Story: Own Personal Shampoo

And here, we come upon a rare sight. Within their natural habitat of a training dojo, this young pair of martial arts prodigies are engaged in the time old tradition of trying to beat their heads against a wall until they understand an esoteric martial art.

"Hey Shampoo, do you mind mopping up that spill?"

"Of course, Master Ranma!"

"Thanks."

"Please don't mention it."

Cue one scantily clad maid swanning over to a 'spill' in the corner of the dojo, bending over at the waist and only the waist, then gently dabbing it up with a piece of cloth. While Ranma stared across the dojo and tried his very hardest to stay focused on the task at hand. It was only unfortunate for his mental state that the task at hand was not marching over there to seize him some Chinese ass.

"Master, that was really more of a suggestion than a command," Shampoo observed when she was done deliberately flaunting her goods. "I am rather sure that you must give me commands if we are to engage in this strange fighting style."

“Yeah but, I mean, you just kind of do stuff for me most of the time?” Ranma said, his eyes kept on flicking down the lace garters wrapped around Shampoo’s thighs, which produced an interesting gap of skin between it and the maid skirt. "I'm not really comfortable with ordering someone around. You know?"

Shampoo pulled the manual for Martial Arts Maidery out of her cleavage, which is actually where it should be stored according to said manual, and flipped to a page. “Yes Master normally I’m happy to do that but it says here that you must give commands to maximize my… ‘Maidability.’”

Ranma fidgeted nervously. This reminded him of a couple of nights ago where the family was playing Scrabble. He was <i>certain</I> Nabiki was making up words, but the way she was looking at him, as if she was daring him to call her on it...

"Master must be harsher with Shampoo, that is the only way we will win."

"Harsher with Shampoo..." Ranma mumbled. "That sounds kind of tricky. I don't have a harsh bone in my body."

Shampoo gave him a look that could be best summarised as "you literally cannot believe what you have just heard, and it is taking every fibre of your being to keep that from being shown on your face but you're still only just holding it back. Also there's tumbleweed blowing by, summoned by your emotional state and silence." Finally, she said three words. “Uncute flatchested tomboy.” She said, and decided that was all that needed to be said.

"Huh? I thought Akane was with her friends?" Ranma turned around to look for her. Half hoping she, too, was wearing a maid uniform.

Shampoo rubbed her forehead. He was her Master. She adored him. Really. She completely adored him. But he was so, so stupid at times. As in, a lot of the time. Then again, there's an argument that this was why God invented women in the first place.

She flipped back to the manual, there fortunately was a section for training Master’s who were too squeamish to properly guide a Maid (honestly being a Maid sounded a lot harder than being a Slave). So she read over the ideas, shut the manual, and tucked it back between her breasts.

"Maybe I'm the problem here," Shampoo said. "Since I'm always doing what you want without questioning it, it's not encouraging you to treat me like a servant..."

Well, if she was being honest she kind of wanted him to treat her like a servant. Lady Akane did so sometimes (when she was in a particular mood) but Master Ranma had yet to really do so.

"So here's what I think we should do," Shampoo said. "Whenever you treat me like a servant, I do as you say. If you treat me otherwise I drop cold water on you."

Ranma thought it over. Well, he'd done weirder kinds of training for martial arts. If it helped them get the hang of this weird fighting style then he was all for it. "Okay, sure. Good idea."

And then Ranma was immediately soaked through, and also a girl. "Hey, what the hell was that for?!" she yelled.

Shampoo curtseyed. "You treated me like an equal, Master. By accepting my idea so readily, you failed to treat me as a servant. Perhaps I should also tread on your foot when you slip up?"

"Hrm... Yeah, that might be better reinforcement than just the water - Ow! Shampoo! Ugh! Never mind, this was a bad idea. No way this is gonna work."

"Now Master is understanding!" Shampoo curtseyed again.

Ranma gave her the stinkeye for that one. Which she seemed actually quite happy about. Ugh! The things that you had to put up with to get good at martial arts!

<hr>

Kasumi Tendo is not an idiot. Now, we're not saying that she gives off the impression that she is less intelligent than you might expect, but some people do claim that she's a bit scatterbrained seeming at times. Really? Is that the impression she gives? Because Kasumi is actually quite an intelligent young woman. She borrows medical books from Doctor Tofu all the time. To read for her own interest. Even though she's not going through medical school, she could quite handily serve as a nurse under the good Doctor - if not for the legal ramifications preventing her from actually practising medicine of course.

She had been the first to see the attraction between Ranma and Akane, and also seen how much both were into Shampoo. So she had been loved more than anything helping guide those three to a happy relationship. And now she was putting birth control pills into Akane and Shampoo’s food to make sure said happy relationship didn’t lead to babies before either wanted them.

"I wonder how they're getting on," Kasumi said. "Akane didn't seem in the best of moods earlier, and it sounded like Ranma and Shampoo were going to be training today... Perhaps I ought to have a word with them to find out why Akane was so upset."

As such, this bright and innocent - but not naive - young woman approached the training hall that belonged to her family, pondering how best to approach this sensitive topic. It wasn't something that should be phrased indelicately. Especially considering the complicated and unusual nature of the relationship...

"Harder, Master! Not hard enough!"

"Uh... Okay! L-Listen, up you cheeky little maid! Clean up that mess you made on the floor! Before I get angry!"

"Yes Master! Right away Master!"

Now, that sort of exchange is exactly the sort of thing to make one stop cold in their tracks purely to ask if they had actually heard what they thought they had heard.

"No, it couldn't be," Kasumi shook her head. "I'm sure they're only training."

"Actually, you know what? Use your tongue. Like the... Like the naughty animal you are?"

"Ooh, yes Master!"

That wasn't even fair. Kasumi hadn't even had the chance to lift up her foot yet from the last time she'd stopped cold in her tracks. Because that really and truly did sound exactly like BDSM play.

"And you'd better be quick about it! Or I'll... Or I'll!"

"No Master, please don't punish Shampoo! She'll be good, she'll do what you say."

All of a sudden Kasumi felt the keen urge to be somewhere else. Where didn't matter. The arctic, the Gobi desert, the Mariana trench or even the surface of the moon. Didn't much matter. The only place she could think of that would be less comfortable than this would be inside that hidden area in Nabiki's closet with all <i>those </I> clothes that she thought Kasumi didn't know about.

<hr>

"I don't think this is working."

Usually when Ranma says those words it is because the room is in shambles. Last time he'd said it there were venus fly traps growing out of the ceiling, a mongoose in the sink and the poor pianist wasn't able to get his shoes clean because the dog was sleeping on them.

Yeah, it's really best not to ask about the weirder training ideas to spring forth from the mind of Genma Saotome. The part that confused Ranma the most was that these esoteric methods tended to work far more often than not. Though they did come with their own unique form of psychological scarring, and on occasion he'd go a little bit too far.

Luckily the room was not in that much disarray this time around. Sure, the training hall floor was pretty filthy in spite of the fact that Shampoo had been scrubbing it on her hands and knees for the last hour while he watched with rapt, nigh-hypnotised fascination. But it was generally presentable. He wouldn't feel embarrassed if someone came along for a visit.

"Shampoo agrees," was the response. "Master feels... like he's forcing it. Commands don't quite feel genuine, and your eyes give away what you're thinking about ordering well before you say anything."

Right. Well... part of the problem was that this was such a fundamentally unusual martial arts style. A Master and a Maid, operating as a team. The Master commands the Maid to take action. The Maid does it, and the two of them team attack whoever it is. It kind of reminded Ranma of a dance really. One takes the lead and the other follows. Still, it didn't quite sit right with him. There was definitely something missing here...

"Maybe if we saw it in action...?" Ranma suggested. "There are times when I don't figure out one of these weird styles until it kicks my ass first. Maybe that'd do it?"

"Not sure that'll work too well," Shampoo waved her hands dismissively. "They won't attack you before the match. And I'm quite sure they will recognise your girl form in spite of your 'cunning disguises'."

"Aw man, and I got a new one all set up I've been dying to use," Ranma harrumphed. "You oughta see it. I do my hair up in twin pigtails, put on this dorky pair of glasses, a jumper that's a size too small and this really cute blue mini-skirt I found for sale the other day. She's a scatterbrained ditz who likes to help people out. Not got a name for her yet, but I'm working on it."

Now Shampoo was giving Ranma a look that said "If I didn't know any better I'd swear you were super into looking cute as a girl but suppressing it behind your heavily reinforced masculine identity. But I'd better not say anything like that aloud because it might cause irreparable psychological damage due to how tied into your masculine sense of self your identity has become."

So she just said “Master sure is cute sometimes” instead.

"Well anyway... All we gotta do is get them to make use of their fighting style," Ranma said.

"That won't be easy." Shampoo warned. "They don't strike me as the sort who would attack someone without being provoked, which means we need to find a volunteer who is dumb enough to take an ass kicking and is also annoying enough to get them to genuinely kick their ass. But who do we know that is both stupid enough and annoying enough to -"

<hr>

"Behold! Your cafe has been visited by the Blue Thunder of Furinkan! Tatewaki Kuno, age seventeen has arrived!"

So yeah, this was a thing that was happening now. The rest of the customers in the cafe looked briefly at this weirdo boy walking in with a cocky swagger that totally did not seem warranted at all - and then they got back to their business. Well, not quite all the customers did that. There was this pair of girls sitting in the corner, wearing sunglasses and trench coats and holding newspapers in front of their faces that they clearly weren't reading.

Oh, and also Ranma and Shampoo who were sitting at the next table over.

"Welcome to our cafe sir," a certain cute maid said, skipping on over to the idiot and curtseying for him while smiling brightly. "How may I help you today?"

"Fair maiden, I have heard tell that you have fallen for my charm," Kuno said, taking her hand and moving to kiss it. His lips met menu. "I came in person for naught but one reason: To dispel your affectoins before they burrow in too deep. For, though I am flattered, my heart doth belong to another."

"And another... and another..." Ranma rolled her eyes.

“Eeeehhhhh!!?!?!” She turned grey, “N-no way it’s forbidden!” She looked around, “A m-maid must be impartial! So says my teacher!”

"Then truly I must ask swiftly! For the sake of ensuring your affections do not sway you onto a path of lurid temptation!" Kuno deftly swept her off her feet into the bridal carry pose. "There is but one cure for those who fall under the effects of the Blue Thunder's charms!"

"Quickly! You must act quickly!" the maid moaned, pressing the back of her hand against her forehead. "I can feel it now. The path of temptation is before my sullied eyes!"

"... Is she actually falling for him?" Shampoo whispered. Ranma didn't respond. Kind of too busy banging her head against the nearest wall.

"Ahem!" another voice coughed. Kazuki had arrived. "That's quite enough of that young lady. You've got duties to attend to."

"Oh, right away!"

"Ah, madame! This is quite the dangerous time," Kuno attempted to interrupt. "If not careful, then the romance in her heart shall bloom like a weed until all she can think about is -"

"Clean up those crumbs on the floor!"

“O-Oh right away Madam!” Tsukou zoomed into action right away, grabbing hold of a broom and using it to brush Kuno right into Kazuki's outstretched fist without seeming to notice. Then she deftly hit him in the guts with a serving tray.

"Take this to table three!" Kazuki demanded, pushing the tray hard into Kuno's sternum.

"Right away!" Tsukou grabbed the tray and carried both it and Kuno directly to table three. Without seeming to notice the weight at all.

"N-Now see here!" Kuno began to protest, sitting up from the table. Then getting slammed in the face by the underside of a teacup and pushed back down against the table.

"Fill me up!" Kazuki barked. Cue Tsukou pouring boiling hot water right into the cup that was now resting on top of Kuno's forehead. The boy let out a whimper that quickly became a scream when his movement caused the cup to spill onto the table. "Take out the trash."

Cue Kuno being hurled out the front door. All without Tsukou even seeming to notice. "Oh my goodness... wherever did that extremely handsome, intelligent and charming customer go?"

"Well that explains why Kazuki thinks she wouldn't win against that racist misogynist..." Shampoo whispered to Ranma. "Ah! Kazuki? How does that work with customers?"

"Most customers it needs used on have someone they hate coming in with them," Kazuki explained.

"That's right!" Tsukou skipped. "Martial arts maidery is a style that is 'maid' to support masters and loved ones!"

Ranma and Shampoo both suddenly flew out of their chairs and landed hard on the other side of the cafe. They'd taken more damage from that pun than Kuno had from the entire routine.

1. Akane is in a bit of a huff because she's been left out of this nonsense.
2. Suddenly Kasumi starts seeing BDSM everywhere. It's like the fetish version of Baader-Meinhof!
3. Now that they've seen the fighting style in action Ranma and Shampoo return to training with renewed vigor! If they can keep their hands off each other, that is.
4. Over the course of training, Ranma winds up playing the maid role and Shampoo plays the role of the Master. Contrary to their intentions.
5. Something else.