Story: Tainted Cube: A Little Knowledge

Let's see what you make of this one. It looks a lot like Rosario + Vampire is gonna take it this week, so feel free to speculate about what could happen with that.

Albert Einstein once said “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. So is a lot.” He was quite correct in both regards: Knowledge in any quantity is dangerous. Be it a little or be it a lot, terrible things can and have happened throughout the course of human history due to various degrees of knowledge. But that does not mean that they are dangerous for the same reason. Quite the opposite, in point of fact. A little knowledge is very dangerous, but for entirely dissimilar reasons to why a lot of it is.

With a lot of knowledge made readily available to them, humanity has developed weapons of increasingly deadly potential. Quite often major accomplishments in the field of technology are militarily inspired, and indeed, quite often research into a variety of fields is funded by some military or other. This should tell us that with a lot of knowledge, humans can quite deliberately use it towards dangerous ends. Of the two extremes - in this writer’s humble opinion - a lot is therefore more tolerably dangerous than the alternative.

A little knowledge is dangerous in entirely different ways. A little knowledge provides a man who is not an expert with the capacity to pretend that he is. Whether fooling himself or fooling large numbers of people that simply do not know any better, it’s the same either way. Through this, a sufficiently charismatic person with extremely limited knowledge about, say, the economy save a few sound bites that <i>sound</i> like they mean something can go on the news, spout a bunch of nice-sounding bullshit, and have entire swaths of the population eating out of their hands for no other reason than a nice smile and nothing more than a little knowledge.

Ah, but then there are those that think a few basic facts about a given field truly do make them experts. They believe that they can easily put this shed together, fix that leaky pipe, repair that engine or any of a hundred thousand other little tasks for which they might know just a little. The Dunning-Kruger effect in full display as they apply that little knowledge, guess the rest, and ultimately wind up hurting themselves or others through careless confidence.

That is why a little knowledge is, in a sense, more dangerous than a lot. With a lot of knowledge you can deliberately kill men, but can also use it for other great purposes like saving lives. With a little knowledge, you can accidentally and entirely without meaning to cause disasters on any kind of scale you care to measure. It may not happen at first. But it <i>will</i> happen.

From a genius of the modern to a genius of the ancient, I urge that all who read this take the words of Socrates to heart: “I am wiser than this man, for neither of us appears to know anything great and good; but he fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing; whereas I, as I do not know anything, so I do not fancy I do. In this trifling particular, then, I appear to be wiser than he, because I do not fancy I know what I do not know.”

Or to paraphrase into a more readily decipherable form: He who knows he knows nothing is wiser than one who merely thinks he does.

Take this to heart and realise how much more there still is to learn about the world. Learn for fun! Learn to better yourself! Learn to understand more fully your place in the world! Learn to fulfill a promise you made when you were very young! Learn so that you can attend the most prestigious university in the country! Learn for the sake of that cute girl you once knew, even if you can’t quite remember her name! Learn! Learn! Learn!
<hr>
As far as Keitaro Urashima’s life went, it was just the little threads of knowledge that kept dicking him over. He remembered the promise to a girl he was friends with in his younger days. He remembered that the two of them promised to meet each other in Tokyo University, but did not know her face, name or even where she was to this day. He knew a little about maths, history and science to come just under the necessary average and no more than that. He knew that this place was run by his grandmother, and was likely the best place for him to stay for the foreseeable future. Yet he did not know that she was going on vacation, and had left him in charge of what was now an all-girl’s dorm.

It was the little pieces of incomplete knowledge that kept on screwing him over again and again and again. But what sort of person is Keitaro? What sort of man is he?

The best way to sum him up would have to be “unextraordinary in almost all regards.” Perhaps a little harsh, but certainly true by any reasonable measure. He was not particularly athletic, not particularly bright, average looking, clumsy, unlucky, too imaginative for his own good and all around pretty easily blended in with the crowd in every way he might be looked upon.

Except one. If Keitaro had a single defining positive trait outside of his rather generic nice-guy empathy it would have to be his boundless determination. Once he set his mind to something then he would move heaven and earth to make it happen. Or rather, he’d <i>try</i> to move heaven and earth, but find that he could not reach the heavens and the earth was far too heavy. Not that this would stop him! He’d try and try and try until it became obvious to him that his efforts were in some way making other people hurt or worried. Until that time he would throw everything he had (which wasn’t much) at the problem, and the amazing thing was that through this sheer bloody-mindedness something else would develop. Something he wouldn’t learn to understand properly until later on.

Something that looked quite a lot like charm.

This clumsy determined charm is what would have ultimately won the hearts of the girls he would be living with by the end of the day. This drive to succeed tempered by basic human empathy would gradually seep into the hearts of these girls and instill within them all an irresistible affection. For some it would be real love. For others, admiration. Others still? A passing crush. Some would even travel through these three and back again, but in the end only one could truly win his heart. That was the way things would be. That was the way things would have to be.

At least… assuming Keitaro had not discovered a peculiar item of significant reality-warping power. And assuming on top of that the possibility of it failing to alter anything at all in his life. Except it did. Boy, did it ever!
<hr>
“This must be it,” Keitaro said at the top of the steps. “The inn that Grandma owns. Hinata Inn!”

Keitaro chuckled to himself. Goodness, it really had been a while since he’d been here, hadn’t it? The place hadn’t changed much at all, had it? In all that time! It seemed to him every bit as imposing yet welcoming as it had even when he was a very young boy. Some impressions last a lifetime. Well. No point in standing outside admiring the (very traditional Japanese) architecture. Keitaro wandered up to the front door with the full intention of asking his grandmother for permission to stay until he found a place of his own -

At that very moment, the odd cube he’d picked up begin to glow. Faintly at first. It pulsed on and off. On and off. A little brighter each time. On and off. On and off. In waves that rose higher and higher, and more noticeably to Keitaro, the brightness directly correlated to a crushing headache so intense that nearby dogs began to whimper in sympathy. Could it be any wonder that he was left short of breath? Could it be any wonder that he was collapsed onto his knees and clutching at his head? It felt like it was being filled to bursting! Stop! No more of this! Names. So many names! Seven in particular stood out. None of them familiar to him. Faces flew by attached to the names. No. He didn’t know them! He didn’t! Who were these people? What was happening to him? Why won’t this pain just -

Stop? Keitaro sucked in air the same way a man lost in the desert sucks in water from an oasis. The pain had subsided into a dull throb, but the light… Oh, the light! Why did it have to be so bright today? He lay a hand against the door, still overcome with grogginess, and had to remind his legs how this whole walking thing worked.

The door came open and he stumbled inside. “Grandma?” he yelled. “It’s Keitaro! I was wondering if… I could… stay…”

“She’s not here. Not ‘here’ as in the room, but not ‘here’ as in - “

“Weird… Where is she? And where’s the bellboy, for that matter?”

“Of course there’s no bellboy! Why would there be a bellboy? This isn’t an inn. It’s -”

“Ah, here’s grandma’s room. I’ll wait in here, then explain the situation.”

“Be waiting a while. <i>She’s not here!</i>”

Keitaro stopped for a moment. It was weird. Like a voice in his head, whispering little things here and there. He looked around. “Anyone there?” he called. No answer. Weird. Where were all the staff? It was kind of sloppy for an inn not to have someone near reception to greet new customers.

“There are no staff. Unless you count yourself, mister manager.”

“No staff…” he mumbled. Ugh! His head was still feeling the aftershocks of whatever the hell that had been! Hurt worse than that stop sign the panda struck Saotome with! Maybe he’d been studying too hard lately? Pushing himself just a little too far? Yeah, that was it. Probably. Having his dream of attending Tokyo U squashed twice in successive years was having some sort of psychological toll! That was it!

“Or your mind created a psychological barrier to prevent all the new data pouring into your thick head from turning you into a vegetable. Yes, better that you absorb it through a membrane rather than all at once, hm? That way you don’t get too clever for your own good and learn to better handle your new, ahem, smarts.”

“Yeah, definitely losing it,” Keitaro sighed. Hrm. Perhaps there was something in his psychology textbook that could help him deal with this? Split personality, probably. He slumped the bag off his back and began to rummage inside.

“Won’t find it. I mean, the book doesn’t even begin to cover quantum mechanics, many-worlds theory or indeed the concept of a massive intelligence boost via cosmic energies, though one could hardly blame the publisher in that regard considering the concept is not properly understood within current theories regarding the universe. If that was too sophisticated, try this:

“I <b>am</b> a split personality, but not one that has formed via the normal means. So much as you may call a psychological disorder normal. Now. Your next question would be something like a sarcastic ‘What are you, then?’ No, no, don’t actually say it. I mean, there’s a pretty good chance you might be heard talking to yourself, and neither of us wants you to seem mad. Terrible first impression, so why don’t you let me hold both sides of the conversation for you?

“Because this is confusing enough already,  you were about to say. Well, it won’t be in a couple of weeks. Trust me on that. Explain it to me so that I can understand, you’d say, to which I would reply: … Oh, you want it <i>that</i> simple? Well. I’ll try. But there’s only so much near omniscience will get you.

“No, you idiot. Omniscience. As in. All knowing? It is not a studiable science at Tokyo U. You see, because the damned thing is behaving in a very peculiar way that would take several graphs, a scientific calculator and a big gray dog to explain, that particular chunk of artefact attempted to give you complete knowledge of ‘around here’. Which was interpreted to mean ‘Hinata House’. Which, as a brief aside, is now a girl’s dorm. Which you will be the manager of by day’s end. No. No. Don’t ask. We’re distracted enough as it is from what actually matters here.

“Trouble is, the human brain can only take so much pounding and reshaping before it fries a little bit, and that very nearly happened to you. The end result of the path of least resistance led you to this state of being: Two minds, one body. The stupid one in control, able to ask questions of the intelligent one. Over the course of time, your brain will adjust to constantly knowing everything - and I do mean everything - going on in Hinata House on a constant basis.”

Keitaro slowly nodded his head and resolved to scrape together enough money for a really world-class psychiatrist. If he wasn’t careful, he’d wind up every bit as bonkers as that Suzumiya girl! It was a small mercy that the other voice didn’t respond to that at all, so he sighed and fell back onto the floor to try and relax a little bit.

So, let’s just summarise Keitaro Urashima! His parents had kicked him out because they had absolutely no faith in his ability to enter Tokyo U. His test average was 48, his English sucked, his math was sub-par and those were his strong subjects to begin with. He was bad at sports, average in the looks department and had absolutely no special skills to speak of. On top of all of that, now he was hearing voices in his head.

The girls would surely line up around the block to date a guy like that.

Ever since he could remember they all treated him like shit. They avoided him. Made fun of him. At the school dances, he always got a male partner. For years now he’d been collecting photo stickers and not a single one of them had anyone except himself in them!

“Oh, so it’s girls you want? That won’t be a problem! Presenting, the tenants of Hinata House!”

That sickly dizzy feeling started up again. The walls around him shifted, furniture disappeared into the ether, colours changed as if he were being teleported to another room. There were swords stored in sheaths, a suit of samurai armour hanging right in front of him and Keitaro was suddenly aware of a figure standing behind him. It was a young girl in a hakama. Her hair was long, dark and flowing. The expression on her face was serious, yet kind.

“Presenting Motoko Aoyama, next in line to the Shinmei-ryu school of martial arts! Of the three girls available to you, she’s the youngest… and probably the hardest to win over out of all of them. At heart, she’s more romantic than she’d admit to herself. Has a strong dislike of turtles, because they remind her of male genitalia. No. Really. I wish I was making that up. Once you get past all of that, I’m sure you’d have a tremendous relationship with her!”

“Uh… Sorry about this,” Keitaro said to the girl. “I really don’t know how I got here, and -” She promptly turned around and walked right through him. “Wh- What? But, what’s going on here?!”

“Sorry, sorry. I hijacked your visual cortex to show off other places in the inn. Maybe now you’ll believe I’m more than a split personality, huh? Well, let’s check out the other two chicks you’ll be spending a lot of time with, maybe you’ll like one of them a bit better than Miss Aoyama?”

The room shifted around once again, forming into a room much more obviously designed for comfort than the previous one. The drop from traditional rigidity to playfulness very nearly gave him whiplash! This time he saw two girls, one reclined on a couch while the other was leaning against a doorway. The two were talking like old friends, but nary a word could be heard.

“Girl on the couch is Mitsune Konno. Due to a combination of her names, mischievous nature and apparently closed eyes, she’s acquired the nickname Kitsune. A playful creature. If this is your choice, you’d best watch your wallet! Of the three, she has the biggest bust if that’s what you’re looking for in a woman. Besides which I can guarantee you’d never be bored with her as your girlfriend!

“And finally, the girl leaning against the doorframe. Naru Narusegawa. Bit of a temper that one, but she can be quite adorable and nice as well. Much like yourself, she’s trying to get into Tokyo U! Unlike yourself before today, she’s got a damned good chance of it. She’s top ranked in the country. Not that you’d recognise her with those ridiculous glasses she wears.”

Once again, the room shifted around. This time he was back where he started. This time, Keitaro was sitting upright in the middle of Grandma’s room sitting stock still. If he concentrated really hard, he figured he might feel his brains start to trickle out through his ears. This was… What was… What the hell was going on around here?!

“Hey. Grab a pencil; you’re going to need it later on. Just stick it in your pocket until I tell you to take it out. Trust me.”

With a slow and slightly terrified nod, Keitaro did as instructed. He had plenty of them in his bag, so it wasn’t as if he couldn’t do this or anything like that. Besides which, it wasn’t like his split personality was instructing him to go pick up the knife and give the lady a hug. What sort of damage could carrying a pencil around in his pocket possibly do, right?

Besides which it gave him a little time to think. Not entirely his strongest suit. He got too easily lost in his own imagination, but right now he had to concentrate and figure this out. Questions. He had questions bubbling around in his mind just under the surface. Questions that needed answering. Questions like:

“If you know everything about this place, then you must know everything about whatever’s inside it. Right?”

“By george, I think he’s got it! Even in spite of a 48 average, he <i>can</i> be taught!”

“Does that include events that happened to everything in the inn?”

“Yes.”

“Including me?”

“Yes.”

“Including the name of the girl I promised?”

For a full minute his only answer was a deafening silence. Well, not entirely silent. Keitaro’s heart was trying to tear its way from his chest, or at least it felt that way. Pounding, pounding, pounding in his ears. After all this time, could it be? Could he finally drag the name of the one girl he ever stood a chance with out from the murky mists of time?

“Yes.”

Had his body relaxed any further than it did in that moment, he would have been little more than a puddle on the floor. He couldn’t even ask the question properly. His lips felt dry. His breaths gasped out of him as if in the most tremendous hurry to leave. Instead of saying it he simply mouthed around the words: “What is her name?”

“I can do better than that. I can show her to you. All grown up.”

Wait, that couldn’t possibly be right. How could this strange voice show him his promised girl just like that? Couldn’t it only show him things currently happening in the inn? Unless, of course -

Somewhere upstairs Mitsune dropped a penny. The sound it made upon hitting the floor was the same as what one might have heard upon listening to the contents of Keitaro’s head. In the meantime, the sound Mitsune made upon scooping the coin back off the floor was a little bit similar to the sound Keitaro verbally made. A simple chuckle.

“She’s here? Are you sure?”

“The real question is, do you want to see her?”

He didn’t hesitate on that point and gave a curt nod. How could he dream of hesitation? By now he was certain this was some strange fantasy he’d whipped up to make himself forget the hopelessness of his position. Why not go along with it? Sure seemed like fun! The walls around him expanded quite significantly and the furniture became a series of rocks scattered around the room. The ceiling outright vanished, and the floor - the floor was flooding with steaming hot water! Not that he could feel it or anything, it was entirely the steam that gave it away.

Through the steam was a figure that demanded all of his attention. Clad in naught but a towel wrapped around her torso, she slipped into the water as elegantly as a swan. It was all he could do to stare in wonder. The smile she was wearing was warmer than the water itself and the contented sigh she released upon settling in was as music to his ears.

He didn’t have the faintest clue what Ikari was fighting. This is what a real angel looked like.

She looked right at him. “Ah, I’m sorry -” he began, but stopped upon realisation of a single crucial fact. Her eyes were not focused on him at all. She was still smiling at the man staring at her naked figure. She could not see him at all.

“Naru Narusegawa. The girl you promised to enter Tokyo U with. What do you think?”

“She’s… beautiful,” he whispered. Crushing realisation creeped in uninvited. “No way would she be satisfied with a dork like me. Naru won’t give me the time of day now! She’s way out of my league!”

“Ah, ah, ah! You keep forgetting! You’re the manager now. You’ll get plenty of chances to impress her. Which you will. Because you’re slowly becoming a genius.”

Right, right. The manager. How could he forget something like that? Manager of a girl’s dorm, with three very cute but different girls living there. One of them being his oft-dreamed-of promised girl, with whom he had placed his last, very last, absolutely final hope of ever getting a girlfriend. And she was a stunning beauty with a cute face and perfect figure and had an infectious smile that could melt ice at thirty paces.

Which only served to confirm his current theory that everything happening to him right at this very moment was all in his head. Nothing more than an escapist fantasy to hide in while waiting for his grandmother to show up.

Though he had to admit this much, particularly after Naru let the towel slip from around her body, it was a hell of a good fantasy. One of the best he’d ever dreamed up. And if it was a dream, then why not enjoy it a little?

“Don’t need to move, just imagine yourself moving and I’ll take care of the rest. You can even touch her if you’d like. After all, among the many things I know, sights and sounds and smells and tastes and touch are among them.”

Keitaro nodded and began to move through the water. It was a strange sensation. Sort of like floating through an endless void. Naru closed her eyes and leaned back against a rock, and Keitaro took note of the way her lips were slightly parted. Almost as though inviting him. So why not? He lowered his head and closed his own eyes. It took only a moment. The slightest brush of lips against lips, more real feeling than anything he’d ever experienced in his life. He backed away satisfied with just this much and sighed in realisation that Naru had not reacted in the slightest little bit.

There was little else to do but shake his head. That was enough fantasy for now! He really had to find someone, ask them what was going on around here. Why had nobody come by? Why hadn’t he heard any movement out in the corridor all this time? He couldn’t possibly be the only person in the building. Surely not.

Ah! But that was the point, wasn’t it? If there was someone else here, he could ask them where grandma was! Alright! Keitaro clambered back to his feet and dusted himself down. That had been a kind of fun little daydream, but right now he had other things to worry about than the seductive siren his unconscious had summoned. Sure, it was easy to lose himself in remembering the little bounce of her breasts. It would be trivial to focus on those long, smooth legs or imagine his head buried in her cleavage. It was a simple matter to cast his mind back to the simply amazing feeling of tender lips against his, but right now he really had something else to worry about.

Like the familiar-looking girl in the hakama walking right past Grandma’s room right as he left.

“Who are you?” she asked with enough suspicion dripping from her voice to feed a family for a month. The girl’s eyes narrowed. What was her name again? “Why were you in the landlady’s room?”

“Her name is Motoko Aoyama. Remember? The one with the swords and the armour?

“Oh. And you should run right about -”

Motoko’s face took on a rather fascinating hue, which coincided with the gradual reach for her bokken becoming a great deal more sudden. Within the blink of an eye it was pointing right in his face, so close that he could see the very slight trembling that could be attributed to its holder. Presumably rage, judging from that expression, though it could also be embarassment.

“You… You filthy pervert! How dare you sneak in here! I will show you the taste of justice!”

The sword rose in the air above her head, and in the split second before it crashed down into where he was standing he was off like a shot. Destination? Whogivesafuck! Otherwise known as the capital of Nothereyoucanbetonit.

“Come back here, coward! Face your punishment like a man!”

His response to that proclamation was rather natural. He reached down deep and ran all that much faster. No idea where. Didn’t matter. Didn’t care. Just run. Run away from the crazy sword lady, and try not to think about how apparently that fantasy dealie wasn’t a fantasy at all and the voice was still in his head.

“Yeah, I’m still here. Wait. Not that way, idiot! That’s the hot -”

The door up ahead opened up and a girl with mostly closed eyes and a rather impressive towel-clad bust poked her head out. “Hm? What’s this noise out here?”

Now, this was where Keitaro intended to put on the brakes and shift direction. Intended to. Plans didn’t tend to work out as intended for this particular boy. For instance, a rather sudden gust of wind striking him in the back with enough force to send him careening down the corridor until he crashed into something soft, warm and really ridiculously good smelling.

“My, my, my!” a voice said from nearby. “Dunno who you are, but if you’re not careful you might give a girl a bad impression.”

Only upon raising his head did he realise that the soft pillows on either side of his face had been the now uncovered chest of - What was her name again?

“Mitsune Konno. And this is gonna sting like a bitch.”

What is?

“Pervert! Get off my friend!”

All he saw was the fist. Then he was flying again, tumbling back through the corridor with a fleeting glimpse of Motoko until his flight path mercifully acceded to the demands of gravity and his body slid to a screeching halt in accordance to physical laws regarding friction. Well. That voice was certainly right about that stinging sensation but no time for that time to run again! He barely dodged a bokken strike for the second time in as many minutes.

“Hey, so there are two other tenants that I didn’t cover, because they’re kind of on the young side. Didn’t think they’d interest you all that much. Thing is? You’re about to run into one of them and you really, really don’t want to.”

Looking back at the furious pursuit was a rather convincing argument that whatever might lay ahead, it could not possibly be worse than back there! Onwards! He had to get out of here before - Say! Where did all those toy tanks come from?

“Target sighted! Pervert now in range!”

Keitaro whimpered and yelped in the same breath. All kinds of bad feelings were coming out of this right now. He spun around and leaped down yet another corridor. By the smell, it seemed to be the kitchen. How big <i>was</i> this place again?

“Weave right. Weave right hard!”

“Um, what’s going on out here? I’m - Oh, goodness!”

It was a good thing he’d followed that advice. If he hadn’t, he’d have crashed right into that little girl walking out of that room!

“That’s Shinobu. She’s a great cook. I mean, simply sublime. Ah! Head left here and we can bring this merry little dance to a close.”

Head left? Well, the voice hadn’t been terribly wrong so far! Maybe it wasn’t just a fantasy? Maybe it was more than a voice inside his head! Maybe it really could lead him out of this situation! Or maybe it would lead him outside and directly into an ambush by an army of those toy tanks and their pint-sized commander.

“That’s Su. The most energetic girl you will ever meet. And relax! You’re home free!”

Home free? Home free?! This was home free? Tiny terror toys in front, a sword-wielding maniac in back! Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, nowhere to… Nowhere to…

Naru? Yes, that was her, wasn’t it? Right behind Motoko with an expression every bit as hot as before, even if the emotion was pretty much reversed. A fury to match the same warmth as that smile. A fury directed at him. Keitaro swallowed.

“H-Hold on! I was just looking for my grandmother! She- She’s the owner, and -”

“And I suppose you think that gives you the right to go around groping people?” Naru asked. Her gaze narrowed and the way she kept slamming her fist into an open palm was beginning to make him just a little nervous. “You’re coming with us to the police station. Got it? Please come quietly, or it’ll just make things worse for you.”

The police station? No, not that! Something like this on his record would bar him forever from Tokyo University! How was this home free? And exactly how irrational was it for him to be furious at what still might well be a figment of his own imagination?

“Well, how about that! My nephew Keitaro, isn’t it?”

A reprieve! He knew that voice! He knew that stench of Marlboro cigarettes and coffee! And once he turned around, he knew that face! “Auntie Haruka!” Keitaro yelled, leaping to hug his lifeline.

“That’s cousin to you, Keitaro,” Haruka said, pointedly not remotely attempting to return the hug.

“Wait, wait. You know him?” Naru asked. “He said he was looking for his grandmother, and -”

“And I caught him walking around the dorm with a rather obvious t-tent in his trousers!” Motoko interjected. “Clearly, he was simply using his familial familiarity as a thin excuse to peek at us for his own gratification!”

And so vanished the looks of confusion, back into the expressions of distrust. A tent in his trousers? She didn’t mean he’d had a -

“Yes. You did. Think about it. There you were thinking about Naru bathing in the hot spring just before you left the room. Like the dumbass you will soon cease to be, you didn’t even notice you were sporting wood. Motoko sure as hell did, hence the chase. But wait, what’s this? A little delay to think, a little confusion on your face because you’re listening to me, and then you empty out your pockets and you’re really home free!”

His pockets? But… Well, alright. Why not? It wasn’t as if there was anything in there anyway, except - A pencil. A pencil he had put in there because the voice had told him to. A pencil which -

“Is this maybe what you saw?” he sheepishly asked, holding the pencil up for everyone to see. “I’d just put in my pocket before leaving the room, when I bumped into you.”

Motoko turned crimson but rapidly composed herself. “Please forgive me,” she said. “I leaped to conclusions and assumed the worst.”

“But he still groped Mitsune!” Naru insisted.

“That too may be my fault. You see, in an attempt to slow him down I struck him from behind with a small ki blast at the same moment Mitsune stepped out of the bathing area. I apologise for my mistakes and ask only that you forgive me.”

“Perhaps this isn’t the best place to have this conversation?” Haruka suggested. “Come on, let’s sit down and talk somewhere a little more private.”

The girls all seemed to agree with that, leaving Keitaro trailing behind them as they walked back inside. A bad situation had been remedied in the blink of an eye, all because he’d been in the right place at the right time and done the right thing. He honestly didn’t know what to say about it all.

“A ‘thank you’ will do. On the other hand, maybe you could try following some more of my advice and see where it gets you.”

<hr>
Naru didn’t like this. Not one little bit. So he’d come here looking for a place to stay, not knowing it was an inn. Okay. Fine. Easy mistake. But now he was talking like he was actually going to stay, and that didn’t sit well with her. Not one little bit. So what if he was the grandson of Granny Hina? So what if he had nowhere else to go? So what if he had no money with him? So what if he was apparently attending Tokyo University? A man couldn’t stay in a girl’s dorm! It just wasn’t right! He’d said it himself!

“How about this, everyone? We let him stay here, and he can be our tutor!”

Dammit, Mitsune!

“Obviously there would have to be some conditions. Any perverted behaviour and he’s gone!”

What sort of deal was that? All it meant was that if he tried anything perverted, he’d be more clever about it! He’d keep it hidden in a way that wasn’t obvious so he wouldn’t get caught in the act, and then - Well, who knows what might happen the one time they did catch him trying something? Come on, that was a ludicrous proposition! Naru looked around at the others, beginning with Motoko -

“I don’t care either way, but it would be cruel to cast him out.”

… Dammit, Motoko! Okay! So her guilt over the pencil thing was obviously making her behave stupidly here. Or just general guilt over the whole homeless and without any money thing. But that was no reason for him to stay here! Surely he could find some other place! Surely there had to be somewhere else he could -

“I forbid it!” Naru finally said. “This is a girl’s dorm! G-I-R-L! Males are not permitted to stay! What part of that are we all apparently having trouble with?!”

“What do you want, then?” Mitsune asked in that tone that said she’d bought you a one-way trip to guilt city central. “Throw out this guy that couldn’t find his grandma into the harsh, cold night to fend for himself? Hardly seems fair, does it?”

“How can you be so mean, Naru?” Shinobu sniffed. Oh, no. Not the puppy dog eyes. Not that! Anything but that! Fine! If they were all in favour of this, let it be on their own heads! She would wash her hands of it, and fend for herself!

“Alright. I’ll agree to let him stay.”

But looking over at him right then, he seemed to be rather lost in thought about the whole ordeal. Was he even paying attention at all? His eyes flicked up as if detecting he was being looked at and they made eye contact that Naru quickly broke. What’s up with this guy? And come to think of it, why did he look so darn familiar?

<hr>
Alright, so she couldn’t exactly wash her hands of him. That’s why she’d wound up following him around all day. Keeping him out of trouble. She sat by while Mitsune flirted with him. Hung around while he tutored Shinobu. Watched as he played with Su. Rehydrated him when she was done.

“You don’t have to hang out with all of us, you know!” she’d said.

“No, it’s alright. I want to. It’s rare for me to meet girls that are willing to talk to me.”

Geez. How pathetic! Still. He wasn’t trying anything. And Motoko wasn’t leaving him be either, by the looks of things. Three times in the last ten minutes alone, she’d caught sight of the girl hiding around the area, watching him like a hawk! Alright. If he was already under surveillance then she should take the opportunity to get a little studying done.

Naru Narusegawa. The girl at the top of Japan’s test ratings. The girl that worked herself so hard to get there, she wrecked her eyesight. She only ever wore the glasses for studying purposes. The contacts were her public face. Far better for the sake of vanity, which everyone indulges in just a little bit.

So on with the studying she went. It wasn’t quite the same without him being a tutor, but… Well, she managed okay. Given how hard she worked, if that idiot could make it in then she should have an easy time of -

“The truth is… I’m no Toudai student at all,” a quiet voice said. “But if I make it in next year, it won’t be a lie! Alright! I’ll make it up to them by working extra hard! This year, I’ll make it for sure!”

Naru peered inside the room and saw him hunched over a table, furiously reading through a test book. Like his life depended on it. Pushing himself hard into the wee hours of the morning. Pushing himself so hard, without anyone to help him or motivate him. Just before she silently stepped away she saw something strange. A silhouette of a young girl with a similar disposition and a similar determination for success that always seemed just out of reach. In spite of herself, that young girl felt sympathy for that young man and in spite of her earlier conviction? That young girl would say nothing at all. For now.

<hr>
Morning arrived and Naru found the door to Keitaro’s room open with the room itself empty. Well. Empty if you don’t count the papers strewn over the desk. Nobody around. She stepped inside and took a look.

Math problems by the looks of it. A variety of final results, ranging throughout the fifties and dipping a toe in the sixties. He really was pushing himself hard, but… where was he? Had he worked through the night? With this much paper with this much work, surely he must have done!

He was not in the kitchen either. Nor in the yard getting some fresh air. She ultimately found him in the last place she expected: Cleaning out the hot spring.

“Maybe I should give up on Toudai,” he said to nobody in particular. “It’s unrealistic for a loser like me to get anywhere near that place. I’ll just leave quietly before any of them wake up, they’ll never need to know the truth.”

“Bit late for that,” Naru said. She strolled right on into the spring area with her hands on her hips.

Keitaro had the good sense to wince and slowly turn around to meet his demise. With a suitably sheepish look on his face, he said “You heard that just now? I’m sorry, I - Uh… Who are you again?”

Oh, right. She was wearing the glasses. Hadn’t quite had the chance to put the contacts on yet. She took them off. “It’s me, Naru! You idiot! But enough about me!

“So, you’re a two-time failure at Tokyo University’s entrance exams! After the first attempt, most people would give up and try somewhere else, or at least not have hedged their bets so much in the first place. What makes you so different?”

He turned away and hesitated before beginning to talk. His voice was cracked, whether from exhaustion of body or of spirit, or maybe even both. Naru could not tell. But she stood and she listened either way. “Back when I was a kid, I made a promise to the only girl I’d really talked with before yesterday. We would both make it into Tokyo University, and meet up there. I’d always dreamed of that day when we finally met again. I haven’t seen or heard from her since then, but I somehow knew that we’d be reunited someday. It sounds kinda silly, doesn’t it?

“Please, just let me finish up here and then I’ll go. I don’t want to cause a fuss. I’ll just leave and go back home to try some other university.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

The words surprised even Naru. Even so, she spoke them. One by one they fell out of her mouth and to her surprise she believed every single syllable. He wasn’t going anywhere. He was staying here to be their manager. No matter what she might think of him.

“You really helped Shinobu yesterday. You gave her confidence I’ve not seen in her since she arrived. You made her smile. You made that happen when none of us could. If you make it in next year, then none of this will be a lie, right? All you have to do is -”

Nothing quite like a sudden lack of traction to make a person lose track of what they were saying. Naru careened forward and after a moment’s confusion found herself on her hands and knees staring down at something she couldn’t quite make out, so she put her glasses back on. The image came into sharp focus. It was the idiot.

“You okay?” he asked. She nodded. “Maybe you should have worn the glasses a little longer?”

“Don’t be silly, they make me look ugly.”

“If my promised girl was half as beautiful as you are with your glasses, she’d be the envy of every model in the world.”

Wh-what? What was that? And what was with her chest all of a sudden? This weird warm feeling was spreading out throughout her body. It felt oddly pleasant. Like a blanket on a cold night. And it was growing warmer with each passing moment she spent staring into his eyes.

“Y-You playboy!” she whispered. “I bet you say that to all the girls!”

He smiled softly at her, pulled himself into a seated position and out from under her. From there he offered a hand to help her up, which she reluctantly took because for some reason her legs felt a little bit numb at the moment.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine!” she insisted.

“Alright. Now, I’m going to tell them all the truth because it’s not right to keep it hidden. Right? After that, it’s up to them what happens next.”

Naru turned to leave, intending to storm out of the room in a fury that she no longer felt. She got about halfway before spinning on her heels to turn back and, for reasons she didn’t quite understand, gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m sure you’ll meet your promised girl one day,” she said. This time, she left for good.

Keitaro remained within the spring area, and rubbed his cheek with a goofy smile on his face. “I already have.”

<hr>
That evening, Keitaro sat at his table absolutely not doing a single bit of revision. “She kissed me,” he’d whisper. The papers were there. The test book was open. The pencils sharpened. “She kissed me,” he’d whisper. Instead of writing a single thing he would rub at his cheek with a goofy grin he hadn’t quite been able to shake all throughout the day.

“Within a few weeks, she’ll do it more than once! But if you want something to tide you over a little bit, she’s getting ready for a bath right now, and she’s thinking some <i>very</i> interesting thoughts about you. Want to see?”

After a moment for the thought to sink in, Keitaro’s smile turned into a rather sincere scowl. “No!” he insisted. “No. I don’t want to see that. It would be wrong to intrude on her voluptuous, dripping wet naked body, and it would definitely be wrong to intrude on her innermost thoughts! Who do you think I am? Ataru Moroboshi?”

“Heh. Well, let me answer that question with another question. Something you should have been asking yourself by now, but are too much of a dumbass to pick up on. That question is simply this:

“Who the hell is Ataru Moroboshi?”

Several answers came to mind rather immediately there. The unluckiest boy who ever lived. The biggest pervert in the galaxy. A hyperactive flirt who hit on anything that moved, and most importantly of all, someone that Keitaro had never actually heard of or met at any point in his life.

“Once again the penny drops. This time it’s a big one, too! See, it’s sort of complicated. You and them, you lot are all connected. Eight of you in total, but the other seven… I only know of them at all because of your connection to them through the cube. Sometimes I can see what they see, hear what they hear, et cetera. Sometimes I even pick up on little bits of knowledge here and there. The trick to this is, they appear to be able to affect your life and you can affect theirs. The cube randomly picks up a desire from one of you, and applies it to another. If there’s a pattern beyond that? I’m not seeing it.”

By this point Keitaro was pretty accepting of the voice being whatever it claimed to be. Heck, he could already sort of get a better feeling for where things were in his immediate area. “What sort of people are they? I mean, are they good people?”

“Mostly, yeah. Flawed in their own ways, but mostly pretty decent. Worst of them is willing to martyr himself for a better world, and has even come up with ways to make it happen. Though I should stress, he’s the worst because he’s perfectly willing to enslave minds to make that better world happen too. The others, not so big on that sort of thing. They’d probably see him as a villain.”

“And I can influence their lives? Is there any way to control how I do that?”

“Dunno yet. It’s pretty much the one thing about you that I don’t know at all! But maybe when our minds become one we’ll be able to puzzle it out properly. I think one of your desires from earlier already influenced one of the other worlds. I noticed a weird energy discharge that disappeared into nowhere, so that’s probably what it was.”

“Which desire?” Keitaro asked.

1. To meet his promised girl.
2. To be a better student.
3. To have some sort of special talent.
4. To have people believe what he tells them.
5. To find a safe place away from this crazy situation.
6. Something else