Story: Sexy Akane: The Tomboy, The Chef, The Warrior and The Gymnast

So here's the winner of the last voting thread, a week late but here nonetheless. I hope you enjoy it. Now I'm going to work on Tainted Cube's NGE update, and Love Normal. There will be a discussion thread for that shortly.

Oh, and here's a link to where this thread ended off.



Fanon is a rather fun and mysterious thing, to this writer’s eyes. It generates such powerfully believed misconceptions, passed on from person to person that are so often contradicted by the works themselves. For example: Akane’s weapon of choice being the hammer. Hardly so, good sir or madam! It would be more accurate on balance to say that her weapon of choice was a tie between “her own body” and “whatever heavy object was nearest at the time”. She may use mallets on occasion, but certainly not more than other cast members! Ranma uses one on a number of occasions, for example. So why does she get picked out for it?

Another example, perhaps? Alright. What about the strange perception that Akane is the damsel in distress, and Ranma is her white knight in shining armour? People might frown at the thought this is a misconception, remembering both movies or the breaking point training or the event that kicked off the Herb arc or of course the Saffron fight.

Except it’s not quite so clear cut as that. Yeah, sure, Akane is the weaker martial artist of the two and that does mean that it’s more common that Ranma - the more skilled martial artist - needs to rescue her, but there are certainly occasions where the roles are reversed. For all that has been written about this pair, their relationship isn’t nearly as black and white as people often paint it as. Hell! That Saffron fight is a perfect example of what I mean. Even though Ranma was fighting to save her life, he would have certainly been killed several times over the course of it… If not for the (whether she deliberately did so or not) assistance of his unwanted fiancee. He saved her just as she saved him. Scratch away the layers of preconception, and behold the layers beneath what you think you see.

With that in mind, let us set the scene as it now is. Ranma, paralysed and slightly drooling. Limp form slung over the spontaneously voluptuous form of Kodachi Kuno. This cackling beauty was clad in merely a series of inticrately tied together ribbons, which strained to contain her figure and only succeeded by dint of will and hope. She pranced from rooftop to rooftop with seemingly no singular destination in mind, and didn’t particularly seem to care one whit about Ranma’s leg getting caught in her now considerable cleavage.

She might have even been getting off on it.

“Get back here!” a voice on the streets below yelled, face lit up with fury and her body covered by nothing more than a too-small-around-the-chest gi top. Pay no mind to the fact she was carrying a large mallet. It just so happened to be the closest heavy item to hand. “That’s my man you’re running off with! Mine!”

“Oh ho ho ho!” Kodachi laughed her trademark, ear trilling laugh. “Foolish girl! This is my Ranma darling! Go find your own!”

But Kodachi would not be getting away so easily on this occasion. While she did notice Akane heft her mallet, preparing to throw it in a way that she could easily dodge if she just paid enough attention - She didn’t even begin to see the scantily clad purple-haired Chinese girl diving - or rather, pouncing - until peripheral vision remembered it existed and by then it was beyond too late to do the remotest thing about it. Unless you count roll with it, which Kodachi’s eminently flexible body did. Still, Shampoo was stronger. Faster. It was a trivial matter for her to gain control over the situation, even batting away a bouquet that Kodachi had on her (though given it was not visible until just then, let us hope that she pulled it from hammerspace). Ranma himself tumbled from Kodachi’s grip, landing on his back and left with nothing to do but stare at the clouds passing overhead.

In the meantime, Shampoo had pinned Kodachi against the rooftop with a scowl on her face. “Leave airen alone, crazy rose lady!” she hissed.

“Hmph! My Ranma darling is more deserving of a high-class woman like myself, rather than some foreign whore like you!” Kodachi spat back. Her hand slipped free of Shampoo’s grip, and easily reached inside the rather flimsy waitress dress which caused Shampoo to suddenly and to her own surprise whimper in delight. “See? You crave sexual attention! Find another man and spread your legs for -”

The sentence wasn’t completed, largely because Shampoo’s head suddenly lurched forward. The two of them kissed for about a minute, stunning one another with the intensity and passion between them… But then, all too soon Shampoo pulled away, cradling Kodachi’s head, and in a rapid motion rendered her quite thoroughly unconscious on the rooftop.

“Stupid rose girl with stupid too too nimble fingers and stupid too too tasty lips… Where airen go?”

Where indeed? He had been lying just here. Prone. Paralysed. Unable to move under his own power. Someone must have taken him while she had been preoccupied, but -

“Put him down!” Akane’s yell breaking through Shampoo’s thoughts, drawing her attention in the correct direction more surely than a compass needle pointed to the nearest pole. She soon caught sight of the kitchen destroyer, now wielding a much, much larger mallet. Slightly ahead of her in the street was - spatula girl? Yes, it was her. No question of that. The oversized spatula clasped to her back was a rather good indicator of identity and yet - and yet it didn’t quite seem like her at all! At least, not to Shampoo. A sort of red sleeveless blouse with the top few buttons undone, flashing a respectable amount of cleavage in the process. She was also wearing a rather short black skirt and tights that were every bit as black. There was something familiar about the general appearance, but -

Oh! Oh, that bitch! Trying to stake a claim on Ranma through fashion, were we? Well, Shampoo would certainly not stand for something like that! She bounced across the rooftops, seeking the best opportunity to interrupt the two of them and sneak off with Ranma for a little… <i>fun</i> once they weren’t paying attention.

At least, that <i>was</i> the plan until Ukyo ducked around a corner, stepped inside an empty lot and hid while kitchen destroyer ran past. At which point, Ukyo ran in the other direction. Back towards her own restaurant.

Which is why she dropped down right now, rather than later. Too damn risky to do it later. Shampoo knew she could take Ukyo on, even if her “waitress” helped out, but fighting an enemy on home territory was an ill-advised move and should be avoided where possible. She effortlessly landed in the street and the two of them just stared at one another for a moment, almost like they were both accepting that whatever had caused them to change had hit both of them… And to be perfectly honest they looked damn fine.

“Might as well give up now,” Ukyo said. “No way is he going anywhere with anyone but the cute fiancee!”

“Funny, is my thoughts too! Though not meant same way you did.”

Without taking her eyes off Shampoo for a moment, Ukyo put him on the ground. Seated against the wall. Shampoo allowed this rather than take the easy opportunity to sneak inside her lowered guard, knowing all too well that she could hurt her paralysed beloved and that the opportunity to end this would come soon enough without having to indulge in such an easy cheap shot.

Ukyo made the first move once the prize was safely tucked away, hurling a barrage of spatulas (that we will, once again, prefer to believe were stored in hammerspace because she was not carrying those a moment ago) in a sweeping arc towards Shampoo. Her next move was easily predicted - reaching for her large battle spatula, no doubt aiming for the obvious point to dodge the spatula. Well, Shampoo wasn’t playing nice today. She was playing for keeps, and that meant her hands started flying at speeds too fast to see. Shampoo plucked them from the air like flowers from a garden, leaving Ukyo’s battle spatula hitting nothing but dirt when her opponent didn’t even try to move in the expected manner.

But a smart martial artist, even one of average intelligence knows that their opponent will not always react in the expected manner to a particular attack pattern. In point of fact it’s much safer to assume they won’t, which means it’s best to fully commit to a particular attack only if said martial artist was reasonably certain that they could get some tactical advantage out of it. Which is what Shampoo suddenly realised when a big cloud of dirt kicked up all around her. A visual impairment was nothing to someone with her training. Her sense of hearing would be more than adequate to locate the direction the attack was coming from, and counter it with -

Bang! An explosion right next to her head left her reeling. She had dodged some kind of projectile hurled through the dirt easily enough, even ensuring she didn’t touch it in case it was poisoned. But for it to explode in such a manner - She soon saw why, or rather, felt why. It was a bag, very small, with a thin string attached to it. Clever. But all it took was leaping out of the affected area -

Where a barrage of exploding flour was waiting to strike her and send her reeling to the floor. If not for her training it would have winded her, and Ukyo was clearly expecting it to. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been so sloppy, and allowed Shampoo to lash out with a sweep kick that sent her stumbling on top, where the two of them rolled around in the dirt grappling for her battle spatula. Strange. Shampoo knew she could take it away at a moment’s notice, but there was something so… distracting about this angle. The way that Ukyo’s breasts were rubbing against hers. That strangely intoxicating aroma, that determination in her eyes, the fire in her soul, the passion, the strength, the -

Their kiss was inexplicably interrupted when Ukyo pulled out of it and swore in a manner quite unbefitting her extremely girly (if dirty) state of dress. It didn’t take long to figure out why, based on her line of sight. Ranma was missing, and the chase was on once again.

<hr>
Oh, those interfering hussies! Always flaunting themselves in front of Ranma, always trying to entice him away, always interfering in her time with him! Couldn’t they let her get a little nookie for once? Just once. A day. Might be nice for a change. Hm. Better make it three times. Four. Ah, screw it. Ten times a day. Just lock the two of them in a room together, burn their clothes, keep hydrated and fed and see what came of it.

Honestly, though. If she wasn’t so damned horny right now she might not have fallen for Ukyo’s little trick. Oh, didn’t she feel silly after that one! Lucky thing she and Shampoo were keeping one another too occupied to notice her sneak in and -

“Oh ho ho ho! Unhand my darling Ranma, peasant! His handsome, wonderful body is too great to be sullied by your filthy hands!”

“Kodachi, I’m gonna say this just once,” Akane growled. “Get out of my way, or learn what it means to be force fed your own perfectly formed legs that I could stare at for hours at a time.”

“Take care, lest I put you over my knee and give you such a spanking!” Kodachi replied with a deadly serious smirk. She pulled out a ribbon and twirled it around her head, making ready to pounce down on Akane in the blink of an eye. Alright. Fine, then. Bring it on.

“Not so fast, sugar! He’s mine! So put him down and walk away!”

“Silly chef girl think just because she transform and get new wardrobe, she got better chance steal airen! Show how stupid she really is.”

Well. Wasn’t this just great? Crazy gymnast in front, insane warrior beauty to one side, dolled-up warrior chef on the other. Looks like a brawl was about to happen. Akane set Ranma down to one side, whispering “Sorry I couldn’t get you away from these girls. Tell you what, once your paralysis has worn off, tell me how I can make it up to you. I’ll do <i>anything</i> you ask, so feel free to be creative. ‘Kay? Blink twice if you catch my meaning.”

Ranma blinked twice rapidly. Good. Must be wearing off already. Just need to stall a little bit longer…

At which point, under the careful eye of the others, Akane joined the standoff already in progress. A multi-person brawl, each one working for themselves, each one fighting for the paralysed stud lying against the wall. Hmph! Did they really think they could win him over like this? Not for the first time, Akane entered a defensive posture. Not because she wanted to mount the immobile wild horse - he’d be much more fun to tame if he fought back. But because it was the right thing to do. And besides which her pride as a martial artist and a woman was on the line. No way could she back down from these three!

    The fight occurs, and further chaos ensues.
    The girls try to trick one another with Ranma dummies, and try to slip away in the confusion.
    Either of the above, but it starts to rain.
    Back at the dojo, Kasumi talks to Nabiki about what happened.
    A wish is carelessly made.
    Something else