Story: Button Press

 

The ice chamber shimmered with chaotic energy, a fantastical yet utterly impractical blend of magical architecture and poor design choices. The glowing runes etched into the frozen floor pulsed erratically, casting an otherworldly glow that made the frosty spikes protruding from the ground gleam like malevolent snow cones. It was the sort of place that screamed "final boss fight" while simultaneously whispering, "Who on earth approved this layout?"

Mikado straightened his collar, though his usual air of smug refinement was somewhat diminished by the crack in his voice and the distinct lack of cooperation from his wind-tossed hair. “You think you’ve outsmarted us?” he sneered, his breath visible in the chilled air. “Azusa and I are the pinnacle of grace and coordination. Your clumsy improvisation will never surpass our perfect harmony!”

Azusa, meanwhile, was furiously twirling Ukyo’s ribbon, which she now appeared to have named and formed an unhealthy emotional attachment to. “Brianna believes in me! That’s all I need to crush you!” she chirped, clearly inspired by whatever whimsical sugar-coated world she inhabited.

Ranma exchanged a glance with Akane. His smirk spread slowly, like syrup oozing over a stack of pancakes—if said pancakes had a habit of punching people. “Perfect harmony, huh?” he said, rolling his shoulders as though warming up for a casual stroll rather than a high-stakes magical skating battle. “Looks like we’re about to break that streak.”

Akane nodded, gripping her staff so tightly her knuckles turned white. “Let’s take them down, once and for all.”

The chamber seemed to respond to the rising tension. The runes on the ice flickered, as if annoyed by the presence of mere mortals attempting to look cool, and the frosty spikes rearranged themselves in an unsubtle attempt to make the battlefield even more dangerous. One particularly bold spike shuddered and extended upward with a sound like a dying kazoo, an unintentionally comedic counterpoint to the ominous mood.

The Golden Pair, apparently unfazed by the arena’s melodramatic theatrics, launched into a maneuver so elaborate it could only be described as “the choreographic equivalent of someone showing off their new blender.” Azusa leaped into Mikado’s arms, spinning in midair as sparkles—not real ones, but magical approximations of the kind that smell faintly of cinnamon—trailed from her skates. Mikado flung her forward, his voice ringing out like the narrator of a bad commercial.

“Witness perfection!”

Ranma ducked just in time as Azusa whizzed past him like a particularly vicious candy cane. “Guess they’re not holding back anymore,” he muttered, wiping frost from his sleeve.

“Good,” Akane replied, narrowing her eyes. Her voice carried the kind of steely resolve that was only partially undermined by the slight wobble in her stance as she shifted her weight on the ice. “Neither are we.”

Ranma pushed off the ice with an almost casual shove, gliding forward in what might have passed for an elegant motion had it not ended abruptly with him sliding into a rune-covered pillar. The pillar, clearly unimpressed, remained unyielding as Ranma’s face connected with it.

“OW!” Ranma groaned, rubbing his head and glaring at the offending structure. “Who puts pillars in a skating rink anyway?”

“They’re not just pillars!” Akane called, skimming past him with an unexpected burst of grace. “They’re tactical obstacles!” Her tone made it clear she was quoting someone who had probably spent far too much time designing tabletop games and far too little time interacting with human beings.

At the far end of the chamber, Mikado and Azusa were executing a synchronized spin that somehow managed to be both impressive and deeply irritating. Mikado caught Azusa mid-twirl, redirecting her with the precision of someone who’d spent too much time watching juggling videos. “Look at them, Azusa. Floundering around like amateurs. It’s almost tragic, isn’t it?”

Azusa giggled as she pirouetted out of his grasp. “So tragic! But don’t worry, Brianna. Mommy will take good care of you once we win!”

Ukyo, watching from the sidelines with arms crossed, muttered under her breath. “They’re so insufferable, it’s almost impressive.”

“Ranma, now!” Akane’s voice cut through the banter, pulling Ranma’s attention back to the present. She was hurtling toward him at a speed that suggested either extreme confidence or reckless abandon—possibly both.

“Wait, what are you—?” Ranma didn’t get to finish. Akane grabbed his arms mid-slide, using his momentum to pivot herself around. She redirected herself with precision, launching toward the Golden Pair like a heat-seeking missile armed with pure determination.

Mikado raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Clever, but hardly revolutionary.” He positioned himself to intercept her, his movements annoyingly smooth.

What he didn’t anticipate was Akane’s improvised strategy involving a well-placed jab of her staff. With a deft twist, she used it to knock Azusa off balance, sending her careening into Mikado. The pair collapsed into a heap against one of the frosty spikes, which promptly shattered under their combined weight in a puff of glitter-like shards.

Ranma skidded to a halt beside Akane, grinning like he’d just won a free meal. “Nice one!”

Akane planted her staff into the ice, steadying herself. “Told you I had a plan.”

The Golden Pair scrambled to their feet, their aura of invincibility now visibly cracked. Mikado’s pristine uniform was in tatters, and Azusa’s ribbon had unraveled slightly, looking less like a battle trophy and more like a discarded party streamer.

“This isn’t over,” Mikado growled, though the menace in his voice was somewhat undercut by the fact that his skates were stuck in a chunk of melting ice.

Azusa puffed out her cheeks, pointing an accusatory finger at Akane. “You’re mean! Brianna doesn’t like you anymore!”

“Cry me a river,” Akane shot back, twirling her staff in a way that suggested she was ready for round two.

Ukyo stepped onto the ice with a slow clap, her boots crunching against the frost. “Not bad, sugar. Not bad at all. Guess I can let you two handle the rest from here.”

Ranma grinned, brushing frost off his shoulders with exaggerated nonchalance. “Told ya we had it under control.”

“Let’s just get out of here before they try something else,” Akane muttered, casting a wary glance at the dazed Golden Pair.

The trio skated toward the exit, leaving the battlefield behind as the chamber’s runes flickered one last time, dimming like a magical sigh of relief. Victory never looked so ridiculous—or so well-earned.