Story: Mrs Mercury Tendo

Any student with a modicum of sense parted on a matter of survival instinct as soon as they caught sight of Nabiki Tendo. The same was true for any faculty member. Nabiki walked through the halls of Furinkan High like she owned the place, and from the way people reacted to her you'd think that she honestly did.

There was a lot on her lazy brilliant mind today, so she was moving more or less on automatic. Not especially taking note of the little cues all around her that would provide her with extra monetary opportunities. At least, not consciously. Like her mother she had been blessed with a nigh-eidetic memory, and so she would be able to bring such matters to mind as soon as she had the want or need to do so. It was only upon entering the teacher's lounge that she actually began to apply some thinking beyond the automatic.

"Good morning Nabiki," the vice principal said, bowing deeply to her. "Your seat is freshly prepared, and the new fans you ordered arrived today."

"Thank you Mister Okamada," Nabiki said, sitting down in a very expensive and extremely comfortable looking chair. That began to vibrate a little after she sat down. Shortly thereafter a couple of teachers came across with large white feathered fans, a bowl of grapes and a can of high quality lemonade, replete with curly straw. They placed the last two on a golden tray, which was in turn allowed to rest on a desk next to Nabiki's sitting space, then used the fans to - well, fan her with cool air on this unseasonably warm day.

This is what happens when a student’s test scores are high enough that Furinkan High’s prestige had doubled since her first year.

"Are you quite comfortable Miss Tendo?" Mister Okamada grovelled. "I do so hope you are, ho ho..."

"Tell me about the budget," Nabiki sighed. He only ever grovelled like that when his little crossdressing habit had gotten out of hand.

"W-Well, mysteriously we don't appear to have quite enough to fund the theatrical club's performance for the end of term."

Nabiki rolled her eyes and casually picked up the documentation that was on the desk next to her. With a few strokes of her pen, she balanced the budget with an expertise that should honestly have earned her a ridiculous amount of money. And she'd done it within ten seconds of work. Ten seconds too long in her view.

She rested back in her seat. Normally a person that felt the way she did just now would sigh, but she was bored with the idea of doing something that ordinary. In fact, Nabiki was bored of being bored. Which is why her thoughts turned towards a new source of entertainment.

Ranma Saotome. Ooh, Ranma Saotome. Speaking purely from a dispassionate and analytical perspective he was... a hunk. A dumb hunk, but there was no mistaking that he was all kinds of beefcake. Son of one of her father's old friends, and apparently there was some kind of arranged marriage deal going about involving him and one of them. Throw in the curse that turns him into - again, speaking from an objective dispassionate and analytical perspective - a complete and total babe, and you had the making of something <i>utterly fascinating</i> and the ideal way to break out of this rut she was in.

Problem number one. He was clearly going to wind up with Akane. The reasoning behind this was so straightforward that any numbskull could see it. Kasumi was all but taken, and Nabiki had zero intentions of pursuing him. The rational outcome was: Akane. Of course. It made sense logically. They were the same age, they had similar interests, similar and complementary character quirks.

Now one may ask “Why do they have to end up together period” which first Nabiki would chide you for being a boring fuddy duddy, but Nabiki had learned a lot from her “Aunts” and knew a romantic set up when she saw one.

Of course all of that dismissed the psychological analysis of the two of them, as their similarities combined with the typical false self image perpetuated by most human beings may make it unhealthy for the two of them to actually, to put it crudel, shack up, but Nabiki didn't quite feel as though she knew the boy-slash-girl well enough to make that kind of deep analysis.

Besides which: If the two of them got together just like that it would be boring. Tedious. Predictable.

"Has that new boy Ranma encountered Tatewaki Kuno yet?" Nabiki asked.

Okamada swallowed nervously "The Principal's son has indeed encountered him," he said. "It seems likely that the two of them will... aha, not get on."

Oh yes. Another predictable setup. Kuno, the jealous rival for Akane's affections, must struggle against newcomer Ranma Saotome. Yawn. Based on what she'd seen of the two boys it was pretty clear that Ranma would win out in the end. He'd probably underestimate Kuno at first, but only because he'd be that much more talented than him. While Nabiki could easily fan the flames using the curse and the engagement, that was far too mundane and trivial for her. She needed something... unexpected. A bit of chaos to liven things up. Something even she couldn't get a handle on. Unfortunately for her, the only people she'd spent any substantial amount of time with but still couldn't fully predict were mother's old fri-

"Phone," she commanded. It was handed over to her on a silver platter. She dialed a number from memory. It was answered rather quickly. "Hi Auntie Minako," she said in a slightly cutesy way. Nabiki leaned back in her chair and started playing with the cord. Best to act in character if you're going to speak in character, it always helped the performance. She still remembered meeting her at her father’s funeral. Minako had been such a huge help for her.

<i>"Hey, hey Nabiki! Got a cute boyfriend yet? Come on, spill!"</i>

Including teaching her the fine art of attracting cute boys. "None that are interested are up to my standards," she said. Which was true enough. Though she had managed to acquire love letters from, oh, about half the boys in school at this point. For blackmail purposes. The other half were more into athletic girls like Akane. "Akane, on the other hand..."

<i>"Akane? Really?!"</i> Minako's voice went up about an octave and a half, though she'd need equipment to know for sure. <I>"I had given up all hope on that girl. She's all 'boys are perverts' whenever I try to give her advice. Sweetie, that's not a bug it's a feature!"</i>

Indeed. "Well, that's the problem," Nabiki said. "She's being all coy about it. Pretending that she doesn't like him."

<i>“Ohhh I’ve seen that before. Shoulda seen Auntie Usagi when she first met Mamoru in High School” </i>

Auntie Usagi and Uncle Mamoru. Oh boy, those two. Usagi was by far the least predictable of her “Aunts”, going from being goofy and immature to, those few times when there’s been some emergency, somebody who has so much <b>Charisma</b> that even Nabiki does whatever she asks.

"Well, it's quite the pain seeing my dear little sister so lost, so unsure of how to resolve her feelings of first love," Nabiki sighed. "You know how she is. Akane is far too proud to ask for help..."

<i>"Is he cute?"</i> Minako asked out of nowhere.

Seeing a further chance to stir up the pot a little bit, Nabiki smirked and said "Yes, I'd say so. He's also kind of cute when his curse changes him into a girl."

Oh, now she could <i>hear</i> the ellipses coming down the phone from Minako's end. Eventually it was punctuated by a series of initially quiet but progressively louder <i>"Oh"</i>s.

<i>"This explains a lot. I always thought that it was strange she was so popular with so many athletic, handsome boys but kept on turning them down. Especially that Kuno guy... Man, if I was her age..."</i>

"Please don't finish that sentence," Nabiki warned, though only because she didn't want to have blackmail material on any of her Aunts. Mother would go through her like a cold winter's gale. Or worse: Usagi would have a talk with her.

<i>"Right, right. Uh, if this guy's cursed you might want to talk with Rei about that. So far as setting him up with Akane goes though, I'm all for it. The two of us will be secret partners in love!"</i>

Call Auntie Rei? Oooh, that was a delicious idea. "Thanks Auntie Minako, I'll call her right now. Talk soon!" Nabiki said. And then that call ended. Next up... Auntie Rei. Ahem. This required a bit of a different touch. Her relationship with Auntie Rei was a bit different to the others. Nonetheless...

"Hi Auntie Rei," Nabiki began.

<I>"... Nabiki Tendo, Shouldn't you be in class?"</I> Rei interrupted before she could go any further. Right. Of her aunts Rei was the one who seemed to be the most aware of the antics Nabiki got up to. Or was the most outwardly disapproving of said antics.

"It's fine, it's fine. The vice-principal has given me permission to speak with you."

<i>“Okamada has less spine than an earthworm and I know that he’s far too afraid of you going to some other school to deny you anything.”</i>

All true. "Well, you'll understand when I explain why I am calling. What do you know about a place called Jusenkyo?"

<i>"That anyone with the slightest inkling of what that place was about would only go there if they were among the stupidest people on Earth."</i>

"I'll be sure to tell Uncle Genma that he's an idiot then," Nabiki said. "I mean, he did wind up dragging Akane's new boyfriend to the place. Poor thing fell in the spring of drowned girl..."

<I>"I'll be right over to see what I can - "</I> Ooh, but she could <b>hear</b> the gears a-spinning in Auntie Rei's head. Another bout of audible ellipses and then... <i>"Akane's new boyfriend turns into a girl?!"</i>

Got her on the hook now. "Well, fiance is more like it," Nabiki idly inspected her nails. "It turns out that Daddy made an arrangement with an old training partner of his. Genma Saotome? The idiot I mentioned before? Oh, but I'm just gossiping now. Let's focus on the part where this poor boy got cursed to turn into a girl and his father cursed to turn into a panda. Rather than the fact that one of us is likely going to wind up pushed to marry this Ranma boy-slash-girl."

<i>"You're not fooling me, Nabiki Tendo! How much of that was true!"</i>

"Every word," Nabiki sang. "See you soon Auntie Rei, can't talk now. Got to go back to class."

She then settled back in her chair, not moving an inch towards class. Oh yes, that was do the job nicely. Minako would never be able to let alone a romantic coupling like this. When considering her track record for setting up romantic couplings... Oof, but the anarchy!

Meanwhile Rei would be torn between investigating Ranma and trying to cure the Jusenkyo curse. Probably pushing on his intentions towards Akane and the rest of them, to make sure he wasn't trying anything funny.

Toss them together and what do you get? Anarchy! Chaos! A couple of minutes of not-boredom! And the best part of it all was that she didn't have to lie to get any of it. There was only one small problem with this setup.

"Ah... but I'll get bored while I'm waiting for them to do things." Nabiki pouted. "Hrm... I suppose it's time to do what mother would in a situation like this. Experiment. Have the heads of every club in school brought to me. I wish to set up some experiments on this Jusenkyo curse."

"Pardon my asking, but what manner of experiments?" Okamada asked, mopping his brow nervously.

"Oh little things," Nabiki said. "Water temperature limits, volume of water limits, water striking location... Which of these trigger the curse and which do not. If we set it up correctly we can make it look like a series of accidents."

"M-Miss Tendo, according to scientific ethics we must obtain permission from the subject before testing in any way!"

But Nabiki shrugged. "Not like I'm publishing it," she said. "Oh, better bring me the student council as well. If we're going to coordinate this properly they'll need to be in on this too."

Life was good when you were the Ice Queen. Life was really, truly grand.

<hr>

Sitting in his new class, Ranma shuddered all of a sudden for no reason that he could tell. "Hey Akane," he whispered to the girl next to her. "Did you feel a sudden chill?"

"Probably Nabiki plotting to mess with you," Akane sighed. "You'll get used to it."

1. Suddenly Ranma finds himself getting splashed throughout the day, seemingly at random.
2. Meanwhile, Genma has to deal with an angry Haruka.
3. Later on, Minako starts a zany scheme to set up Ranma and Akane.
4. Dinner at the Tendo household is interrupted by Rei barging in.
5. When they get home it’s time to start the practice
6. Something Else