Sunday, 9 May 2021

Story: RCM Yakuza Princess' Unwilling Boyfriend

 

 You know, sometimes in a movie you'll see a party going on with a bunch of friends of mixed genders, and they'll play a game called 'Five Minutes in Heaven'. It was always kinda annoying because... well, put it this way.Have you ever seen anyone play the game in real life?  It always felt like the sort of thing that was put in there by a writer who had never been to such a party. Usually because they were horny. Or thought their audience would be horny.

The reality is that such an experience is... quite nice! Being trapped in close quarters with a member of the opposite sex who had a good body is quite fun at first. Until your body realises it's not getting any action, and suddenly the lack of other stimuli does funky things to your brain.

And then you notice that you can't really move that much, your legs/arms start to lose a bit of feeling, so you have to try to move them around a bit to get the circulation going. Which causes you to press into that other person a bit more with different parts of your body. You kind of oscillate between being extremely aware of their presence, to kind of getting so used to it that you forget the close contact so you drop your guard and then they breathe funny and you're back on the other end.

"You know, at this point we might be better off just calling for help and hoping for the best," Matsuhiro said. "I mean, the hole is already as deep as it can get, right? It's not going to get any better if we get found tomorrow morning by the staff, is it?"

Miasaki rolled her eyes. Idiot. Acting like he's forgotten why they're in here to begin with. If her mother got hold of him now, it'd be over. And it'd be worse if daddy got him in this position. Found his hand resting on her hip, while she's barely able to keep her head off his chest. His surprisingly manly chest.

...

You know what fuck it, she's not the one that would get in trouble! Besides, being stuck in such close quarters like this was obviously leaving her oxygen deprived. She was almost feeling attracted to this guy! Hahahaha, how laughable! Being attracted to her fake boyfriend? This wannabe schemer? This deluded buffoon?!

"Hey, could someone let me out of here?!" she yelled, banging on the door. "It's stuck! C-Come on, get us out of here!"


She continued pounding like that for ten minutes. No response. None whatsoever. Huh? What? What's going on here? Matsuhiro joined in as well, causing a hell of a ruckus, but to no avail. Heck, he even started to ram his surprisingly broad sexy shoulders against the door, but couldn't budge it. Well, no duh. This house was built like a fortress. That door wasn't budging for love nor money.

"Something's weird," Miasaki said. "The door's sturdy, but it's not soundproof. Someone should've heard us by now."

“Well I’m sure you scary bodyguard will find you before we’re stuck here too long.”

<hr>

Flashing back to approximately one minute after Miasaki and Matsuhiro entered the closet, we find Rei standing in front of a room full of hired goons, a stern expression upon her already usually serious face.

"The location of our beloved Miasaki has been unknown for over thirty seconds," she said, gently stroking her pistol. "You do not need to be told what this means."

A hand is raised. "She's off somewhere with her new boyfriend, doing what young couples -"

The owner of said hand was then subjected to such pain and misery in such a condensed amount of time that to explain it would likely get me, the writer, banned from the Internet if I were to attempt to describe it. Consider how broad a stroke that has to be to reach that level, and wince in sympathy for this ill advised suggestion.

"It means she has been kidnapped by that rogue!" Rei declared, flames billowing up behind her from her sheer fury and rage. "It means that a rival family has seen fit to use her as a hostage! Fortunately, the kidnappers made one fateful, critical mistake!"

With a dramatic flourish, Rei revealed the clue. A single rose petal, slightly scuffed. The mooks and goons all gathered around to stare at it accusingly. As if it had insulted their mothers while simultaneously running down their dog.

"This carelessly discarded rose petal was discovered at the last known sighting of our beloved Miasaki, outside her mother's room!"

The sea of mooks parted ways, as a pair of red glowing eyes warned them to step aside. That pair settled upon the rose petal, and it promptly disintegrated into dust as if it knew what was good for it. Smart. Really smart. Sir Akuhara wasn't the sort to tolerate nonsense.

"The rose is the mark of the Ultimate Killer Dragon clan," Sir Akuhara said. "They have been making moves a little closer than we'd like to the edge of our territory. So be it! We move out now to ask them a few questions about their recent activities."

Then he left the room. Not walked out, more like he slid along the floor, or was gliding a little over the top of it. Even Rei was shaking in her boots about that guy, all four of the Boss’s Lieutenants made her look freaking sane by comparison. And she was self aware enough to recognise how nuts she was.



<hr>

Well, great. This was it then. The last resort. The two of them had been reduced to this. Bored out of their goddamn minds to the point they'd actually have to have a real, functional conversation with each other.

"So, you got any family?" Miasaki asked. For <i>some reason</i> it was on the forefront of her mind right now.

"A cousin I see maybe twice a year who is an even bigger swindler than you think I am," Matsuhiro said. "The rest either faked their deaths, or probably actually are dead. Maybe."

Miasaki narrowed her eyes. "You're bullshitting me, aren't you?"

"Maybe," Matsuhiro shrugged. "Or maybe I'm the black sheep of the family. Ran away first chance I got and live day to day on the gullibility of strangers, with nothing but my wits to keep me alive."

"That can't be it," Miasaki said. "You'd be dead inside an hour."

"Ooh, look here! Little Miss Yakuza, got that iron sharp tongue. No need for firearms, she can flay you alive with a few choice words."

"Hah! As if I'd use my tongue to flay your body -" She began, then stopped and course corrected before saying something really stupid. "Anyway, smart move making fun of the girl you're hoping to use as a sugar mommy. You really want to go that route?"

Shit. He was grinning. He'd noticed that, hadn't he? Damn! This was the worst kind of thing, too. If she denied it, she'd go flush and that would make it seem like she actually did like this idiot.

"You know, I just realised that we're going to need to put on a pretty good act if we're going to fool your old man," he said, leaning in close. Aq little too close for her liking. "I mean, we've been stuck like this for a few hours now, but... It's going to look weird if we're not affectionate with each other. Right?"

"In other words, you want to steal a kiss. Pervert."

"I don't steal when the mark's willing to give it up themselves," he whispered. "You want it to look convincing, right? I'm not going to do anything, just putting it out there and leaving the ball in your side of the court."

Ooh, dammit, that was so slick she almost respected it. He was giving her an excuse to kiss him! Make it seem like part of the act! God, she hated him so much, he was the perfect fake boyfriend. Hell, she almost wanted to kiss him just to see the look on his stupid dumb face!

But then... the door opened wide, revealing Rei in a more dishevelled state than Miasaki had ever seen her in before. Ripped collar, rolled up sleeves, hair looked like it had been in a fight with a rampaging egg whisk.

"Uh -" Matsuhiro began.

"You've been stuck in here for literally hours because the door jammed from the outside," Rei interrupted, sounding truly and fully exhausted. "You hid in here because numbnuts here said something to annoy madame."

"How did you -" Miasaki began to ask, but Rei continued on becoming more and more robotic and exhausted sounding the more she spoke.

"Also the two of you were about twenty seconds away from giving in to misattribution of arousal due to the increasingly tense situation you were in, combined with your extremely close contact." Rei wobbled a little and mimed firing a gun at Matsuhiro's head. "I will punish you for this in the morning. Please don't look at the news for the next week. That is all."

And then she fell over, snoring before she even hit the floor.

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