This was a nightmare situation. We have a red alert, I repeat a red alert. Akane could feel it. That <i>thing</i> growing and growing and swelling. A trouser snake becoming a trouser python. This couldn't do. This wouldn't do! She couldn't let him go out like this!
"Oy, tomboy! Get out of my way, I gotta chase my old man down before he eats that dragon's whisker," Ranma complained, trying to step around Akane and finding her unconsciously blocking his steps. Not because she was trying to keep her body pressed up against his or anything like that! Okay, that was a lie, it was absolutely because of that exact reason. "Ugh... to think he'd try to make it grow out like that. That man has no shame!"
Akane's mind betrayed her yet again at that very moment. Genma Saotome with a massive penis. In panda form. She tried to hold it in. Really. She tried so very very hard to not let it out but it was too much. The image persisted. Of him wrapping it up and playing with it like it was a tire. It was so gross, but at the same time.
"Bwahahahaha!" Akane collapsed to the ground, pounding it hard enough that next door thought there was an earthquake. "Oh god, his panda form, all grown out like that!"
"Sh-shut up, it's not f-funny!" Ranma could barely hold back his own giggling. "A-anyway, where the heck did he get to?"
"Nihao!"
Had Akane described this as a nightmare situation before? On hearing that cheerful sugary voice yet more awful thoughts entered Akane's mind unbidden and unwanted.
<i>There Ranma was. Sitting in the bath. Enjoying a good soak. His enormous penis jutting out of the water, perhaps even to the point it was slung over his shoulder. Then a cute and innocent looking kitty jumps in the water and turns into a certain cute busty foreign girl.
"Aiyaa! Airen too too pleased to see Shampoo!"
"Thank goodness you're here," Ranma said. "I've just finished plowing Kasumi and Nabiki and my epic dick is still hungry for pussy."
Camera pans. Kasumi and Nabiki are face down on the floor in the outer cleaning part of the bathroom covered head to toe in thick white creamy gunk. Pan back over. Shampoo is eagerly mounting Ranma.
"No give kitchen destroyer hard pounding?"
"Nah. She'd probably belt me into orbit if I asked. Besides, a chick that uncute couldn't possibly be a worthwhile lay."</i>
Nooooooo! Akane snapped up to her feet and plastered a completely and utterly fake smile on her face. She could feel how fake and forced it was but damned if she could do anything about it!
"Hello are Shampoo how today you?" Akane asked, snapping back up onto her feet so she was standing directly in between Ranma and Shampoo. Then she smacked herself in the side of the head and tried that again. "Hello Shampoo how are you today?"
"Have all marbles, unlike some," Shampoo answered. She then made to step by Akane. Denied! This earned her a cold hard stare from the rival for Ranma's affections. By which she meant his long thick shaft. Akane stepped back, pressing her butt right into that swelling growth. She needed to hide this thing. Preferably in some place warm, damp and tight - No, no! That would be a bad thing to do. It would hint to Shampoo that something strange was going on and then she'd find out about the penis to end all penises!
"Kitchen destroyer get out of way if know what good for her," Shampoo warned.
"Yeah, what's up with you all of a sudden?" Ranma asked.
So far today Akane had been operating on instinct. It had overtaken her when she'd beat the living holy hell out of Happosai not two minutes ago. It had made her stand up sharpish to hide the tentpole in those trousers when Shampoo arrived. And now it made her take another unusually wise tactical move that would quickly extract her from the tricky situation she was in, while also facilitating Ranma's ability to pursue his father.
To wit: She chucked that son of a bastard right into her family's pond.
"Hey, what's the big -" Ranma asked, arising from the cold water in a manner akin to Lady Godiva. At least it seemed that way to Akane. It almost looked like Ranma's hair was down to her ankles. For the first time Akane felt actual genuine sexual attraction to Ranma's girl form.
Well shit. Nabiki was right. She was a little bit gay.
"Oh, hey! I get it!" Ranma said, rising out of the pond while ringing out her shirt. "It stopped growing 'cause I'm a girl!"
"R-Right!" Akane gulped. "Now it won't get in your way while you're chasing your father."
"Someone please explain to Shampoo, is awful confused..."
But Ranma wasn't sticking around. She left in a hurry. Up to the rooftops and far away. Unfortunately this left Shampoo alone with Akane. Which never exactly made Akane feel safe, for reasons that one would hope were quite obvious.
"Akane explain!" Shampoo insisted. "Shampoo see Airen growing that out! That too too fast a growth. What happen to airen? Was Akane lousy cooking again?"
"Nothing wrong with my cooking!" Akane protested. Shampoo's silent retort was actually a far worse insult than anything she could have thrown back after that easy lead in. So she'd seen it in spite of Akane's best efforts? Blast it. Might as well fill her in. "Shut up! Anyway... It turns out that glutton ate something he really shouldn't have.
“Oh wait so Dragon Whisker make boys grow fast if still have it? No wonder Airen need to keep it tied up.”
Akane went cross eyed. Tying his penis in a knot to keep it from growing. I mean, that would work but the unintended consequences.
It's worth pointing out right now that the two girls were operating off very different playbooks. Akane had noticed the dick, but not the hair. Shampoo, vice versa.
"Shampoo think that kind of gross, prefer men to keep it neat and tidy."
Huh? She prefers... smaller penises? Never mind. File that away for later.
"Well either way... Ranma can hardly fight much if it keeps growing the way it has been."
"Too true!" Shampoo nodded. "Worse yet, if it grow too long too much, it might fall out."
Fall out. Fall out. Fall out. Fall out. Fall out. Fall out... Those cruel, cruel words echoed across Akane's mind. She didn't realise that they meant two different things. One girl meant 'bald Ranma' the other meant 'Ranma without a penis'. Neither of them would find such an image appealing, not in the least.
"Stupid old panda steal dragon's whisker, yes?" Shampoo asked. Akane nodded. Wait... "Alright! Then Shampoo be useful to airen! Bye bye!"
Then she was gone, leaving Akane standing there frustrated, squirming, mortified and dammit she was horny too!
"Oooh! Ranma!" Akane stomped her foot. "You'd better not let her get her hands on that! That prize is mine!"
<hr>
Ranma hopped off the rooftops down to street level. That old man. Where the heck did he get to? It would take him a little time to make the stew, you couldn't eat the thing raw. As in, literally. It was a strand of hair. Ever try eating hair? Yuck!
Anyway, there was no sign of him up there. He was probably watching for signs of him searching from above... So maybe if he came down to street level he might have a little more luck. Ugh, this was so frustrating! And with this hair trailing behind her like this, she oughta take a little time to retie it so it didn't flop all over the place or get underfoot. At least Akane had the forsight to change him into a girl for this, otherwise this whole thing would've got way worse!
I mean, sure she could have done it in a less uncute way but it was the thought that -
"Ranchan!"
And then hot water was dumped over her - pardon me, his - head.
"Gah! Ukyo!" Ranma yelped, leaping to his full height and grasping at the top of his head. His hair! His hair was growing out of control again! "Cold water! Cold water, stat!"
Now, what Ranma wasn't noticing was that ukyo's eyes weren't focused on his hair. No, no. Not even a little bit. Her eyes had gone in a more southern direction. Cue Ukyo Kuonji entering into the dreaded Five Stages of Horniness.
Stage one: The moment of shock.
Stage two: Is this hot?
Stage three: Yes. Yes it is hot.
Stage four: I want that. I want that yesterday.
Stage five: Brain not receiving enough blood to function at full capacity. Not sure how to get sexy thing in efficient way.
"Hi Ranma," Ukyo sighed. Visions of dancing pigtailed penises flitted across her mind. If this were a Looney Tune for the adult minded they'd have probably been flying around her forehead with the pigtail spinning like a helicopter. "Wanna hang out or something?"
"Cold water!" Ranma squeaked. Then he noticed a bottle sticking out of Ukyo's pocket. He grabbed hold of it and emptied it out over his head, changing back into a girl instantly. Causing Ukyo to let out a truly pathetic whine. "Uchan! Keep an eye out for my pops! He's about to eat a thing that's gonna ruin me for life!"
"Huh? Wha?"
"You saw it growing, right?" Ranma said. Meaning his hair. "Well, if pops gets ahold of it, it'll never stop growing!"
"Never... stop?" That was a bad thing because...?
"Yeah... and once it's stopped growing, it's bound to all fall out!"
Cue Ukyo Kuonji imagining the evening news. "Street blocked off due to whale sized penis, detached from unfortunate youth."
"Genma Saotome!" Ukyo yelled. Her battle aura raged and flared up, enough that a flock of birds quickly changed course to stay the fuck away from her. "You have messed with your son's manhood for the last time! You will pay dearly for this travesty!"
<hr>
So, let's recap. To help keep things straight.
Akane, Ukyo and Cologne know that Ranma's penis grows under the influence of the Dragon's Whisker.
Genma, Happosai,Shampoo and Cologne know that Ranma's hair grows because the Dragon's Whisker.
- Genma is found by Shampoo first.
- Genma is found by the monks.
- Genma is found by Happosai.
- Genma is found by Ukyo and Ranma
- Someone else finds Genma
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