Patreon Story: Level Upper Ataru

Every hear of a "Stop Win Limit"? It's a gambling term. Before you play, you put a hard exclamation point on where you walk away from the table. If you get to that point, you back off and cash in your winnings, because while it may get better from there it can also get worse.

Ataru never had the need for such a thing in his life. He was chronically unlucky. Which meant that when something did go his way, he would always try to push for more and more and more - until the good thing turned to ashes in his mouth.

See, on any day where Shutaro Mendo was on his hands and knees asking why something unfortunate had happened to him, and why he couldn't seem to get righteous retribution for such an event... that should be taken as a Stop Win Limit for Ataru Moroboshi. Back off. Head home. Chill, relax, maybe fend off Lum's surprise smooches for the rest of the night. Plan for the next day.

None of the above describes Ataru Moroboshi's thought process. He never backs down. He never plays it cautious. He runs forward full throttle heedless of the consequences. He was on a roll, and it was his intention to milk it for every little bit that it was worth.

Experienced gamblers across the world winced as they recognised a very unfortunate thought process that all of them had fallen victim to at some time or another, as they forgot for a moment that the house always wins.

As such... His gaze lingered on a particular figure strutting her sexy stuff down the street. Well, more like walking like an ordinary woman, but when you got a body like that it was kind of hard for him not to think of it as a sexy walk. This babe could do anything and make it seem erotic, such appeal was pouring out of every vein!

Before he skipped forward Ataru checked his Level Upper. His Flirting skill was up to 17. Hoho! He'd seen some positive responses from Lum, Shinobu, Ran and even Ryoko was warming up to him a little. How might Miss Sakura take him now?

"Yoohoo! Miss Sakura!" Ataru waved. Sakura's shoulders made a move like someone had dropped a wooden beam across her back, and then her pace quickened ever so slightly. Oh dear she must not have heard him. He easily caught up with and kept pace with her, even as she increased substantially. "Out for a walk, Miss Sakura?"

"Not that it's any of your business," Sakura said.  "Don't you have something better to do?"

Now,  it is worth bearing in mind that Ataru's usual flirting strategy was about as subtle as a wrecking ball and about as appealing to take into bed. This is where he'd usually say something stupid and inane like "What could be better than looking at your body?" while very obviously looking at... well, whichever part of her body drew his attention the most at that given moment. This would usually get him a slap, a kick, maybe a bit of pepper spray if he'd really upset the person. Then if Lum was around he'd get a little shock to the system too.

“Not really, just enjoying this lovely day. It is quite nice, isn’t it? That’s a new dress right? It suits you, really brings out the colour in your eyes.”

Sakura froze mid-step. Which was promising. Then she slapped a rosary bead around his neck and an ofuda against his forehead, which <I>always really hurt</I> for some reason.

“Ow! Miss Sakura what gives!?” Ataru tried to pull the ofuda off. It didn’t work, it never did. Only Sakura or, if she was feeling vindictive, Cherry could.

"I'm being careful," Sakura said. "It wouldn't surprise me in the least if you sold your soul to an evil spirit so you could finally learn how to talk with women." She examined his features carefully. "Hrm... Just the usual reaction to your lustful soul. Only marginally evil, you still have the capacity to do selfless things. No possession here... Could it be that you've finally managed to learn and are looking to change your behaviour?"

She said that with the same tone someone might use to say "it's spontaneously raining chocolate." At the very least she removed the ofuda, but Ataru had the general feeling that his flirting hadn't worked on her at all.

(Which made sense. Sakura was an older, more experienced woman. Even with Ataru’s improved people skills he would have to level up more to catch the eye of people who aren’t teenage girls who were already inclined to like him a little.)

Still, since when had he ever let "she's clearly not interested" keep him at bay? And... that comes across a lot worse than it sounds. You really couldn't write a character like this today in anything but porn and have him be anything but the villain.

"Oh, enough about me. How about you?" Ataru said. Even he was a bit surprised at that. He'd intended to brag a bit about putting Mendo in his place, talk about how things were going for him in a general sense. "You seemed a little more annoyed than usual. Something you want to talk about?"

Now he was being looked at the same way a scientist looks at a test subject.

"You're up to something," Sakura said. But now, she sounded more amused than anything else. "I don't see Lum anywhere about either. Whatever you're up to, I'll find out about it."

"Nah, I'm just up to my usual schtick," Ataru shrugged. "Is it my fault that I'm better at it than usual? So? What's the issue?"

"If you must know, I had a very annoying exorcism to deal with," Sakura said. Her face darkened as she thought about it. “It had decided I was it’s mother despite it being 500 years old. And he clung to me asking about when lunch would be ready, or dinner, or when play time would happen. For hours."

"Sounds terrible," Ataru nodded. Then he asked a question to make it clear he was paying attention. "Did you get rid of it in the end?"

“Of course I did. I always exorcise them. I had to find a portrait of his mother and use ventriloquism to make him think she was telling him to move on but damn it I did it.”

"Well done!" Ataru said. "You should focus on your victory rather than how annoying it was to deal with."

He'd been inching closer while speaking with Sakura the entire time, hoping to get closer and closer. If he could maybe steal a kiss, he might be able to get a little interest from her... Oh, who was he kidding, he just wanted a little sugar!

Alas, it was not to be. Sakura stepped away without a second thought. "There's definitely something strange about you today Moroboshi," she said. "If you confess to your sins now, I'll be merciful. If I have to find out for myself, I'll lock you in a closet with my uncle for an hour."

At a mere level 17, his limits on flirting had been reached. In order to properly flirt while Sakura's uncle was anywhere near the front of your mind, you had to be at least level 50. As such, Ataru immediately reverted to type: "I'll confess!" he wailed, throwing himself at the ground, and taking the chance to try to peek up her skirt. "My sin is... falling for you!"

On the plus side he didn't have that much of a travel distance home anymore. With the right motivation Sakura could punt with enough force to put many athletes to shame.

<hr>

It's a mystery to most why, exactly, someone as knockout hot as Lum would slum it with someone like Ataru Moroboshi. Why would she want to marry someone so obviously under her league? Was it the old 'I can change him' trope? Was it because she thought he was a bad boy and it got her motor running? Was it because she could see the sweet side of him that nobody else could?

None of the above applies in this case. More accurately none of the above applies <i>fully</i>. It's a bit of a mix. On the one hand she's drawn to his sense of humour, on the other she recognises that there is something of a romantic soul in there that's dying to come out and she's exactly the sort of person to help her do that, and of course his high energy affection was exactly what she was looking for after her relationship with Rei had, to be blunt, left her emotionally and intellectually unfulfilled but also kinda randy for some male attention.

And now she was bouncing off the walls. Almost literally really. Lum was flying around in a tizzy, barely able to contain herself. Oooh! She was getting his attention! At last, he was paying her heed!

"Hiya Lum!" a cute and tiny voice called out from the window. "Whatcha so excited about? Did that idiot - I mean, did that boy do something nice for once?"

That voice belonged to Lum's little cousin Ten. He waddled in through the window no faster than a tortoise crawls across the ground, but considering his age his lexicon was actually kind of good. He was looking up at Lum with big innocent eyes that hid the fact that he was, to keep it brief, a little shit.

"We ki~issed!" Lum tittered, prompting the little Oni boy to roll his eyes. Yuck! He did not understand weird girl and adult stuff like that. "He's finally showing me his real feelings!"

"I don't think he's able to hide his real feelings..." Ten muttered. Oh well. Lum was crazy about the guy, so he couldn't really say or do anything about it. Kinda sucked that he'd have to call this guy his cousin, but... there you go. "Have fun with that, I'm going to go breath fire on him."

"Now I need to move it to the next stage of my plan!" Lum cackled. "Hehehehe! That must have driven him up the wall, sneaking up on him and sneaking smoochies without warning. Teehee! There's no way he'll refuse now!"

Ah. It seemed as though he would be stuck here a little while longer then. Fantastic. Great. Exactly what he wanted.

"What's your evil plan?" Ten asked, shaking his head in dismay. He loved his cousin. He really did. Her inventive prankster nature had been a massive inspiration for him, something to aspire to when he grew up. Seeing it used for something like this... it was disheartening.

"It's simple," Lum said with a twinkle in her eye. "I'll make him an offer. A very simple offer. To stop me from trying to smooch him in public and embarrass him, he'll agree to almost anything! Including, spending ten minutes each day with me sitting in his lap tasting his tonsils!"

Look at her, standing there with her hands on her hips and laughing like a lunatic.

"This way he'll have no choice but to notice my appeal!" Lum continued. "No more ignoring me! No more pretending I'm not there! Hahaha!"

"Truly you are the premium evil genius of our time," Ten mumbled. "The genius of it. Tricking a known pervert and womaniser into accepting a lap dance."

"Oh, but that's not the best part," Lum waggled her finger. "I've got a time disruptor! Powered by a mini-black hole, it will make ten minutes seem like any amount of time that I want!

For those of you out there unaware of what that feeling is, it has a name. Dramatic irony. It comes about when a character does not know something that the reader does. In this case Lum does not know about the Level Upper, and also does not know that Ataru has been using it to level up his kissing skill. As such, spending time making out with him was going to have... well, interesting side effects to say the least.

"It's the perfect plan!" Lum said, laughing like a crazy person. "He'll fall under my spell in no time flat! Darling won't be able to look at another girl again inside of a week! Hohohohoho!"

Honestly, she should have set a lower Stop Win Limit for herself. That might have saved her some grief in the long run...

1. Ataru hits on another girl before returning home.
2. Ryoko starts her investigation into Ataru Moroboshi
3. Lum extends the offer.
4. Shinobu pulls out mementos from when she was dating Ataru now that she’s Not Over Him.
5. Something Else