Ah, Benten was really looking forward to this. It had been a couple of weeks since she last visited Earth, so she couldn't wait to hear about all the nonsense that Moroboshi guy had been getting up to. He was basically a magnet for bizarre nonsense and it looked like not a single day went by where he wasn’t involved with something impossible, crazy or supernatural. That boy had the kind of luck that would make the most hardened skeptic believe in the supernatural.
"Yo, Oyuki! Any sign of Lum yet?" Benten asked the Neptunian Princess.
"Regrettably no," Oyuki answered.
“Well, perhaps she got held off by her darling. You know how she gets whenever she thinks he is hunting girls.” The biker said, a smirk appearing on her face. “Not like she would need to worry. With his lack of sense, he really has no alternate options anyway.”
Hah! Yeah, the idea of him having any luck with the ladies was pretty funny in and of itself. With a face like that it was any wonder Lum had any interest in him in the first place.
"You know, he really ought to grow some common sense and settle down with Lum already," Benten said, leaning back. "Or she could grow some and realise she's way above his league..."
"Love doesn't have to be a rational thing," Lum's voice flitted into the room. Grk! She hadn't even heard the space-time corridor opening up! When did she get here? "And I'll thank you not to gossip about Darling and I behind our backs."
“Now now, it isn’t like we meant any harm. We simply want you to be happy, we are friends after all.” Oyuki raised one hand to her mouth, covering the smile upon her lips. “It would do him well to see how much you care about him, that at least you shouldn’t be able to deny.”
Benten sat up, eager to hear the gossip straight from the horse's mouth - then stopped cold as soon as she saw Lum. "What the hell?" she laughed. "Ugh, Lum? Anything you wanna tell us maybe?"
What was so strange about their Oni friend right now? If Ataru had been in earshot he would have offered a list. Then got himself zapped. But no, Benten was a lot more used to the idiosyncrasies of the Oni so when she thought something was weird it had a lot more context than humans tended to. In this case: Lum was wearing a very thick looking brownish coat and shuffling about sheepishly.
"I'm trying out some Earth fashion," she said. Then Lum twirled around in place. "What do you think?"
"I think it's the most boring piece of clothing I've ever laid eyes upon," Benten said. "Come on, take that dumb thing off, and have a drink!"
"No, no. I think I'll keep it on," Lum insisted. Suspicious. Very suspicious! The Oni girl drifted through the air, scooped up her drink and took a sip. "Ooh, nice! Is this new?"
"It is based on some Earth plants," Oyuki said. She glanced across to Benten, who caught the gleam in her eye. It was an unspoken pact between the two of them: That coat must come off! "Paprika, banana and garlic. It's become quite the sensation out in the galaxy."
"Yeah, and we can guess who's selling it!" Benten elbowed her conspiratorially. Appropriate, since they were now starting to conspire together. An idea came to Benten on that very topic, actually. "Hey, come on. Show us where you're growing 'em. We won't tell a soul, will we Lum?"
"Huh? Oh... I suppose not..." Lum mused.
"Yes, very well." Oyuki got her meaning. Hah! Perfect! "And while we visit you can catch us up on the odd things that Earthlings do."
And so the three of them wandered off engaged in small chit chat about the weird things that humans did. Like that whole 'Democracy' thing, which so many of them seemed to be so big on. Didn't they know that such a system would always tend towards demagogues and charismatic liars rather than truly appropriate leaders? They had computers, didn't they? Why not program them to select a ruler based on appropriate parameters? You know, the same way that the rest of the galaxy did?
Before long they arrived at the location. No, really. It probably took you longer to read that paragraph than the amount of time it took for them to walk to the greenhouse. Alien architecture is really efficient that way, it helps that they can warp and twist time and space to suit their every whim.
"... Their media doesn't help matters much either. It's really hard to tell what is news and what is a fictional story."
“Yeah.. some of their history is really weird, like for example a book I read said that they had a civilization that ruled half of the european continent, most of northern africa and a good chunk of asia. And you know what, it all just fell apart in no time. Or before that, some guy conquered a huge deal of land, then died and immediately his subordinates started fighting over the land. It’s like no one knows how to keep things working, only how to conquer and conquer!”
To Benten and Oyuki's delight, Lum began to fan herself down as the heat and humidity from the hothouse started to get to her. She adjusted her collar, moved to untie the coat... but then kept it on. Pulling her hands away at the last moment while blushing like a maniac.
Oh, now it really was on. That coat was coming off. Lum was definitely hiding something under there. Maybe she'd lost her bikini? Maybe cursed lingerie in an ill fated attempt to seduce Ataru? Some embarrassing cosplay she couldn't take off? Or maybe some weird alien tech turned her male, and she was trying to hide her figure?
Or... it could be a tattoo.
Though it would have to be a big one for a trenchcoat to be necessary to hide it.
"Oh wow, you've got a really smooth operation going on here," Lum said. Indeed it was. The whole thing was automated. The plants were being efficiently picked without harming anything. There was plant food being fed in, water being sprayed on them in obviously measured amounts, devices in the soil to read nutrition level and even a few robo-insects flying around to ensure natural pollination and to help recycle dead plant matter.
Seeing another chance, Benten put her hand around Lum's shoulder and gently stepped her off a little to the left. "Yeah, but you know this stuff is found easily on Earth as it is," she said, babbling nonsense to keep Lum from noticing the automatic picker until riiiight as it grabbed hold of her crummy trenchcoat's collar.
"Yipe!" Lum squealed on feeling said trenchcoat being picked up. Unfortunately, one zap was all she needed to put paid to that. A moment later and the heavy piece of clothing fell back on her form. Darn, and they had almost got her. Oyuki could have sworn she saw some skin even before that machine got shocked into submission.
"I'll have the maintenance bots fix that up," Oyuki sighed. "Please come with me. It might be best if we had something to eat. I am considering expanding business with a new flavour of ice cream."
Ice cream? Huh? Was Oyuki giving up? Something cold like ice cream would make Lum more likely to wear the trenchcoat, not less! Ugh! But Benten knew better than to oppose Oyuki when she really, really wanted to do something. Otherwise there was a pretty good chance everything around them would be frozen in place for a good solid hour. She'd seen the Princess when she was upset, and it was bad enough that even Benten could admit to being a bit scared of it.
As such they soon found themselves seated at a table in a room that had a moderate climate, benten trying her best to keep the conversation going while becoming more and more obsessed with that blasted coat. Why was Lum wearing it? What was she hiding underneath? Dammit, she had to know! Especially if it was something embarrassing!
"Here, this is based on another Earth dish. Fudge and coconut flavoured - Oh, goodness!"
Never in her life had Benten seen Oyuki slip or trip or stumble. She saw all three at once right then. Which was probably enough to get noted down in the calendar as a event of historical importance. You know, if it weren’t rather obviously done on purpose.
Fortunately for them, even Lum hadn’t quite managed to resist the heat of the greenhouse fully. So she had opened a bit of the trenchcoat, just enough to let a bit of fresh air in. And well, Oyuki <i>accidentally</i> inserted the ice cream right into that opening, presumably right onto their friend’s chest.
“Eeep!” It was rare to hear Lum shout in surprise, but she guessed having ice cream slip under her clothes after walking through a burning hot greenhouse had that effect. Just like Oyuki to think two steps ahead. As could be expected, Lum's instincts overrode whatever was making her keep that coat on, and it was flung out across the room as she jumped up out of her seat -
And hello there Lum nice to see you!
It is worth noting that Lum hadn't actually jumped up so quickly that she had stuffed Benten's face into her tits. But it wasn't too far off it. Benten's eyes boggled at the sight, they weren't that big normally were they? No, she'd remember them being so huge! So big... so warm, so inviting, so magnificent. Staring at them made her feel funny, and it didn't help with her trying to wipe off the ice cream that had got onto her.
“Ahhh! Oyuki, be more careful, do you know how cold that stuff is?” Lum shuddered, creating some very interesting and distracting motions across her <i>bu-</i> tits. The bikini top that she normally wore was still there, but stretched to its absolute limit. If it had been Earth fabric it would have long since snapped. Benten kind of wished it had. She wanted to see more. She had to see more. "Ah! Oh no, you saw!"
"Yeah, we saw..." Benten mumbled.
"We definitely saw," Oyuki mumbled.
Both of them let out a contented sigh, but Lum didn't seem to catch it. She was too busy frantically trying to cover herself with her hands. Which proved useless. So instead she floated off quickly to grab her coat. Which meant those things were hanging underneath swaying to and fro, jiggling back and forth in spite of her bikinis very best efforts to keep them from doing so.
By now both Benten and Oyuki were grinning inanely.
"Now you can't tell anyone about this," Lum insisted. "Oh, it seemed like such a good idea at the time. Use titnosis to ensure a happy marriage with Ataru. Seriously, you can't tell anyone!"
“Yes mistress Lum, we won’t tell a single soul about your hypnotic titties.” Benten said in an oddly monotone voice, Oyuki nodding in agreement before adding her own promise.
"Won't tell anyone about your tits," Oyuki slurred. "And... use titnosis to ensure a happy marriage with Ataru..."
"That's right, that's what it was meant to be," Lum sighed, completely oblivious to the effect she was having on her friends. "Ooh.. Now that you know about it, I might as well show you the book. The book showed me how to make them big, but then it claimed that I couldn't get them back to normal."
"Why would you want them back to normal?" Oyuki asked. A sensible question from where Benten was sitting. Ah! Oh no! She'd got the coat back on. Both girls whined a little. But unbeknownst to them the hypnotic effect of Lum's tits was now gone. Only the commands that she had given were in the alien girl's minds.
"Very funny Oyuki," Lum sniffed. "But these things are a massive pain to carry around. Besides which I don't want to accidentally hypnotise every human I meet when I head out!"
"Yeah, it's a good thing only humans are affected by hypnosis or you'd be in real trouble," Benten nodded. "So, you gonna show us this tittifying book or ain't you?"
- Ataru wakes up from his tit-trance and tries to hit on girls.
- Lum shows her friends the book. They immediately use it to give themselves hypnotits.
- Lum decides not to show the book to her friends when she notices them acting weird.
- Something else
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