It was strange. It didn't feel as though Akane had known him for very long, but she already felt as though she knew Ranma quite well. This in spite of him being pretty quiet about his past. Unusually quiet, the only time Ranma talked about his past was when it came back to bite him, and those around him, in the ass.
Case in point. For some reason a group of the most annoying monks in the world* were after Ranma's pigtail and even his father didn't know why. He'd been pretty good at keeping them away- but they were persistent. Even his skill couldn't keep it up forever and so they'd managed to sneak it off. This mysterious Dragon's Whisker he was using to tie up his pigtail.
His reaction was... chilling. She'd never seen him like that. Even when he was confronted with a tiger in a room full of cats he hadn't let out a scream that utterly afraid. She ran after him, clutching the recovered Whisker in her hand. It was strange. It was only a piece of string so far as she could tell, and yet...
<i>"Akane! Don't look at me!"</i>
He was a jerk a lot of the time. Using those bras to distract Happosai was really gross. Even so she couldn't help but worry after hearing something like that. She soon came across a storage shed tucked away behind the main building. The door was a little ajar.
"Ranma, are you in here?" she called.
"No!" Ranma answered. "I'm somewhere else."
"Oh okay, I'd better take this Dragon's Whisker elsewhere then!" Akane said, saluting and turning on her heel to walk away. His hand shot out and grabbed her wrist.
"Gimme," he demanded.
"Tell me what's going on."
Ah, that wasn't quite what she'd meant to say. She'd meant something more like 'don't shut me out, I want to help.' It wasn't her intention to sound so harsh about it -
Ranma moved so quickly that he was a blur, seizing Akane's other hand and grabbing the string. "Hey!" she yelped. The force of his grab pulled her back and the two of them landed in a big heap with her on top of him.
And feeling... something pressing into her backside. Hold on. Hold on, that couldn't be right. That had to be his arm - no, no she could see his arms on her peripheral vision, reaching behind his head to retie the pigtail.
"Stupid tomboy, trying to hold out on me like that," Ranma said. Akane squirmed in his lap while making absolutely no effort at all to stand up. That wasn't right that wasn't right that wasn't right. Ranma gently set her back on her feet and Akane froze still like a statue. "Uh, you didn't get hurt or anything did you?"
Akane shook her head. Then she turned around. The two of them had been in gym when this had all kicked off. Her in a shirt and bloomers, him in a shirt and shorts. Her eyes trailed down. Down. And oh boy did they go down. Her heart went 'badumf'. Her loins went 'hey, stop ignoring us! We have needs too and - holy shit boy is packing a package and a half!'
Well, her loins weren't wrong. Ranma's package was... quite something. Had he hit super-puberty in the last five minutes or something?!? Then again when she first saw him naked he hadn’t been… ready, as he was now. Oh boy and just the thought of that was making Akane’s body want to get down to using that amazing tool.
"Uh, listen. Don't tell anyone about this," Ranma said. "It's super embarrassing, you know?"
"Y-Yeah," Akane automatically answered. Meanwhile her thought process could be summarised as 'humunnah humannah humannah gonna get me some, gonna not walk straight for a week!'
Which is quite understandable given that she hadn't felt raw naked perverse sexual lust before. A cutesy crush certainly. A potent animalistic attraction? Nope. That was new to her, and Akane had no idea how to express her desire to fuck until dawn.
"The whole thing is stupid anyhow," Ranma said. "Huh! Stupid thing causes a 'man's pride and joy to grow and grow'. What a laugh."
“You should be very proud of that.” Akane blurted out without thinking, she currently had a lack of blood going to her brain you see. Plenty of hormones though. Lots of them to go about. A surplus, one might even say.
"Nah, it's super annoying," Ranma complained. "After about a minute I start tripping up over it." Akane's loins clenched so hard that if someone had put coal in between her thighs, they'd have a diamond in about a minute. "Damn those stupid old monks. And Happosai too! I gotta keep this whisker tied up tight around my pigtail, or else it'll grow and grow and grow!"
Yeah, Akane wasn't seeing a problem with that. Ah... And before her very eyes the lump in Ranma's shorts was shrinking away back down to the same general size she remembered from that time she walked in on him the day they first met. A smile tinged her lips at the memory. Well... He wasn't <i>small</i> or anything back then.
Oh yes, she remembered it well. N-Not because of anything perverted or anything like that. She'd certainly not been having erotic fantasies about Ranma almost every night since that fateful encounter. All that had happened was...
<i>"Ah, Ranma must already be in the bath. I'll join her.</i>
Then she slid the door open. He'd been in the process of getting up. Then they'd stared at one another for a long, long time and then finally Akane had taken action by -
<i>"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know we had another guest,"</i> she said in a sultry voice. Her towel slipped down, and Akane gasped. <i>"Oh no, how careless of me. I suppose that I had better bend down and pick. This. Up."</i>
While speaking she had put her hands on her hips and made big exaggerated steps around while keeping her eye on that big swelling thing. Then, at last, she bent over at the waist with her legs spread just the right amount apart to make it clear this was an open invitation for him to take, which of course the young man simply couldn't help but -
Akane's heart stopped for a moment. None of that had happened! Except the part where she'd walked in on him. Everything else was a lie! A lie a lie a lie, and certainly not one of her repeated erotic fantasies because she didn't have erotic fantasies and if she did they wouldn't be about Ranma Saotome! Who wasn't a well hung hunk, nor a slab of beefcake with a handsome cocky smile! (Nor would such dreams be be about Ranma Saotome, cute busty girl, but Akane’s mind was more on Vitamin D right now than Vitamin P.)
"So how did this happen?" Akane asked, quickly banishing those dirty perverted thoughts to a far off place.
<hr>
This whole thing was yet another humiliation in the life of Ranma Saotome. And people wondered why he didn't like to talk about himself? Hah! Well, there you go! It all began years ago... 0.333579 years ago, to be exact. **
He had been in China at the time. Or more accurately she had been in China. Ranma Saotome, girl form. The first week of having this stupid curse. She had ditched Shampoo, who was trying to kill her at the time, and was now lost and separated from her old man. Hungry in the wild, strolling around in her now slightly too big for her gi, looking cute as the dickens while being as dangerous as a lion.
"Stop, thief!" a man had cried out. Ranma's martial arts senses flew into action. A chance to show off! A chance to beg for some food as a favour from the person being stolen from!
On the other hand the thief was carrying some kinda yummy smelling broth, so Ranma quickly stole it away and gulped it down in a single mouthful after planting her foot in the thief's face.
"Hey, got the recipe for that?" Ranma asked as the original owner of the broth walked up to her. To her surprise the man seized hold of Ranma's gi and pulled it open bearing her breasts to the cool afternoon air.
Elbow, meet head. Ah, and elbows old acquaintance foot wanted to say hello as well.
"A girl, thank goodness!" the man said, heedless of the fact that Ranma was grinding his dirty old man face into the dirt.
"You can make that up to me by getting me some hot water," Ranma said. To her mild surprise the guy agreed. Huh! How about that! Turned out he owned a restaurant.
"That broth is our secret item," the man said. "The stock is made of dragon's whisker. It has no effect on women, but if a man should eat it...Well, it fulfills a certain ambition."
Ambition, huh? Well, while he'd been talking the kettle had heated up enough. So Ranma picked it up and tilted it over his head.
"So it's a good thing you're fe -"
Then he was quickly silenced by a mouthful of hair... Though it must also be noted that Ranma completely didn't notice the other thing that was growing because he was too busy freaking out about the hair thing.
By now you can probably see the misunderstanding coming from a mile back. That's fine. Sometimes it's funnier to know that the pileup is coming long before it hits.
<hr>
"So let me get this clear," Akane slowly said, wide eyed and breathing heavily for some reason. Man, she was taking this hard. "As you just said, it kept on growing and growing until it filled the restaurant."
"Yeah, luckily he had another whisker to hand or it might still be growing. No idea how big it might get either, there doesn't seem to be any kind of limit to it."
Akane's face turned white. Man, and here he was thinking that the tomboy was being cold earlier. She was really caring about this a lot more than he thought she would.
"I can see why men might want to fight over it," she squeaked out.
"Yeah, it sounds good on paper," Ranma said. "But... I'm pretty sure that after a while it'll reach its limit. When that happens... it'll probably fall out."
"Noooooooo!" Akane clasped her hands to her cheeks. "Don't make me imagine such a horrible thing!"
Ah, his heart was trembling at this rare display of empathy. He'd been... not afraid because he wasn't afraid of anything (except cats) but more like... I don't know, concerned? That Akane would make fun of him the second she found out. Poke fun at his long hair, call him Tarzan or a wild man. But she'd been completely serious about it all from the start. He'd underestimated her! This side of her was actually almost pretty cute.
"Well, the guy did mention one other thing," Ranma admitted. "He said something about the 'touch of another' bringing temporary relief to halt the growth, so it wouldn't get that big too quickly. I didn't quite get it. You got any ideas?"
And then she slapped him for no good reason. Huh? Did he say something weird? Oh, this was much more like it, now she was behaving more like her uncute self and storming off in a huff -
Meanwhile inside the head of Akane Tendo, there were forces clashing for control. There was the proud part of her that was disgusted he would even make an accusation like that, and it was making protest about that being such a transparent excuse that she was insulted he thought she'd go along with it.
And then there was the usually silent part that had a strong feeling of attraction for a certain pigtailed boy/girl. It arose from its slumber like a lovecraftian horror, blotting out the sky of Akane's psyche. Then, it leaned over as Akane's pride and other arguing aspects of her personality stared out at it in maddening awe and terror. Then its voice spoke out and the ground trembled as much from sound as it did in fear.
"Y̷̦̥͚̪o̼͍̥̗̭͈̘u̬͇͜ ͎̻̯͚̳͉͖d̻̩̩͎͇͉ͅo̡̺̙͔̺̗͙ ͈̠̀r̭̦̯ͅe̗̘̭͙͔̲͚al͔̯̞͍̥̩i̲̣̜z͕̬̳͎͖̪e̘͔̳͢ ̣̼͢t̛̺̯̗͚̹͙ͅh̺̘̥͎̣̗̹a̰̩̣̭̬͎̜t͓̱͉̪͎̫͉ ̡̰̞͕í̭̱͇f̳̖̻͖̱̹͉͠ ̣̦͞w̻̰̦͚ͅͅe͖ ̤̺̻̘̮̦ͅp̜̲̼ͅl̻͎a̪͢y̺͕͇̣̙͇ ̬̲̗̘aḽ͖o̧̟̟̣̬n̪̯̘̙g̜̲̼̘͉̹͜,͕̺͕̼͓̺ ̳͔̣͇i͢t͇̯̤̯̠̞͟ͅ's̗͉̼̩͇̭͚͠ ̥͡ţ̯̯̬͔͔ͅhe̴̝̯͖̙ͅ p̮͔̦͈̮͡e̙̱͎ŕ̝f͇̳̝̰̲e͕̻̳͕̰̗c̢̺͓̠̦̠t̕ ̬e҉͇x̹̥̰c̮̼̝͔͟u̡̠̦s̫̙̘e͕͕̻̭͢ ̪̱̪͎t͕̤͍͕̦̝̲͜ò ̶͇g̤̲͙͍̙̕e̘̫͖͈͍ͅt̬͓̮̰̠͈̭ ̯ș͙͚̖͎o̶͔̯̻͕̹̭ͅm̬͎̭ͅe̺̖ a͞c̤̖̯͎t̷̩̮i҉̲͙̳̻͎o̦̤̙͚ǹ̟̻͓͚͙ͅ ̝͕̮̩́w̷̻̱̙͔h͢í̤̫̳̥͙ĺe͉̩̭͖̺̣͢ ͍p̨r͖̦͍̮ǫ̟̰̼ͅv̗̠̤͎̖̼̰͠i͖̻͚̩͎͘nͅǵ̰̥͚̼̙ ̥̯̙̳̳t̠̕h̦a̩t͎̦ ͏̯̱͙̲h̝͎͔͔̜͠ͅe̷ ̱̱̤̳̱t̖̻͇̞̮h̫̻́in̰k̭̯s̀ ̺̱͞w̶͈͕̥e͕'̶̺͖̺r̞̯̤͙̫̠e̠̥͚̜͓̘ ͎͎̝͍͞c͕͓̤̣̳̩ụ̜͖̻t̢è̥̱̪̮̭̮͎.̨̤̬͙̪̭̟ͅ ͝Y̫͖̱̻̕ou͓̺̮͍ ̱̭̫̳̬d͙̠̙̱̻o̯͓̺̱̬͉͜ ͓̟͕͕̟͎͡r̴͇̯e҉͖̬̹a̹̘͔l̛̪͍͍̻i̲̬̪͓̥͍̺z̪͙̤̬̗̩͠e͍̹̠͡ ̢̦̦̮t̮h̖̝í͚̞s҉͔͍̝̺̲̬,̹͕̣̣̳̮ ͍̯͎͍͍̻̀d̦͎̩o̴̼̙͉̭n̶̝̞͚̥̯'͏͖̤̝ͅt ͖̤̲̗͞ͅy̸͔̺̯o̮͚̝͔̞͇u͝?̖͖͍̜̫̲͔́"
As such, Akane Tendo slowed to a crawl as she reached the door. Then, biting her lip, she looked back at him and strode back with her head held high.
"Fine. If it helps you cope during this difficult time then I'll touch it to keep it from growing too big," Akane said. Then she turned up her nose. "You'd better remember to thank me when we're done, buster! Got it?"
"Got it," Ranma sighed. He waited until she wasn't looking and then rolled his eyes.
"I heard that!"
Guh! Well... It was kind of a relief that she was on his side at least. And... you know, for a moment there when she agreed to help him out she had almost kind of looked really cute. Not that he'd tell her or anything. Wouldn't want to put the wrong idea in her head.
<hr>
*Meanwhile in Tomobiki, the most annoying monk in the world sneezed on a perverted young man's lunch.
**I know it's bad form to explain a joke, but this probably does need some explanation. I'm making fun of the narrative caption in the manga flashback which basically says "years ago." When Ranma would have got this curse, uh, a few months ago at most. This is probably because of a Japanese phrase that says "ten years ago" but can also mean "a long time ago."
- Meanwhile, Genma gets in on the chase.
- They get exactly three steps out of the storage closet before Happosai steals the whisker.
- The awful monk tries to be stealthy, since he looks like a giant meat bun this is in some ways easier and in some ways harder.
- One of Akane’s rivals bumps into Ranma, can Akane keep his Massive Secret from springing out?
- Something else
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