Monday, 27 January 2020
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Sunday, 12 January 2020
Story: Urusei Yatsura secret santa
Have you ever given a thought to how things look to the people outside the craziness we're all used to? Try thinking about it like this. You're going to the shops to pick up some bread, maybe some milk and some fruit, then while you're heading there you come across a girl with stars in her eyes using a single hand to casually drag a screaming young man along the pavement, his fingers digging into the dirt.
Compared to aliens and demons and all the really weird shit that goes down with this cast of characters, that's pretty mundane. But you're coming back from the shops and you see that? Freaky. Really freaky.
"Please Asuka, won't you reconsider?" Shutaro Mendo yelled at the top of his lungs, desperate to change the girl's mind.
"Don't worry, big brother! I'm sure these lap dancing lessons will be a big help when we get married."
Strip away the context and that's... Well, it's still weird with context, merely less so. Still, the boy had good reason to be afraid. This girl gave hugs the same way that meteors stroke the ground. She was stupid strong, and the idea of dancing with her filled him with almost as much mortal dread as, let's say, dumping a bell over him might. Worse still, due to that strength the only way he had to escape was to beg and plead and throw his pride away and hope he could change her mind before -
"Alright ladies, settle down!"
"Hello there, my name is Shutaro Mendo. Pleasure to meet you."
This is the curse of being Shutaro Mendo. No matter what his survival instincts said, he had to act with decorum in front of the fairer sex. With a few exceptions, of course. Even if he were trapped in a dark closet with them, he could show no fear. His pride would demand no less.
"Ah, but I do believe I have met the pair of you before," he said two the two alien beauties he'd been spying on earlier. Best not to bring that up. "You are Lum's friends, yes? Benten and Oyuki."
"Who are you again?" Benten asked.
"I believe he is the rich brat that is always harassing Lum's fiance," Oyuki coldly said. And then the two of them turned their backs to him, resuming with their lesson.
Mendo felt a part of his soul twist in a curious mix of agony at being so dismissed by a beautiful woman and rage at Moroboshi for clearly turning them against him.
"Pardon me Miss, the class is already in session -" the teacher began. And then Asuka reached into her clothes, pulled out a gold brick as though it were her purse, and placed it in the teacher's hands - "So you have a lot of catching up to do! Although your boyfriend can't stay, it simply wouldn't be right to -" Then she produced another gold brick and placed it on top of the first one. The teacher went bent double, because gold is really heavy. "-To have him leave so soon when class isn't even over!"
Money talks without saying a word. Mendo was tempted to pay her off with even more loose change - but that would result in a spending match between their families. According to the Treaty of Fort Knox, such things were absolutely forbidden as a matter of course. They almost set off World War 3 the last time that happened.
"Now Asuka, the teacher has a good point," Mendo said, while Asuka bit her lip and pushed him into a seat. "It really isn't proper for me to be here -"
"Hrm, let's see... The other girls are doing it like this..." Asuka said.
There's a funny thing about Asuka that's worth noting. She is a pretty girl. Very pretty. She has a really great figure, she's also extremely athletic and dextrous. It's just that she's also monstrously strong. As such, when she began to make those motions with her hips, Mendo's survival instinct took a brief sabbatical.
"Hey, wow, that Asuka chick can really move," Benten remarked from her own position atop Oyuki's lap. An image which, by itself, was making Mendo's brain wander off into various distracted areas. His eyes wander to Benten's thighs, which are shortly thereafter obstructed by Oyuki's hands. Delicate and pale, contrasting with Benten's warmer toned skin. The contrast was -
"So I sit like this?" Asuka asked, and then Mendo's world was pain. Such pain as he had never known. One time he had a toothache, and he had naively thought it was the worst pain imaginable. But no. That pain would be welcome in this moment. It was the kind of pain where he could not tell exactly where it was originating from because it was far too overwhelming, and may well be coming from multiple places at once. It was worse than he had imagined, somehow, and bear in mind that his imagination had conjured something so horrible he had quite literally been raking the pavement with his fingernails to stop himself from experiencing it.
"Now girls, try turning around in your seat and press your back against your partner. Don't forget to grind your hips."
And yet somehow it got worse. You could no longer call this pain. The words 'suffering' and 'agony' no longer held the same meaning to him.
"By the way, just in case anyone gets the wrong idea, I'm really not enjoying myself. Not one bit," Benten said rather unconvincingly. Perhaps it was the fact that she was leaning quite hard back into Oyuki, and grinding her ass like - no, not an erection, not now, not now! It will only cause more misery! Please, anything but -
"Perhaps pole dancing is a bit more your speed?" the teacher suggested. Oh, thank goodness. Asuka stood up, and Mendo slumped back in his chair feeling positively drained. There might just be enough pain killer in all of Japan to help him recover. Or... better still, watching these cute girls pole dancing in front of him might be enough to make the hurting stop.
"Oh, I am terribly sorry Miss Asuka. As you joined late we don't have a pole for you to use."
Why were goosebumps shooting right down Mendo's spine? Such a feeling of foreboding about his immediate future...
"What're you talking about? You got a pole right here!" Benten said, slapping Mendo on his shoulders. She yanked him out of his chair, bringing forth a pathetic whimper. "Go on, why doncha impress us with how helpful to a girl you can be!"
No, no, no, no, no! That would be bad! That would be very bad! If she used him as a pole for the purposes of pole dancing there might not be an unbroken bone in his body by the time she was done! Mendo opened his mouth - then he realised there were several pretty girls staring at him.
"Well, of course, I'll put my dignity aside for a moment to help out in any way that I can."
Noooooooo!
<hr>
It's funny the things you get used to after a bit of time. Case in point, Benten had figured that Mendo's agonised screaming woulda put the girls off their rhythm, but no, they were all getting on with it just fine.
"I've been thinking," Oyuki said while upside down and swinging around her pole. "This behaviour is quite out of character for us. Throw in Mendo's suffering, and it points to one likely culprit."
"Lum's Darling," Benten said. She let out a bored sounding sigh while gripping her pole with her ankle and right hand, then using her left foot to kick off the ground so she could spin around it. "This isn't fun, by the way. It's not fun at all. It's the kinda thing only dorky chicks would enjoy. Not a tough girl like -"
Ah, the feeling of wind in your hair as you whip around. Never gets old.
"Not a tough girl like you?" Oyuki asked. Benten suddenly realised she was smiling, and wiped it off her face in an instant. "In any event, after our lesson here, I do believe we should pay Lum a visit. If he's somehow managed to force us to take these lessons, there's no telling what's going on with - Is that him now carrying the Fujinami girl?"
Benten looked out the window and, sure enough, it looked like Moroboshi wearing some kind of armour carrying the Fujinami chick. Who was wearing a pink fluffy princess dress. Carrying her bridal style.
Then a few seconds later, the Fujinami chick skipped by the window. Wearing a bunnygirl suit, and with a bunch of weird looking dolls in her bust.
"You know what, that sounds like a damned good plan to me," Benten said from her position atop the pole. She let go to pound her fist into her open palm, which resulted in her flipping down, whereupon she landed in a manner that might make Olympic gymnasts swoon with envy. "Might as well bring mister screamer along for the ride. If nothing else, his girlfriend's monstrous strength is probably gonna be handy."
"Yes, it is quite fortunate that human girls are super strong," Oyuki said. Oh yes, the only human women they regularly interacted with were Shinobu, Sakura, and Ryuunosuke. You can see how they might come to the wrong conclusion.
"Will you both be attending next week?" the teacher asked.
"Yes," they both answered right away.
"Not because I enjoyed it or nothing," Benten added quite hastily. "I just, you know, don't like quitting shit that I've started."
Funny thing was, aside from Benten the only person in this room that wasn't thinking that she totally and completely did enjoy it was Mendo, and he was in far too much of a living waking nightmare to come to any sort of conclusion along those lines.
"I'll be here too," Asuka said. "And so will big brother Mendo! I'll be sure to practise lap dancing with him lots and lots."
<font size=”1”>”Please god no…”</font>
<hr>
At that very moment, Ryoko Mendo had been observing some peasant who had, likely through the use of either magic or advanced technology, managed to persuade several of their servants to follow his every order. Which would not do. Would not do at all. Must be something to do with the seat he was on -
And then she felt something that put a smile on her face. Her brother must be suffering somewhere. How wonderful. Ah... but it was a shame she was not directly involved. In the meantime...
"However shall I take that seat from him...?" Ryoko pondered, a devilish smile creeping onto her pretty face.
Compared to aliens and demons and all the really weird shit that goes down with this cast of characters, that's pretty mundane. But you're coming back from the shops and you see that? Freaky. Really freaky.
"Please Asuka, won't you reconsider?" Shutaro Mendo yelled at the top of his lungs, desperate to change the girl's mind.
"Don't worry, big brother! I'm sure these lap dancing lessons will be a big help when we get married."
Strip away the context and that's... Well, it's still weird with context, merely less so. Still, the boy had good reason to be afraid. This girl gave hugs the same way that meteors stroke the ground. She was stupid strong, and the idea of dancing with her filled him with almost as much mortal dread as, let's say, dumping a bell over him might. Worse still, due to that strength the only way he had to escape was to beg and plead and throw his pride away and hope he could change her mind before -
"Alright ladies, settle down!"
"Hello there, my name is Shutaro Mendo. Pleasure to meet you."
This is the curse of being Shutaro Mendo. No matter what his survival instincts said, he had to act with decorum in front of the fairer sex. With a few exceptions, of course. Even if he were trapped in a dark closet with them, he could show no fear. His pride would demand no less.
"Ah, but I do believe I have met the pair of you before," he said two the two alien beauties he'd been spying on earlier. Best not to bring that up. "You are Lum's friends, yes? Benten and Oyuki."
"Who are you again?" Benten asked.
"I believe he is the rich brat that is always harassing Lum's fiance," Oyuki coldly said. And then the two of them turned their backs to him, resuming with their lesson.
Mendo felt a part of his soul twist in a curious mix of agony at being so dismissed by a beautiful woman and rage at Moroboshi for clearly turning them against him.
"Pardon me Miss, the class is already in session -" the teacher began. And then Asuka reached into her clothes, pulled out a gold brick as though it were her purse, and placed it in the teacher's hands - "So you have a lot of catching up to do! Although your boyfriend can't stay, it simply wouldn't be right to -" Then she produced another gold brick and placed it on top of the first one. The teacher went bent double, because gold is really heavy. "-To have him leave so soon when class isn't even over!"
Money talks without saying a word. Mendo was tempted to pay her off with even more loose change - but that would result in a spending match between their families. According to the Treaty of Fort Knox, such things were absolutely forbidden as a matter of course. They almost set off World War 3 the last time that happened.
"Now Asuka, the teacher has a good point," Mendo said, while Asuka bit her lip and pushed him into a seat. "It really isn't proper for me to be here -"
"Hrm, let's see... The other girls are doing it like this..." Asuka said.
There's a funny thing about Asuka that's worth noting. She is a pretty girl. Very pretty. She has a really great figure, she's also extremely athletic and dextrous. It's just that she's also monstrously strong. As such, when she began to make those motions with her hips, Mendo's survival instinct took a brief sabbatical.
"Hey, wow, that Asuka chick can really move," Benten remarked from her own position atop Oyuki's lap. An image which, by itself, was making Mendo's brain wander off into various distracted areas. His eyes wander to Benten's thighs, which are shortly thereafter obstructed by Oyuki's hands. Delicate and pale, contrasting with Benten's warmer toned skin. The contrast was -
"So I sit like this?" Asuka asked, and then Mendo's world was pain. Such pain as he had never known. One time he had a toothache, and he had naively thought it was the worst pain imaginable. But no. That pain would be welcome in this moment. It was the kind of pain where he could not tell exactly where it was originating from because it was far too overwhelming, and may well be coming from multiple places at once. It was worse than he had imagined, somehow, and bear in mind that his imagination had conjured something so horrible he had quite literally been raking the pavement with his fingernails to stop himself from experiencing it.
"Now girls, try turning around in your seat and press your back against your partner. Don't forget to grind your hips."
And yet somehow it got worse. You could no longer call this pain. The words 'suffering' and 'agony' no longer held the same meaning to him.
"By the way, just in case anyone gets the wrong idea, I'm really not enjoying myself. Not one bit," Benten said rather unconvincingly. Perhaps it was the fact that she was leaning quite hard back into Oyuki, and grinding her ass like - no, not an erection, not now, not now! It will only cause more misery! Please, anything but -
"Perhaps pole dancing is a bit more your speed?" the teacher suggested. Oh, thank goodness. Asuka stood up, and Mendo slumped back in his chair feeling positively drained. There might just be enough pain killer in all of Japan to help him recover. Or... better still, watching these cute girls pole dancing in front of him might be enough to make the hurting stop.
"Oh, I am terribly sorry Miss Asuka. As you joined late we don't have a pole for you to use."
Why were goosebumps shooting right down Mendo's spine? Such a feeling of foreboding about his immediate future...
"What're you talking about? You got a pole right here!" Benten said, slapping Mendo on his shoulders. She yanked him out of his chair, bringing forth a pathetic whimper. "Go on, why doncha impress us with how helpful to a girl you can be!"
No, no, no, no, no! That would be bad! That would be very bad! If she used him as a pole for the purposes of pole dancing there might not be an unbroken bone in his body by the time she was done! Mendo opened his mouth - then he realised there were several pretty girls staring at him.
"Well, of course, I'll put my dignity aside for a moment to help out in any way that I can."
Noooooooo!
<hr>
It's funny the things you get used to after a bit of time. Case in point, Benten had figured that Mendo's agonised screaming woulda put the girls off their rhythm, but no, they were all getting on with it just fine.
"I've been thinking," Oyuki said while upside down and swinging around her pole. "This behaviour is quite out of character for us. Throw in Mendo's suffering, and it points to one likely culprit."
"Lum's Darling," Benten said. She let out a bored sounding sigh while gripping her pole with her ankle and right hand, then using her left foot to kick off the ground so she could spin around it. "This isn't fun, by the way. It's not fun at all. It's the kinda thing only dorky chicks would enjoy. Not a tough girl like -"
Ah, the feeling of wind in your hair as you whip around. Never gets old.
"Not a tough girl like you?" Oyuki asked. Benten suddenly realised she was smiling, and wiped it off her face in an instant. "In any event, after our lesson here, I do believe we should pay Lum a visit. If he's somehow managed to force us to take these lessons, there's no telling what's going on with - Is that him now carrying the Fujinami girl?"
Benten looked out the window and, sure enough, it looked like Moroboshi wearing some kind of armour carrying the Fujinami chick. Who was wearing a pink fluffy princess dress. Carrying her bridal style.
Then a few seconds later, the Fujinami chick skipped by the window. Wearing a bunnygirl suit, and with a bunch of weird looking dolls in her bust.
"You know what, that sounds like a damned good plan to me," Benten said from her position atop the pole. She let go to pound her fist into her open palm, which resulted in her flipping down, whereupon she landed in a manner that might make Olympic gymnasts swoon with envy. "Might as well bring mister screamer along for the ride. If nothing else, his girlfriend's monstrous strength is probably gonna be handy."
"Yes, it is quite fortunate that human girls are super strong," Oyuki said. Oh yes, the only human women they regularly interacted with were Shinobu, Sakura, and Ryuunosuke. You can see how they might come to the wrong conclusion.
"Will you both be attending next week?" the teacher asked.
"Yes," they both answered right away.
"Not because I enjoyed it or nothing," Benten added quite hastily. "I just, you know, don't like quitting shit that I've started."
Funny thing was, aside from Benten the only person in this room that wasn't thinking that she totally and completely did enjoy it was Mendo, and he was in far too much of a living waking nightmare to come to any sort of conclusion along those lines.
"I'll be here too," Asuka said. "And so will big brother Mendo! I'll be sure to practise lap dancing with him lots and lots."
<font size=”1”>”Please god no…”</font>
<hr>
At that very moment, Ryoko Mendo had been observing some peasant who had, likely through the use of either magic or advanced technology, managed to persuade several of their servants to follow his every order. Which would not do. Would not do at all. Must be something to do with the seat he was on -
And then she felt something that put a smile on her face. Her brother must be suffering somewhere. How wonderful. Ah... but it was a shame she was not directly involved. In the meantime...
"However shall I take that seat from him...?" Ryoko pondered, a devilish smile creeping onto her pretty face.
- Benten and Oyuki catch up with Princess Ryuunosuke and Prince Ataru, quickly identify them as dreamstuff.
- Instead, they head to the Moroboshis to deal with things there.
- Ryoko tries to steal the magic chair.
- Bunny Ryu runs into Sakura. Mischief ensues.
- Something else
Story: UY Daddy's Girl
Daddy's Girl
This might come as a shock but Shinobu did not like Lum very much. That annoying alien girl not only took her man, but upended her life. She brought in chaos, invited bizarreness at every turn and then there was her personality. Cutesy, playful, yet scheming and sneaky at the same time.
"Now, we'll have to be very careful about how we do this, Daddy. Remember, I should still be born in this timeline so you'll have to hook up with Mommy in order for this to work."
Then there was Ataru to consider. Her old friend. The two of them played together when they were little. Their mothers knew each other from school, so they had set up a playdate and the two of them hit it off. They grew up together, grew closer, started dating - and then Shinobu noticed that his apparently affectionate attention was really an outlet for his hyperactive perversion.
"Eeeh, I can hardly wait!" Aoi did a backflip in mid-air, then went around another three times. "Oh, seeing those girls realise how much fun a harem is... it's going to be <i>amazing</i>!"
It felt like her entire life was the background to an origin story for Dracula. She'd unwittingly seen the creation of a monster, right before her eyes, and never even seen it coming until it was too late. It made sense, you know? The combination of those two. What would they be like?
"Oh, I'm such a fortunate father! To have such a loving daughter, that she'd give me such a gift!"
"I love you too, Daddy!"
The sight of the two of them, both perverts to a fault, in a truly platonic embrace might well be the most terrifying thing that Shinobu had ever laid eyes upon.
"So? So? Do you have a plan? You wouldn't have come here without a plan, right?"
"Well, I figure that technology has advanced even in outer space! So, some of the things I've brought with me should catch even Mommy off guard!"
"Ooh! Ohh! Alien tech? From the future, no less! What sort of delights have you brought with you?"
"Thought controlled nanotech," Aoi said, tapping her earring, which suddenly morphed into a seashell, then a crescent moon, then back to its original shape. "Solid light holographic projector that fits in the palm of your hand. Oh, and a bag of buttered popcorn."
"What does that do?"
"It tastes great!" Aoi said, flicking a kernel into her mouth. "Also, it acts as a Cherry repulsor!"
"Gimme!" both Ataru and Shinobu, and everyone (save one diminutive Monk) in a mile radius said, though as many of them weren't in Shinobu's bedroom they didn't know why they had said it and were a little freaked out that everyone else had said it too. Luckily that Monk was on hand to tell them how it was an ill omen easily resolved by giving him free food.
"Ah, ah, Daddy! We only have so much, so we have to use it when it's sensible," Aoi said. Then under her breath muttered to herself "I still can't believe he's the same age, is he immortal or something? Tcha... I bet he won't let me have fun in this time either."
And just like that Shinobu had hit her limit. Until now she'd been too caught up in the shock of the situation, the dawning realisation and horror of what she was looking at to properly take it in. That little popcorn stint, and her remarks about 'having fun' in the same tone Ataru talked about hitting on girls... too much. It was too much!
"I object to this!" Shinobu yelled, slamming her hands on the desk in front of her. Incidentally, she needed a new desk. "If you think I'm going to sit idly by while you trick girls into joining your harem -"
"Your harem?" Aoi asked, interrupting by popping right into Shinobu's personal space. "Shouldn't you have said 'our harem'? Tcha... You're already wearing a special Aoi Brand harem bunnygirl suit, hadn't you noticed?"
Aoi spun her around to look in the mirror, and Shinobu's face went completely pale as she looked at what she was wearing. Yes indeed. It was a bunny girl outfit. Tube top, bikini bottoms, black leggings, and a pair of bunny ears pinned to her head. There was even a veil over her mouth and strips of see through cloth hanging off her hips.
"When did I -?" Shinobu began to ask but stopped when Ataru whistled. She went from pale as a sheet to beet red in the blink of an eye. She threw her hands to her bare shoulders to cover them up and...
Huh? That was strange. She definitely touched flesh with her fingertips, but... But something felt weird to her shoulders. It felt like there was something in between her shoulders and her fingertips pushing into her skin, almost like a layer of cloth over her, but this was definitely bare skin...
"Wait, this is that hard light hologram thing you mentioned!" Shinobu yelled. She whirled around, but the two perverts were already jumping out of her window, Aoi carrying her father while the two of them sang a song about gathering a harem. "Oooh! You two!"
Shinobu reached for her coat, murder in her eyes. She threw it on - and then it turned into a harem bunnygirl suit. No. no, no. No way. It was projecting over her clothes! That means, no matter what she wears it will turn into this outfit? She managed to remove her coat - a harder feat than one might think given the hard light hologram covering it - and tried various different things from her wardrobe. All to the same result.
"I... I'm stuck!" she realised. Going out dressed like this, unable to cover up... It would be the end of her life! Shinobu might literally die from embarrassment the second she was recognised! "Oh, that sneaky alien girl from the future, she's as devious as her parents."
Well... maybe not fully as devious. Shinobu might not be able to leave, but there was one other step that she could take. Let's see... The best way to deal with those two would be to bring in a little support. From the last person she'd usually ask for help.
"I sense ill fortune in your aura!"
"Go away, Cherry!" Shinobu yelled. Okay, okay. She'd ask for help from the second to the last person she'd usually ask.
<hr>
"Darling? Are you home, Darling?" Lum asked. She drifted seductively into the room of her beloved, and sighed wearily upon finding it empty. A shame. She'd managed to take her uniform home after a hard day of work at the Destiny agency. Lum had heard that earth boys really liked this kind of costume for some reason, she'd been hoping to flirt with Darling a little bit on getting home.
As it was though? Not much else for her to do but get dressed in her usual clothes. Do note that her usual close consist of a bikini and gogo boots, which show off much more of her body than the bunny girl suit did. Sex appeal is a mysterious thing.
All of a sudden her phone rang. Her personal phone. It was a bit annoying that they still used cable connections, and she couldn't wait until humans invented a more reliable wireless service for mass public use, but there you go. It was Shinobu's number. Which could only mean one thing.
"What is Darling up to this time."
<i>"Hello to you as well</i>" Shinobu huffed. <i>"If you must know, he and his wayward daughter from the future have trapped me in a bunny girl harem suit that I can't get out of and are off to build him a harem."</i>
Oh. Well. Okay then. "Daughter from the future you say?" Lum asked. It rather said something that she didn't question that. Nor did Shinobu seem to expect her to question it. "That girl is grounded until she graduates from university! We need to find the two of them before they get up to any mischief."
Lum was already flying out of the house by this point. Oh! That girl! She had a bad impression of her already from the future. Super cute, super nice, but also really obviously took after her father. Lum could tell, she would love that girl as surely as she loved her father. But... But as a future mother, she was allowed to still love her daughter and get really super pissed off at her at the same time!
"Search for him at the school, I'll do an aerial sweep!" Lum said.
<i>"Weren't you listening?! I can't go out like this!"</i>
"Why not?"
<i>"Because... Ohhhh! You aliens and your lack of modesty!"</i>
Click. Fine. Fine, whatever. She can find the two of them by herself. Then she'll take that wayward girl and send her back to the future.
Incidentally, in her frustration Lum caused an arc of lightning to spiral out of her body and it struck a Delorean driving down the street at about 80mph. Alas, it did not vanish while leaving a trail of flames in its wake, nor was it driven by a wiry haired mad scientist or his plucky out of his depth wisecracking sidekick. No, no, this was being driven by a chauffeur because Deloreans were kind of more expensive than one might realise and one had been purchased for the personal use of one Shutaro Mendo, who was even now crawling out of the car.
"I hereby swear that whatever deity has dared to smite the property of the Mendo family shall meet an ignoble - Oh, hello Lum. Out for a casual fly. Would you care to join me?"
Yes, he really and truly did intend to put a God in their place for the crime of striking his car with a thunderbolt. Shinobu might blame Lum for the weirdness in her life... but they're all at least a little bit mad in Tomobiki.
Daddy's Girl Part 2
Within Tomobiki Ataru Moroboshi was renowned for his wandering eye. Beware if you were a pretty girl in even slightly skimpy attire, for he will leer, he will stare, he will try to guess your measurements and then he'll do the single worst thing he can do to you: He'll <i>flirt</i> with you.
Which made this quite a strange experience for him. Analytically, his wandering eye had gone to Aoi's curves like rain falls to the ground. He could hardly help it. Her walking around - practically strutting like a model - in that tiger print bikini. If he were to rank a girl's waist, compared to all the other girls he'd seen? Hers would be the top. If he were to rank bust size? Again, a world beater. Those legs? Sublime. That butt? A work of art.
And yet! Even if he pretended for a moment that he didn't know this girl's identity, Ataru Moroboshi found himself in a situation he'd never, ever been in before. He was in the company of a scantily clad ten out of ten, and felt <i>absolutely no sexual attraction to her whatsoever</i>.
Every single rule of life he lived by completely fell apart as soon as it approached her. What didn't help was -
"Hey, cutie. Like what you see? Oh, don't pretend you weren't staring."
She was flirting with practically everyone she encountered. Men and women alike.
"Say, Aoi," Ataru coughed into his hand to get her attention. "So, I take it you've got some grand scheme of some sort to get me a harem?"
"Of course, Daddy! I've been wanting cute little brothers and sisters to play with for -"
"Hey there, Miss!" Ataru suddenly said, hopping over to a really cute jogger that was going by them. "If you don't mind my asking, what is your name? Your address? Your phone number?"
Makes you wonder where she gets it from. In any event this flirtation attempt ended as so many do. With Ataru discovering that the young girl's name was "slap in the face," her address was "kick in the shins" and her phone number was "pervert".
"Daddy, I know she's cute, but we have to stay focused," Aoi said. "Always remember, when you chase two interspatial warblongers, you lose them both! Speaking of, the two of you are much too cute to go a second longer without a special free kiss from Aoi, the genie of love!"
She was referencing a pair sitting on a bench that they were walking by. Eh, in Ataru's eye, the girl was plenty cute but the guy was one of those sorts whose jaw was a little too square. Same for his chest. She could do way better. A guy like him for example!
Or Aoi, apparently. She slid right into that girl's lap and started using her tongue to check the girl's tonsils. To absolutely no resistance.
"Holy shit this is the hottest thing I've ever seen," the guy said.
Okay, that's enough of that. For some reason watching Aoi fool around with a girl she'd only just met was setting off something in Ataru that didn't feel nice. He reached forward, grabbed her ear and gave it a nice hard twist that, for some reason, felt completely natural for him to do and stomped off with the girl floating in the air behind him, waving at the bleary eyed stranger. Who, upon Aoi's departure, practically jumped her boyfriend there and then.
"Maybe we'd be able to focus if you were wearing something a little less showy?" Ataru suggested. "I mean, we're attracting a lot of attention with you dressed like that." The same way Lum attracted attention. Maybe that's why it was annoying him so much? Uh, no. That was a little too close to admitting he had feelings for her. Which he didn't. Never mind the fact that evidence of them having sex in the future was floating behind him.
Ah... wait a minute. That hadn't really sunk in until now. He was going to bang Lum one day. Whoo boy, that was gonna be... never mind! Focus!
"Oh Daddy, same as ever," Aoi rolled her eyes. "Always trying to get me to cover up. You don't like it when mommy is out in her bikini either."
"Hey, mind your hands!" the girl back on the bench yelled, slapping her boyfriend. "Don't get fresh!"
"Oh darn, I thought it might last a little longer this time..." Aoi said, snapping her fingers. "It's really annoying, I can make almost anyone I want horny, but it never seems to last long enough to really have fun."
“How does that work?” Ataru said.
“Lots of Oni get weird semi-unique powers like Uncle Ten’s fire breathing and Mister Rei’s transformation. Usually in some way tied to their personality, family, or because the universe runs on irony. Turns out that me being your daughter gave me Horny Beam, basically.” Aoi shrugged. “I mean, it’s more interesting than this one classmate I know who had the power to grow her horns as long as she wants.”
Oni were even weirder than Ataru had thought, and they had seemed pretty weird in the first place. "Maybe it's not so strong because I'm half human? I don't know how it works, but there you go."
Yeah, that was just another reason he preferred it when Lum pretended to be a normal girl. Not a space alien with freaky powers, just a regular pretty girl. Anyway, maybe he should change the subject, that wasn't something he wanted to think about for some reason. So he turned around to say something -
Only to find that Aoi was now wearing a rather sensible knee length skirt and a baggy white jumper with flowery patterns all over it. “Is this better Daddy?” She asked, winking at him.
"Um, yeah. That won't catch nearly as much attention," Ataru said, feeling genuine relief. Aoi rolled her eyes the instant his back was turned. "Anyway, we need a plan if I'm going to get girls into my harem."
"Way ahead of you!" Aoi said, taking his arm and leading him down the street. "I know just where to start!"
<hr>
"Stupid half Oni future girl getting me caught up in this stupid holographic harem girl outfit..." Shinobu grumbled. "Oh, when my parents get home they'll pitch a fit. When I get my hands on that girl, I'll -"
"I hope you're not planning to threaten bloody murder on my daughter, tcha."
And there it was. The last voice she wanted to hear right about now. Hovering outside her window, like the alien-bimbo-with-no-sense-of-personal-space that she was. Regardless, Shinobu let her in and tapped her foot impatiently.
"Nice," Lum said, drifting around and looking her over. "It has a cute design, there's definitely a good blend of human and Oni fashion in there."
"Oh is there now! I'm so happy to hear that!" Shinobu yelled. "Look, can you get this thing off me already so we can track that pervert and your daughter from the future down and stop them from causing untold anarchy?!"
“She really shouldn’t have time traveled like that, there are rules and all.” Lum admitted. “OK! I’ll help you out Shinobu, should be a snap. I know that you don’t quite get modern technology, what with living on Earth your whole life, but I’m here to save you.”
A little less condescension might be nice. Regardless. She sat down and let Lum tap away at her back. For ten minutes. No sign of the costume going, she noted.
"Huh, that's weird," Lum said.
"That's not something I find reassuring," Shinobu said. Suddenly keenly aware that the already skimpy outfit was now showing a lot more skin than it was a moment ago.
"Well, it's probably nothing. The interface is a little weird, and some of the terminology is like nothing I've seen before..."
"I thought you'd be more used to 'modern technology'."
"I am," Lum protested. "But this is future tech. It's not quite as simple as I thought it - Oops."
"Oops isn't exactly reassuring either - woaaaah!"
The "woah" was because for some reason, Shinobu suddenly got up onto her feet and started dancing. Belly dancing, to be more exact. She couldn't stop herself, her body was moving of its own accord, shimmying and swaying in a way she didn't know she had the flexibility to manage.
"Lum! Get out before you make things worse!" As usual, she didn't add.
“OK this button should turn it off!” Lum shouted, but instead pop music in a language Shinobu didn’t understand began playing out of her boobs. “Why does your top have a music player!?”
"I don't know, maybe it comes as standard twenty odd years from now!"
"But that would be silly. It'd be like having a calculator on your phone, what's the point of doing that?"
If her hands were free to move of their own accord, she'd smack an Oni upside the head.
"Track down your daughter! That's the only way I'm getting out of this - this stupid thing! Head after Ataru's normal targets, warn them of what's up and together we'll be able to track them down."
"Oh right, why didn't I think of that?" Lum asked, thumping her hand into her fist. "Alright Shinobu, I'll be right back, tch! You have fun exercising, it'll really help get rid of those pounds."
Normally this is where Shinobu would break something in raw anger and frustration. Which made it quite fortunate for everything in arm's reach that she couldn't quite manage that. Guh! This stupid dancing hologram! As if her situation wasn't bad enough already now she had to deal with this too!
This might come as a shock but Shinobu did not like Lum very much. That annoying alien girl not only took her man, but upended her life. She brought in chaos, invited bizarreness at every turn and then there was her personality. Cutesy, playful, yet scheming and sneaky at the same time.
"Now, we'll have to be very careful about how we do this, Daddy. Remember, I should still be born in this timeline so you'll have to hook up with Mommy in order for this to work."
Then there was Ataru to consider. Her old friend. The two of them played together when they were little. Their mothers knew each other from school, so they had set up a playdate and the two of them hit it off. They grew up together, grew closer, started dating - and then Shinobu noticed that his apparently affectionate attention was really an outlet for his hyperactive perversion.
"Eeeh, I can hardly wait!" Aoi did a backflip in mid-air, then went around another three times. "Oh, seeing those girls realise how much fun a harem is... it's going to be <i>amazing</i>!"
It felt like her entire life was the background to an origin story for Dracula. She'd unwittingly seen the creation of a monster, right before her eyes, and never even seen it coming until it was too late. It made sense, you know? The combination of those two. What would they be like?
"Oh, I'm such a fortunate father! To have such a loving daughter, that she'd give me such a gift!"
"I love you too, Daddy!"
The sight of the two of them, both perverts to a fault, in a truly platonic embrace might well be the most terrifying thing that Shinobu had ever laid eyes upon.
"So? So? Do you have a plan? You wouldn't have come here without a plan, right?"
"Well, I figure that technology has advanced even in outer space! So, some of the things I've brought with me should catch even Mommy off guard!"
"Ooh! Ohh! Alien tech? From the future, no less! What sort of delights have you brought with you?"
"Thought controlled nanotech," Aoi said, tapping her earring, which suddenly morphed into a seashell, then a crescent moon, then back to its original shape. "Solid light holographic projector that fits in the palm of your hand. Oh, and a bag of buttered popcorn."
"What does that do?"
"It tastes great!" Aoi said, flicking a kernel into her mouth. "Also, it acts as a Cherry repulsor!"
"Gimme!" both Ataru and Shinobu, and everyone (save one diminutive Monk) in a mile radius said, though as many of them weren't in Shinobu's bedroom they didn't know why they had said it and were a little freaked out that everyone else had said it too. Luckily that Monk was on hand to tell them how it was an ill omen easily resolved by giving him free food.
"Ah, ah, Daddy! We only have so much, so we have to use it when it's sensible," Aoi said. Then under her breath muttered to herself "I still can't believe he's the same age, is he immortal or something? Tcha... I bet he won't let me have fun in this time either."
And just like that Shinobu had hit her limit. Until now she'd been too caught up in the shock of the situation, the dawning realisation and horror of what she was looking at to properly take it in. That little popcorn stint, and her remarks about 'having fun' in the same tone Ataru talked about hitting on girls... too much. It was too much!
"I object to this!" Shinobu yelled, slamming her hands on the desk in front of her. Incidentally, she needed a new desk. "If you think I'm going to sit idly by while you trick girls into joining your harem -"
"Your harem?" Aoi asked, interrupting by popping right into Shinobu's personal space. "Shouldn't you have said 'our harem'? Tcha... You're already wearing a special Aoi Brand harem bunnygirl suit, hadn't you noticed?"
Aoi spun her around to look in the mirror, and Shinobu's face went completely pale as she looked at what she was wearing. Yes indeed. It was a bunny girl outfit. Tube top, bikini bottoms, black leggings, and a pair of bunny ears pinned to her head. There was even a veil over her mouth and strips of see through cloth hanging off her hips.
"When did I -?" Shinobu began to ask but stopped when Ataru whistled. She went from pale as a sheet to beet red in the blink of an eye. She threw her hands to her bare shoulders to cover them up and...
Huh? That was strange. She definitely touched flesh with her fingertips, but... But something felt weird to her shoulders. It felt like there was something in between her shoulders and her fingertips pushing into her skin, almost like a layer of cloth over her, but this was definitely bare skin...
"Wait, this is that hard light hologram thing you mentioned!" Shinobu yelled. She whirled around, but the two perverts were already jumping out of her window, Aoi carrying her father while the two of them sang a song about gathering a harem. "Oooh! You two!"
Shinobu reached for her coat, murder in her eyes. She threw it on - and then it turned into a harem bunnygirl suit. No. no, no. No way. It was projecting over her clothes! That means, no matter what she wears it will turn into this outfit? She managed to remove her coat - a harder feat than one might think given the hard light hologram covering it - and tried various different things from her wardrobe. All to the same result.
"I... I'm stuck!" she realised. Going out dressed like this, unable to cover up... It would be the end of her life! Shinobu might literally die from embarrassment the second she was recognised! "Oh, that sneaky alien girl from the future, she's as devious as her parents."
Well... maybe not fully as devious. Shinobu might not be able to leave, but there was one other step that she could take. Let's see... The best way to deal with those two would be to bring in a little support. From the last person she'd usually ask for help.
"I sense ill fortune in your aura!"
"Go away, Cherry!" Shinobu yelled. Okay, okay. She'd ask for help from the second to the last person she'd usually ask.
<hr>
"Darling? Are you home, Darling?" Lum asked. She drifted seductively into the room of her beloved, and sighed wearily upon finding it empty. A shame. She'd managed to take her uniform home after a hard day of work at the Destiny agency. Lum had heard that earth boys really liked this kind of costume for some reason, she'd been hoping to flirt with Darling a little bit on getting home.
As it was though? Not much else for her to do but get dressed in her usual clothes. Do note that her usual close consist of a bikini and gogo boots, which show off much more of her body than the bunny girl suit did. Sex appeal is a mysterious thing.
All of a sudden her phone rang. Her personal phone. It was a bit annoying that they still used cable connections, and she couldn't wait until humans invented a more reliable wireless service for mass public use, but there you go. It was Shinobu's number. Which could only mean one thing.
"What is Darling up to this time."
<i>"Hello to you as well</i>" Shinobu huffed. <i>"If you must know, he and his wayward daughter from the future have trapped me in a bunny girl harem suit that I can't get out of and are off to build him a harem."</i>
Oh. Well. Okay then. "Daughter from the future you say?" Lum asked. It rather said something that she didn't question that. Nor did Shinobu seem to expect her to question it. "That girl is grounded until she graduates from university! We need to find the two of them before they get up to any mischief."
Lum was already flying out of the house by this point. Oh! That girl! She had a bad impression of her already from the future. Super cute, super nice, but also really obviously took after her father. Lum could tell, she would love that girl as surely as she loved her father. But... But as a future mother, she was allowed to still love her daughter and get really super pissed off at her at the same time!
"Search for him at the school, I'll do an aerial sweep!" Lum said.
<i>"Weren't you listening?! I can't go out like this!"</i>
"Why not?"
<i>"Because... Ohhhh! You aliens and your lack of modesty!"</i>
Click. Fine. Fine, whatever. She can find the two of them by herself. Then she'll take that wayward girl and send her back to the future.
Incidentally, in her frustration Lum caused an arc of lightning to spiral out of her body and it struck a Delorean driving down the street at about 80mph. Alas, it did not vanish while leaving a trail of flames in its wake, nor was it driven by a wiry haired mad scientist or his plucky out of his depth wisecracking sidekick. No, no, this was being driven by a chauffeur because Deloreans were kind of more expensive than one might realise and one had been purchased for the personal use of one Shutaro Mendo, who was even now crawling out of the car.
"I hereby swear that whatever deity has dared to smite the property of the Mendo family shall meet an ignoble - Oh, hello Lum. Out for a casual fly. Would you care to join me?"
Yes, he really and truly did intend to put a God in their place for the crime of striking his car with a thunderbolt. Shinobu might blame Lum for the weirdness in her life... but they're all at least a little bit mad in Tomobiki.
- Ataru starts getting uncomfortable with the looks his future daughter is getting.
- Ataru and Aoi pay a visit to Ryuunosuke, seeking to do something about her situation.
- Ryoko is seeking out Ataru as well, to <s>troll him super hard</s> join his harem.
- Lum tells Mendo about her and Ataru's future daughter. His brain melts.
- Sakura’s attempting to keep the inevitable disaster from happening.
- Something else
Daddy's Girl Part 2
Within Tomobiki Ataru Moroboshi was renowned for his wandering eye. Beware if you were a pretty girl in even slightly skimpy attire, for he will leer, he will stare, he will try to guess your measurements and then he'll do the single worst thing he can do to you: He'll <i>flirt</i> with you.
Which made this quite a strange experience for him. Analytically, his wandering eye had gone to Aoi's curves like rain falls to the ground. He could hardly help it. Her walking around - practically strutting like a model - in that tiger print bikini. If he were to rank a girl's waist, compared to all the other girls he'd seen? Hers would be the top. If he were to rank bust size? Again, a world beater. Those legs? Sublime. That butt? A work of art.
And yet! Even if he pretended for a moment that he didn't know this girl's identity, Ataru Moroboshi found himself in a situation he'd never, ever been in before. He was in the company of a scantily clad ten out of ten, and felt <i>absolutely no sexual attraction to her whatsoever</i>.
Every single rule of life he lived by completely fell apart as soon as it approached her. What didn't help was -
"Hey, cutie. Like what you see? Oh, don't pretend you weren't staring."
She was flirting with practically everyone she encountered. Men and women alike.
"Say, Aoi," Ataru coughed into his hand to get her attention. "So, I take it you've got some grand scheme of some sort to get me a harem?"
"Of course, Daddy! I've been wanting cute little brothers and sisters to play with for -"
"Hey there, Miss!" Ataru suddenly said, hopping over to a really cute jogger that was going by them. "If you don't mind my asking, what is your name? Your address? Your phone number?"
Makes you wonder where she gets it from. In any event this flirtation attempt ended as so many do. With Ataru discovering that the young girl's name was "slap in the face," her address was "kick in the shins" and her phone number was "pervert".
"Daddy, I know she's cute, but we have to stay focused," Aoi said. "Always remember, when you chase two interspatial warblongers, you lose them both! Speaking of, the two of you are much too cute to go a second longer without a special free kiss from Aoi, the genie of love!"
She was referencing a pair sitting on a bench that they were walking by. Eh, in Ataru's eye, the girl was plenty cute but the guy was one of those sorts whose jaw was a little too square. Same for his chest. She could do way better. A guy like him for example!
Or Aoi, apparently. She slid right into that girl's lap and started using her tongue to check the girl's tonsils. To absolutely no resistance.
"Holy shit this is the hottest thing I've ever seen," the guy said.
Okay, that's enough of that. For some reason watching Aoi fool around with a girl she'd only just met was setting off something in Ataru that didn't feel nice. He reached forward, grabbed her ear and gave it a nice hard twist that, for some reason, felt completely natural for him to do and stomped off with the girl floating in the air behind him, waving at the bleary eyed stranger. Who, upon Aoi's departure, practically jumped her boyfriend there and then.
"Maybe we'd be able to focus if you were wearing something a little less showy?" Ataru suggested. "I mean, we're attracting a lot of attention with you dressed like that." The same way Lum attracted attention. Maybe that's why it was annoying him so much? Uh, no. That was a little too close to admitting he had feelings for her. Which he didn't. Never mind the fact that evidence of them having sex in the future was floating behind him.
Ah... wait a minute. That hadn't really sunk in until now. He was going to bang Lum one day. Whoo boy, that was gonna be... never mind! Focus!
"Oh Daddy, same as ever," Aoi rolled her eyes. "Always trying to get me to cover up. You don't like it when mommy is out in her bikini either."
"Hey, mind your hands!" the girl back on the bench yelled, slapping her boyfriend. "Don't get fresh!"
"Oh darn, I thought it might last a little longer this time..." Aoi said, snapping her fingers. "It's really annoying, I can make almost anyone I want horny, but it never seems to last long enough to really have fun."
“How does that work?” Ataru said.
“Lots of Oni get weird semi-unique powers like Uncle Ten’s fire breathing and Mister Rei’s transformation. Usually in some way tied to their personality, family, or because the universe runs on irony. Turns out that me being your daughter gave me Horny Beam, basically.” Aoi shrugged. “I mean, it’s more interesting than this one classmate I know who had the power to grow her horns as long as she wants.”
Oni were even weirder than Ataru had thought, and they had seemed pretty weird in the first place. "Maybe it's not so strong because I'm half human? I don't know how it works, but there you go."
Yeah, that was just another reason he preferred it when Lum pretended to be a normal girl. Not a space alien with freaky powers, just a regular pretty girl. Anyway, maybe he should change the subject, that wasn't something he wanted to think about for some reason. So he turned around to say something -
Only to find that Aoi was now wearing a rather sensible knee length skirt and a baggy white jumper with flowery patterns all over it. “Is this better Daddy?” She asked, winking at him.
"Um, yeah. That won't catch nearly as much attention," Ataru said, feeling genuine relief. Aoi rolled her eyes the instant his back was turned. "Anyway, we need a plan if I'm going to get girls into my harem."
"Way ahead of you!" Aoi said, taking his arm and leading him down the street. "I know just where to start!"
<hr>
"Stupid half Oni future girl getting me caught up in this stupid holographic harem girl outfit..." Shinobu grumbled. "Oh, when my parents get home they'll pitch a fit. When I get my hands on that girl, I'll -"
"I hope you're not planning to threaten bloody murder on my daughter, tcha."
And there it was. The last voice she wanted to hear right about now. Hovering outside her window, like the alien-bimbo-with-no-sense-of-personal-space that she was. Regardless, Shinobu let her in and tapped her foot impatiently.
"Nice," Lum said, drifting around and looking her over. "It has a cute design, there's definitely a good blend of human and Oni fashion in there."
"Oh is there now! I'm so happy to hear that!" Shinobu yelled. "Look, can you get this thing off me already so we can track that pervert and your daughter from the future down and stop them from causing untold anarchy?!"
“She really shouldn’t have time traveled like that, there are rules and all.” Lum admitted. “OK! I’ll help you out Shinobu, should be a snap. I know that you don’t quite get modern technology, what with living on Earth your whole life, but I’m here to save you.”
A little less condescension might be nice. Regardless. She sat down and let Lum tap away at her back. For ten minutes. No sign of the costume going, she noted.
"Huh, that's weird," Lum said.
"That's not something I find reassuring," Shinobu said. Suddenly keenly aware that the already skimpy outfit was now showing a lot more skin than it was a moment ago.
"Well, it's probably nothing. The interface is a little weird, and some of the terminology is like nothing I've seen before..."
"I thought you'd be more used to 'modern technology'."
"I am," Lum protested. "But this is future tech. It's not quite as simple as I thought it - Oops."
"Oops isn't exactly reassuring either - woaaaah!"
The "woah" was because for some reason, Shinobu suddenly got up onto her feet and started dancing. Belly dancing, to be more exact. She couldn't stop herself, her body was moving of its own accord, shimmying and swaying in a way she didn't know she had the flexibility to manage.
"Lum! Get out before you make things worse!" As usual, she didn't add.
“OK this button should turn it off!” Lum shouted, but instead pop music in a language Shinobu didn’t understand began playing out of her boobs. “Why does your top have a music player!?”
"I don't know, maybe it comes as standard twenty odd years from now!"
"But that would be silly. It'd be like having a calculator on your phone, what's the point of doing that?"
If her hands were free to move of their own accord, she'd smack an Oni upside the head.
"Track down your daughter! That's the only way I'm getting out of this - this stupid thing! Head after Ataru's normal targets, warn them of what's up and together we'll be able to track them down."
"Oh right, why didn't I think of that?" Lum asked, thumping her hand into her fist. "Alright Shinobu, I'll be right back, tch! You have fun exercising, it'll really help get rid of those pounds."
Normally this is where Shinobu would break something in raw anger and frustration. Which made it quite fortunate for everything in arm's reach that she couldn't quite manage that. Guh! This stupid dancing hologram! As if her situation wasn't bad enough already now she had to deal with this too!
- Sakura is approached by a girl who reminds her a lot of Ataru and Lum at the same time. It spooks her.
- Lum brings her friends in on this. Benten thinks it's hilarious.
- Meanwhile, Ryoko is getting really into this harem business! Or she's trolling, it's hard to tell.
- Shinobu continues dancing, gets a visit from Ryuunosuke. Who thinks this is some kind of girly training.
- Something else
Sunday, 5 January 2020
Thread Voting: Open Until 12th January
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Thread Voting: Open Until 5th January
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