Atsuko could hardly believe it. Sitting right there was the cause of all this catty behaviour, out in the open gleaming with golden light. It was obvious. It was transparent. This golden cat statue was obviously why all these cat spirits were gathering around making the Ranmas all feline and... actually kind of cute, if she was able to give up that much.
Which meant there was only one thing for it. Only one way to resolve this situation. One way to return to normalcy. Or... at least, what could be called normalcy in their fucked up life. That way was to -
"Mine!"
Tackle the statue made of solid gold, then use her martial arts strength to haul it out of the building before even Shampoo knew what was happening.
"Muahahaha! This thing will keep us solvent for at least a year!" Atsuko yelled. "What a haul, what a haul! Sweeto!"
"Mrow!" a cat spirit yowled, and landed on top of Atsuko's head. Another purred and rubbed itself up against her calves. Another fell asleep on her shoulder, and another was trying to climb up her shirt, and another -
"Mine!" she insisted, spinning in place to shake them off. "Mine, mine, mine! You can't have it. this ...is... mine... Holy catnip that's a lot of pussy out there in the street tonight."
The burst of greed worn off let her become more aware of her surroundings. Out in the street, on every roof, every window, every fence, every lamp post, every mailbox, everywhere the eyes could see there were cats. Staring at her. Some were real and actual flesh and blood kitties, others were spirits. All of them staring. Wide eyed, slow blinking, tails swishing. Backs arched as if they were about to pounce.
A good and capable business woman is fully equipped to analyse the situation they are in and logically deduce what is of more worth, and then devise a deal that is at some level beneficial and fair to all parties involved.
"Alright, fine. You want this statue," Atsuko huffed. She held it aloft. "I would say that is a perfectly reasonable price for you leaving us alone. Wouldn't you agree?"
The cats all got lower to the ground - or whatever surface they were leaning on. Atsuko had the distinct impression they were all about to pounce.
"Well, that's just being greedy," Atsuko sniffed. "You want more than the statue? How am I supposed to negotiate if you won't tell me what you want?"
Then, out of nowhere, they scattered. Ah? That easily? Thank goodness, the fickleness of cats prevails yet again. And on top of that she even got to keep her brand new gold statue!
"There it is!" a voice yowled up above her. An extremely annoying voice. An extremely annoying catlike voice. Atsuko looked up and beheld... A large white cat making a direct beeline for her. "And it's being held by such a pretty young thing as well. Will you be my briiiiide?"
"No deal!" Atsuko yelled. She put her hand up to the ghost cat's face, and promptly got it all slobbered over. "Yeuch! I think I'm starting to see why those other cats fled."
"Other cats?" the ghost cat asked. He turned around and peered around the street. "I don't see any other cats! That's why I want the statue, it'll bring friends to me. Kukuku."
"Oh, if that's all you want then here, have at it," Atsuko said. She pushed the statue into his grip - although it was a little bit harder than she liked to admit letting go - dusted her hands and walked away. That should do it! Done deal, now maybe things could get back to normal around here.
The ghost cat was in her face once again before she even knew it. "Be my bride," it pleaded.
"Sorry, I'm already engaged," Atsuko sniffed. Well... technically she was part of Isamu's harem. But also technically they were four aspects of the same girl. Though by that logic she was part of Ranma's harem because Isamu was - Never mind! The point was that she was in a relationship with a big dick who happened to have a really big dick.
"I'll be a better husband! I'm way more affectionate!" the ghost cat insisted. Earning it an almighty clang from Atsuko's battle spatula. You knew it was hers because it had a yen sign engraved on it.
"Huh, I thought I left that at home..." Atsuko sniffed. "Oh well, never mind that. I have had enough of cats, do you hear me? My fiance starts behaving like a cat, my sisters start getting cat scratch fever, my sister-in-law and her husband start feline each other up... Ugh, and now I'm making stupid cat puns! We are putting this on paws before -"
She clanged herself over that one.
"Sniff!" the creature said. Yes, said. That was not onomatopoeia. It was making a really bad attempt to play on her emotions. Good fucking luck to him. "Well... If you won't be my bride, then you'll have to find me another bride! Hiss!"
That was another spatula shot right to the noggin.
"I - I won't leave you alone until you do!"
Another one. Gosh, normally she would deal with things in a businesslike manner, but there sure was something to be said for taking the martial artist's approach to things. The stupid ghost cat was already getting ready to say something else stupid, so she revved up the band to sing another tune -
Only for the spatula to sail clean through.
"Nyaaaa! Can't hit me!" the ghost cat jeered. "Find me a bride, or else!"
"Hmph!" Atsuko sniffed. She put her hand on her hip and began to walk off. "I might be a heartless capitalist, but even I have limits. I wouldn't inflict you on my worst enemy."
"Nyaaaa! Then I'll be hanging out with you so much, you might as well be my bride!" the ghost cat tittered. "So, my bride. What is your name?"
"None of your business."
"What a lovely name. Purrrrr. I'll make sure to change it to 'None of your ghost cat' by year's end!"
Ugh, this confirmed her suspicions from earlier. No matter how many cats there were out there, they couldn't hope to be half as annoying at this single cat spirit.
"Mmm, I could watch this allllll day!" the ghost cat purred. Now it was floating behind her, watching her butt from a very close perspective. It stuck out its tongue and <i>yeuch!</i> Ruined her trousers.
"You're paying for the dry cleaning," Atsuko warned.
"Mmmmake me!" the cat jeered. "Better still, find me a bride."
"You know, giant cats should be looking for other cats to romance..."
"Allow me to introduce you to the furry community sometime."
Atsuko rolled her eyes. She didn't have anything against people into that sort of thing, but she pretty definitely was <i>not</i> into it herself. Besides which. Based on what she did know about that feitsh, it felt like the cat was not properly understanding the appeal to those who did like it.
"Well, in that case... let me introduce you to Miss Sakura," Atsuko said, jabbing her finger at a pretty woman with long black hair wearing shinto robes, sweeping outside of a shrine. "Hey, if you get rid of this ghost cat, you get a ten percent discount. Twenty if you bring a friend."
"Begone, vile spirit!" Sakura yelled, whipping out an ofuda faster than Atsuko could blink.
"Nya? My briiiiide!" the ghost cat yelped as it vanished back to the hellfire it came from.
Well now. That should put an end to that. It was like Atsuko always said! A good business deal will often work miracles.
- Unfortunately this doesn't quite cure the cat-fist, that still needs some work.
- The cat fist instantly wears off for everyone.
- The next day everyone's coming out of it, and waking up like they just had the best sex of their lives.
- Something else
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