While it is fun and adorable and also extremely erotic to watch our hapless protagonist accidentally engage in a wide variety of porny attitudes, it is this writer's intention to cockblock you all by shifting focus elsewhere.
That's just how I roll, baby.
So, let's go to a brightly lit gymnasium that had been rented out for the evening, and occupied entirely by young women in the 18-19 demographic. 80s pop music was playing, and all the girls were in leotards tights, and most had headbands on.
“OK girls! Work it!” the girl at the front said, beaming brightly as she kicked into the air. “We can’t take care of the world unless we take care of our bodies first!”
"Come on girls, let's rule the world!" the others all chanted in unison, and to the same peppy tune being played in the background. They leaped into the air, they did high kicks, they clapped their hands and, generally speaking, put out a vibe that was so 1980s that if they weren't careful they'd summon a Delorean driven by Hulk Hogan. Do note that this is set in the year 2020. These girls were definitely not in what you might call a modern mindset.
“Do you feel the magic girls?” The girl at the head said. Her neon pink leotard matching in that 80s way with the green tights and socks she was wearing. “Feel the tasty wonderful magic in the air? It’s so fluffy!”
"Eat it up! Eat it all! Then the Earth will surely fall!" came the chorus in reply.
“Yeah!” She said, throwing up her hand in a cheer.
It was at this point the doors to the gym opened up "What bullshit are you all up to this time?!" A woman the same age as the others walked on in, but you could hardly tell it from looking at her. She was wearing a sharp pantsuit, her hair tied back into a tight ponytail, and a pair of sharp glasses donning her face. She had a binder tucked under her arm and a cellphone to her ear. “No that wasn’t you, my coworkers have set up an aerobics video for some reason. OK. Ok… no. Right, that’s a problem. I’ll see what I can do. Glory to the Night, bye.” She hung up the phone and walked up to the pink clad girl at the head of the pack.
"Hi, hi!" said the leader of the group. "It's great to see you again, Pluto! Ah! You didn't take my advice?"
"Your advice for treatment for my 'resting bitch face'?" Pluto growled. Really not in the fucking mood for this.
"Yes, you really need it! I think it's getting worse!"
“<b>Another</b> Night Daemon was fucking disintergrated last night Miss Venus.” She held up the binder, a picture of a certain snake spider monster Yumiko had met last night plasted on top.
Venus, that is to say, the girl in pink leotard gasped. “You know, Pluto, your insistence on being all formal with me is pretty cute mixed up with your tendency to swear like a Space Sailor.”
“That’s the part you’re focused on?”
“I mean, like, casualties are inevitable right? Humans have a cool metaphor for this! You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs! Have you had an omelette Pluto? They’re pretty tasty!” Venus said, “Raise your hand if you’ve had an omelette!” Around a third of the girls behind her raised their hands.
"Shut up about omelettes! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Pluto shrieked, unable to bear it anymore. "Why are you all such airheads? How are we meant to take over the world and run things if you are ll such fucking idiots?!"
Venus tilted her head. "Gimme a number between two hundred and four hundred. You can go up to ten decimal places."
"Oh, I love when she does this..." a girl whispered. "Three hundred and thirty three, point three, three, three!"
"18.2574094548," Venus rattled off. "That's the square root, doncha know?"
That was actually the part that frustrated Pluto the most. They were actually all hyper competent in <i>exactly one field</i>. Venus, it was arithmetic. Throw any number at her and she'd toss the answer to a problem right back. Then, somehow her math skills were enough to get the Night Queen to put <b>her</b> in charge of the preliminary investigation while Pluto was playing second fiddle.
It was the same with the rest of them as well. They had one who was pitch perfect, another who could pick out a fly sitting on a tree two miles away, another who could beat anyone in hopscotch in her sleep.. All sorts of talents, absolutely the best in their area of expertise, when those areas of expertise were - for the most part - absolutely fucking worthless!
"This is a cell phone!" Pluto snapped. "Everyone and their mother has them at all times! They have built in calculators! Can you please focus so we can take over this stupid world already?!”
"Ehhh? What's the point in taking the world if you don't have fun while you're doing it?"
"Because it's the most efficient way to consume all the magic this world has! Honestly now!" Pluto threw up her arms. "Ugh, never mind that. Dead Night Daemon, not the first, probably not the last. We need to fix whatever is making dead Night Daemons.”
"Okay dokey!" Venus tittered. "I'll get the girls to investigate-"
"Hold up!" Pluto held her hand out. "That is a good idea, but we have to make sure it's done correctly. We don't want a potential enemy tracking things back to us, and we want to make sure we've covered as much ground as efficiently as possible.
“I mean, like, it’s gotta be those mean old Sparkling Lovers, right? We start poking the seal they get reborn to try and ruin our fun again. So all we’ve gotta go is look for girls around 16 to 18, right?” Venus said. She then clapped her hands, “And I know just the girl to sniff out some mean old magical bullies. Dione!”
One of the girls in the group stepped forward. With bright green hair, leotard, tights, and eyes. She had a bit of a theme going. “Oh oh! Am I going to get a squad of Daemons and get the chance to <b>eat up</b> those spoiled brats!?”
“That you are!” Venus gave her a thumbs up.
“Yay! You rock Dione!” The rest of the girls cheered.
Pluto pulled up her phone to look up Dione’s dossier. Middle ranked, but fairly respected in that rank. Apparently her main hobby was reading romance novels, and she was really good at making candy. What that bit was relevant for was beyond Pluto. Whatever.
"Make sure you focus on girls around 16 to 18, and not outside that age range," Pluto warned. “The Sparkling Lovers are that age, and they’re immortal like us so they don’t get any older. So focus on the teenagers. You can't be too careful here. They might try to disguise themselves as women older than that. They're sneaky, they're underhanded, which means you'll have to be even sneakier and more underhanded than they are! Got it! Go, go, go!"
"Have no worries, have no fear. We'll soon find them and kick their rears! Yaaaay!"
Clumsy rhyming aside, there was one thing Pluto had determined at the very least. If she never, ever so much as thought about the 1980s again, it would still be too soon! Oh well, at least she'd done all she could to reinforce the notion in their thick dummy brains: Focus on girls in the right age range, that was sure to be the way to go!
<hr>
Yumiko stood in front of a mirror in her bedroom, staring at herself in her new, ahem, uniform. The only thing that had gotten any more comfortable was the tiara on her head. Just barely large enough to not give her a headache. The rest? Still very tight and revealing. She spun around and saw that she was giving the world a solid view of her ass straining against the fabric under her far too short skirt.
"While you are wearing this outfit, nobody will be able to remember your face."
"Yeah, they won't be looking at it," Yumiko groused. “So how do I find these, what did you call them?”
“Night Daemons.”
“Right, those things. How do I find them?”
“Err, that’s a good question! Go on patrol I guess?”
In a flash Yumiko had Ponpon in her hands and was glaring at him. “Are you saying I have to <b>walk around</b> in this!?”
"Well no, but that might be a good way to attract their attention," Ponpon said. "Ack, you are holding me quite tightly. It is difficult to breathe like this!"
"Fancy that," Yumiko seethed. "How else might I draw out our bad guys for their righteous stomping?"
"W-well, you could always go about your everyday life and chance upon their schemes by happenstance and good fortune before they hurt too many people," Ponpon suggested.
Yumiko sniffed, then dismissed her stupid slutty barely fitting uniform, which put her back in a half closed bathrobe again. Ordinarily she just wanted to spend her weekends crashing here in her apartment or trying (and failing) to get a date. But now she had even <b>more</b> responsibilities. “Fine, we’ll go on a shopping trip. If I’m going to have a pet rat I need to get you some bedding, food, and all the things a cute little rodent needs.”
"Can you get one of those plastic wheels?" Ponpon asked, sounding quite enthusiastic all of a sudden. "They look so fun, I've always wanted to run in one of those!"
The way this little rat was wagging its tail around was extremely off putting, especially since rats don't have the kind of tail that should be able to do this. Ugh, fantastic, she didn't exactly want a pet but... Fine. Whatever. It was apparently her destiny to save the world, but she was a responsible adult so she had to take care of this stupid magical thing.
- Yumiko winds up stumbling onto an evil plot at the pet store.
- Yumiko winds up accidentally teasing her new neighbour some more.
- Pluto tries, she really tries, to coral these 80s loving idiots.
- The first plot to flush out the Sparkling Lovers is under way!
- Something else
Now there's a charming pack of villains.
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