Humanity is a fickle thing. The future of the race was entirely dependant on one Japanese youth, but you would think he'd gone out there to specifically and individually insult the mothers of about half the crowd, and while doing that wound up running over the cherished pet of about another quarter.
As for that final quarter? They were cheering on the alien babe out to conquer them, because humanity also has a rich, deep and varied pool of fetishes to draw from. A pool which Lum was unwittingly hitting many different lanes in all at once.
"The Moroboshi kid seems to be ignoring the crowd today," the announcer said. "This is the penultimate day of this destined tag race, so it's all the better for it if he - No, wait! He's turning towards them with his head held high! A remarkable show of humanity's spirit in the face of adversity, even from his fellow man. Ah! Now he's holding something aloft! Is that - It is! The bikini top he stole from the alien yesterday! That seems to have got the crowd a bit more back on his side."
"Can't hurt that she didn't get herself a replacement," his colleague said. His attention was rather more focused on Lum than anything else. In particular her arms. Which were crossed over her chest. Her bare naked chest. Her <i>amazing</i> bare naked chest.
“Will Miss Invader be willing to sacrifice agility for modesty? When the fate of the human race is on the line? Or has Moroboshi's unusual gambit paid off! Will humanity owe its freedom to - Oh damn it just hit me, we're all going to be saved by panty snatching. That's it, we've failed as a species."
Lum wasn't listening to the announcer suddenly bemoaning the state of humanity in being saved by something like that. Lum was a little too busy right now. Her mind was full up with images of what she'd seen last night: That Moroboshi boy plowing the Earth girl. Plowing her like a fertile field. She risked a glance back at him and... Oooh! She couldn't even see those jogging clothes anymore. No more shorts. No more shirt. Only a thoroughly ripped man with a huge swinging dick and boundless stamina.
She squirmed a little. Luckily the humans would probably mistake that for her feeling awkward about being out topless. Unluckily, she was so horny right now that she was about two thirstums away from openly groping herself, heedless of who would see her. A thirstum being the intergalactic measurement of a person's horniness. For the sake of reference, one thirstum is roughly equivalent to a serious minded scientific researcher being reminded of sex when observing a flower being pollinated.
"On your marks!" Lum bit her lip and tried to return her attention to the race. "Get set." It wasn't easy. "Go!" Not when he was <i>right there!</i>
Lum shot off away from him, making sure to keep herself up in the air. Two days. If she could wait two days, that would be enough. She could pretty much order him to give her a deep, satisfying dicking any time she wanted if she could only wait two days!
"And they're off! It seems as though Lum's a bit more wobbly today. She can't use her arms to steady herself, so her balance is off."
Ugh! If only she had her vibrator with her. Not that it had helped much last night. It was almost like giving a starving man a delicious meal, which was cursed to make him feel even hungrier. The more she came, the more curious she became. How did he do it? How did this single planet have a male that could… carry on like that! Get ready for sex so easily!? There were entire <b>genres</b> of comedies about how desperate women got to get at their man, and here on Earth they just didn’t have that problem!?
"Hey Lum! You're looking a little more bouncy today!" Ataru taunted, skipping gaily alongside her.
"Bite me!" she yelled, sticking her tongue out at him.
"Hahaha, didn't think you'd be into something so kinky," he answered. Oh. Oh no, now she was starting to wonder what he thought she meant by that. Nnngh! Her imagination was going into overdrive. How would biting feel good? Would it feel good the same way that apparently having his penis in the mouth felt for that Earth girl? "But gosh, you know. It is rather hot today, isn't it? Phew! Good thing I brought this along so I could wipe the sweat off my body."
"Huh?" Lum grunted. This was where she made her mistake. She turned back to look at him again. To her utter disbelief he was using her bra to mop his brow. Wiping his sweat off his forehead using her undergarments.
It was dirty. So... dirty. Staining her clothes with his bodily fluids. Like how his girlfriend was drenched in his fluids. No girl Lum knew could do that. They needed to keep every drop inside them to preserve their boyfriend or husband’s arousal as long as possible. The very idea of wasting those precious bodily fluids. It was such a deviant idea, so outside of her societal norm that it added an extra layer of thrill to the whole thing.
"Smells nice," Ataru continued, sniffing at the bra. Off in the distance a certain announcer could be heard inventing a few new expletives. "Perfume? Very nice."
"You lucky swine!" could be heard from the audience. "How dare you sniff her bra like that! You aren't worthy of that hotness!"
Did he just... compliment the perfume she wore? Creak... Snap. That was it. Of all things to do it, that actually pushed her over the edge. Men never compliment a woman's perfume. They never noticed it! If anything perfume was used by woman to act as a kind of taste surrogate, to make their men associate the big satisfying energy filling meals they were eating with the woman preparing them. But no! Ataru noticed she was wearing perfume and compliments it? Lum's eye twitched. Her fingers slightly began to knead her breasts. The pretty Oni girl swallowed and made a decision.
She must have that penis.
She absolutely <i>must</i> have that penis.
"Gimme!" she yelled, diving down to grab. Not for her bra. For <i>him</i>. Alas, he skipped gaily out of the way and then began to skip off, frolicking in the oppostie direction they'd been running. Oh no! That hunky piece of manmeat isn't getting away! Not until she had a taste! "Get back here this instant!"
"Oho, what's this? It seems to be a complete turnaround! Now she's chasing after him! Uh... Buddy, put that bottle away you really shouldn't drink on the job."
"Why the hell not?!" the other announcer drunkenly replied. "We learn that we're not alone in the universe, then stave off an invasion by stealing a girl's bra, then taunting her until she chases after us! We're the panty thieves of the cosmos!"
Little could he have guessed that Lum didn't even care about her bra anymore. In fact, she'd completely forgotten he even had it by this point. Her gaze had fallen down onto his butt in those little shorts he was wearing and - Damn, but he was fit!
"What's wrong Lum? Did I have something you wanted?"
His taunt was both completely accurate and way off base at the same time. Her instincts told her to zap him. Zap him good, drag him off to her spaceship and then have her way with him. Actually to be more precise her instincts were telling her to make a ten course meal and let him eat it while she made a point of making him look at her semi-naked body to make sure he was ready for a nice minute or so of sex. Well... If she was lucky it would be a minute.
But since this was all new territory for her Lum went in a totally different direction. The flying (literally flying) body tackle. Of course, this meant that for a few seconds there her chest was bared to the entire planet, and you'd better believe that not a single person in the crowd dropped the chance to take a picture. Even those without cameras somehow found one, and this from a day before cell phones.
"Hey man, it's okay!" one announcer said to the other, patting him on the back. "This doesn't reflect badly on you at all. You're not the pervert here."
"But my species! It reflects badly on my species!"
"Try to focus on the positive. We're not slaves to some weird alien race."
"I wanna be slaves to a hot and weird alien race!" someone helpfully yelled from the audience.
"Me too! Step on me, Miss Lum! Tackle me to the ground and rub my face into the asphalt!"
The sound of sobbing filled the announcer’s booth. A man lamenting for his kind and its place among the stars.
"Got you!" Lum said, having grabbed Ataru by the waist, pinning him down to the ground and sitting on his legs. She heard a gasp and looked up to see that girl. The human girl that he had been having... No, you couldn't even call that sex. That he had been fucking last night. "How did you do it?" Lum asked her. "Last night... how did you pull that off? Tell me, so I know what to do next!"
"Eh?! L-last night?" the girl gasped. "Y-you saw that?" for some reason she turned bright crimson and had a facial expression that gave Lum the impression she'd much rather dig a hole for herself and crawl inside than continue to be out here right now.
“Yes! How many hours did the cooking take!? How much food did you give him!? Did you play Janken? Or perhaps Ping Pong? Maybe he just needed a massage?!”
"W-well... I just g-grabbed the bull by the horns and then -"
Speaking of which, Lum felt something grab hold of her horns out of nowhere. Huh? Oh yeah that's right she was in the middle of a tag race with the sake of this planet on the line. A race she had just this second lost when the Earth boy she wanted to fuck had grabbed hold of her horns. She'd lost. Completely and totally lost. A race that she should have easily won.
Defeat had never felt so good.
"He did it! Ataru Moroboshi grabbed her horns! The Earth is saved!"
"We don't deserve to be saaaaaaved! Waaaaah!"
But wait. This left her with another problem. It would've been fine had she won. Problem was the terms of their arrangement: The Oni would not interfere in Earth affairs if they lost unless Earth asked first. Had she taken the race seriously she could have spent every single day for the rest of her life getting laid by that potent human meat. By losing her focus and getting greedy, she'd tossed that future away.
Oh no! That was intolerable! Oni always kept their agreements, it was a big sticking point with them. Aliens all across the galaxy played games with them entirely for that reason! If she broke that promise, especially if it was only to scratch this growing itch... It would bring even deeper shame to her species and make them seem less trustworthy in everyone's eyes! If only there was a way. If only!
And then, as if the gods of porn parodies themselves had spoken, Ataru Moroboshi opened his big fat mouth.
"Aha! Now I can have that harem after all!"
Lum blinked. "Harem?" she asked. Oh yes, he had mentioned something about that last night. Hadn't he? “Sorry my Translator doesn’t have that word, what does it mean?”
"It means a group of girls all romantically involved with one man!" the girl yelled angrily. "And I didn't agree to that, buster!"
"Oh," Lum blinked. "Okay. I mean, if you're inviting me to join your harem, I can hardly say no."
A moment ago every human was in the midst of celebrating their freedom (or in the case of the fetishists, booing their heads off). Now, you could hear the crickets going "what the fuck?" They weren't Earth crickets. They were from Venus, and they'd come down to watch those jerks on Earth get conquered. You see they had a long standing grudge because they named a stupid sport after them and - well, it's a long story.
"You lucky son of a bitch!" echoed out from someone in the back of the crowd.
"You know what, I think you've got the right idea after all," said the still lucid announcer to his drunken colleague. "Got another bottle of booze down there, kinda feel like we're gonna need it."
"Now we're making alien girls join harems..." the other announcer sobbed. "After stealing their bra and making them chase us down! We're making them join harems! Waaaaaaah! What is my species?! What must the other worlds think of us? Waaaaaah!"
“Trust me you’re going to be popular.” Lum said in response to the announcer, sadly he couldn’t hear her over the sound of his fast approaching ennui and despair regarding mankind's place in the universe. She looked back over her shoulder to see Ataru crawling off after that Earth girl, who was - for some reason - angrily stomping off. "Very, very popular!"
- Lum heads off to Ataru's place to screw.
- Shinobu goes home and tries to get over her addiction to Ataru's penis. Tries.
- Meanwhile on Neptune, word arrives that other aliens have finally learned of Earth's men and their mating capabilities.
- To her dismay, Lum is dragged off so she can go through the proper channels.
- Something else
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