Story: Button Press

 

Azusa clutched Ukyo’s ribbon in her hands, twirling it around her fingers as if it were the most precious treasure in the world. “Brianna is so cute! She’s going to live with me forever and ever!” she declared, spinning around with an air of self-satisfaction.

Ukyo raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get too attached, sugar. I’ve got, like, twenty of those back at the shop.”

Meanwhile, Mikado was still crouched by his makeshift matchbox house, carefully balancing a tiny matchstick on the roof while muttering darkly to himself. “All these years… all these grueling hours perfecting my art… only to be forgotten by the likes of you two!” His voice cracked slightly, the matchstick house quivering in his hands.

Ranma scratched the back of his neck. “Look, man, it’s nothing personal. Like I said, I run into this kinda thing a lot. You’re just… uh… not that memorable?”

“Not that memorable?!” Mikado shrieked, his voice echoing through the icy chamber. The matchstick house toppled over as he rose dramatically to his feet, clutching the oil can like a weapon of vengeance. “You dare insult the greatest figure skater of our generation?! I’ll make sure this rematch is one you never forget!”

Azusa, oblivious to Mikado’s meltdown, had already pranced back to her pedestal, holding the ribbon aloft like a trophy. “Mikado, Mikado! Let’s get started already! I want to show Brianna my beautiful moves!”

Ranma gave Akane a sidelong glance. “I think these two’ve lost it.”

Akane pinched the bridge of her nose. “I think they always were like this.”

Ukyo leaned in, smirking. “They’ve got one thing right—it’ll be hard to forget this disaster.”

Mikado clapped his hands, and the glowing runes beneath the ice brightened, bathing the room in an eerie blue light. The temperature dropped a few degrees, and the slick floor shimmered ominously. “The Golden Pair formally challenges you to a rematch!” Mikado declared, his voice ringing with theatrical bravado. “We shall prove, once and for all, that we are the true masters of Martial Arts Ice Skating!”

Ranma raised a hand. “Question. Uh… does this rematch have to involve, you know, skating?”

“OF COURSE IT DOES!” Mikado bellowed, his aura flaring dramatically. “What kind of rematch would it be if it didn’t?”

Azusa nodded enthusiastically. “And remember! If you lose, I get to keep something cute from you! Like, maybe that adorable red shirt Ranma’s wearing!”

Ranma instinctively grabbed the hem of his shirt, taking a wary step back. “Over my dead body, lady!”

Akane, who had been glaring at Azusa ever since the “cute” remark, stepped forward, hefting her staff with a determined glint in her eye. “Fine. If you want a rematch, we’ll give you one. But don’t come crying to us when you lose again!”

Ukyo sighed, stepping back to take her place on the sidelines. “Well, I guess I’ll just sit over here and enjoy the show. Try not to fall on your butts too much.”

Azusa tilted her head, giggling. “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll fall enough for all of us.”

Ranma cracked his knuckles, his confidence returning. “Alright, let’s do this. Bring it on, Golden Pair!”

And with that, the room began to shift. The runes shimmered as enchanted panels rose from the ice, creating obstacles and ramps that twisted the terrain into a chaotic skating battlefield. The air buzzed with energy as the Golden Pair took their positions, poised and ready to unleash their most ridiculous (and impractical) moves.

Ranma glanced at Akane, who was glaring resolutely at the Golden Pair. He smirked. “So, got a plan?”

“Yeah,” Akane muttered. “Don’t let them get the better of us. And if I fall, don’t laugh.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Ranma replied, though the twitch of a grin betrayed him. "Alright, let's deal with these two and get the hell out of here!"

=====

Ice puzzles. The bane of any RPG hero. You think it’s annoying controlling someone going through one of these? Try living it. Try not having the top-down perspective that makes it pretty simple to figure out. Simply trace with your finger—there’s your solution—and off you go!

But here? Here you’re just one wrong step away from careening headfirst into a wall, or worse, into Ranma Saotome’s backside, which is exactly what happened to Akane for the third time in as many minutes.

“Watch where you’re sliding!” Akane snapped, peeling herself off Ranma’s back. She planted her feet firmly on one of the non-slippery platforms, glaring at the glowing, enchanted ice surrounding them.

“Well, excuse me,” Ranma shot back, gesturing at the floor. “It’s kinda hard to steer on this stupid ice! Not my fault you don’t know how to balance.”

“Balance?!” Akane growled. “This isn’t about balance, it’s about strategy!” She gestured wildly at the floor. “Which I might be able to figure out if I wasn’t too busy dodging you!”

Ukyo, standing safely at the entrance of the room, clapped her hands over her mouth, stifling a laugh. “Oh, this is rich. Y’all look like a couple of amateurs. I thought you were supposed to be good at this kinda thing, Ran-chan.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Ranma muttered, sliding awkwardly back to the starting platform.

At the far end of the chamber, Azusa and Mikado stood on their crystalline pedestal, watching the chaos unfold with bemused expressions. Azusa clutched Ukyo’s ribbon to her chest, twirling happily. “They’re so bad at this, Mikado! It’s adorable!”

Mikado crossed his arms, looking unimpressed. “Adorable or not, they’re taking too long. This is supposed to be a battle, not amateur hour.”

“Hey!” Ranma shouted, pointing at them. “We’re just getting warmed up, alright? You’ll get your stupid rematch soon enough.”

Akane groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “This isn’t about them, Ranma, it’s about getting to them. And we’re not going to do that by crashing into each other every two seconds.”

Ranma smirked, brushing off his sleeves. “Alright, fine. I’ll show you how it’s done.” He crouched low, focusing his balance, and launched himself forward with a confident push. He glided smoothly across the ice, dodging one glowing rune, then another, before abruptly veering off course and slamming into a pillar.

“OW!” Ranma groaned, clutching his head.

Ukyo doubled over with laughter. “Oh yeah, Ran-chan. You’ve really got it all figured out.”

Akane rolled her eyes and stepped back onto the ice, muttering under her breath. “Stupid puzzle… stupid enchanted ice… stupid Golden Pair…”

"Waaaaaaaah!" Ranma yelled, arms cartwheeling as he slid across the ice, completely unable to control himself. Urgh. Just like regular ice. The boy had no sense of balance on ice, none at all! Which is hilarious when you think about his ability to walk on a thin fence so easily he made it look almost casual, instead of the highly skilled thing it -

Oooh~ Stop that, don't get turned on now! Think, Akane. Think! The Golden Pair were content to skate around the room without a care in the world and - Hold on. How were they able to do that...? Shouldn't they be just like everyone else? Uncontrollably moving from one obstacle to the next, up until they collided into - 

Of course! Until they collided into something else! That's how they were doing it!

"Ranma! Towards me!" Akane yelled.

Ranma, who was currently sprawled out after yet another collision with a pillar, groaned and rubbed his head. “What? Why? Don't tell me, you've finally gone nuts and want a hug from a manly guy like me?”

“Just do it!” Akane snapped. She adjusted her stance and raised her staff, preparing for his incoming momentum.

Ranma shrugged, pushed off from the nearest wall, and glided toward her, wobbling slightly. “Alright, but if this is another one of your plans where I end up with a concussion—”

Before he could finish, Akane braced herself and caught him by the arms, stopping him dead in his tracks. The unexpected halt sent a wave of motion rippling through his body, but he didn’t fall. Instead, he blinked at her, wide-eyed. His hands were also very blatantly and deliberately trying to not wander over her ridiculously hot magically enhanced body. Got that hyper-awareness of her sex appeal going on right now, y'see.

“See? That’s how they’re doing it!” Akane said, jerking her chin toward the Golden Pair, who were executing a synchronised twirl.

“Huh?” Ranma followed her gaze, frowning. “What are you talking about?”

“They’re using each other!” Akane explained. “Whenever one of them needs to stop or change direction, they run into their partner to reset their movement! That’s why they can skate around like they own the place while we’re stuck bouncing off walls like pinballs.”

Ranma’s eyes widened. “Ohhh. So that’s their trick.”

“Yes! Now we can use it against them.” Akane released him and took a step back, a determined glint in her eyes. “Follow my lead.”

Ranma hesitated. “Uh, you sure about this? You’re not exactly—”

“Not exactly what?” Akane snapped, her tone icy enough to rival the floor beneath them.

“Nothing! Nothing at all!” Ranma stammered, raising his hands defensively.

Across the arena, Mikado smirked as he caught Azusa mid-spin, smoothly redirecting her momentum. “Look at them, Azusa. Floundering around like amateurs. It’s almost tragic, isn’t it?”

Azusa giggled, waving Ukyo’s ribbon in the air. “So tragic! But don’t worry, Brianna. I’ll take good care of you!”

Ukyo, from her safe spot on the sidelines, crossed her arms and muttered, “You know, it’s almost impressive how much nonsense those two can spew in one breath.”

“Ranma, now!” Akane shouted, breaking Ukyo’s train of thought. She launched herself onto the ice, sliding toward Ranma.

Ranma blinked. “Wait, what are you—”

Before he could finish, Akane grabbed his shoulders and used his weight to pivot herself around, changing her trajectory with surprising grace. She pushed off, gliding straight toward the Golden Pair.

“Oh, clever,” Mikado said, raising an eyebrow. “But do you really think you can match our skill with such a rudimentary—”

He didn’t get to finish. Akane timed her approach perfectly, colliding with Azusa just as Mikado spun her into position. The impact sent Azusa flying toward the nearest wall, where she landed in an ungraceful heap.

“Brianna!” Azusa wailed, scrambling to her feet.

Ranma followed Akane’s lead, awkwardly sliding into Mikado and knocking him off balance. The pair tumbled to the ground, limbs flailing as they struggled to regain control.

“Nice one, Akane!” Ranma called, managing a lopsided grin despite nearly falling over himself.

Akane smirked, planting her staff into the ice for balance. “Told you I had a plan.”

Ukyo clapped from the sidelines. “Not bad, sugar. Not bad at all.”

The Golden Pair scrambled to their feet, glaring daggers at their opponents. Mikado brushed ice shavings off his shoulders with a haughty sniff. “Alright, you’ve made your point. But don’t think you’ve won just yet.”

Azusa puffed out her cheeks, pointing accusingly at Akane. “You’re mean! Brianna and I don’t like you anymore!”

“Yeah, yeah, cry about it later,” Akane shot back, readying her staff for the next round. “Let’s finish this.”