The scene is Uchan's, where we behold an idiot by the name of Ranma Saotome. Now, Mister Saotome has recently lost his virginity, and incorrectly believes that the other girl after him, Ukyo, has discovered this fact and intends to exact bloody vengeance upon him in a duel. When all she wants to do is join him in the 'recent post virgin' club.
At this moment in time, said idiot was hanging around in the main area of the restaurant with Konatsu, whose deal is a bit too complicated to summarise effectively here, just know that she has a big crush on Ukyo as well but is way too damned passive to make a pass.
"So, it is as Miss Ukyo said," Konatsu gravely observed. "You have come for her."
"Yeah, well, I guess it would be better this way, should save her the time coming for me," Ranma said. And so begins the inevitable talking at cross purposes.
"True," Konatsu said. "She has been anticipating this for some time."
Ranma nodded. "Since my old man stole her dad's cart, yeah. Don't worry though, I'll go easy on her."
"Now that won't do at all!" Konatsu said. "Miss Ukyo seemed quite intent on you going hard on her. The harder the better."
"Heh. You're right." Ranma shrugged. "Holding back on someone isn't my style at all. Once we start working up a sweat, I won't be able to help myself. That's just how these things go."
"Oh? You sound like you have lots of experience with this sort of thing, Mister Ranma."
"Experience? Yeah, you could say I've got experience," Ranma said, looking of wistfully into the distance. "To be honest, as a man this is something I should have owned up to a long time ago. Uchan deserves a shot, you know? I'm sure she wants to pound me stupid, but..." He shook his head. "Ah, never mind. I'm kind of looking forward to seeing what she's made of."
Meanwhile, in the back room, Ukyo Kuonji was dying. No, not literally, but she sort of wished she was. For this occasion she'd picked out a very smart tuxedo that should help accentuate her, ahem, manliness, help her seduce Ranma and finally get him to pay her attention by appealing to his apparent interest in masculinity.
But hearing all of that was really not doing her nerves any favours. This whole thing was bad enough as it was, but the idea that he had experience? Ah, he was talking about it so casually with Konatsu as well!
However! Ukyo was a young woman who owned her own business! You didn't do that sort of thing in Japan, especially in an area you don't know so well, unless you're willing to grab the bull by the horns and toss it for all that it's worth!
So suck it up, Kuonji! Step out there and seduce that straight boy by showing off how manly a girl you are! Ukyo, also being an idiot, sucked in a lungful of air and then walked confidently out of her back room, dusting her hands.
"Oh hey babe," she said in that way that guys on the beach do when they think they sound cool, but it kind of comes off as condescending. You know that tone, kinda off putting, right? "Didn't know you were here already. So where do you wanna do this thing?"
Ranma tilted his head, and we enter into round two of 'talking at cross purposes'. Konatsu had the common decency to slink off, at least, never knowing how badly they had misread the situation.
"How about the empty vacant lot down the street?" Ranma said. Bear in mind he was thinking of a good place for a fight.
"Yeah that sound perf-" Ukyo began, but then stopped on realising what she was agreeing to. "Hold on, you wanna do this in a place like that?"
"Of course," Ranma said. "It's a big wide open space where we can really throw ourselves at each other without knocking down a wall."
"...Isn't that a bit too public?"
"All the better!" Ranma grinned. "More chances to show off, you know?"
"Sh-Show off?" Ukyo didn't even know what she was imagining right now, but she would like it to stop now please. "I mean, really?"
"Plus, Nabiki likes taking bets whenever I throw down with someone," Ranma rolled his eyes. "Who's gonna wind up on top. 'Course, she always tries to fix the outcome by playing dirty. Bet she even tried that when it was me and Kodachi that one time..."
Oh. Oh, gosh. Now Ukyo's mind was really reeling. What sort of things had Ranma been getting up to around here, right under her nose? With Shampoo? With Kodachi? It didn't bear thinking about!
So instead of thinking about it, Ukyo did the most sensible thing she could think of doing: Continuing to indulge in masculine stereotypes by slamming her fist onto the nearest surface, and saying "Come on! Let's arm wrestle! I wanna show you how strong I am!" in the gruffest voice she could manage. Which, with her experience in pretending to be a boy, was actually pretty gruff.
Nobody in their right goddamn mind would interpret this as a seduction attempt. Not even an idiot like Ranma. He figured this was a preliminary, a warmup to their upcoming duel, so he settled down and clasped hands with Ukyo, giving her a curt nod and ignoring how sweat drenched her hand was.
Of course, it was a further sign to Ranma that his old friend was furious at him for what he had done, and was likely to continue doing, with the other girl after him. A sensible man in his place right now would let her win. Let her blow off some steam. Let her, you know, get less angry by having a win under her belt.
However, this was the area where Ranma was an idiot. He couldn't throw a contest to save his life. As in, literally, if you held a gun to his head and told him to throw a contest he had a fair shot of winning, he'd play to win. Every time. Couldn't even help himself. Which is why, rather than throwing the contest, he wound up throwing Ukyo's arm against the table five times in quick succession without missing a beat.
In all honesty, if it was any other boy from their class Ukyo would've had as easy a time with them as he had with her, but Ranma's freakishly strong. Check out his respect thread on reddit sometime if you want a good idea of how strong.
"Heh, not bad!" Ranma flexed a bicep, which had the effect of making Ukyo both thirstier and more nervous at the same time. "Gonna have to do better than that though! I know you really wanna pound me, but it's more likely I'll be pounding you if you're not careful."
"Pounding... me...?" Ukyo gulped, imagining it far too clearly in her mind. The deep, deep pounding that he'd give her. "Ahhh..." No, no! Fight that off, remain masculine above all other things! If you can't use strength to show off how manly you are then... then! Ukyo sprang up to her feet and dipped Ranma.
Naturally this resulted in him judo tossing her to the floor on reflex.
Oh no it's working <i>too well</i>! Now he was straddling her, pinning her down in an awkward position! Now he'd use that monstrous strength to do whatever he wanted to her willing, feminine, yet also boyish body! She shouldn't have gone for the tuxedo right away, it looked too good on her! She should have eased up to it a little, before hitting that boy with her expert level boyish charm!
"Y-You prefer to be on top?" Ukyo asked. Squirming, but finding no purchase. He was really good at tying people up.
"Of course, that's the best way to keep control."
Keep... control? Gulp! Was he about to ruin her tuxedo by tearing it off her? Was he about to 'control' her by fucking her so hard she went comatose? Ah... ah! Ukyo was really looking forward to that! She closed her eyes and waited for the moment to come -
And then the door to her shop exploded <i>afuckinggain</i> when an angry half Japanese half Chinese <i>bitch</i> smashed through her door because opening doors is <b>beneath her</b> and came in to blue ball her.
"Homewrecker!" Shampoo yelled, dragging Konatsu in as the kunoichi was grabbing onto her leg for dear sweet life. "I have come to observe if you're trying anything to seduce Ranma, finding you in a really hot tuxedo being pinned down by him, weighing in on whether a violent response is appropriate and deciding that it very much is but murder is still off the table."
"I'm sorry Miss Ukyo I tried to hold her back!" Konatsu wailed, clinging on for dear life. One could see grooves in the concrete where Konatsu had tried to use her feet to keep Shampoo in place. "Perhaps if I had the moon for ballast, but nothing less could stop her!"
"Shampoo! Don't be crazy you violent tomboy!" Ranma yelled. "Uchan isn't trying to seduce me, she's trying to cave my head in because we finally - Uh, why is my survival instinct kicking in and telling me not to be here?"
How rare. Usually when Ranma started saying something stupid, he'd steamroll right over that survival instinct and finish the stupid thought right up to the point he got pounded into mulch/into the horizon. Ah, but don't misunderstand. This wasn't him showing higher intelligence than usual. No, no. It was more like, how to put it...? The danger he was in for saying what he was saying was so great that it overcame his usual lack of common sense and slapped on the handbrakes. Probably because that sense of danger was coming from two different directions at once.
- Ranma Saotome learns what pain truly is.
- Ranma manages to escape, so Ukyo and Shampoo talk it out.
- ...hahaha nope. First a big fight.
- Before things can escalate too much, Mousse shows up. He’s here on… business?
- Inexplicable threesome. Not really in keeping with the tone of this thread, but whatever, porn site.
- Something Else
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