Story: Normality of Kyon

 

I, Yuki Nagato am no stranger to combat against other Data Overmind Interfaces. I had dealt with Ryoko specifically in the past, and came out ahead. On the other hand, that Ryoko was from my own dimension. My own reality. Therefore, I could make no assumptions about what this male Ryoko was capable of and should treat this as a whole new enemy. That was my  analysis of this situation - and it was likely complicated by the fact there was another SOS Brigade somewhere nearby.

The conclusion: The best course of action was to open with thousands of lewd, slimy, prehensile tentacles. Grab him. Seize her. Pin him down and make him submit. Promptly. Quickly. Do not give him a chance to escape. I summoned them from all possible angles, leaving no room to maneuvre. Even so, Ryoko created space to move for himself out of nothing, showing that he was every bit as talented as expected, if not more so. Therefore - I would have to summon even more tentacles to deal with this dangerous enemy!

"Tsk, tsk!" Ryoko wagged his finger. "Is this your best shot? In that case - " He gestured, and pulled out of nowhere - a trio of chaste, innocent looking schoolgirls with pleated skirts cut to show off their panties if they so much as raised their arms wrong. The natural prey of tentacles, which immediately made a beeline directly towards them. Devious. Truly devious. How were they meant to resist? If this had been a female version of Ryoko, instead of the ruggedly handsome male version, this would not have been a problem. "My turn!"

I completed my analysis quickly and succinctly. The question was simply this: If tentacles were best lured in by pretty young schoolgirls, then what was the best lure for a man? My calculations were more rapid than usual. The answer, from my analysis of human behaviour, had led to a single expected result, which further analysis backed up empirically.

To summarise succinctly - The answer was Mikuru Asahina in a skimpy bunny outfit. It seemed as though she was in the middle of something else currently, but it was not a problem for me to create a route between where she was currently, adn this present location.

"Oof!" Asahina said, landing on the floor on all fours, with her butt aimed squarely at Ryoko. "Uwaaaah! That bunny girl horde came out of nowhere! Whaaaaa!"

This strategy seemed to work much better than expected. Ryoko stopped a bit at the sight of her. His body twitched. His eyes flickered between myself and Asahina... and a prominent protrusion began to grow and grow within his trousers.

"Um... Dammit, what's wrong with me... at a time like this," Ryoko muttered quite audibly. "Oh my goodness, she's far too sexy for her own good. Th-This form is becoming intensely aroused. I - I must comfort her, immediately!

I stood back and watched, to observe the results of my calculation. This was proving to be more effective than expected. Analysis - Mikuru Asahina's feminine attributes are more enhanced than before. While this is normal, it is a possible explanation for the variance, as this had not been factored into my initial calculations. It is also normal that she would spontaneously sprout batlike wings while Ryoko was clinging onto her, and suck away his energy - though this, too, had not been considered in my calculations.

It may prove necessary to calibrate my calculations, and considerations of variables at the earliest possible opportunity.

"Nnngh, I can feel you draining away my life force! But you're soooo cute, I can't let gooooo!" Ryoko wailed, yet was also smiling. A fascinating juxtaposition worthy of further analysis. "Curse you, but also - thank you so much for delivering onto me this lethal dose of hot ass!"

How curious. Ryoko seemed to be fully aware of the physical danger he was in, and yet he remained in violation of all observed survival instincts, that are even ingrained to some extent within Interfaces to ensure our believability as humans is maintained at all times. For the sheer, overwhelming, radiant sex appeal of Mikuru Asahina to reach the height where it can override survival instinct in an intelligent, rational and powerful being... Conclusion: This was the opportunity to run the fear program.

Secondary conclusion: Analysis of supreme sex appeal commencing for scientific research. Kyon shall suffice as a test subject. Attempts to entice Kyon must be made in order to better scientific advancement. Devising testing scenarios...

The Closed Space was torn apart by an unknown force. Inside the gap, a new figure appeared. The alternative version of Haruhi Suzumiya, with a quite smug expression upon his face. He regarded what was happening with due care, nodded and gave a thumbs up to Ryoko.

"Ni~ice!" he said. "Looks like this universe's version of Mikuru is even hotter than ours, and that's saying something! My, my, with a body like that you could launch more than a thousand ships! You could launch continents into outer space!"

"What sense does that make?!" yelped the female Kyon of their universe from somewhere behind her. "Are you gonna use your powers again? Remember our deal!"

"Yeah, yeah," Haruhi sniffed. "If I break reality, no more night time visits, I know the drill."

"You- You weren't meant to say that out loud!" the female Kyon yelled, sounding so embarrassed it might be lethal.

On consideration, this was a dire scenario to find myself within. Having the attention of a reality warper of Haruhi's calibre, especially one that is apparently aware of what he can do, is inadvisable. Retreat is preferred. Reanalysis: Immediate tactical withdrawal may not be sufficient. The only tactic possible to stop a reality warper is to psychologically affect them before they use those powers to win.

====

Hey there, I'm the male form of Haruhi Suzumiya, and let me tell you perverts out there reading this, I love this fucking reality. Oh, it's the best! Everyone's so weird and horny, it's super interesting! Of course, there's only one cutie pie for me, and that's my darling Kyonko. She fucks like a tiger, by the way. A tsundere tiger, rawr!

Anyway, you're probably wondering how much I know about what's going on, right? I would love to say everything, but - Actually that's a lie. I wouldn't want to know everything, that would be boring! So, I don't know everything. It's kind of why my Brigade takes me on these adventures across the multiverse. It helps keep me interested, and also, you know, makes it so that I don't do that whole 'destroy the universe in a fit of boredom' thing that I could, so, so very easily do. I mean, there's only so much that my adorable girlfriend can do to keep me interested, you know?

Granted, she's actually very, very good at keeping my attention on other matters, but... What can I say? I'm a bit of a horndog.

Now. That leads me to here. I came here because I wanted to visit a universe where I was a chick, and that chick had no idea about what was going on. Sounded like fun, right? That's what I wanted, so we came right here! Play my cards right, we could maybe get a fun threesome going or something like that. Hah! Or maybe that other me would help Kyonko down the path of hentai so she puts out more.

Huh? I could just make her want to? Pft, where's the fun in that, weren't you paying attention? I want to do what's fun, not what's easy! Winning all the time is- Haven't you seen that one episode of the Twilight Zone? I know it exists in your reality, it must do! That guy who thinks he's in heaven because he succeeds all the time, but then he gets bored and learns he's actually in hell? That was probably clever for the time, right? Well, I'm trying to avoid that hell for myself!

Anyway! It wasn't hard to notice that this universe's Yuki was fighting Ryoko. Okay, sure, it took me a few minutes to notice, but you try focusing when a random bunny brigade struts on by. It would capture your attention too! Pretty thoroughly at that! Of course, I simply had to come back and take a look at what was going on... And what was going on was that Ryoko was gonna get some!

I mean, goddamn, would you look at her? Mikuru Asahina is a shy tender studmuffin my reality, but I definitely prefer the curvaceous, buxom little bun-bun cowering in confusion over there as Ryoko pervs out over him. Actually, I was kinda feeling like going over there myself and planting my face in her tits, but...

"Hey now!" my girlfriend warned. "Quit checking out the barely clad slut." Then she nodded towards Yuki.

"Fine, fine," I sighed, and waved my hand. "Prepare yourself, twisted and perverse version of my close friend! Now you face - Woah! Was that a tentacle?!"

A tentacle slid right by me and made a beeline right for Kyonko. Ohoho, you sneaky little - I encased my cute girlfriend in a glass case, then after a moment's thought put an airhole or two on there to keep her safe. The tentacle saw this and went right for the hole, trying to squirm its way in, so I put bars over the hole to stop it. There!

Huh? I could have won this already by willing Yuki turn into gold or something? I could do that but where's the fun! Besides! I wanna show off for Kyonko! Hehehe, try to grab me with more of your tentacles, you'll never get me - Huh! Was that the girl Asahina flying right at me? Gosh she's so hot, I wonder how soft her breasts are?

"Eeeeeeeh!"

It was only as my hands sunk into her boobs, and my head joined Ryoko's in using those wonderful mounds as a pillow, that I realised Yuki's cunning strategy. Ahhhh, make Kyonko unable to interfere, and then distract me with hot ass. Truly, this Yuki was as keen a tactician and analyst as ours. How nice, how nice.

"Hey, Ryoko! Wanna be her petslave?" I asked.

"Ehehehehehe..." Ryoko let loose an exhausted titter. "Yeaaaaah, definitelllllyyyyy!"