Sunday, 28 June 2020

Story: One Foxy Damy (both updates in one)


Aoi trusted her detective. She did. As any client should trust their detective. Or for that matter, anyone that you're paying should be someone you can trust. Even if you are paying a blackmailer it is because you trust that they won't reveal whatever they know that you don't want getting out. Right? You wouldn't pay someone unless that element of trust was there.

But. But! Here's the problem. When you hire a detective, it is because something quite stressful has happened. So, she had put quite a lot of trust in him. A <i>lot</i> of trust, you understand.

Still. Even with that in mind. She wasn't the kind of being that could easily sit back and let things proceed without knowing what was going on. So. It ate at her. A little bit. Just a little bit. That was why she had accompanied him at first, so she could keep an eye on how things were proceeding.

But now that she couldn't do that? Oh, her mind was awash with worry. For her precious jewel, for her handsome detective with no magical protection... So she threw herself into her 'work'. Acquiring oddities and trinkets from her homeland for this very strange rich man.

Then again, one does not tend to become very rich unless one is also very strange.

"My fair, Eastern beauty," Louis said, piling on the charm, as he tended to when he thought to ask her to do something difficult, annoying, or perhaps even both. "Of late I have heard of a new potential source for my collection. I would have you vet the worth of their items."

"Of course sir," she said, bowing a little in the way that he liked. "May I ask for his name?"

"He goes by Billy Quaker," Louis said. He handed over a photograph. My, my. Such a serious figure. At first she thought that her boss had handed her a picture of a rake with a mask hanging from its handle. Not just any mask either, but the mask of a God of Seriousness. This was a person who couldn't take a joke if you inscribed one on a bullet and shot him with it.

Or to put it another way, exactly the sort of person that her kind viewed as a brand new favourite toy. Ohohohoho, the things she could do to this man if she only had her powers. He'd be doubting every one of his senses by sunrise tomorrow.

"He's been putting out a few signs of selling a bunch of stuff from the Far East," Louis continued, handing her another paper, this one with a picture of various trinkets from home. Ah, if only the picture quality was a little better, if only these clever humans had figured out ways to store a wider variety of colour with their handy new contraption. "The price is good. Almost too good, you got me?"

And just like that, Aoi's attention had been fully seized, lifted, and shaken up and down.

"You believe it to be fraudulent?" Aoi asked. Oh dear, oh dear. She could hardly keep it back anymore. A truly naughty, wicked smile crept inevitably, unstoppably across her pretty features. She took another look at the picture, and internally cursed the poor quality. "A little hard to say from a photograph. Would you like me to examine them in person?"

"Whatever it takes, babe!" Louie said, his own version of her own smile crossing his features. "You tell me if something's fishy, then I either bury 'em in gold, or bury 'em in dirt. You got me?"

Most of the little tasks he'd given her were mere distractions, small fry, matters that didn't especially interest her or entertain her in the slightest. However, investigating a potential fraudulent seller of items of other cultures? Now, that was <i>quite</i> up her alley. She gave another quick bow and left the room, eager to set about her task and, while she was at it, forget about her current... issues.

It was a trivial matter to locate the address. Naturally, she knew that the goods would not be stored there, whether this was legitimate or fraudulent they would be too smart to fall for that - but that was hardly the point, was it? She wasn't looking for the goods, the goods didn't interest her in the least. You can't <i>trick</i> goods, you can't get a rise out of objects.

"Yo, Sammy! You see somethin' over there?"

"Just a fox, Al! Keep your hat on."

But you can certainly trick people. It was a quirk of human security. They typically relied on two assumptions: That you only needed to watch out for either people or stupid animals. The possibility of keeping an eye out for something like a fox would likely not cross their brains. In fact, she had allowed herself to be seen expressly so she could watch their reactions. They had barely taken note of her. Just a stupid, dumb animal. Never mind that it was scurrying up the wall, never mind that it was easily crossing this garden, never mind that when a dog came along to give her a sniff, she cowed it with a look. That had been her second test, any mage worth their salt would have ensured their mutt was familiar enough with beings like her to not back down so easily.

The point of the matter was this: She was inside the grounds. It was a small matter to reach the roof, though alas, none of the windows were open so she would have to make do with what she could overhear from outside. Good thing she had better hearing than humans.

"What the fuck is going on?!"

Oh! How fortuitous, it sounded like the fun was starting now.

"I hear tell there's an FBI agent and some European bounty hunter out there sticking their necks where they don't belong," said a voice inside the room. "This was supposed to be a smooth operation, now you're telling me one of our best forgers vanished and left his pet rabbit behind?"

Or, might that be, your best fraudster meddled in something beyond his ken, and wound up becoming a rabbit for his sins. That is to say, he became one of nature's most helpless and hunted creatures. Which meant that whoever was doing this was probably the same person who changed Mickey into a dog. Since transforming people was quite difficult, it was reasonable to assume that it was one magician, or some other type of being, doing both.

"Sorry boss, we don't have an answer for it," the apparent mook said. There was a sound like a cocked gun. "Ah, but we're - we're working on it, I promise boss! We got a couple things. Might be good for selling on, or using as new models for replicas. Real good deal? Huh! Haha!"

The gun fired.

"I fail to see what's so funny about that!" said a voice that didn't find humour in anything. Probably thought it was made up, or a myth, or something like that. "Stop trying to make stupid jokes, and work out who is interfering in my operations."

"I'll have their heart delivered to you on a golden platter by tomorrow night."

"No, don't do that, it's a waste of gold, and what would I even do with a heart you idiot! Now. Where are those new items being taken to?"

"They're heading here for inspection, then off to the warehouse," the mook said, with the tone of someone who had rather more urine in their underwear than they had a minute previously.

"Then you'd better get there yourself, and make sure nothing else weird happens," said the boss. Oh dear me, Mister Quaker. Stop making yourself such a fun target. She couldn't do <i>much</i> in the way of illusion magic, but with an invitation like that she could hardly say no. "Go. Leave me alone."

Very well then. Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. So he wanted to be left alone, did he? Such a shame, such a dreadful shame, because she wasn't planning on going anywhere for at least a little while yet.

Crawling down a little, she peered into the window. The stick thin figure was pouring himself a drink, no doubt intended to calm his nerves. A quite illegal drink, one should note. Well then. She started with a simple enough illusion, in that case, making it look like the bottle was empty. His scowl was magnificent. She ached to see more of it.

"Empty already?!" he stared at the bottle, as if daring it to continue being absent of content. "Impossible. Unless one of them has been sneaking in to take a drink?"

He set the glass down on the table, then went for his ledger. She made it appear as though the glass had moved an inch out of place while he read through it. "Colin was on guard duty for the morning...  David for the afternoon... One of them must know something." his eyes lifted, and settled on the glass. He reached for it, he nudged it so that it would appear to be in its proper place (miracle of miracles that he didn't spill it) and then continued reading. "I'll have one of them cut the other's finger off a punishment. I hear that's what they do in that backwards eastern country's mob when - "

She dropped the illusion. Oh my, sir. You think to compare yourself to yakuza? How naive.

"What the devil...?" he groused, and nudged the glass back into position. Oh, he truly was picky, wasn't he? Much more than she had first thought. How delightful! This time, she made it seem like his pen had moved from one side of the desk to the other. "I must be more tired than I thought. Leaving things out of their proper place."

This time around, when he reached for the pen she dropped the illusion outright leaving him grasping at the table. Heeheehee! Oh, what joy! Oh, what fun! Next, let's pretend to move his chair back a few inches. Oh! Let's turn his glass outright invisible! His shoes! His tie! The folder on his desk! His firearm!

"I'm - I'm really quite tired, aren't I?" he whispered after taking it all in. "Maybe - Maybe it wasn't empty after - Ah! I see! I see! It's not empty at all. How... terrible odd. Almost as though someone were playing a trick on me!"

He fired the gun into the wall. "I've been doped!!" he yelled. "Hallucinogenics, that's what they call 'em! Making me see things! I'll have the hide of whoever's responsible!"

Then, alas, he stormed out the room to make life an utter misery for his men. Oh what a shame, she wouldn't be able to see that from up here. She'd had her fun, but alas, it was over.

Or was it? There was a shadowy figure approaching the building. Aha! Someone else to flex her limited magic muscle on? Too delicious a chance to take, especially on observing the all too serious approach they were taking towards this building. What should she do here, then? Perhaps an apparition? She couldn't hide the entire building itself, alas, that would have been quite enjoyable. On that basis, an apparition it would have to be. Let's see. Something with a more western style to it, a shambling blue figure clad with chains.

"Ghosts too?!" Romeo's voice came out of the shadows. "Aren't foxes and magicians and mailmen vampires enough?"

Aoi was back in human form and tackling her detective in the very next instant. Some habits die hard, and she was sitting on his chest with her hands down in front of her and her legs splayed out. Close enough to how a fox normally sits.

"As I believe you say in the West, fancy meeting you here."


  1. How did Romeo get here?
  2. Never mind that, it's time for Zany Antics
  3. Lady Valentine is up to something.
  4. Something else




If there's anything you don't want when you're illegally trespassing in a likely criminal's fancy garden, it's your eyes playing tricks and then a large shape jumping at you out of the shadows. If there's anything you like less than that, it's the realisation that shape was your paying client.

A client that’s rather beautiful. Damn I usually am better at resisting the charms of clients. Plenty try to flutter their eyelashes to get a discount and all. This one, though, she had a supernatural appeal to her. Almost certainly.

If only she'd move her face away from mine. She was just a few inches from me, smiling in some funny way.

"Might not be the best time to be appreciative of my hard work," I said, and Aoi pouted cutely. "Not all of us can easily escape, you know."

"Oh right, the scary men with firearms and no imagination," Aoi whispered. She turned to regard the house behind her. "Could it be that you have found a lead taking you here?"

"I got good reason to believe what you're looking for is in that building," I said. "Tailed the guy that had it right to the gate."

You know, for a second there Aoi sort of froze in place and a whole bunch of really big fox tails sort of poofed up into existence behind her. The grin on her face grew wider, until it had more width to it than her entire head.

"You have been a busy boy, haven't you?" Aoi said. "My, my! To think that some common counterfeiters would wind up in possession of my precious item. Shall we head inside to retrieve it?"

She turned to walk toward the house, but I held her back. Might have accidentally pulled her body quite a bit closer to mine than I meant to. Close enough that we could feel the breath entering and leaving each other's lungs. Completely by accident, I assure you.

"Hey now, it's not gonna be that simple sweetheart," I said. "Whatever tricks you got ain't gonna matter one drop if you go in there half cocked. You don't even know where it is."

"Oh good," Aoi smiled. "Then we shall have to make do with a <i>zany scheme</i>.” The way she said that made me think she had been waiting for an excuse to say that. She leaned in closer still, put her mouth near my ear and made my brain melt a little from the warmth of her breath. “Luckily, those are my speciality."

Not gonna lie. That's exactly what I was afraid of.
<hr>

Billy Quaker was standing in his front hall, with all of his personal guards standing in line. Not at attention, this wasn't the military, but they knew well enough to not slouch when he called for them to stand like this.

"It is my belief that one or more of you have got it into your heads to play one of those 'practical joke' things on me. Dousing my wine with some powerful hallucinogenic compound, most likely."

They shuffled their feet a little. Well, good. They knew his opinion on jokes. They knew it well. He didn't get them. Never did. Never understood why folk seemed to like making that weird 'haha' noise so much. It sounded to his ears as if they were in pain.

So, things like practical jokes were, in fact, quite impractical to him. Nuisances. A waste of time and energy.

"That was your opportunity to step forward and confess to your crime," Billy said, pouring out a glass of wine for each of them. "Now, all of you will have to suffer the consequences. In the event that I am correct, you will all experience hallucinations. In the event that I am wrong, you will have an apology by way of delicious rare wine. I believe this to be a fair trade, do you not?"

To his mind, it was fair. Perfectly balanced. Although, young Jimmy did raise his hand.

"Sir, I have basically zero alcohol tolerance," Jimmy said. "I'm feeling tipsy looking at it."

Billy nodded, and raised his pistol to the boy's head. "You will drink every drop, young man. No excuses."

They all took their cues from that. They downed it in a single go like the uncultured swine that they were. Oh, how lamentable. Still, he didn't hire them for their sommelier skills, they were here to act as muscle.

"Sir, we got someone at the front gate. Some Asian dame and a shifty looking guy."

At this hour? Of all the timing - Bah! He dismissed the muscle to return to their duties. An Asian woman, was it? That would be either useful or dangerous considering his current line.

Billy was, at heart, a fraudster. Not at the same scale as some others you might hear of, no. He sold items of interest to the rich and the stupid. Not real items of course, but superb forgeries. This house? A temporary base of operations, nothing more than that.

Currently, he was selling off fake oriental items, as a few elements had shown interest in them.

"You got names, or just their headshot?" Billy asked.

"I tend to go by Hu Li, while my associate goes by Benedict," said a woman that, quite simply, took his breath away. It was no wonder that his secretary was so flustered by her appearance. An Asian femme fatale was quite the rare thing to behold. You get the combination of the exotic face, and the body of a buxom western babe. Those Asian women he'd seen were all so meek, demure and had bodies like ironing boards.

Hrm? You find it strange that he had no sense of humour, but was quite randy in turn? Really now, what do those things have to do with one another? Billy grunted at Benedict, who must be her protection. How fortunate for him.

"I am Billy Quaker, pleased to make your acquaintance," he said, taking her hand and kissing the back of it. She seemed amused by this. Of course, Western politeness must still be new to her. "Hu Li, was it? Please, to my office so we can discuss the reason for your visit in more detail."

He led them upstairs in silence. It was not done, discussing business matters en route. Whatever might she desire? Perhaps she had determined that his goods were fake? No, that should not be possible to tell so easily. She’d need to be at least as brilliant as he was and, well, that was unlikely for any woman, let alone some asian woman. Perhaps she was intending to buy?

No matter. A calm disposition was always the best front to put up.

"So, how might I help you today?" he asked.

"Quite simple," Hu said. She smiled, and it reminded him of a fox. Pretense at intelligence and cunning, but far beyond his level, of course. "I wish to sell some items from my homeland."

What was this now? She wanted to sell him some items?

"I am in need of money, quickly," Hu said. "Oh, how foolish I was, underestimating how much money I should need in my stay here in this foreign land." She turned her face down and pouted, quite a pathetic appearance, although also quite adorable. "Alas, I do not have the means to sell for a good or fair price. Then I hear of you, already experienced in the trade of such items. You could help me, yes?"

Benedict turned to look at her. “You really didn’t think that far ahead did you.” He said.

"It is to be expected of a woman, travelling the world," Billy said, dismissing Benedict's concern. "I feel better knowing that at least you will be around to take care of her, and prevent her from making other similar mistakes."

“He’s very good at that.” Hu said. "Do you believe you will be able to help me out? I'm sure you'll be able to get me a fair deal -"

"Miss Hu, we discussed this," Benedict interrupted. "Sorry, pal, you see how naive she is. Wouldn't know a fair asking price if one held a gun to her head."

"Oh, but Benedict!" Hu whined. Strange, for a second there it almost sounded like a dog whine slipped in the middle of that. "Look at him, a serious man like this is bound to be fair."

"Even so! We gotta be sure," Benedict insisted. "Tell you what. How about we take a look at some of the stuff he's got in stock. He tells us how much it's worth, and I tell you how much <i>I</i> think it's worth. Then we'll be sure he's on the up and up."

"Benedict..." Hu tutted. "I really do want to get this over with, do we have to waste this kind of time?"

Now, Billy was about to show them the door before he did something like that... Until he noticed the jewellry that Hu was wearing around her pretty neck. He'd need to examine it closer, but it was plain to see that it would fetch a pretty penny. An appropriate turn of phrase, considering the one wearing it.

If that was the level of quality that she was intending to pass on, then she might be one worth buying into. Not just for the opportunity to sell that jewel on, but to have it as a basis to create further forgeries down the line. In other words, with a small investment he could quite easily make a fortune.

Of course, he hadn't realised that the 'jewelry' she was wearing was, in fact, merely a chain of flowers plucked from his own garden with an illusion cast upon it. Nor had he realised the other problem, which formed from two connecting facts.

1: Jimmy was being honest before when he said he <i>really</i> couldn't hold his liquor.
2: Jimmy was currently guarding the room where the new goods were being examined before heading to the warehouse.

Oh dear.
  1. Jimmy drunkenly manages to summon a portal to god only knows where.
  2. Jimmy sets off a curse.
  3. Jimmy causes non-magical problems.
  4. Something else

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