Some people are legends in their own minds. It comes when you go beyond pride, beyond arrogance and begin to see yourself as a paragon in your selected area of expertise. Untouchable, unshakable. Defeat doesn't mean 'defeat' to such a person, it means 'a challenge that I shall shortly overcome'. Such people are insufferable without knowing it, they crow and they boast about their achievements and when people finally tire of their preening display they put it down to jealousy and naught more.
From what Mikado Sanzenin had heard of one Ranma Saotome, it seemed as though he was one such person.
The irony in that last thought was so dense that fridge magnets in the house Mikado was walking by slid off and clung to the wall closest to him.
Mikado was walking down the street with a clear cut focus. Two pictures were clutched in his immaculately manicured hand: Both featuring the majestic visage of Akane Tendo. The other two, others would recognise as Ranma Saotome. Mikado, however, did not know of Ranma's Jusenkyo curse and -
The misunderstanding might be obvious, but cliches do happen for a reason. It's more what you do with the cliche that counts. Right?
In this instance Mikado was seething. He had been wondering where Azusa had been spending her time of late. That ditzy girl was showing up late for practise the last few days. Well, didn't this explain everything? Don't misunderstand, Mikado wasn't upset at her for being late. It was the fact that she'd been hanging out with such cute girls without telling him that was driving his rage meter to the limit. To think! Some arrogant pigtailed swine by the name of Ranma Saotome thought to hog such gracious creatures to himself? Bah, that pigtail looked stupid anyway, the girl in this other picture carried it much neater and more naturally.
"Curse her obsessive nature," Mikado sighed. He stopped, put his hand on his hip while the other ran through his luxurious well maintained hair. "Trying to keep things that do not belong to her. Now, how should I go about stealing their lips and, in the process, stealing them away from this arrogant and unworthy Saotome scoundrel?"
When he'd said <i>that</i> every television in the block showed nothing but white for five seconds, and every magnet in the same area started pointing directly towards him.
Mikado held the cool looking pose for a few seconds. All the better to let any passing beauty take note, for it would be a crime for them to miss it. Ah, but he needed to think. What was his excuse? How best to go about capturing the lips of Akane Tendo and her mysterious, alluring pigtailed friend? He racked his brain, he dove into his experience with women. Aha! Of course! He'd start with a friendly -
"Hello?" Akane Tendo said, suddenly standing in front of him. "I thought you should know, your trousers are split in the back."
Coolness factor: Diminished. Greatly diminished. Without thinking about what he was doing Mikado yelped and patted himself down, quickly finding the tear. Ah! How had he not noticed?! When did this happen?
"It looks like a fridge magnet is stuck in the tear, how did that happen?" Akane asked.
No, no. Don't panic. You can recover from this. Play it off nice and cool.
"Thank you for letting me know, that could have been quite humiliating," Mikado said. "It is quite some distance to my home. Might I trouble you for a sewing kit, Miss Tendo?"
Akane nodded. Smiled. "Sure thing," she said. "My home's just this way."
Then a funny thing happened. She turned around, tripped, and then the sole of her shoe clipped the underside of Mikado's chin and oh dear he seemed to be falling unconscious.
"Maybe next time, notice that I've not introduced myself before you say my name?" Akane said as he fell, and then there was sweet, sweet oblivion.
<hr>
Consciousness returned, and he rather wished it hadn't. At least not until the pain in his jaw had subsided. Let's see, let's take stock: He was lying on a hard wooden surface. His arms were tied behind his back. His legs were tied together.
Oh no... Those fiends, they couldn't have! Had they done the unthinkable and - and hand gifted him to that psycho Asuka Saginomiya?! He still woke up in a cold sweat thinking about the time he'd run into her. That was the one and only pair of lips he truly regretted stealing!
"Really, Akane? You want to interrogate this guy?" a girl's voice said. Cute. Tomboyish. Mikado creaked an eye open. It was the pigtailed beauty! Standing there in a tank top and baggy looking black trousers held up by a rope. "Just because he knew your name?"
"Need I remind you of some of the freaks I've run into recently?" Akane asked. "I have an obsessed cheerleader who calls herself my rival, a freaky fangirl trying to glomp me to death, and now some random average looking boy pops up out of nowhere knowing my name!"
All of that and then encountering Mikado Sanzenin? Yes, that made sense. She was sure to be wary after that many encounters. Mikado wondered who that last one was in particular, as he had a pretty decent idea who the first two were. Probably someone he didn't know about.
"Still, interrogating him seems a bit harsh..." the pigtailed beauty said. "Hey, he's awake. Listen pal, sorry about her. I think she's got a bit of a paranoid streak going on."
"It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you!"
The pigtailed girl rolled her eyes and reached for the ropes tying Mikado down. He looked up at her and flashed his most charming smile. There were even sparkles in his eyes. Girls this cute loved sparkles.
"Think nothing of it," he said, and bobbed his head forward to kiss the back of her palm. "Being in the company of two angels is worth any price."
"Huh? Angels?" the pigtailed girl asked. "What's that got to do with us?"
Akane placed her palm across her face and slowly shook her head. "He's hitting on us, you idiot."
"Hitting on us?" the pigtailed girl asked. "How? His arms and legs are still tied."
“My goodness she is the purest maiden I’ve ever seen.” Mikado turned the charm up even more. Meanwhile in the kitchen Kasumi sampled some of the soup she'd just made. Then grimaced and wondered if she'd somehow mixed up the salt and sugar. "Though make no mistake, you are both equally lovely."
"Ohhh, you mean he's flirting with us," the pigtailed girl said. She stepped back. "Not interested, pal. Look, you must've come here to talk with Akane about something, right? What'd you want anyway?"
"What did I want with Akane Tendo?" Mikado said. "Why, what else! I wished to unite with her in glorious harmony. The two of us would make a most splendid couple, do you not agree?"
"As a matter of fact, I don't agree!" Akane said. She cutely stomped her foot and, by sheer coincidence, caused the plank in the floor to throw Mikado into the air. Normally not a problem for him, but since his legs and arms were bound all he could do was land flat on his back. "You see, this is what I'm talking about!"
"Feh, he's not that bad..." the pigtailed girl groused.
"Tsk, tsk! You only say that because I have yet to steal your lips."
The atmosphere in the room shifted quickly. Ah. Mikado had sensed this before. Jealousy. Oh yes, they both clearly wanted to be the next to join his list of high quality smooches. A very exclusive club, only the prettiest girls need apply. Make no mistake they both more than met the qualifications.
"Akane? Buckets of water. Now."
"Yes, ma'am!"
Buckets of water? Whatever would they need buckets - plural - of water for?
<hr>
If you'd asked Mikado about an hour ago if he liked the idea of getting a girl's wetness all over him, he'd have been all for it. As it was right now he'd really rather not see water. Ever again. Not rain, not a swimming pool, not the ocean, not a puddle in the street nor a glass of refreshing water. No more. It was H- two - No for him from now on. Why? How best to put it.
"So where did you hear about Akane?" the pigtailed girl asked while chewing on a toothpick. She was resting cooly in the corner of the training hall, inspecting her nails while using an amazing sense of balance to sort of sit mid-air with the back of her head up against one wall and her feet up against another. "I mean, you showing up out of nowhere at a time like this, it's kinda suspicious. You know?"
Mikado gulped. His eyes flickered to the bucket on top of Akane's head. She was walking carefully across a chalk line in the middle of the dojo with her arms outstretched. It had been cute. At first. Half an hour ago, he'd been watching with care expecting the water within to drip, drip, drip and make her clothes cling to her splendid and fit body.
Nary a drop had landed on her. Nary a drop had missed Mikado.
"Where are you even getting these buckets from?!" Mikado asked. What did he mean? What else? There were more buckets currently being stored in this small training hall than perhaps existed elsewhere in the Tokyo region. So much water had been dropped upon Mikado's head since this had begun that he was genuinely concerned he might get the bends if he stood up too quickly.
"Oh no, your inability to answer a simple question has made me - oopsie doopsie!"
Akane tripped on absolutely nothing, then as the bucket fell to the ground she flicked up her leg and kicked it so that it landed squarely on Mikado's head upside down. He screamed inside the bucket. It didn't help. His clothes were ruined beyond hope of repair. His hair stylist would scream at him for an hour about the ruination of her careful hard work. He might even catch a cold at this rate.
"Well, I'd help you out," the pigtailed girl sighed wearily. "But you know, a clumsy chick like that, there's no talking to her. The only thing that would get her to stop balancing buckets is if she finds out your source."
"Alright, I'll talk! I'll talk! For mercy's sake, I'll talk!" Mikado yelled. The bucket was flipped off him by a kick from Akane's foot, then landed neatly in a pile. The two girls - not angels but devils in heavenly guise - looked at him expectantly. "My source is -"
- Azusa, it turns out, not being as careful with her fangirlism as she'd thought.
- Mariko trying to start shit.
- Nabiki, trolling.
- Some stupid looking boy in a bandanna, carrying an umbrella. Seemed lost.
- Someone else (fatesplit)
- They get interrupted before Mikado can spill the beans
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