Megumin was a mighty arch-wizard. So fearful that several parties asked her to leave for the sake of their safety. Her power was huge. Her magic indomitable. So great was her might that even just one use of her fearsome power would devour even her grand reserves of mana. Truly, if she was any more powerful, the world would likely already be in ruins, nothing but ash and dust left in all of creation!
"Bleeeegghhhh!"
So why was she holding back this blue haired idiot's hair while she barfed in a stinky partially burned stable?! The arch-wizard couldn’t help but wonder which god or goddess she had offended to be given such a disgusting job. Surely a great mighty magician like her was made for epic adventures rather than taking care of sick morons who could ruin even the simplest of plans, right?
"Ugh... thank you Megumin," Aqua said, rising to her feet. "I'm feeling much better - bleeeegggh!"
"How do you have this much inside you still?!" Megumin yelled as the idiot thoroughly ruined her clothes. "Ahhhh! Th-these are my only cloooothes! You threw up all over them! You useless idiot!"
Oh, honestly! No wonder Kazuma was so upset with her all the time! Ugh! Megumin saw no choice. She couldn't go around in vomit soaked clothes. It would sully her reputation as a powerful arch-wizard! Never mind that she'd gone through town soaked with giant frog spit, she wasn't going to think about that kind of thing. Quickly checking around, Megumin quickly removed her shirt - ah, that is to say the mystic uniform that she was wearing as a proud arch-wizard of the crimson demon clan.
Then she set the mystic uniform within a bucket full of clean water that she'd found hidden in the corner of the stable and started to wash it.
"Hey Megumin, how is Aqua doing?"
Only for Kazuma to walk in the stable right at that very moment. Megumin turned over her shoulder to look at him, trembling in barely restrained rage that was befitting an arch-wizard who had just been walked in on by a boy while she was in her underwear. That is to say, it is the fury so potent that it can only be matched with one possible response.
"Explo-" she began, then stumbled forward. Huh? Weird, her balance was all thrown off there for a moment. By the time her head was back up, Kazuma had already fled. "That boy! He should learn to knock before he enters! Was he raised in a stable?!"
"Hehehehe..." Aqua laughed while lying face down and ass up in some straw. "Funny joke! 'Cause we're living in a stable! Good one!"
Megumin rolled her eyes and set about washing the shirt yet again. She dunked the vomit soaked shirt right on in while grumbling about the explosion dodging pervert who had peeked at her, and all the revenge she'd be having once she got around to it.
Then she pulled the shirt out... and it was clean. So was the water, actually. Huh? No sign of the vomit at all. Not on the shirt, not in the water... where had it gone?
Of course, Megumin hadn't noticed that she was gaining powers very similar to a certain Goddess. Powers like 'water purification'... and 'having a really nice rack'.
Normally Megumin might have noticed something like suddenly growing several sizes, but right now her brain was on Aqua. You could hardly call it fair that she might be expected to be competent at much of anything at all, even something as basic as self body image.
<hr>
Kazuma had never run so fast in his life. Not when the swarm of giant frogs were after him. Not when that skeleton with the battle ax saw him. Not even when he learned of the limited edition release of a Hatsune Miku body pillow being given away in a contest at his local store, and he only had thirty seconds to make it there in time.
Still, his survivor's instincts were kicking into high gear. Walking in on an undressed girl in the midst of washing her clothes - no doubt after a certain useless Goddess threw up on them - was an unforgivable crime. Even if he had knocked before entering, and they had said it was okay to enter it could not be forgiven. And Megumin had an explosive temperament to say the least.
Which left him only one solution. Getting hammered. It was the age-old tradition of all men who had problems with women. Sure, it wasn’t necessarily going to help, but at least he would forget his incoming death for a while. And maybe he did get an idea while he was drunk, he could hope at least.
One hour later and he was getting hammered like a stubborn nail. Oh sure: In that time he was pretty sure that he'd signed up for a few pretty shitty jobs that nobody in the guild wanted to take, but it would serve them right for Megumin killing him! Hah!
"Yes Kazuma, we know," said the guy next to him. "You've been saying that every ten minutes for the last hour." The fellow adventurer patted his back and gave a pitying look that the Japanese boy was fortunately too drunk to notice.
The door to the tavern swung open. For a while there, Kazuma thought his time had come. Megumin had tracked him down, and was about to explode his ass all the way to hell.
Except...
"Um, excuse me everyone!" a girl yelled into the tavern. "Um... I've heard that an arch-wizard of the Crimson clan sometimes comes to this tavern! D-Does any-anyone know where I can f-find her?"
Kazuma blinked slowly and drunkenly while considering the cute girl who was standing in the doorway. She was fidgeting nervously. As well she should. Heading out in an outfit like that! Was that a boob window? How short was that skirt? Was she desperate for the male gaze to settle on her?
'Huh, the outfit was a bit like Megumin’s now that he thought about it. Though she was clearly filling it out far better than his annoying teammate.
Which meant... that based on his past experience in this world, she was Megumin's arch enemy and an extremely dangerous person to meddle with. Heh, but he was a dead person living on borrowed time anyway. So there was little point in worrying anyway.
"Oh... If you're looking for Megumin, she's at stable number three in South Avenue," Kazuma said without a moment's hesitation. He took another swill of his drink. "I'm sure she's still there."
Kukuku. What a cunning ploy he'd come up with now. Send this dangerous girl off to Megumin. Let them fight it out and then swoop in to save the day. Megumin would be so grateful that she'd overlook his accidental peeping -
"Yo, Kazuma? Your internal monologue is broken and... you peeped on the explosion psycho? Why the hell are you lingering in a public place, you lunatic! Are you trying to get as many innocent people killed as possible?!"
"Th-that's mean!" the girl yelled, bopping Kazuma on the head with a staff. "Oh! I am so sorry! But you sh-shouldn't peep on girls! Megumin is my best friend, and I will not forgive anyone trying to harass her! Unless you wanted to be my friend too?"
Oh. This person was an idiot. Kazuma sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Never mind," he said. "Please, go and bother Megumin instead. I'm sure she'll be relieved to see such a close friend of hers."
"Not until I punish you!" the girl yelled. "I, Yunyun, must d-defend the honour of my fellow Crimson Demon!"
"Let's be friends," Kazuma said.
"Okay! But I'd better catch up with Megumin first. Bye bye!"
And then she left. Skipping off without a care in the world, which was a dangerous thing to do in a skirt like that. Kazuma slumped over on the table, feeling the numbing effects of his drink settling in.
Did the people of this world take stupid pills on a daily basis? It might explain a few things if they did. It was like everyone was lacking common sense and simple reason!
Still. The worst of the bunch he'd met was Aqua. At least nobody else was as useless or stupid as her. He couldn't stand that. He couldn't think that! One of her was bad enough, anyone else that incompetent existing... it was a paradox. As surely as asking God to make a stone too heavy for him to lift, it was something that couldn't possibly be done!
"More orange juice?" the waitress offered Kazuma.
"... This was orange juice?" Kazuma asked. He sniffed the cup. "Ahem. Maybe you should check the expiration date."
"... The what?" The waitress replied, a cute and very confused look on her face.
<hr>
Oh, how wonderful! Yunyun was practically walking on air as she frolicked off to the stable. She'd not only found Megumin, but made a new friend as well! She'd forgotten to get his name and make sure that he knew hers, but... Oh. If he went to the bar and knew Megumin this well, then he couldn’t live far away. Surely they would meet again!
For the time being she'd catch up with Megumin. It had been far too long since they had met up and compared abilities. Yunyun pondered if that girl had finally got over her obsession with that one spell. Probably not.
"Knock knock!" Yunyun nervously called out, knocking on the door. "M-Megumin! It is I, your arch-rival! Yunyun has - has tracked you down for a rematch!"
This was the way of things, you see. Yunyun wasn't quite able to admit to Megumin that she wanted to be friends with her. It was a little bit tsundere, but from what Yunyun had heard some people found that cute. So she went along with it. This was the same reason she wore these clothes: She'd heard they would get her a lot of attention and friends, so - why not?
"Yunyun, go away..." she heard come from inside. "I'm not here, so there's no point in your usual nonsense."
Yunyun's shoulders slumped. Megumin wasn't there. Oh dear, that was such a shame. "Um... You don't mind if I come in to wait then, do you?" Yunyun asked, pushing the door open.
And getting hit in the face with... something pretty gross feeling.
Wiping the goop from her eyes, Yunyun stood in the doorway to the stable and found a girl standing there that looked kind of like Megumin, except her hair was completely light blue. She was wobbling on her feet and wiping at her mouth. But this couldn't possibly be Megumin. No, it wasn't possible. Even aside from the blue hair, Megumin's breasts weren't half as big as that.
"Uwaaaah... Yunyun, I've caught Aqua's stupid cold!" the Megumin look-alike said. Then fell over into Yunyun's arms and fell fast asleep.
"I'm not stupid..." a particularly stupid voice moaned from the straw. "I'm a Goddess, not an idiot. Idiots can't catch colds, right?"
Yunyun took in the situation, and then thought something that would be a very dangerous thought if she was someone else: Namely, these two girls were too sick to run away or tell her to leave them alone. Therefore... therefore they were completely vulnerable to her tender loving care!
But in her case she really did mean tender loving care. Honest. There was no alternative intention behind her action. None whatsoever! Certainly not making them so thoroughly in debt to her for caring for them that they became her friends for life. She wasn't that manipulative. Not at all.
- Aqua recovers pretty quickly, leaving Yunyun to look after Megumin.
- Kazuma runs into Darkness, and takes her to meet the others at the stable. What do they find?
- Yunyun cares for the two of them, failing to notice her own sickness and increasing uselessness.
- Aqua sucks at lying, so does Megumin now. So she ends up being honest with Yunyun for once.
- Something else
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