something going on right next to her, and it was chipping away at her defenses. Bit by bit, until eventually her eyes fluttered open and she realised that there was some strange boy in the room with her and her sister. And that boy wasn't whimpering in pain.

"Alright, that should do the trick! Now Akane, remember what I said. Don't hold back, and show that Ranma boy what you got!"

What she got was a major upgrade. Akane was already cute enough that virtually every boy her own age fell head over heels. But now, she was super cute. A bust that put Ranma's to shame was the most obvious alteration to her figure, but there were other little touches here and there. Her stomach was showing a much more defined six-pack than before, her muscles in general seemed much more taut, and the way she was moving made it clear that she was out after a man. Her pajamas didn't even seem to fit her all that well anymore either.

"Contract complete! Haha! This is easy!" Issei cheered, while Akane wobbled off out of the training hall. "Eh? Where are you going?"

"To the guest room," Akane said. An odd lilt to her voice, as though she wasn't quite all there. "To get laid."

"Damn right you are!" the devil said, giving her a big thumbs up. Ahaha! A horny idiot for a devil, and he'd slutted up her little sister. No doubt by taking advantage on her <i>bloody obvious</i> crush on Ranma. To tremendous effect, might she say. Well then. Nabiki loosened her pajama top a little, discreetly. She had no qualms about manipulating a pervert for maximum gain.

"Eh? Huh? That wasn't the person who originally contracted with me?" Issei said, scratching his head. "Well, I got a lot of energy out of it, so it's all good. I wonder who summoned me?"

"That would be me, big boy," Nabiki said, lying on her side and letting her arm trail down her leg, where her index finger was tracing circles. "Why don't you fulfill my request and -"

And... Unholy mammon, that was a large penis. Whatever mental guards Nabiki had up were shattered at the sight of it, a combination of surprise and lust induced by the massive schlong.

"Ah! Nuts, I didn't see you there!" Issei yelped, trying to cover himself up. "Uh, listen! Just tell me what you want - Except this cock! Anything else that you want?"

“Money, power, everyone being my little plaything.” Nabiki said in a monotone voice, eyes never leaving the giant dick that had wormed its way into her brain so violently.

"Eh, that might be a little above my paygrade..." Issei said, scratching the back of his head nervously. "Would you be happy with money?" Nabiki nodded so hard her head felt like it might fall off. "Alright then... Let's see what I can find in here. There has to be something that would make money. Uh... Milk production? No, that's pretty mean spirited. Wait... That wet t-shirt competition from before! Would you be alright with showing a bit of skin for cash?" Again, Nabiki nodded. Why not? She'd gone on several dates with guys so she could blackmail them. "Alright then! I'll give you a supermodel's figure and... Just to be on the safe side, I'll also give you this 'living calculator' ability. That should help a girl like you make cash, right?"

Needless to say Issei’s actions would cause a massive, even destructive, change to their status quo. But he would remain completely ignorant of the chaos he caused, because hey, he was just doing his job right? This is his story, after all.

<hr>

Did you ever wonder what happens to the energy accumulated by devil contracts? Did you think it went to the devil themselves? No, not quite. A bit did. Most went... Elsewhere. You see, the contract system is an important part of determining what rank a devil should be. Well, no, it's not an important part, but it is a traditional part.

Anyway, the point is that all this energy generated from contracts like this does go to a central location, where a bunch of dreary devils have to do the math and keep track of each and every random brat’s improvements. Which is worse because devils were basically immortal so anyone younger than five hundred years was a snot-nosed brat to these ancient bureaucrats.

"By Satan's beard, have you seen this energy coming in from the Gremory girl's new Pawn?" one asked. "That's energy from two young girls, and I'd say it's roughly equivalent to a stadium."

"Correction, two girls and a half boy, half girl..." her colleague said. "The three of them seem extremely happy with their contract, even though the boy - Issei? - has put no magical energy into it at all. Remarkable."

"The Gremory have always had a discerning eye," the first said. "I expect great things from this Pawn. If this is his first contract, imagine what he might be able to do with a little experience."

"He might ascend in the ranks without even partaking in a Rating Game at this rate..."

1. Meanwhile, Rias is planning and plotting how to bring Sona into Issei's harem.
2. Issei gets a phone call about another contract he's supposed to fulfill asap.(crossover fatesplit)
3. Asia is making plans on “cleansing” Aika’s friend Issei from his “sinful devil ways”
4. The kendo club makes adjustments to their club rules following some “suggestions” from Rias.
5. For those that are insistent on following the outcome of this on the Ranma 1/2 side.
6. Something Else