Story: Urusei Yatsura First Impressions

 

At this point, Mister Moroboshi was pretty sure they were screwing with him. Not just Shinobu. All of them. Especially Shinobu. It was hard to believe. He'd known her for as long as Shinobu was Shinobu. Even so! She was definitely doing this on purpose!

For example, he'd asked her to do the dishes. It was a small and simple thing, intended to keep her busy. Preoccupied. Not be handsy all over his son and his intergalactic... wife? Girlfriend? Whatever they were. Shinobu had given a cutesy little curtsy.

"Yes Master!"

Then off to the kitchen with a skip and a hop. Leaving him to read his newspaper, while the kitchen sink was just barely in view of the door, and - And she was humming to herself while doing the dishes. Which had attracted his attention. Don't judge him. Of course it had. And what did he see when his attention was drawn to her? Seriously now, don't judge him?

He saw... her skirt swaying to and fro on that ridiculous maid uniform. Shimmying her hips in just the right way to make the colour of her underwear fully visible.

"Shinobu, cut that out," he's said, quite unwisely.

"Cut what out~?" she'd innocently call back.

Now, one might think that the smart answer here would be to say something like "stop doing household chores in a provocative, sexy way." But you try it. Put yourself in his place, and then say it. Go ahead. Say it to your best friend's daughter, who happens to be your dopey son's long term girlfriend.

It's awkward, right? Saying something like that. Implying that she's got sex appeal is just not something you can do in that situation!

"Don't shift your hips like that," he said, rustling his newspaper and returning to what he was reading. "Stay focused on your task."

"Okay~" Shinobu sang, while Mister Moroboshi buried his face in the newspaper and tried to ignore the situation that he'd got developed around him. He could already tell that his son, his dirty minded son sitting in the next room, was smirking so hard his face might split. Even his own wife was probably taking amusement in his plight! Oh, was anyone so lonely as he?

Seriously now, why had all the universe's suffering shifted from his dumb son to him?! He didn't deserve it! He treated women respectfully. By giving his wife a safe place to cook and clean and providing for her needs, like any man should.

Splash. "Oops!" Now what? Regrettably he put the newspaper down, and found Shinobu had turned around having... spilled water all over the front of her uniform... causing it to plaster against her... And now Ataru had come along, not with a regular cloth towel, but a paper one instead, to mop up the liquid. Which he used to pat down around her breasts. And only her breasts. Oh, and now Lum was there. With her own paper towel. Also exclusively mopping up the water around Shinobu's -

"Will you cut that out already?!" he yelled, ripping the newspaper apart.

"Stop what, dear?" his wife innocently asked. Ah! Ah! D-Dammit! He couldn't say it!

"Yeah, dad, stop what?" Ataru asked, suddenly leaning in from the right, a little too close for comfort.

"Stop what sir?" Shinobu asked, kneeling down in front of him, arms tucked into her side. "How am I to know what I'm doing wrong if you won't tell me?"

"Maybe you should tell her to get on her knees?" Lum suggested. That wasn't helpful!

"Oh, I know!" his wife slammed her fist into her open palm in sudden epiphany. "Order her to clean herself thoroughly if she gets wet."

"Good one~" Ataru called out. "Hey, hey! Order her to give you a happy ending.”

Mr. Moroboshi’s eyes witched even harder. That felt like a deeper cut, like he was trying to say that there was no happy ending for his fairy tale, or some nonsense like that. Well, he was supposed to be going for a responsible ending! Not a happy one! Get married! Have a kid! Have a stable career! That's what was expected of him by society, not happiness, not joy... And certainly not his best friend's little girl strutting around like a strip-o-gram with a maid theme for the amusement of his son!

But wait! Why play their game? He could see it now, they'd excel in twisting his wording no matter what. No matter what! So that Shinobu would do something 'sexy' in response. If he ordered her to wipe down the table, she'd sit on the cloth and use her butt to do it! If he told her to use her hands, she'd lean over onto it and press her breasts into the -

He was putting entirely too much thought into that. The point was that playing their silly word game was useless. Pointless, in fact. He gained no benefit, reaped no reward beyond endless mounting frustration and humiliation. Fine then! Let's see how they like this!

"We're out of milk!" he declared. "Shinobu! Bring us milk!"

The room fell silent. Had he said something funny?

"Dear, the shop closed an hour ago," his wife said. Oh. Of course. It was a bit later than he thought, wasn't it? "It's fine, Shinobu. I'll get some tomo-"

But Shinobu was already walking out of the room, as if compelled by an unseen force. "Ah! I can't stop!" Shinobu said, clearly trying to fight it, and failing. "I must get milk! Must get milk! Even if I have to break into the shop to get it!"

For the first time in a while, a family event took place. All three Moroboshis dove on Shinobu, parents and son alike, in an attempt to prevent her from committing a major crime that would be linked back to them.

"Quick, order her to stop, you idiot!" his wife yelled, while his son... Rubbed his face into her thighs. The cheeky little - 

"Get the milk in the morning!" he yelled. That seemed to stop her. At least... slow her down. Now she was moving with the same level of determination as before, except this time very, very slowly. It took a moment to realise - she'd been slowed down so she'd get to the store after midnight! Oh no! He was still playing semantic word games!

And then, in floats Lum, the invading alien that was ultimately responsible for a good amount of his current suffering. By the way, did you know that in the anime remake Ataru's dad is voiced by the original's VA? No theming here at all, honest! Anyway, Lum seemed puzzled by something.

"What's all the fuss about?" she asked. "So, the shops are closed. Why not pick up some milk in the past?"

"Because we've not yet made space-time into an optional -"

"He means we've not made space-time our bitch," his son interrupted. "You got something in mind, Lum?"

"Space-time corridor!" Lum called out excitedly. "You can go into the past a couple of hours, grab some milk and then come right back home!"

That sounded like a good deal. Sounded like. Which meant it probably was not. "I'm not too sure about this," he said, while Lum tapped away and put something alien on his doorway without his permission. "This seems like a really bad idea!" he continued, and Lum kept right on working. "Cut that out already! Who knows what horrors lie beyond that -"

"Bye, Ataru and Shinobu!" his wife waved at them. "Oh, and if you see Miss Sakura in the past, could you say... hello for me?"

<hr>

Time travel was not a fun thing, as Ataru was rapidly finding out. It felt like his stomach was inside out and trying to digest the rest of his body. Urgh. Anyway, he brushed himself off and rose to his feet, shaking his head and rattling off the effects of - whatever that was. Shinobu had wound up not too far away from him. Butt up in the air, because of course she did. He wasn't in any much of a hurry to get her up though, the view was nice back here.

"Ataru Moroboshi, I appreciate that you're ogling my impossibly fine Earth ass, but if you don't help me to my feet -"

"Alright, alright!" he said, reaching out and helping her up. Only now was he really looking around. Something felt a bit off. "Does the street seem a bit different to you?" he asked.

"It's too bright," Shinobu said. "She must have sent us further back into the past than-"

Ataru suddenly shushed her, having noticed the specific detail that was amiss. Across the street, checking out what the younger people were wearing, he was seeing a whole lot of flannel and jeans. As in, everywhere. Including the women.

"I don't think Lum sent us back a few hours," Ataru said to himself. "In fact... from context clues all around us, I think we've been sent to the future!"

"The future!" Shinobu gasped. "How far into the future?"

"It's impossible to believe," Ataru clenched a fist. "But I think we've wound up in the futuristic year...!"

Just then a kid rolled by on a skateboard, holding a cassette player over his shoulder while it blared out a kind of music that Ataru had never heard before. If he heard it properly, the English lyrics went something like -

"Everybody dance now!"

"...Of 1991!" Ataru finished.