Normally Misato was the kind of woman who would have a cool head and be able to make the right call at the right time. Even when the pilots were in mortal and immediate danger she would internally carefully examine numerous tactical options and come up with what was ultimately the correct answer. Sure, she'd call it something like 'woman's intuition' or something like that, but it was really the work of a mind that was well honed towards fast military decisions.
Alas, this was not quite the case today. For today, Misato had been thrown off base completely and totally by a little thing called the Ring of Truth. Asuka had said 'be with you in a moment' and so, it was bound to happen that Asuka would 'be with' Misato in the very near future.
To that end she had mistakenly grabbed hold of Asuka, believing her to be a Sexy Maid hell bent on corrupting Rei. An easy mistake to make even without the reality warping magic ring. Under these conditions it would seem as though Asuka was the corruptor as she was the one in the dominant position.
“No fair, I was about to make her kiss my feet!”
Alas, this only spurred Misato and her vibrating weapon on. This left poor Asuka moaning and whimpering and, by the way, letting 'Rei' go. Because Misato wasn't any kind of slouch with this weapon.
"Mein Gott, where did you get that froooom?" Asuka moaned.
"Zut alors! Zat was a close won!" the Sexy Maid said. Her sleeves were still tied around a table leg, so she wasn't likely to be going anywhere any time soon.
“Rei, are you alright? Sit tight and try to think about dirty socks and eating hot pizza whose cheese is dripping on the ground.” It was a trick Ritsuko had suggested as a method to deal with after-effects of dealing with the maids. Force them to think of dirt and dirtying things, get any after effects out that way.
"Oooh la la, vat a terreeble zing to zink about!"
Well, blast. That was going to make this much more difficult. Handling one Sexy Maid on her own would be hard enough, but two would be downright impossible! Which meant that she had to deal with Asuka quickly, before Rei tried something funny. Time for her finishing move!
"Cumming Finger!"
May I take a moment just now to appreciate how dumb this whole situation is before we resume having fun with it? Thank you.
In any event: Misato's finishing move wasn't anything particularly bright or clever. Nothing deserving of epic music or flashy animation. All she did was add a finger to what her weapon was already doing. Not exactly smart, not exactly subtle.
"Grkkkk!" But by god was it effective. "That finger is the golden touch!" Asuka said. Paging Ring of Truth. "Ah! Ah! No wonder Kaji ignores me all the time!"
Wait. Wait, wait. She'd dropped her accent. The maid uniform was melting off her body as she achieved sexual release. Misato had successfully freed Asuka from the influence of the Sexy Maid... but didn't that mean she wasn't the <i>original</i> Sexy Maid in the first place?
A feather duster ran along her nose. A duster being held in between Rei's toes.
"Zank you for freeing moi," Rei, the actual Sexy Maid, tittered and giggled. "Now zen, it iz time for moi to seduce tu wiz moi French wiles.”
The Sexy Maid stuck out her tongue which, thanks to a careless comment by Asuka, was now a miracle worker. In turn though Misato's finger was glowing with a golden light. Which would prevail in the end? The miracle tongue or the golden finger?
I feel the need to repeat that this is the stupidest thing I've ever written, but I'm loving every bit of it.
<hr>
Consider the position of Rei Ayanami for a moment. She had narrowly escaped a devious trap set by a Sexy Maid that sought to corrupt her into being one of their servants. And now, right after that, she was feeling an unmistakable urge to seduce Shinji Ikari.
"Um... This isn't my place to say but... You know, you've got a much bigger bust than you did before..."
The boy almost seemed to be saying that against his own will. Rei looked down at herself. Yes. They were definitely bigger. She felt this compulsion to thrust them out towards his face. She denied this impulse, sensing it was some kind of trap.
But at the same time she felt so very horny. And naughty. And dirty in places she didn't know she could feel dirty in. Fortunately she had felt absolutely no compulsion to clean it up, but still. The dirty naughty feeling lingered.
It felt... pleasant.
"Pilot Ikari. You shall refrain from making sexually related observations about my body." This is your reminder that Rei is wearing the Ring of Lies, meaning that Shinji could no longer help but make those kinds of observations. Maybe she'd said it because Asuka had previously indicated that she would seduce him the next time the two met, but whatever the reason this would only compound what was about to happen. "It will not help if we are distracted by a mutual attraction towards each other."
Meaning that it actually would help. Quite a lot. Which was fortunate really because it was going to happen pretty much no matter what she did at this point.
“Ehh.. sure, I won’t mention that your giant breasts make me feel very uncomfortable in my pants. Or how your naked skin all but begs to be kissed and caressed in every way possible.”
Clearly the work of a Sexy Maid. Rei considered this for a moment, and then hit upon the perfect method of counter-attack...
<hr>
What is the natural enemy of the maid? Easy. The slob. Which was definitely a way you could describe Misato Katsuragi on her off hours. Even with supernatural powers, one would have a hard time ever cleaning up the Major’s room. Beer bottles, random trash, food scraps, and whatever the thing at the back of the fridge was before it started demanding the right to vote.
The point of the matter was, the earlier question was a false dilemma. Finger versus tongue? How about neither. How about instead, Misato set about doing the one thing she did better than strategizing: Making a mess.
"Oops, dropped off my washing," Misato said, dumping her clothes into a big messy pile on the floor. "Oh well I'll pick it up later."
"Noooooo!" the Sexy Maid moaned and writhed. She lashed out with her feet, trying to sweep it up with her feather duster clenched between her toes. Yet Misato had chosen well, for the pile lingered just out of reach. "Zis ees inhumane! Let me clean zis messy room!"
"Not on your life," Misato said, and boy did she mean it. That sexy maid could sit there and stew for all she cared. Isn't it amazing how much clarity you can get when you actually think things through? She'd been so panicked before that she'd taken a completely nonsensical action against Asuka, when this was a far more effective way to deal with the problem. "You can lie there getting weaker and weaker for all I care. I'll finish you off in my own time."
Alas, Misato had underestimated the Sexy Maid's abilities. Try not to hold that against her though. One cannot prepare easily for powers you didn't know the enemy had.
- The Sexy Maid has worked out the Ring of Truth and uses the feather duster to steal it.
- The Sexy Maid has some other plan or power in mind.
- Meanwhile Rei effortlessly seduces Shinji without even meaning to.
- Turns out one of the Angels survived the Retcon
- Gendo Ikari has a drinking problem
- Something else
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