Story: Own Personal Shampoo

Within fiction, a well written character should want something. This something should incite some form of action from them that causes them difficulty, in either making a tough decision or learning something about themselves or the world around them. In the case of Romeo and Juliet, they wanted to get married, and in the process found themselves suffering due to the hatred between their families, culminating in them both dying tragically due to a misunderstanding.

In the case of Akane Tendo, what she wanted was to play Juliet. In her case, it wasn't quite "be careful what you wish for." It was more like, "be careful that you get what you wish for when your life is full of horny idiot boys."

She was ready for the hardest part of the play, where she was dead. Avoiding corposing (an ironic term) and holding still while Romeo waxed philosophical about her was surprisingly difficult in rehearsal. Especially since Shampoo had reacted a bit strongly the first few rehearsals when pretending ‘Juliet” was dead.

"A grave?" Shampoo wailed, the back of her hand against her forehead. O no! a lantern, slaughter'd youth -"

"Have at thee, fiend! Thou art uncouth!"

That wasn't part of the play. That probably wasn't even grammatically correct by the standards of the era. Akane opened her eye very slightly, and watched as to her annoyance as the man she loved ducked, dodged, weaved and kicked across the stage the man that she hated.

Must not corpse. Must not corpse. Must not corpse.

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Dammit Ranma! Luckily Shampoo was able to 'accidentally' knock the two of them offstage before they made even bigger fools of themselves.

"A grave's not for fighting, those fools must fly!" Shampoo said, quickly rhyming with Ranma's juvenile taunting (that had just earned him five minutes of seeing her in that cute skirt and blouse combo he pretended not to like) without breaking character. She then knelt dramatically next to Akane and continued with her next line.

"For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes, This vault a feasting presence full of light -"

<i>"I'll play the role of Romeo tonight!"</i>

Akane was going to murder Kuno. She would take her ancestors sword and cut his head off. (She had been spending too much time with Shampoo.) Thank goodness he was just off stage, so the audience couldn’t hear his ranting. Shampoo did, though. And she casually chucked Mousse's porcelain duck over her shoulder, where it landed on Kuno's head - and wound up getting stuck there.

Must not corpse. Must not corpse. <i>Must not have sex with Shampoo right here one stage.</i> Oh gosh, she was kinkier than she'd thought if that had turned her on. (She had been spending too much time with Shampoo.)

"Death, lie thou there, by a dead man interr'd."

And cue Kuno stumbling blindly on stage with the porcelain duck over his head, bumping into Shampoo and knocking her over the scorched remnants of Mousse’s power armor's foot. Which set off fireworks that weren't meant to go off until the end of the play.

"Will someone please rid me of this accursed bird!"

Ranma jumped across the stage and kicked Kuno square in the back of the head, shattering the porcelain duck. Unfortunately, one of the fireworks caught him right under his shirt and carried him offstage. Leaving her alone. As a corpse. With Kuno standing over her.

"Ah, fair Ak- Juliet! Ahem!" Kuno coughed. It would be so easy to do. Reach up. Toss his ass into the crowd. Look at him, his stance was wide open, it would be super easy. His hands were reaching for hers and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the second they were in contact she'd give in to that urge and -

A cape fell over them right at the crucial moment. Akane sat up, headbutted him right on the bridge of his nose, then uppercut him square into the ceiling and sat back down in a single motion.

"How oft when men are at the point of death," Shampoo continued, and went on as if she hadn't missed a beat. Sure, now they had Kuno hanging from the rafters over the stage with his legs kicking out and that was making it <i>really super hard</i> not to corpse. But hey. What's a corpse to do?

<hr>

Oh yes, this is more like it. No more sitting around watching some old play with awesome special effects where everyone was talking with this really weird and consistent cadence, which was honestly kinda distracting him a whole lot. Throwing down! Now that's more his style! And Tatewaki Kuno was exactly the guy he wanted to take it out on. He'd never met someone with a more punchable face.

"Hey there Kuno, need a hand?" Ranma asked, squatting down on the lighting rig over the stage, where Kuno was struggling for dear life to hold on.

"From you, it would be an insult!" Kuno yelled. Oh, how annoying, he wasn't playing along! Ranma decided to give him a hand anyway. By clapping. "Why... you... Make fun of me, wouldst thee?"

There we go! All he needed was a little motivation to pull himself up! Now they could really put on a show, no more bothering with the play, no more trying to interfere in Akane's play, they could face each other the way they were meant to! In battle! Ranma's fists clenched, his posture slackened, his eyes tracked every little move Kuno made.

Then the bokken-baka stopped mid-air with a wooden hook around his neck. The hook was attached to a long wooden pole that went all the way off to a platform to the side of the rigging, where the very living incarnation of darkness, despair and malice was standing. Funny. He'd never have pegged such an incarnation as being a blonde hispanic girl.

"̷̞̲̫͇̉̽̍I̷̮̊̿ ̶̖̗̳̦̄̽͝͝s̸̜͂̔P̸̭̩͋̈́̀e̸̤͖͗̀͐͜͝N̵̨͝t̶̗̗̜̽͝ͅ ̸̩̙͒͠Ḧ̴̤̫̙̘o̸͎͖̗̥͒Ũ̷͚̂r̴̻̋͌S̴̰͔͈̿̈́̓͝ ̵̲̙̰̎̔̕p̶̬̰̺̓̓L̷̳̀̄ă̶̞͜N̶̰̼͙̔ñ̷͍̟͚͍͊͊̀I̵͉̾̊n̸͚̄̑͛̈Ǵ̵̢̥̦͖ ̷̯͖̾́͊̊t̸̜̜̣̊H̶͙̪̫̤̆͠i̸̢̛̛̼͌͝S̵̘͙̹̠͐ ̵̜͓̗̘͊͋̓̚m̵̨̖͍͈̆̔Ȏ̶̟m̶̱̠̗͐E̶̥̝̓̈̐͂n̷̥̪̦̑̈̂̚T̴̟͕͎̞̔̈́̓̕,̷̯̠̾͒̚"̷̈́̒̀͜͝ ̸̛̝̐̓͠Alice said. "̶̹͌Ṫ̷̟ḫ̵͛E̵̜̅ ̶̠͆c̷̟̋O̷̥͊s̶̜̽T̶͖̑u̴̙͊M̸̯͝ė̷̥Ś̷̺,̵̪̇ ̵̫͗t̶́ͅH̸͘ͅe̵̻͊ ̸̰̐Ḃ̷̙l̸͖̅O̷̺̕c̷̛͍K̶̬̃i̷̞̅Ṇ̸̕ĝ̵̗,̸̨͠ ̸̘͋B̸͔̎u̸̖͝T̷͉͌ ̷͉̎m̴̭͆Ǒ̸̜s̷͔̐T̸̫͝ ̴̙̎o̴̜͋F̷̹̚ ̷̜͌ả̸̜Ḻ̶̃ḷ̵͝,̷̮̇ ̷͔̃T̵̹̋h̸͚͐E̷̖̕ ̶̘̓l̶̘͛I̵͖͠g̸͈͑H̴̤̓t̶͓̃I̵̹̕ǹ̵͕G̶̟̃.̶͈͐"̴̖̓

"You don't say," Ranma said, not quite understanding a word that she'd said. Then suddenly there was a wooden hook around his neck as well. He gasped for air, and felt himself being dragged in. He felt like a fish on the line.

"̵̩͝I̸̩͝ ̴̟̎d̵̦̅Ȍ̶̤ ̷̣̍s̸̹̾A̷̳͛y̵͓̒,̸̳̈́"̷̰͒ Alice continued, and the shadows seemed deeper and blacker around her the closer that Ranma got.

 ̵̲͝"̴̗͑I̸͖̐ ̵͓̈́ẁ̷̜I̵̘͗ļ̶̄L̸̦̊ ̵̞̅n̴̥̈O̵̫͂t̴̙͑ ̷͍̒Ḅ̷͘e̸̬͘ ̸̙̚D̶͔̉e̸͍͌N̵̤̎i̵̗̿E̴̝͌d̵̀͜ ̸̾͜M̸̖͌y̷͖͛ ̴͈͑Ÿ̵͇́ü̶͍R̴̲̍i̸̙̽ ̴̠̒S̴͍̔c̸̪͋E̵̺͊ň̵̤Ȅ̵̢.̷̝̋ ̶̻̊I̸͈͗ ̴͉̑ŵ̷̜Ï̶͖l̸͔̔L̴͙̋ ̴̗́ņ̷̓Ö̵̪́t̴̲̿ ̸̯̿H̵̤̄a̶̫͊V̴͚͑ë̴͓́ ̷͖̋I̴̗̕t̵̥͝ ̶̭͠Ṛ̵̑u̴͚͘I̵̡̒n̶͈̓Ë̷̗́d̴̥͊ ̷̝̂B̷̧̀ỷ̵̧ ̵̭͑A̵̡̾ ̷̺̌p̴̙̄A̸͂ͅǐ̵͖R̷̡͛ ̶̗͊o̷̧͝F̵̩̽ <b>S̷͔̚Ĩ̴̩͆̈́̈́Ļ̶͇̞̞̏͗͌L̴̡͎̙͇͛̚Ỹ̷̼̩ ̸͖̳̞͖͠B̸͔̅Ǫ̵̖̮̠̇̈́Y̵͙̒͋̀̓S̸͙͉͑</b> F̴̛͔̗͕͆͗̀i̶̡̠̅͆͑G̴͖̓h̵̦͎͈͑̅̈́̂T̴̙̲̘͚̉̿̃i̶͔̦̤͗̍N̸͎̠͕͈͊͗g̷̫̯̈̎ ̵͎̋̔͑o̶͇̓͠Ṅ̵̡ ̶͖̰͙̫̌̾̿̇t̵̙͇̐̀́H̸̳̗̚̚e̴̪̼̖̹͛͊̕̚ ̵̟́͆̉R̸̼̫̺̀͐̃i̸̥͠G̸͈̐̂̂ģ̴̳͕́̀̋̕Ị̶̥̽̾̐n̴̝̐̉̀͝G̸̟̀́̆.̵̰̄͂͠"̵̲̾̈́̐̒

Huh! Turns out this girl is kind of extremely terrifying when she gets a bee in her bonnet. Maybe he should settle down and enjoy the -

"Uh... Why is there a pair of flowery dresses hanging there behind you?" Ranma asked. "And... why do they seem to be very specifically tailored to me and Kuno's body types?"

Then Alice held up a glass full of water, and tipped it in Ranma's face. Turning him into a girl, right there and then. Not that Kuno seemed to notice.

"TiMe To StOp BeInG a SiLlY bOy, TiMe To Be A SiLlY gIrL." She hummed,

“Rosario that is foolishness.” Kuno said, “Men can not become women. Is that not right Saotome?”

Ranma wished Kuno didn’t somehow run off irony.

<hr>

Shampoo was having the time of her life. Even those interruptions from that stick weilding idiot and her Master (though there were times when Master <i>was</i> the idiot, she had to admit...) didn't do anything to damper her enjoyment.

It brought back memories of back before. Back in in Hong Kong, watching the theater, enraptured and only half understanding the English spoken. A lot of different plays, not just Shakesphere but other western classics.

It did make her a little annoyed that Lady Akane's dream of playing one of the most well known romantic female leads in fiction wasn't quite going to plan. Then again. Space Opera. Special effects. That ship had long since sailed. Or maybe it should be, that spaceship was already out of the solar system?

Well, whatever. Next year she'd 'persuade' the club to run the same play, but by then she'd have stricter measures in place to control interference. All for Lady Akane's happiness. Maybe next year Master could play Romeo, with a little coaching.

For now though, all that was left was to lean in for the kiss, take the poison and die, just as Juliet awakes to find her lover dead. Then she rushes to join him, as he had rushed to join her, in the next life. So tragic. So sad. So -

Beautiful. Maybe it was the lighting. Maybe it was the dress. Maybe it was the absolutely torrid sex they'd already been having. But lying there like that, Akane looked absolutely stunning.

"Thus with a kiss I die."

Shampoo had only meant it to be a brief peck on the lips. However, the instant her lips met Akane's, something happened that hadn't happened the other times they'd kissed. She felt... something. A spark. Now, don't be silly enough to think that she was surprised that she loved this girl. She'd known that for a while now. Shampoo loved Lady Akane. Shampoo loved Master, too. They treated her so, so well.

What Shampoo felt was... loved. Akane loved her. Not as a servant. As an equal. And that... Made her feel...

The crowd erupted into a loud 'ooooh!' and the spell broke. Shampoo pulled herself away from that wonderful feeling, then collapsed to the floor feigning death. She didn't pay attention to what everyone else was saying. All she had to do was lie there. Play dead.

"Oh, what a wonderful performance," Kasumi said, wiping a tear from her eye.

“She… she didn’t actually kiss Akane, right? They just pretended.” Soun muttered, his eyes wide and rocking back and forth in his seat.

"No, she didn't kiss Akane," Nabiki said. "She frenched Akane so hard she'll be asking for croissants and snails for the next week."

"Oh my, I'd better learn how to cook escargot..." Kasumi muttered.

As for the performers, they all took their bow. Hand in hand. When the curtain fell, Akane's hand was still in Shampoo's. The girl hadn't even noticed. She was beaming ear to ear.

"I did it," she said. "I played Juliet!"

"Well done," Shampoo said, and the two of them walked offstage. "You wanted this for a long, long time. Yes?"

"Yeah, well. A tomboy like her would normally get picked to play Romeo, right?"

The two of them turned to look and beheld Ranma Saotome. Girl form, slightly damp hair. In a pink flowery dress.

"Wow, Master! You rock that dress even as a man!" Shampoo said. She had to keep his secret, after all.

"Hmph! You'd better come with us, we'll give you some proper clothes to wear."

And then the two of them disengaged, and without breaking stride hooked their arms with Ranma and dragged her backwards towards their locker room. Their soundproofed locker room.Their soundproofed locker room that had no less than three locks on the door. And somewhere in the theatre, an embodiment of misery and despair chuckled darkly to herself at the idea that somewhere nearby something wonderful was happening.

1. The three engage in yuri roleplay based on the play. Whether Ranma wants to or not. (She actually does, but is scared to admit it).
2. After the play, they learn about the plan to “See China” as a reward for winning the competition.
3. Tatewaki Kuno is suffering, somewhere.
4. Nabiki got something interesting on film just now...
5. The next day Kodachi Kuno has been baking cookies.
6. Something else