On reflection it was kind of difficult to do sexy clothes shopping for someone who went around all the time dressed up in a bikini and gogo boots. Don't get me wrong, there was a bit of a thrill in seeing the cute alien in lingerie ,but - I mean, come on that bikini basically didn't hide much. Very little was left to the imagination when it came to Lum. She was one of the most open people Shinobu had ever met.
Put like that, it's little wonder she had fallen for Ataru, who was actually the most open person Shinobu had ever met.
Shinobu let out a weary sigh. As soon as Lum had floated in, the staff had gotten themselves in a tizzy, measuring her out, taking photographs and then all but one of them had skipped off to the back for goodness knows what reason (that one was manning the till, but seemed really fidgety as if she wanted to go off with the rest of them).
Which left herself and Lum to their own devices - and Lum expressing great confusion at the attire on display. Because ninety percent of the "erotic" clothing on display here was way, way less revealing than the clothes she wore around Ataru in their everyday life.
Shinobu herself was uncertain of what to wear for the opposite reason, more or less. It was all so... Risque for a girl like her. She wasn't the sort to show off her body like this! She could hardly drift around through the air flaunting what she had to all and sundry, she'd die of embarrassment before that happened!
"Oh! I've got it!" Lum exclaimed with great triumph, then rushed off to the changing room before Shinobu could tell what she'd grabbed. Well, lucky her then. But Shinobu... She was looking at sexy teddies, black stockings, and it was sending so many butterflies into her stomach she might as well set up a career in lepidoptery.
"There!" a staff member called, and suddenly Shinobu was swarmed. "It's not her friend, but she'll certainly do!"
"Huh?" Shinobu asked, looking around at them in meek confusion. Even though she could casually toss them aside as easily and trivially as an elephant might squash a mouse. Though, her reaction to them was quite in line with the stereotypical reaction of an elephant to a mouse. They surrounded her and herded her into an empty changing room holding a coat hanger, then hung around outside tittering like gossiping old women.
"I guess they really wanted me to wear this," Shoinobu said. Well, okay, why not. She put it on while musing on what they were doing. Both of them. Planning to go on a date with Ataru. At the same time. It's the sort of thing she swore she'd never do, and yet here she was doing it. What had changed? Why so quickly? And why had Lum gone along with it as well?
The door to the dressing room flew open a moment later. "What are you making me wear?!"
"Oh, Shinobu! That really suits you."
Alright. So. Okay. Shinobu was looking at Lum right now. Which made her take a step back and view this from a sort of third person perspective, in a manner of speaking. What were the two girls wearing?
Well, Lum was wearing a pleated blue skirt and a white sleeveless shirt that was tied off under the breasts, with the buttons wide open. Thigh high socks and heels that - Oh wow, she hadn't even thought about that, what an advantage to have from flight! You could wear the worst heels in the world and not have to deal with the balance issues!
Meanwhile, Shinobu was wearing a leopard print bra, garter belt, stockings and thong. Also, a pair of cat ears.
...
The short version of that is "the two of them were dressed up as erotic parodies of one another." Just in case you missed that.
"We'll take them!" Lum said, then threw a diamond at the counter that was probably worth more than the entire store put together. "You don't mind if I pay for you as well, Shinobu?"
Base pride welled up but was quickly squashed by the realisation of how expensive this stupid yet also surprisingly comfortable thing actually was. "Okay, okay. Fine. Fine. Pay away for it all you want..."
"Keep the change!" Lum said, and the woman at the till fainted. From relief she wouldn't have to calculate the change, or joy from how much of a bonus she was getting this month? Well, whatever. The point was that the two of them had nice clothes for their double date... thing with Ataru and -
"Was that a horde of mimes in hot yet silent pursuit of Ataru and Sakura?" Shinobu asked. Then, she decided that some things were better off not knowing the answer to. "A-Anyway, want to head to my house to talk about... later?"
Ding. It was as if she blinked and was suddenly standing in her bedroom.
"There, all done!" Lum said, tucking away some small device into a pocket that Shinobu didn't think that skirt had room for - but apparently did.
"Could you please not twist the nature of space time itself to your every whim without warning someone first?" Shinobu threw her hands up into the air.
“Hmm how else are we going to head home fast enough to- oh right I forgot humans don’t have teleporters.” Lum said. “Honestly I’m surprised that you guys invented TV before teleporters. On my homeworld it was the other way around. So, you wanted to talk about this date?”
"Th-that's right!" Shinobu said, letting the indignity wash out of her. "To start with, it's pretty clear which of us should take the lead on this date. As Ataru's childhood friend, I've known him longer -"
"And you're also his ex-girlfriend," Lum interrupted.
Ah, and now we get to the crux of why a harem in real life is... it's just the worst idea guys, you couldn't traumatise a group of people any harder than this without drawing blood. People tend to care about their own personal group first, then outsiders. Therefore, if two people who don’t already consider themselves part of the same group want a rare resource they will both try to harvest it for themselves, which often results in jealousy, competition and all sorts of nastiness. I mean, we all know the stereotype about how nasty women can be when they're competitive, right? Pretty unfair because men get pretty bad as well - but really, you want to magnify that? This is the ultimate male power fantasy? The harem, it's just the worst guys, if you find a magic lamp don't wish for one because that genie won't even have to do anything else to fuck you around.
Sure, Ataru had planted the idea of them both wanting him into their subconscious with gross abuse of alien dream technology, but they still both had their own desires for him.
A relationship is hard enough with two people. A polyamourous relationship is even harder.
What made this particular moment a touch more awkward was that the two of them were currently dressed as erotic parodies of each other.
"Oh, look at me, I'm Lum," Shinobu mocked, running her hands through her hair and flipping it up. "I crave attention soooo much that I have, like, zero problem putting this bod on display 24/7."
Back when Lum had first arrived on Earth, this kind of sarcasm would have slid off like carbon off a xekvom sphere. She'd been around long enough now to know exactly what Shinobu was doing, and so she rose to her feet and swanned around the room.
"Hi everyone, I'm Shinobu! Just, plain Shinobu!" Lum waved to an imaginary audience. "There's nothing extraordinary about me, I'm a plain normal boring girl. Who can bench a car. But don't you dare point this out or I'll get<I>so mad</i>!"
"Hah, you want to talk about mad?" Shinobu asked, leaning over to put her hands on her knees. "Tick me off and I'll let out a nasty ol' 'Dahling' and enough sparks to down the power grid."
Lum put her hand on her hips and jutted out her hip. "Meanwhile, I used to be allll over rich boy Mendo, even though he's nothing more than a lucky, charming yet dumber version of the boy I dumped."
“I prance around in my underwear all day. Tee hee but don’t oyu dare think I’m available!”
"Meanwhile, I have a pretty amazing body, but keep it hidden because of this backward planet's prudishness!"
Shinobu blushed a little bit. Lum thought she had an amazing body? N-No, angry at Lum! Shinobu huffed and started walking in a circle around the alien.
"I don't even care what sort of trouble my freaky tech causes," Shinobu said.
"My planet is so backwards it could be taken over, by accident, by using a toy meant for tots on every other populated world!" Lum continued, turning around and scowling at Shinobu.
"But my race is so weird that they'd put up conquering a planet on a game of tag! Then when I lost, I decided to marry the Earthling that beat me! For shits and giggles!" Shinobu yelled, suddenly keenly aware of how close they were standing, and -
Their lips met, much to their mutual surprise. To their greater mutual surprise, the other didn't step away to continue their sarcastic mockery of one another. If anything, they were stepping closer... closer...
"I'm Shinobu Miyake," Lum moaned. "And it turns out I'm a repressed sexual deviant."
"Yeah, well..." Shinobu grumbled. Ah, there it was! She'd finally undone the knot around that stupid slutty shirt! "In order to have any interest in that boy, you pretty much have to be. Take it from a slutty alien like Lum Invader."
Oof, that set of exchanged barbs acted like pouring more oil on the fire. They practically ignited from how fast they lunged at each other. This can only be a result of the messing around with their dreams Ataru had been engaged in of late, because nothing else could possibly explain it.
I mean, if you think about it that's kind of a messed up way to resolve sexual tension. Let the mutual hate build up and build up until it suddenly explodes, and you're tossing your brand new lingerie around the room with hardly a care, then you're pushing your romantic rival onto your bed and fucking her like a cheap whore. That's not healthy. If you find yourself getting into a heated argument with someone you're attracted to, and suddenly wonder if they're as turned on as you are - seriously, you probably have something wrong with you, and should seek professional help.
But... In Lum and Shinobu's case that could at least wait until the afterglow wore off.
<hr>
When one is engaged to an irate alien who likes to drop lightning on your ass whenever she catches you cheating (that is to say, on average four times a day) you develop a knack for good hiding spots around town. This particular alley down here was a pretty good one - nobody ever came down here, and there was a deceptive blind spot because of a tree that also blocked aerial view.
Ataru peered around that tree to watch as a group of mimes struggled against wind that wasn't actually there while, apparently, in hot pursuit of him and Sakura.
"That Mendo sure doesn't know when to quit, huh?" he asked aloud. "Hah! Eat shit rich boy, hire better guards! You've got the dough, so hop to it!"
Then, he felt a weight hit his shoulder and the sound of sawing logs started to fill the air. It seemed that Sakura had overexerted herself in their escape from the mimes. Aw. She looked like an angel. If an angel drooled and sounded like they'd swallowed an entire operating slaughterhouse.
"Aw, all tuckered out?" Ataru wondered, and patted her on the head. "Well, your little trick with the parasol and the rice cooker was really clever. You managed to trick about half of them into thinking they were stuck in a box."
But still. This was a rare opportunity. No, no, he wasn't going to touch her body while she slept. What kind of guy did you take him for?
Instead, he was going to close his eyes and nod off. It was time to continue this date in her dreams.
- Ataru enters Sakura's dream to corrupt her further. Er, I mean, show her a fun time.
- Lum and Shinobu are fucking each other, while still roleplaying as each other.
- Someone happens upon Ataru and Sakura's slumbering bodies.
- Back with Ran, what's she up to?
- Something else
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