Ask any Private Dick and they'll tell you the same. When you take on an oddball case, put your ear to the ground and start listening to your sources. And when you’ve got some rare jewel and a dame being chased by a crazier dame you have one heck of an oddball case. So, first thing I did once that crazier dame had left? Grabbed a bottle and downed it in a single go. After that I left the office and took a nice long circuitous route to make sure I wasn't being followed.
Funny thing though. A couple times my instincts were telling me there was someone on my tail the whole way. Thing is? I'd check to see and couldn't see hide nor hair of anyone nearby. The only things that seemed interested in me were some dogs running about me. Funny, they weren’t just strays either. A few people caught up to their pets and dragged the mutts off. Could swear a few pigeons were giving me the stinkeye too.
Well, they were right to give me the stinkeye when thinking about where I was heading. If you lined up all the nightclubs in the city row to row, then this is the one and only one that'd be in the shade no matter how you lined 'em up. Anyone seen going into the Silver Swan had either hit the lowest point of their lives or had a rap sheet bigger than they were.
"Hey Romeo!" a couple of girls by the entrance tittered. Bad sign when the girls at a place like this know your name. "Can we take your hat and coat?"
"No thanks. I'd rather not lose them," I answered and hurried inside while they made extremely rude and unladylike gestures behind my back. The air inside hit me like a brick wall same as it ever did. You could taste the corruption in the air, it was thicker than the scent of cheap booze and even cheaper tobacco.
Speaking of the cheap booze I made a beeline right to the back of the club. Hidden corner there. A quick knock to the tune of of that Wheaties ad they keep playing on the radio. <i>”Have you, triiiiied Whiskey”</i> the guys in back like to sing.
A wooden panel slides open. I tip my hat and then I crawl in. Back here is a secret and very illegal distillery. Best cheap booze in half a mile. Mind, if you want the expensive stuff you gotta head over to the local police station and hope you didn't tick 'em off recently.
"Well hey there, if it ain't my favourite Dick," said a man who would be handsome if he hadn't been so thoroughly beaten by the ugly stick. "Hard boiled?" he said, gesturing to a carton of eggs he was keeping by his stove.
This was Mickey the Squid. So named 'cause he had a limb in everything. This distillery? A hobby. Well, that and an easy way to make some cash. Thing about Mickey was that folks trusted him. He had a way of getting you to talk just about enough that he could work the rest out. This man was a walking library of gossip. Toss him enough cash and he'd tell you what you ate on your eleventh birthday.
"I got a new case," I said.
"Good for you," Mickey immediately added. So the game begins. Trying in vain to keep Mickey from finding out shit you don't want him passing around while trying to get shit out of him that you needed to know. It was a game that nobody ever won yet. Save Mickey, but that ought to go without saying.
"The name Aoi Kitsunezaki mean anything to you?"
"Sounds foreign," Mickey mused, rolling on his heels. "Otherwise, I don't know shit."
"This jog your memory?" I asked, passing him a couple of notes.
"Oh yeah, now I remember!" Mickey chuckled while pocketing the cash. "Aoi Kitsunezaki. You know, I don't usually go for the Japanese but she is a walking knockout. Guess you already knew that if you're asking about her... Word of advice, don’t mess with her, she’s Louis Luciano’s right hand secretary.” Well that explains why she wants this to be quiet. That guy runs half of New York’s Underworld. “So is she a client or a subject of interest?”
"Both," I answered. His eyes lit up at that. "Hired me on behalf of her boss - so don't you go giving me that look. So long as I follow through, I oughta be safe."
"Hey, it's your life," Mickey smirked. "Alright, anything else? Can't imagine you just wanted a background check on your own client."
"How about a Lady Valentine?" was my next question.
"Well gee, I would love to help you out there pal... But you know how it is. My ankle's playing up again and you know how I can't concentrate when my ankle's playing up..."
I sighed and slipped him some more bills. Mickey looked at them, nodded and then took a deep breath before lunging forward and seizing me by the lapels.
"You're my friend so I'll say this clearly. For the love of God <i>stay away</i>. You'd have a better chance of surviving if you woke Luciano up one morning by pissing on his head. That woman's new to the city, but she's already got a rep for being a total psycho bitch. The really scary thing is, nobody knows shit about her but everyone that's heard of her is scared of her."
Yeah, that about fit what I figured. That broad sent chills down my spine the second she showed up.
"Promise me you ain't bringing her down on me," Mickey insisted. "Come on Romeo, you ain't that stupid to drop me in that bucket of crazy are ya!"
"Hey, cool it!" I pushed him away. "I ain't that cruel and you know it. She's another possible client is all. Something about an exorcism, the nutjob."
Ah, dammit. He'd played me into squealing a bit more info than I had meant to give him. Easy to tell from the way he backed off and straightened himself up. Never mind that.
"You know anything about this?" I asked, holding up a picture which Mickey squinted at. Before he could complain about his eyesight I had another note in his pocket.
"Oh yeah, Luciano's a bit of a fan of Japan," Mickey said. "How that Aoi lady got the job in the first place. That rock there’s one of his items. Heard he'd acquired it recently.
“Anybody else express interest in this rock?”
"Woof," Mickey answered. And then he was a dog. What? I blinked, I rubbed my eyes and looked down. Yes, Mickey was a dog. A yippy little yorkshire terrier. What?! I checked behind the distillery in case Mickey was playing an out of character joke while the dog jumped about the room yipping and barking excitedly.
"Mickey?" I called. "Hey, pal! Cut this out, it ain't funny!"
"Nor is your poking your nose in where it doesn't belong, Mister LeBlanc." Oh Goddammit. Some pale guy in a suit came out from the shadows, and there was a gun in his hand because of course there was.
"You're pretty good," I said. "Getting behind me without me noticing, that's a hell of a feat. So what did you do with Mickey?"
“A Magician never reveals his secrets, Mister LeBlanc.”
I shrugged and kept my attention on the gun. I've faced down more than a couple of barrels in my time. So this didn't even phase me. In one smooth move I lunged forward and had it out of his grip in no time flat - only for the gun to disintegrate into sand in my touch. Then I felt something press up against the back of my neck.
"Amusing disarm, but you're out of your depth. I wonder what kind of dog you'll be?"
Then out of nowhere I start hearing sirens. Well, more accurately I'd been hearing 'em since about the time this guy showed up but now they were getting really loud. And from the sound of it they had stopped right outside the place. Next thing I know the wooden panel comes off and cops start piling into the room the same way clowns fall out of a car and by the time I've looked around the thug is gone.
"Uh... Can I help you, officers?" I said while standing next to a very illegal still and a yippy little mutt.
Then, the cops all cock their hips and smile in exactly the same way - then they vanish leaving behind a Japanese woman with curves in all the right places.
"Well, well, Mister LeBlanc," Aoi said. "Starting on the case early are we? I did say you could start tomorrow."
At times like this a private investigator must look deep inside themselves and realise that to get the answers, you gotta start by asking the right questions.
"What the hell just happened?" I asked. "And where did this dog come from?"
Truly, the deep and inspiring questions of our time.
- Aoi brings Romeo down the rabbit hole, and he learns the world is a much crazier place than he imagined
- Our “Magician” meets up with his boss, or at least passes a message to them
- Lady Valentine is doing her own investigation.
- Something else
can u fix this post?
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