It wasn't a date. That wasn't Shinobu being tsundere or anything ridiculous like that. No, no. It really and truly was not a date. It was two girls. Hanging out. Where one of the girls happened to look a lot and behave a lot like a boy and she was so, so cute...
Deep breath. Deep breath! Ignore the things that Ran was saying. That wannabe doll was a notorious troll, and she was only saying that to get under your skin. Ignore her. Ignore her! You're hanging out with a friend, this is absolutely not a -
"Hey Shinobu!"
Suddenly Shinobu was looking at a complete hunk (ignore the boobs) holding a bouquet of flowers out towards her. The girl's heart went pitter-patter, her breathing hitched and she had to work really hard to keep eye contact with her... friend. Yes. Ryuunosuke was a friend, and not a date because it's weird if two girls go out on a date. Even if she had gone on dates with other girls but they were aliens so it’s OK for them to be weird!
"What's with the flowers?" Shinobu asked. Actually, that proved it wasn't a date. Ataru never gave her flowers when they went out!
Ryuunosuke shrugged. A manly, manly shrug that made her feel gooey down in the deepest part of her stomach. "Dunno, it felt like the right thing to do. Let's head over to the ice cream parlour. My treat."
His treat? By which she meant, her treat? While Shinobu pondered that, somehow she wound up walking arm in arm down the street with him - her! Ryuunosuke is a girl. Make that into your new mantra, Shinobu! You keep on forgetting!
"Your treat?" she asked hi-her. Her, her, her. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yeah, for some reason the shop's been doing really well the last couple days," Ryuunosuke said. "It's weird. From the same day I started wearing a girl's uniform, all the chicks and guys have been swarming the shop trying to buy all kindsa shit."
<i>I wonder why?</i > Shinobu thought, but very deliberately didn't say. She knew very well why. Ryuunosuke rocked the androgynous look so hard that dressed as a boy or dressed as a girl, it didn't matter. She was cute. Too cute. Combining that feminine dress with her masculine attitude made her seem so defenseless, yet tough. It was ticking all the right boxes for the boys and the girls alike. Pretty face, tough confident attitude, a body that models would envy...
Shinobu was suddenly keenly aware that her cheek was resting on h-her shoulder. Hah! She didn't think the male pronoun that time! Count that as a win!
"Oh gosh look at those two! Aren't they a cute couple?"
Guh! Shinobu snapped her cheek right up at that thought. Not a couple. Not a date. Ryuunosuke was a girl, not a boy. She didn't like girls. She liked boys. She liked boys she liked -
"You like vanilla, right?" Ryuunosuke asked. "I'll be right back."
She liked that sweet, sweet butt. God but those trousers were so impossibly flattering, she could bounce pennies off his... off her... Deep breath. Deep breath. Ryuunosuke simply exuded a masculine aura and it was messing with your head. That's all this was. Remember that she's a girl and you'll be perfectly fine!
<i>"Ohhhh, my future daughter in lawwwwww!"</i>
"Yipe!"
On reflex, Shinobu immediately tried to punch the incredibly ugly thing that had appeared without warning right in front of her. That hand went right through the thing, then she realised that it was in fact a hologram of Ryuunosuke's father. So she reflexively tried to smack it around another three times.
"Where's the projector, I need to throw it against the floor and stomp on it..."
<i>"Ah! Nooooo! They said they'd bill me for the new one if it breaks! Listen, as his father I'm only concerned for my son's future happiness."</i>
"Then why aren't you talking to him?" Shinobu asked. Then she squinted. "Her. Actually, scratch that she'd be a lot happier if you never spoke to hi- her ever again."
<i>"Listen, listen! I'll just give you a little friendly advice, from father to future daughter-in-law,"</i> Mister Fujinami said. Shinobu rolled her eyes. "The corner shop down the street. Use my name, and they'll give you a discount on their special stock. I guarantee you'll have a good ti-iiiiiiiiime!"
In case you were curious, that was because Ryuunosuke had come back and found the projector. It got hurled like a frisbee, passing out the parlour's door right as it was being opened up while a customer was leaving.
"So cool!" a girl on the next table over cooed. She wasn't wrong.
"What was my old man on about?" Ryuunosuke asked. "Trying to make my life a misery from the next galaxy over?"
"Well, he was talking about some kind of discount at the corner shop..." Shinobu said.
"Oh." An awkward moment of silence there. "Dammit... Just when I got a handle on that stupid old man of mine, he goes and makes a thoughtful gesture." Ryuunosuke stood up and put hi-her foot on the table, raising her fist in the air. "My blood is boiling! I can't resist a discount! Even if it's from that shitty pops, I have to make the best of it!"
... It was only a discount, he didn't even say how much it was it might only be pennies. Well, they could check it out after they ate their ice cream. Which Shinobu was only now realising was in a shared bowl. Which was the kind of thing a couple on a date might do. Also there was only one spoon.
"Mmm, yo Shinobu you gotta try this! It's super good!"
That spoon had just been in Ryuunosuke's mouth. She was offering Shinobu a spoonful of vanilla ice cream. With a spoon that had touched her lips. Indirect kiss. It was an indirect kiss. With a girl. Wh-Which meant it didn't count. Right? Shinobu bobbed her head forward... It was the nicest ice cream she'd ever tasted.
<hr>
The relationship between Ataru Moroboshi and Lum Invader was a complicated one to say the very least. He was a wannabe playboy, she was a super hot alien with a habit of going around in a bikini who wanted to marry him. You'd think this could only end with both of them happy and content. Right?
"But Luuuum, let me go watch them daaaate!"
That was the sound of Ataru Moroboshi you were hearing. Crawling on hands and knees through ten times Earth's normal gravity, trying in vain to reach the door to Lum's ship. This rather exemplified the core problem the two of them were having. Namely, Ataru Moroboshi had less emotional maturity than Lum's cousin. Who was still in diapers.
"Darling, don't you think you'd have more fun staying in bed with me?" Lum asked. Not for the first time in their relationship. Not even for the tenth time. Probably broke the three digit mark by now.
This time though... This time, Ataru's penis had actually a pretty good idea of what Lum was offering. It chimed up this one time, giving a quite adamant "that sounds like a good idea" before adding "if we stay Ryuunosuke promised us a reward."
But since these were common sense thoughts, Ataru did what he always did. He ignored them and went on impulse, continuing to crawl towards the exit.
Lum sighed a weary sigh and drifted on overhead. She wasn't wearing her usual bikini. No, no. Nor was she naked. Actually, she was wearing a bright red frilly little number. Red because she'd heard it was the human colour for 'passion'. Ataru's eyes drifted up as she entered his peripheral vision, and he drank in the sight of Lum's body looking like it had been poured into that lingerie.
"I really must insist that we bang her again," Ataru's penis told him. "Last time was so good, man. Remember last time? We should do that again!"
But no! No, his pride would not permit it. He could not allow himself to give in to his lust this one time. That once was a fluke, with extenuating circumstances. If he gave in a second time... If he didn't muster the strength to escape Lum's flying saucer... if he gave in now then he'd be bound and chained for the rest of his -
"I promise not to use anything that happens tonight to force you to marry me," Lum said.
At which point Ataru popped right onto his feet and bridal carried Lum right on over to the bed. Somewhere along the way his clothes had also vanished, but that really didn't matter all that much because he was gonna have him some consequence free sex with a super cute alien.
Kind of goes to show. Sometimes it's not the body, sometimes it's not the clothes. Sometimes it's what you say that's the biggest turn on of them all.
"Ohhhh... Darling!" Ataru moaned as his penis got exactly what it wanted. Needless to say, but neither of these two were going anywhere in a hurry... But they sure would be coming a whole lot.
<hr>
With bellies full and Shinobu feeling really weirdly groggy and happy, the two girls that were just hanging out went into the convenience store mentioned by Mister Fujinami to take full advantage of the discount he mentioned.
Naturally, Ryuunosuke was fired up by this. She couldn't help it. She'd been raised to view a discount the same way Biblical scholars viewed the Holy Grail. Seek it out. Cherish it. Keep it safe, use it wisely when you have one. As such, here she was to do all of the above. It didn't really matter to her what the discount was for, but...
If she was being honest it wasn't just that. There was another reason she was adamant about this. It was a rare, genuine kind act from her old man. Usually he horded discounts to himself like a dragon hoards its treasure. See the above paragraph to understand why. So, the idea that he'd share one with Ryuunosuke even when he was lightyears away from Earth... It was so touching to the young girl that she simply *had* to do something with it.
"Yo!" she said, slapping her hand on the counter. "The name's Fujinami! I'm here to use the discount!"
"Eh? Fujinami?" the old man behind the counter said. "Ah yes, I see the resemblance. Here you go."
Ryuunosuke looked up with tears in her eyes. It was real. It wasn't a trick. Her old man had really come through for her, just this one time. She silently offered up her thanks. This one time, you old salty bastard. You did right by your dau-
Then she looked down at the counter. To behold... a packet of condoms. Extra large, ribbed for her pleasure.
"The fuck is this?" she asked.
"Oh, it's your old man's specialty," the shopkeeper cackled. Suddenly Ryuunosuke felt a lot more tired than she had a minute ago. "I swear, he must've kept that factory open all by himself, because he's the only one I've ever seen buy 'em at this size."
"..."
That was both Ryuunosuke and Shinobu, by the way.
"Yep, your old man might well be the single biggest manwhore I've ever met," the shopkeeper continued on. "Why, just last month he had no less than three underwear models on his arm over the course of a single day."
Ever taste that feeling of sickness as bile rises up in your stomach? Ever want to unknow something so desperately that you'd gladly skin yourself alive if it meant you could have it wiped from your brain?
"I swear, if I could bottle what he has I'd have a whole chain of stores," the shopkeeper continued. "I mean, my god. For decades now he's been able to snatch up any pussy he wants. It's somewhat of a relief to see his son is following in his footsteps."
"Please stop," Ryuunosuke quietly said, eyes fixated on the condoms.
"Oh, nothing to be ashamed of young man! We all have our talents here on this Earth. Just so happens your father is an expert at the one night stand."
"The weird thing is, every last one of them was named Masako. Didn't even realise it was that popular a name."
Right. So. Yet another reason to kick her old man's butt back into outer space the second he gets back to the planet. Good to know. Good to know!
- Lum and Ataru sex scene. Both of them find themselves thinking about Ryuunosuke.
- Before Shinobu knows it she’s on her back naked, because that’s how dates with Ryuunosuke will be going with her from now on.
- Ran has spotted them on the date, and is hell bound to interfere.
- Mendo is trying to recover his manhood, it isn’t working too well
- Something Else
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