Sunday, 2 August 2020

Story: Akane the Half Alien


For the first time in many years a dreadful event was taking place. For those aware of both zany sets of characters, they might call this one of the most dangerous combos imaginable. Was it Happosai working with Mister Fujinami? Was it Ryoko hiring the services of Nabiki?

...

Actually after those two revealing it was Kodachi and Ran cooperating sort of loses its luster. I mean, that second one especially... It is the sort of thing you craft a horror story about. Don't get me wrong, this is still bad. It's just, this is sort of like comparing a punch in the gut to Godzilla stepping on you.

Regardless, let us go to Kodachi's bedroom and pray for our safety. Within this room Kodachi was sitting on the floor, prim and proper, while in front of her was Ran wearing a military helmet a size and a half too big for her, and a camo dress. That is to say, the same sort of flowery dress that she normally wore. Except its colouration was various shades of green and brown.

"Alright, listen up!" Ran yelled. The helmet fell over her eyes. She pushed it up, revealing a deep set scowl upon her normally pretty features. She tapped a baton at a picture behind her. "This is our target, Ranma Saotome! Hunky human male (who is no match for Rei, but who is) who has been bewitched by -" Ran tapped at another picture, this one with several darts sticking out of it and showing an image of Akane Tendo taken before the Oni invasion. "This foul Oni-human hybrid, Akane Tendo!"

"Booo, hisssss!" Kodachi jeered, tossing scrunched up wads of paper at the picture. “I can not believe my greatest rival is not even human!”

“Err you’re not fully human either Kochan.” Ran said, but Kodachi ignored that fact and continued to jeer. The helmet slid down again, so Ran had to tilt it back up before continuing. "Anyway! Showing up to her wedding attempt in your own wedding dress was a great idea. And I’ll give that a try for Rei! But now we have to move forward, strike while the plasma cannon is charged!”

"We could try handcuffing myself to Ranma darling and then put the key in a naughty place," Kodachi suggested, then bit her finger and blushed.

Ran stared at her. The helmet slid down once again. "That's... an interesting idea," she conceded. "I had a better one! We use my copy machine to keep Akane distracted!"

"I already tried that," Kodachi said. Oh? She had? How surprising that she had access to a copy machine here on Earth. "I made an incriminating photograph of me and sweet Ranma in a tender embrace, and then had hundreds of copies of them to distribute far and wide."

Oh, she meant a photocopying machine. Right, right. Ran remembered reading about those in ancient technology class, a very easy elective. In which case she could proceed with the demonstration she had in mind, which she began by taking out a picture of a certain pigtailed girl and holding it aloft. Then gently fluttered it.

"Hark, is that the sound of a photograph of the pigtailed girl wearing a swimsuit I hear?" Tatewaki asked. Oh, Tatewaki, you were making this much too easy. Ran dropped the photograph into the copying machine, and he dove in like a good little boy.

Then, there were two of him. Kodachi screamed.

"What is wrong, sister?" the two asked as one, then looked at each other. "Who is this handsome devil?"

"It's - it's like a bad dream I once had..." Kodachi swooned. "Two of those idiots. Running around. Harassing girls that clearly did not like them. Being all arrogant and stupid everywhere."

Oh yeah, now that she thought about it the first time Ran had played around with a copy machine she'd accidentally got Tatewaki stuck in there. It had taken hours to get them all back together. Well, anyway!

"Tatewaki, it seems as though there's a copy of you now!" Ran gasped. "Oh no, oh dear! I cannot tell you apart,  ican't tell which is the real one! Alas, only one who truly, deeply, loves you in their heart of hearts could ever tell the - and they're gone. That should keep Akane Tendo busy for a while, don't you think?"

"It might indeed," Kodachi said. "Although, Ranma may see him harassing her, and intervene to assist her. Unless, of course, it is your intention to stealthily enter the battlezone, strike them all with paralysis powder and then drag dear Ranma off across the rooftops wrapped up in a ribbon while laughing like a drunken peacock."

Ran stared at Kodachi once again. Her helmet began to slip, so she caught it - but then it slipped around her finger anyway and fell over her eyes. Blasted thing, she tossed it into the corner of the room.

"Noooooo," Ran patiently, oh so patiently said. The helmet bounced off the wall and landed back on her head. Dammit! "Stupid goddamned helmet!" Ran yelled, letting her fangs come out. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" She tossed it to the floor and started jumping on it with both feet. "Th-The actual plan is, for you to tell Ranma that we won't get rid of the Tatewaki copy unless he gives you a great big kiss. On the lips. For at least, oh, thirty seconds should do the job."

And by 'do the job' what Ran actually meant was 'drain his life force dry'. Proxy revenge against Lum! Can't get Ataru? Get her cousin's Darling instead! Ko-chan was ignorant about her alien half’s special power to drain the life force of those they kiss, and it was something you had to turn off. So the moment Kodachi smooched Ranma? He’d instantly end up like a weak old man!

"Dachi! If we work together we can accomplish anything!" Ran said. "You'll smooch your man! Your darling will be all yours! Ohohohohoho!"

"Ran, my dear!" Kodachi cooed, reaching out to Ran's cheek. "You always did have my best interests at the front of your mind! Ohohohohoho!"

You know what, this combo might actually be pretty scary after all, if only because they were picking up on each other's bad habits.

<hr>

Ah, how refreshing. An island adventure that didn't involve them getting stranded, having to fight off their classmates who were infected by a truly bizarre disease, or having to worry about some dumb kid with illusion powers and a bunch of half animal servants -

Wait, that last one was a bad dream caused by Akane's attempt at making an Italian dish and spoiling the cheese, never mind.

“It’s nice to be home.” Akane said, holding on to his arm as they walked down the roads to the Tendo household. This was nice. She was enjoying leaning up against her fiance like this. That had been a big perk of it just being the two of them, rather then any family, friends, or rivals showing up.

Although, one thing at least hadn't changed. Ranma's internal mantra had been the same for the past few hours.

Akane is not hot. Akane is not hot. Akane is <i>not</i> hot! He was only holding on to her like this because, you know, she initiated it and it would be rude to push her away. As if Ranma ever cared about being rude. He was as transparent in motive as -

Splash!

"Whatcha do that for?!" Ranma yelled, punting Ataru high into the air. The hell are you even here for? We’re heading back to our town!? Tomobiki is that way!” She pointed to the direction she punted Ataru.
 
"Ah, but I couldn't merely leave without saying goodbye to your girl form one last time," Ataru said, somehow right back by Ranma and trying to enter her personal space. So off he went again.

"Ugh, that boy's gonna grow up to be Happosai one of these days," Ranma grumbled. Then noticed Shinobu looking in their general direction. Ding! The opportunity to <s>justify hanging onto Akane in a flirty way</s> troll Shinobu had appeared!

“Huh? Where’d the other Ranma go?” Shinobu said.

“He had business elsewhere, so I’m here to keep Akane company.” Ranma said. Resting her pretty head on Akane's shoulder.

Akane rolled her eyes. By this point she had gotten that for some reason Ranma was messing with Shinobu via PDA. But she liked Ranma giving a little PDA a bit too much to get her to stop.

Shinobu, for her part, turned several interesting shades of various colours and backed the hell off.

"Ah, well, that's nice, the two of you... Uh...Have fun together, I guess? I'll be over here, upwind from Akane and Lum… with other normal human girls…”


"Aw, really?" Ranma asked, very obviously playing with Akane's hair right where Shinobu could see. "Come on over, give us all a great big hug before you go!"

Huh, that girl could move quickly under the proper motivation.

"Bye, bye Akane! See you again soon!" Lum said, and then flew off after Ataru. Who was already hitting on some girls off in the distance. Miss Sakura had already left on some exorcism request. As for Mendo, he'd already gone home by helicopter. Which meant it was just Akane and Ranma, heading home feeling nice and relaxed.

Now, since Shinobu wasn't around to troll anymore, Ranma tried to step away from Akane - only to find herself held tightly around the waist.

“Let’s have a bit more time to ourselves before we have to go home.” Akane said with a rather impish smile, one hand brushing Ranma’s cheek.

Not hot, not hot, not hot.

"Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?" Ranma asked.

Then Akane pulled away a little, turned towards Ranma with that same impish smile growing a little bit wider. The two begin to float, and Akane’s hair was blown back by the wind to make the horns she had inherited more prominent, and her smile was made just a bit cuter by her slightly longer canines.

OK. Maybe she was a little hot. Her hand moved from Ranma's cheek to rest around the back of her head, and then her lips moved in, gently landing atop Ranma's. Little sparks flew out between them where they touched. Just a little bit hot. For a half alien tomboy.

  1. Enter Tatewaki Kuno Times Two.
  2. Shinobu forgot something, comes back to get it, sees the two making out. Panics.
  3. Ten has wandered into Furinkan while looking for Lum
  4. Suddenly, Nabiki finds herself learning how to levitate.
  5. Something else

No comments:

Post a Comment