Kodachi Kuno ducked and weaved among the trees as though she had grown up among them. Behold the grace of a determined talented gymnast, with her reputation on the line. She swung from branches, landed and sprung off others, kicked off trees, climbed, leaped, used her ribbon to lash out to pull herself forward, if not for the panicked scowl across her pretty face, she would be a vision of delight, a Goddess of gymnastics in this very moment.
"Ohohohohohoho! Stop, you fiends! Stop before you spread your slander!"
Oh, and the laugh. Of course. The laugh was extremely off putting. Can't forget the laugh. Heaven knows we've tried.
Now, if you want a real vision of casual beauty and grace, behold Shampoo easily keeping pace with her even as Kodachi frantically searched and scanned for the forest for those slippery snakes.
"Gosh, you're in a hurry all of a sudden," Shampoo observed. "Is something wrong?"
Kodachi's lip turned up in a twisted snarl. "Go away, foreign harlot! This is your doing!"
Shampoo tilted her head. "Oh, I see. I understand now." Kodachi let out a weary sigh. Finally, this stupid foreign bimbo got the idea. "Shampoo got you so moist you had to run off in a hurry. That's completely understandable. I'm very hot."
"No, you self centred harlot!" Kodachi yelled. "I'm after the picture those idiots took! If that gets out, it will cause a scandal for both of us!"
"Oh," Shampoo replied. How on earth was she keeping up so easily?! "Why would a picture cause me trouble?"
"Becuase it looks like the two of us were in a sweet and tender embrace!"
"Ah!" Shampoo replied. Now she gets it! "Perverted gymnast wants that picture for her collection, yes? Sorry, but Shampoo does not belong to anyone but -"
"I don't want to hear about your perverted fantasies!" Kodachi yelled, lashing out at her with a ribbon. "Begone!"
Alas, Shampoo was not the sort to get hit so easily, and she effortlessly slipped around to the other side of Kodachi. "So you know, I'm not into that sort of play." Then, Shampoo thought about it a little longer. "Well, maybe if ordered to be into it by -"
"You have the audacity to call me perverted?! I want to destroy those pictures!"
"Like you want to destroy my sweet, sweet butt?" Shampoo asked. "Yes, I see how it goes, but I do have to insist that I'm not interested."
Guh! This girl was infuriating! Why did she not get the hint?! If someone tells you that they're not interested, don't be so pig-headed as to mean that they were!
"Leave me alone!" Kodachi yelled. "The longer you are with me, the likelier it is my reputation will be besmirched!"
"Because you won't be able to keep your hands off all this," Shampoo nodded. "Yes, I understand completely. This is just like Master Ranma and Lady Akane."
"Did someone say my name?"
Grk! The worst possible person had arrived! Oh no, if her darling Ranma got wind of this, he would - he would surely think less of her (note that this is almost impossible). Her chances of winning him over would plummet to zero (actually they were already there) and her one true love would surely fall under the spell of this evil foreign succubus and that vile Akane Tendo (oh holy shit was she so late for the boat on that one).
“Niaho Master, how was the date?”
Ranma got a goofy look on his face. "Oh, it was -"
"Waaah! Ranma darling! This foreign girl is bullying me!" Kodachi cried, only a little bit of it being crocodile tears. To continue the crocodile metaphor she latched on to Ranma similar to how one might latch on to prey. "She's making up all kinds of vile rumours, and has hired paparazzi to take misleading photographs of me! Make this teasing witch go away!"
"Oh, I bet you wish I'd tease you," Shampoo grumbled.
Then... Something fell from the sky. It fluttered down like a feather from a bird, its shadow catching Kodachi's eye, making her look up on instinct. It fell towards Ranma's outstretched hand, for he had noticed it a little before she. It was... a photograph.
Kodachi's face grew pale. True, she had made sure to tell him that it was a fake, to prime him to disbelieve it... but the prospect of him actually <i>seeing</i> the picture mortified Kodachi so thoroughly and totally that she immediately leaped up, lashed at it with her ribbon and cut the photograph cleanly in two. From there, she used her ribbon to slash it to ribbons. Nobody could be allowed to see that photograph. Absolutely nobody!
<hr>
"Oh Ran~ma!" Akane sang, leaning out from behind a tree. “Did you figure out what that demonic sound was? Did you punch it? This little cove is still empty!” Yes, she was in a particular mood.
So one might wonder what Akane was doing in the woods with Ranma? Well, it’s very simple. They had just gone on a date, and Ranma was too cheap to rent out a love hotel room. Not like either of them were very bothered by the idea of having sex outdoors, having done it long ago. But then they had heard some inhuman shriek and Ranma had decided to check it out. So that left Akane alone.
Akane heard the sound of something rushing through the bushes, and turned to greet it - then found herself looking at a classmate who was quite thoroughly out of breath. Hikaru Gosunkugi took one look at her, held up his camera - then a thin trail of blood came out of his nose and he collapsed to the ground in a crumpled heap.
“Oh god.” Akane’s face turned red. Because she had unbuttoned her blouse earlier, which means that he had gotten a good look at her bra before passing out.. "He'd better not have taken a picture."
Akane scooped up his camera, her fingers barely touched Gosunkugi's, and then his nose erupted in comedic fashion, to the degree that, Jesus, he should get to a hospital. In all seriousness nosebleeds induced by arousal for comedic effect has caused many of your favourite anime characters to suffer from life shortening anemia. Please, if your favourite anime character spouts blood from their nose when they see breasts, take them to your local hospital for a checkup while it is still treatable.
Of course that doesn't apply to Gosunkugi. He's nobody's favourite character.
This has been a public service announcement paid for by Nosebleed Arousal No More.
"Right, no pictures of my breasts..." Akane said. "But there are a few of me in bloomers... one in my gi... On my morning jog... Shampoo making out with Kodachi... me hanging out with Ranma, with him flashing the camera the peace sign..."
Akane stopped looking through the pictures. "Hang on, this is a digital camera and this is meant to be the early 90s. How the hell did he afford a tens of thousands of yen digital camera?!" Then, she shrugged. "Screw it, not like it matters, what else does he -"
Then she stopped again.
"Hold on, what was that previous one again?"
Ah. Here. Clear as day. Kodachi and Shampoo getting hot and heavy. Their lips weren’t <b>touching</b> but it was very clear they were about to. A second later, maybe less, and you'd have the fun moment.
For the first and only time in her life Akane felt a twinge of arousal aimed towards a Kuno. It felt yucky. She decided not to feel that sort of thing again.
“Why are they about to kiss?” Akane asked aloud. Out came the jealousy, because Shampoo was hers. “No she wouldn’t betray us like that... “ But why else would she… "No, wait. It can't be... Shampoo couldn't be trying to add that psycho to this harem!" Then she stopped. "I mean, it's not really a harem, it's more like a mutual three way relationship - but it would become a harem if Kodachi joined!"
“Wait, could Ranma be the one who set it up?” Akane pictured Ranma ordering Shampoo to make out with Kodachi for his perverse pleasure.
"No, he's too stupid to try something like that." Which was actually a lucky thing for Ranma in that moment. His balls would have been kicked the next time she met him if she thought for a moment that he might have done that. "Maybe Kodachi thinks it would be a good way to seduce Ranma?" Then Akane slapped her forehead, “What am I thinking? Koadchi didn’t care that Ranma doesn’t like her, why would she care if Shampoo does?”
Ah, this was pointless! The more Akane stared at the picture the more she <s>wanted to bang Shampoo out here instead of Ranma</s> was getting pissed off. How dare Kodachi lay a hand on Shampoo! How dare she try to sneak a kiss from her and Ranma's girlfriend! Or maybe she should be annoyed at Shampoo for letting someone like Kodachi lay one on her?
Either way, she deleted the picture and tossed the camera back to Gosunkugi. Like hell Kodachi was turning this three way relationship into a harem! Whatever the truth was, she'd make that psycho gymnast leave them alone!
"Gosh what a pleasant dream," Gosunkugi burbled. "I was running through a forest, and then saw Akane Tendo, topless, then she touched my ha-"
He took one look at her and then keeled over again.
Remember everyone, be on the lookout for arousal induced nosebleed. If you think about human anatomy in the slightest then you should already be aware that this is a symptom of a serious problem in someone's blood circulation.
- Kodachi continues trying to convince Shampoo that she doesn't want anything to do with her.
- Akane plots to make Kodachi leave them be.
- Ranma just wants to have sex, can we please calm down for a little bit?
- The rest of the Anti-Ranma club have their own copies of the photos, and plan to engage in Mischief.
- Something else
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